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Alicia Maddox

In My Head

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So, this is an introspective story I just did literally 30 minutes ago! :P Its a look at Sora's inner thoughts on his journey told from his point of view. I got the inspiration for this story from some comments Nomura made a while back in reference to Sora's journey, saying that he doesn't really let on how his trials have affected him. Since Sora is such a balls to wall happy kind of guy, I've always been aching to hear what his own personal thoughts are about all that he's been through. So I wrote this story in an attempt to answer my own question. I hope you all like it. But be warned, things get a little dark. :P

                                                                                 In My Head

                                                                                    A.M. Maddox

“Sora, are you ok?”
I look over and see the familiar black nose and bucked teeth of my best friend. His usual demeanor of kind goofiness and look of general confusion that always greeted my own observations was replaced with concern in his eyes and a lowered voice filled with questions begging to be asked.
Just that morning, he, I and our friend Donald had set out yet again to fly to the Olympus Coliseum to meet with Hercules. Since I had all my power drained after nearly falling to Xehanort, I needed to find a way to get it back as quickly as possible. And Herc was the only one who could help me.
Help me…..
How many times would he help me? How many times will I come this close to losing everything?.....Will there be another time?

I woke up in the grass, cool and wet in the night, under a full moon. I had had another nightmare; A monster, ugly as anything you could imagine was floating in a black void, its mouth gaping wide as I watched it swallow my friends whole. I was falling…….falling…….
I sat in the cool of the night, the silver light overhead the only thing that reassured me it was all just a dream. Had I been home, I would have run to my mother’s bed and climbed in with her. I looked over at my two best friends, Donald and Goofy. They were fast asleep, smiles on their faces. I couldn’t wake them like that. I got up, and went for a walk……..

My head was spinning. What was going on? I didn’t know what to believe anymore. Was I even in my right mind at this moment? Was I under a spell? Was I going insane? I thought she was my light…..I thought she was the one I was supposed to protect……I thought……Namine……I forgot…the other one……with red hair. I had to go to sleep to remember her. Am I still dreaming even now?

They’re just nobodies……….they’re shells. They don’t really have any feelings. They don’t feel. They’re monsters. All of them. So then why…….
“I don’t want to disappear…….Roxas….”
“You kind of remind me of him…..”
Why do they cry?
What…..who am I killing?

Memories that aren’t mine. Or are they? I can remember feeling, smelling, touching hearing, tasting everything, but. I’ve never seen that face with the black hair, or talking with that big silent dude, or eating ice cream on a tower………what’s wrong with me…..which ones are mine? Or are these memories really……..his……..Roxas?

Rage…..rage…….rage….and darkness. I was running on all fours, tearing at them, beating them. Xemnas, Ansem, Saix, I hated them all! I wanted them dead! I let my anger take hold and fill me with power I had never known. I ripped his sitar from his hands and clawed at him. At that moment, I didn’t know friends, or enemies, only that someone was in my way…….then I heard a voice, familiar and distant…..like a far off memory…….
“Sora, stop!”
Like pulling a leash on a dog, I stumbled and shook. My eyes cleared, and I saw what I had done……….

I was tired….so, so tired…..I couldn’t move. I lay there as my enemy, Xemnas,  stood gloating over me. It had all been a trick. A sham. Everything. I wasn’t really taking The Mark of Mastery. I wasn’t even in the real world. I couldn’t win, no matter how hard I tried. I’ve fought, so much. I’ve pushed so hard. Only to find out now I’ve taken one step forward and ten steps back. I was tired. I wanted to sleep. Sleep forever. Is this what death feels like? Is this how they felt? The Organization. Xemnas was speaking words I could no longer understand. I didn’t want to understand. Something about a vessel. Something about returning. I was falling again. Into darkness.

“Sora? Are you ok?” Goofy said again, a bit more insistent this time and stepping closer to me. I grinned wide and laughed, the kind of laugh he would expect from me.
“Of course I’m fine Goofy! Never better! Why?”
I shouldn’t have asked that.
“Well uh, I dunno. You were kinda cryin’ there a bit.”
“Crying?!” I shook myself and felt my face. My cheeks were wet. My eye lashes were damp.
“Oh, hehe, its nothing. I just got dust in my eyes. You know its been a while since we used the Gummi Ship, right?” I smiled big and laughed again, hoping that would satisfy him. Goofy only gave me a sideways glance. He wasn’t as dumb as he let people think he was. I got up and made like I was stretching.
“So how far away are we? I wanna have a talk with Herc! I wonder how he and Meg are doing?”
I bounded up to the cockpit where Donald was piloting, not daring to look Goofy in the eyes. I heard a distant sigh. I sat down and grabbed the controls.
“NO SORA YOU DON’T TOUCH THOSE!” Donald’s shrill quack reverberated through the Gummi Ship.
“Aw come on Donald, let me try it for once!”
Goofy had taken his seat next to me. He didn’t say anything. The look of kind goofiness and general confusion had returned. But he didn’t take his eyes off me for the rest of the flight.

Edited by Alicia Maddox

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