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[Start: Right after Elsa leaves the scene]

SORA: [Looking at the icicles blocking him.]

Wow, those are some thick icicles.

LARXENE: [Off-Screen]

Now, don’t you know when to respect a lady’s space, young man?

SORA:

Well, given that it’s rare to see a story relevant girl around in this series, not as much as I should.

Larxene: [Still Off-Screen] [-.-]

What?

SORA:

Kind of a consequence for being in a title by Square and Disney – there’s way too many men around that you don’t remember how to interact with girls.

Larxene appears behind Sora and his unimportant minions. Sora and his unimportant minions turn around to face her.

LARXENE:

Alright, I will give you that one. It’s no wonder why fanfiction can sometimes be sausage fests.

SORA:

Ah-ha! Let’s move on to the Organization stuff then. Is that alright, miss…?

LARXENE:

It’s Larxene, and thank you for the courtesy this time. For the basic point: we can’t let you be around Elsa for a while, so I need to keep you busy.

SORA:

How about we talk about why you are in the Organization? I mean, you are the second member I met whom I don’t recognize.

LARXENE:

Castle Oblivion, kid. You wouldn’t remember me due to Naminé’s repair job. [Sora makes an “ah” to that.] This catch up is quick and decent, but I really must keep you from Elsa a little longer. So…I’m going to use my electricity on those icicles to make a needless filler detour fortress. Ta!

Larxene begins the formation.

SORA:

Wait Larxene!

Sora pulls out the Pride Heartbinder.

SORA:

Do you know what this is?

Larxene’s eyes went wide.

LARXENE:

Aw crap! When do you get that?

SORA:

The Monsters Inc. world: Monstropolis! Oddly enough, fire-fighting rewards you with Fire-type summons.

CAPTION: Key evidence is Ifrit of Final Fantasy and Belias of Final Fantsay XII.

SORA:

Now, I’m going to use this to stop your fortress plan, skipping utterly needless filler to an already filler world! COME FORTH, FIRE SIMBA!!! SHOW THIS LADY WHY KING’S FLARE IS THE MOST USEFUL AND OVERPOWERED OF ALL THE LINKS!!!*

[Simba is summoned, and Sora ends up on Simba’s back]

SIMBA:
ROAR!! [TRANSLATION: FIRE EXPLOSION!!!]

The ice blocks were melted by Simba’s appearance. Larxene wasn’t pleased.

LARXENE:

That’s not fair! We’re supposed to be part of a cliché JRPG story: the good guys aren’t meant to get past the villain’s traps that easily!

SORA:

Ha-ha! What’s the matter? Did the cold air go and turn hot on you?

LARXENE:

………

Larxene could only stare at him with a miffed face.

SIMBA:

Rowr. [TRANSLATION: That joke was lame. Even for you, Sora.]

SORA:

Well, excuse me, critics! At least we won’t have to go through useless filler now.

LARXENE:

Urg… This whole scene was a waste of time… I’m outta here! See ya at the top and on a frozen lake!

Larxene brings up a dark corridor to exit through.

SORA:

See ya later!

LARXENE: (to herself) 
Seriously, though. I should have just been a boss battle here.

SORA:

Now onward, Simba! Onward to Els-ahh!!!

Simba’s time was up and thus, Simba disappeared. Sora falls to the ground, which was now covered in mushy snow. Face first. It’s “yuk” and “ouch” at the same time.

END

Author’s notes:

Due to my time in the real game’s ice fortress, Simba indeed won the title of best Link.

This was an example of a possible abridged or parody of Kingdom Hearts III (and basically post-Kingdom Hearts III) I had in mind for a while. Sorry that the jokes didn’t work. I apparently have little to no skill in joke writing.

 

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