Web
Analytics Made Easy - StatCounter
Jump to content
  • Sign Up
Larxene12

Do you think?

Recommended Posts

Hellozzzz! I was wondering do you think I can become an author here is a story I've been working on and there probably will be mistakes gesing i didnt revise it!

The Story of all.

Amy 's P.O.V

 

 

" AMY WAIT UP!" called a familiar voice "Huh...? What? " I say while turning around " Oh hey Emma" I reply. Emma Wilson, My BFFAFAF my best friend forever and forever and forever. Her blonde hair was bouncing up and down in her bun while coming up to me. She had it easy, . " Earth to Amy, wasn't science homework SUPER easy?" Emma said while getting my attention. " Uh yeah it was " I lied. See, the thing is I stink at Science, Math and Reading. But I'm awesome at making science fair projects, and acting out plays. Don't get me wrong I am a B+ student overall. "Amy, why have you been like this lately?" Emma ask interrupting my train of thought. " Been like what exactly, Emma?" I replied with a concerned look. " Amy you used to always talk to me, now you talk to yourself in your head." Emma said. " Well I hav-" before I could finish my sentence, the Lunch bell rang and we had to go to class now. " Well we'll talk after school. At ' The Usual Spot' Right?" Said Emma "Right," I said " "The Usual Spot.". The Usual Spot is this place where Emma and I meet after school, it is near the cemetery in the woods basically and it has everything. An old couch, coffee table, outhouse, an electric generator ( we bought that with our allowance) a T. V and it is all inside of two huge pieces of wood, and a curtain. In the winter we close everything and we put a electric heater and watch T. V with a blanket on. We call it the usual spot because we are usually there.

I had just got home from school got changed, took my bike, a water and hurried to the usual spot. " Hey, Emma!" I called. " Hey Amy, so what were you saying at lunch...?" Emma asked, " Well I have my reasons... and well... I don't want to talk aloud ALL the time y'know.... so that's my reason." I said feeling proud of myself. " Oh, okay.. anyway wanna play an adventure game?" Emma said. " Um sure we could be orphans running away from the evil orphanage." I said, " Yeah and the orphan lady sent out her evil dogs and son named, Wilier" Emma suggested " Yeah and her dogs have been following us on our track while Wilier is on a different route!" I applied. " Ah! It's her dogs, Trouble and Bone-licker! RUN!" Emma said. " AHHH c'mon!" I said then we both started running away towards the cemetery. " Hurry they're catching up to us!" Emma cried while running." Yeah if we don't hurry we'll have to go-" I got interrupted by Emma pushing me to the ground. " HEY! What was that for!" I said while looking at my knee. " Oh my gosh, EMMA look at what you DID!" I say while looking at how much blood was coming from my knee. " Oh my... I'm so sorry!" Emma says while laughing. " What?! You think this is funny?!! It really hurts, you are a horrible friend!" I yelled while running back to the usual spot. " Amy, Amy wait up!" Emma yelled.

I run as fast as I can with a hurt knee, it was killing then I fall again and a stick gets stuck in my knee, I started to cry very loud then Emma came. " Amy are you okay?" Emma said. " No, I'm going home." I say while getting up. " Amy I'm sorry-" I interrupted what Emma was saying. " Why? Why did you push me?" I say. " Well I was gonna make it like one of the dogs were about to attack you, I didn't know that you'd fall against the gravestone!" Emma said. " Well I did." I say while getting my balance. " I'm soooo sorry, can you forgive me?" Emma said while following behind me. " Fine. I guess." I say. Then we walk back to the usual spot, get on our bikes and go home. It was an ordinary Thursday... or so I thought. Emma and I were at the usual spot. " so Amy..." Emma said, " What'ya wanna do?". " Well..." I said, " Why don't we ride our bike threw the cemetery?" " No.... why don't we continue our game we played on Wednesday?" Emma suggested. " Fine, no pushing 'Kay?" I said. " 'Kay, no pushing. look the dogs c'mon we've gotta hurry!" Emma said " Ah! c'mon Emma!" I say while running in front of her. " Amy, look! Wilier is here too!" Emma says while catching up too me. " C'mon we gotta hide, Emma behind this tree." I said. There was this thick tree that we hid under. " Well, we got away let's go.... that way." I pointed toward the East. " No, why do we always do and go what and where you say?" Emma said with a complaining voice. " What do you mean we always do what you say!" I protested. " What? NO! You ALWAYS decide you just in denial!", Emma said, " And, you told your mom that I pushed you!" Emma finished. " Yeah! You expect me to lie! I had to get my knee glued and my mom asked!" I said defending my mom and me. " So, you still could've lied it's not like anyone died!" Emma said back. " Whatever I don'y have to take this!" I said, " I'm going home!". After that I came from behind the tree went to the spot, got my bike and went home. After about 25 minutes i came home. Home, sweet, Home I said to myself. " Hi honney home already?" my mom said. " Yeah, I'm tired goodnight." I said while taking my shoes off. "Oh no you don't, what happened?" mom said before I could make it to the stairwell. " I... nothing... can't I go to bed?" I said, " Eat dinner first." Mom said. " O.K when is it?" I said. After that the stove bell rang and that ment dinner was ready. My mom and I walked into the kitchen. For dinner we had mashed pataoes, cream corn and chicken." Night honney, love you." My mom said while I put my dishes in the sink. " Love you too, night, mom." I said back while I was waling uo the stairwell too my room. " Tomarrow is going to be better... I hope." I said while lying on my back.

Well, Emma and I made up after like 1 day...? Anyway, we were deciding whether or not to go to church ( it was sunday) or the park. " Well, we should go to church, it's Sunday." Emma said. " Well , I wanna go to the park..." I said. " Well, I'm going to church!" Emma said while walking towards the church wich was like 50 feet away. That is when I saw it. " EMMA NO DON'T GO IT'S DANGEROUS!" I yelled. " Stop it Amy I'm going like it or NOT!" Emma yelled back. I started to run, because I saw a hit and run, they may think Emma witnessed it, then shoot her. " EMMA CROUCH AND HIDE! NOW! I said knowing I wasn't gonna reach her in time, then I hid behind a bush, yelling at Emma to hide. She IGNORED me. " Hey, that little girl saw!" said a thug. " I saw what?!" Emma said, relizing what I've been trying to warn her about. " Shoot her, NOW!" yelled another thug. " NO! Don-" Emma cried, she was cut off by a shot in the heart, the thugs drove away. " EMMA!" I yelled running to her as fast as I can, she was on the church steps, people who wittnessed the whole thing called 911. " ...Emma... I'm sorry," I was saying with tears coming from my eyes," I should be the one with on the ground not you and, I should've stopped you, I should've caught up too you...". " No, I- I-I didn't listen, Amy, i-i-it's not... y-y-y- your f-f-fault. Tell my parents that I love them... and everyone in my family, Amy, always remember that this... it's not your fault... my bike, it goes to Lisa when she is older, all my other stuff goes to whoever want them..." Emma said taking her last breathes on earth. " NO! STAY ALIVE! EMMA! NO!" I said and then the preist, Father John, pulled me away. Father John blessed her and then... she died. Emma died. Who will be my BFFAFAF? Who will be there for me? " Oh my gosh, she was so innocent." I heard some lady in a crowd say. Then the police came a few minutes later, one of them put me on the edge of trunk of a police car, gave me a water, and a blanket to wrap around myself. Then started asking me questions. " Little girl whats your name?" the women officer asked me this officer had tanned skin, hazel eyes, blone hair like Emma's and was about mid-thirties, 115 ponds and 5-7. " Amy, Amy Tuck." I answered while staring into thin air. " What was the girls name who got murdered?" The officer asked. " E-E-Emma W-W-Wilson. I replied " Are your parents at your home.?" The officer asked. " My mom probly is, my dad died last winter." I said. " I'm sorry for your loss of your dad and your little frie- sorry, and your friend Emma." The officer said then the officer went over to someone with a sketch pad and a pencil. " Hello, I am a sketch artist, if you can desribe the people who did this too Emma , we'll be able to lock them up." said the sketch artist. The sketch artist had brown hair like me, blue eyes, was about in her mid twenties, 120 pounds and 5-5. "Well, they both had black masks on... but the one that yelled shoot was in their early twenties, feminine voice and coc-aisan, she had dirty blonde hair, everything else reminds me of the officer that asked me the questions, about 115 ponds, 5-7. The one that shot Emma, well he was about 155 pounds, deep scratchy voice, 6-1 and FAT!" I said being as descripted as I can. " Thank you. You know, you are very smart, are you a good artist?" asked the sketcher. " Yeah, I draw anime... it's Japenese drawing. Emma showed it to me. Her favorite show was Code Lyoko... I always like it too." I replied. " Well. My name is Emma too. You can call me Miss Jarte. 'Kay?" said miss Jarte. " Okay... what do I do now?" I aksed Miss Jarte. " Well, the officer called your mom I pretty sure your mom and Emma's parents are coming here." replied Miss. Jarte. After that I sat in the same spot while Miss Jarte went to go talk to the detectives and the police. Then after 15 minutes my mom and Emma's parents came. When I saw Mr& Mrs Wilson I got scared. They were both crying, I was pretty sur they knew what happened to Emma. My mom and Emma's parents ran over too me. " Honey, I'm so sorry. You had to witness that." My mom said while hugging me and rubbing my back. " SORRY FOR ME?! Emma's the one dead! And it's all my fault! I SHOULD BE THE DEAD ONE! NOT EMMA!" I said that then started to cry on my mom's shoulder. " Oh, Amy, it's no-one's fault. I-I-" Emma's mom started then she started to cry again. " Are you two Mr. and Mrs Wilson...?" Miss Jarte asked. " Yea... is it true... are are we being hoodwinked...?" Mr.Wilson asked. HE IS ALWAYS LIKE THAT! Using big words.... he IS an attorney though... but in a time like this?! UGH it makes me a little angry. " I'm sorry, your not. But, we'll catch them, Amy here is going to help us, and other wittnesses. These bastards killed a friend of ours, Emma and Officer Foreman. He-He was my fiance." said Miss Jarte. After that she started to cry a little. After and half-hour my mom and I went home. I went straight to bed. Hoping it's all a dream. Knowing it's not. This is reality.

It's been two days since Emma's death. I've only been in my room, the kitchen and bathroom. My older brother, Josh, he's been trying to get me happy. How can I be happy?! My best friend is dead and it's all my fault. Emma knows it, she doesn't want me too know but I do, it's my fault. Why? Why couldn't it have been me? I'd rather die than Emma. Why couldn't I have caught up too her?! UGH! I just, just don't know... maybe, it's not my fault? WAIT! It is my fault stupid me! Then I heard a knock at my bedroom door. " Who is it?!" I said. " Miss Jarte and dectetive Jackson" said a familiar voice. After that I relized who just talked! my friend Miss Jarte! " Come in." I said. " Hi, honey how are?" Said Miss Jarte. " Could be better, you?" I replied. " Same here, this is the dectective who has been working this case, he would like too ask you questions about Emma, the day of her death and about the hit and run." Miss Jarte asked in a polite voice.

" Well go right ahead." I said. " Not here, in our office." Said Dectetive Jackson. He had dirty blonde hair, a beard, a long brown jacket and a hattoo match. His voice, well was deep and not scratchy. Like the one who shot Emma. " Um, okay. I'm okay with it." I said with a suprised look on my face. " I'll tell your mom, i'll be right back" said Miss Jarte. " So, Emma was your best friend?" asked Dectective Jackson. " Umm, yes, once, we took two needles, poked them in our fingers," I started to laugh after that " and we, we started too bleed then then we shared eachothers blood!" I said then stoped laughing, continued in a serious way, " We did that, just in case something happened too one of us." After saying that, I felt like crying again. " Oh, sadly, something did, it's cruelity too kill an innocent girl like Emma, heartless I tell you, Heartless." replied Dectetive Jackson. " Yeah..." I said. " If you want, Amy, call me Mr.Jackson." said Mr. Jackson. " Okay, I will." after that I smiled, two days with no talking OR smiling! I did. Then, I thought too myself, why am I happy? EMMA'S GONE AND I'M HAPPY?!

Emma Jarte's P.O.V

I walked down the stairs from Amy's room, then I went into the kitchen where Amy's mom was. " Exuse me. Mrs.Tuck?" I said trieing not too be rude. Mrs.Tuck looked just like Amy like a much older twin. " Yes?" said Mrs.Tuck. " Well, Amy agreeded too come with us too the police staition." I said, then quickly Mrs.Tuck replied saying " What for? Is she a suspect? If you ask me she is one of the victims! I haven't heard her voice in two days, she hasn't even smiled! And you think that she is a suspect?! The only thing she eats now is whatever I cook her for dinner, no lunch, no breakfast, I feel like it's my fault for letting her go outside with Emma. Amy is certainly not a suspect!". " No, no, no. Mrs.Tuck! Amy is being brought too see the people who we've gathered who has the description! Of looks and voices! You know, the other person who died was my fiance! I would never blame that sweet little girl for such a hanyis crime!" I said that then almost started too cry. " I'm sorry, Miss Jarte. My husband died last winter, he got murdered too, Amy doesn't know that. Amy thinks that he had a horrible heart attack." said Mrs.Tuck then she started too cry. " It's okay, don't worry." I said, not knowin what too do, I felt like I had too comfort her, so I was hugging her. " No one in my family has the heart too tell her, not even her best- friend, Emma." After hearing that I felt so bad for Amy, her friend AND dad was murdered. " Wait, how did he die?" I asked Mrs.Tuck. " Same way as Emma, now that I think about it, the way she described them, was the same. Or simular." After hearing that I got worried. " Did your late husband have any enemies, or Amy?" I asked. " Well, her dad was an District Attorney, and on one of his cases when Amy was little, and, she was their. He said that the man's wife was so mad that she threatened him and Amy." replied Mrs.Tuck. " Did you tell the police that when you husband died?" I asked right away. " Yes, but they said that the husband was in jail and the wife, she had an aliby, it didn't fit, because the only witness had died." replied Mrs.Tuck with sigh. " Mom, I agreed too go with them." said Amy walking down the stairs. " Okay, be brave... I love you Amy... your father would be proud of you" Said Mrs.Tuck with a smile and tearful eyes. " Yeah... I will" replied Amy with a half-smile. " Amy, my fiance, he knew your dad... remeber? His name was Mike Foreman." I said hpoing they'd remember him at his funeral. " I knew I recognized you! Mike was a funny man." said Mrs.Tuck. " Yeah, he was... he would be proud of your brave girl. I know it in my heart... I heard stories-" I was cut off by Amy. " Wait! Mike was your fiance?! He would talk about you! I didn't relize it was you! That's incredible!" Amy said with a smile. " Well, we'd better go now, C'mon Amy, Miss. Jarte." Said Pete. I loved that name Pete Jackson. Mike Foreman is better though. After thinking that I closed my eyes. A picture of Mike went in my head. That smile... now gone... forever... Amy is much more courageous than me... or I'll ever be I want my soon to be baby too be like her. Mike wanted her name too be Faith, Faith Rose Foreman. Well now it's going too be Faith Rose Jarte. Now, he's gone, I can't believe it. I don't wanna think that! MIKE?! " MIKE!?" I yelled than bursted out crying. " Miss. Jarte! Are you okay?!" Amy said. " Y-Y-Yes I am fine let's go, now." I said that and went through the kiten, into the hallway and put the door. Then I unlocked my car and went inside, then Amy came outside. " Can I comw with you Miss.Jarte?" Amy asked. " Call me Em. That's what Mike called me, and yes." I said while staring the car. " Can I sit in the front?" Amy asked. " Will your mom mind?" I replied with question in my voice. " No, I always do." Amy said with a crack in her voice. Then she came up in the front, she had tears in her eyes. The rest of the 15 minute drive was in silence, no radio, no talking only once I heard a sob out of her, she was crying. I couldn't blame her, They were friends and all, according too Emma's parents they have been fighting alot lately. Poor kid. Also they were the bestest friends ever, when Emma's dad died, Emma was over her house even more, comforting her friend and one time, Amy asked Emma if Amy could sleep over, 3 days after his death. They said because Amy hated seeing her mom like that every morning and her brother. So they said yes. What a great friend Emma was... it's so sad too even think two people thought she witnessed something like that... sigh. I wish she would be happy again.

Amy's P.O.V

Well the car-ride was only 15 minutes, I felt so bad for Miss. Jarte. I meen really, her fiance was my dad's friend, when they said Forman I didn't even realize it was THE FORMAN I knew! Ugh. Why can't being 12 be happy. First my dad them Emma and now Mikey? What is wrong with my life being 12?! I have too go too school tomarrow too... sigh. After thinking all that I started to sob I made a hudge loud one. Ugh. I hope Miss. Jarte didn't hear that. Then I got a good memory about Emma and I.... " Hey, Amy if you were too get shot what would you want your funeral song be?" Emma asked me when I slept over 3 days after my dad died. " Danny boy. That is my dad's favorite song. And his name is Danny." I replied. " Oh, that's cool." Emma said. " What would yours be?" I asked with a crack in my voice I felt like crying again. " You know that game we love? Final Fantasy VII? I like that theme. You know Aerith's theme." She said with a twinkle in both of her Baby-Blue eyes. " If I died... will you tell my mom and dad? I will tell your mom." Emma asked looking serious then she said "I want too be like Aerith! The godess, but instead of returning too the earth! I will return too God in his heavenly kingdom!" Emma said being so passionate. She really love Final Fantasy VII like I do. " I like Tifa better, but Aerith is really good too. My favorite of the guys is Vincent." I said with no more crack in my voice. " So, will you tell my parents, I'll tell your mom?!" She said with a big smile. " Yeah, I will as long as you do!" I said with a smile and in a serious tone. " Yes ma'am!" she said while soluting me, after that I laughed, the first time I did after my dad died... " Amy, we are here." Said Miss.Jarte. " Okay Miss Jarte" I said after realizing I was in a memory. " Remember, call me Em. 'Kay?" She said with a serious tone, it reminded me of Emma's serious tone. " Okay, Em" I said with a smile. We walked into the police station. I couldn't belive my eyes when I saw Emma's parents, I walked over too them " Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Wilson. Remember when my dad died? Like when you let me sleep over?" I asked them. " Yes." They both replied with a cracked tone, for they have been crying. " Well, Emma and I... we-" I was interupted by Mrs.Wilson. " We heard you two, we know. She wants Aerith's Theme for-" she was cut off by her crying, she started to ball her eyes out. " Her funeral." contiued Mr.Wilson. "Yeah...I'm sorry, for letting Emma go. I didn't want too. She just ignored me when I told her too hide. I should've caught up too her, but my leg started too hurt when I was running. I'm so sorry. I am sorry, I should be with my dad, not Emma." I said with sympothy and woe in my voice. " Oh, Amy, don't say that. We miss Emma, but is was fate, her destiny. Please don't say that ever!" yelled Mrs.Wilson. " Okay, but-nevermind" I said then I ran back over to Em. " Emma! I am so sorry!" I said with tears coming from my eyes. After that I fell too the ground. I wanted too die. Right there, then Em picked me up. For now on I am calling her Em, never Emma. Em. " Come here sweetie, let's go into the bathroom" Em said while hugging me. I walked in with her. I splashed my face with cold water. That is probaly what Emma's body feels like I thought too myself. " Why aren't you crying Em?" I said too her. " Well, I want too, but then I don't. You know? Mikey, he was the best man out there, his sunkissed tan, brown medium hair, green eyes, deep but soothing voice." Em said " He said, that he loved me first, the I said it right back, the morining he was shot. I miss him so, but he would want me too let go, find someone else, get married, have a family. But, do I want too?" she replied with a crack in her voice. " Oh, you really loved him? I know he loved you, he told my dad that!" I said, hoping it would make her feel better. " Oh Amy, you are the sweetest girl. Never blame yourself for what happend too Emma. Never, I am sure she is happy. She is with God, in his heavenly kingdom above the skies, above space, above everything. She can no longer feel pain, woe, or animosity , only, delight, bliss, and love." Em said with no more crack in her voice . I looked down. Wondering if that is how she felt about Mikey, oh man. I thought about it for a moment, I was just standing there, thinking. Was Em right? She is happy she died? Then, Em said. " Listen, honey, we need too go look at the people that fit the description. 'Kay?" " Yeah, sure." I said then we both walked out of the bathroom.

 

 

long.... yeahhh sad huh? I like making stories with drama! and yadayaydayyada

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like youre writings! (this goes in writing btw xD) its really good ! (Way better then twilights sparkly vegetarian vampires)

 

yeaaahhhh i realized that AFTER i posted.. -o-'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From a more harsh point of view, (You want to be an author, so it's better you hear it now) there were a few grammatical errors, with some spelling ones. Try replacing common verbs with intresting ones. Thesaurus.com is yor best friend. You should really break up your paragraphs more clearly so we don't get lost while reading it. Also, when doing dialogue, You usually don't put more than one person speaking in the same sentence. It causes confusion with who is doing the speaking.

 

Clean it up a bit and you're almost there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Its really good story, but sad too, you had me crying:'(

 

When are you going to write more? :] I can't wait to see it.

 

i wanted some opinions first, i will write more though!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From a more harsh point of view, (You want to be an author, so it's better you hear it now) there were a few grammatical errors, with some spelling ones. Try replacing common verbs with intresting ones. Thesaurus.com is yor best friend. You should really break up your paragraphs more clearly so we don't get lost while reading it. Also, when doing dialogue, You usually don't put more than one person speaking in the same sentence. It causes confusion with who is doing the speaking.

 

Clean it up a bit and you're almost there.

 

thanks! i know there are grammar mistakes and all i will dont worry! thanks!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...