Misuzu 15 Posted October 22, 2009 Wrote this in car the other day on my phone. Comments/Critiques greatly appreciated. wormwood. [align=center]Whisper after whisper- Lie after lie- You called me yours, and I called you mine. Serenades of fear and dread slip into my ears- The hope I once had has mutated into fear. They once called you an angel, beautiful, everyone could easily tell- But now you are a monster, fallen from heaven to hell. The temptress called The Blade un-knits my skin, I watch myself bleed- Your raspy, blood-curdling voice persuades me you're everything I need. The crimson drops slowly cascade onto the deserted earth below, releasing the last pieces of hope I have left- Maybe this would have been different if we had never met. You devious, cunning snake, you were simply a beautiful lie- But now it's far too late, for the shroud of black that fills my eyes as if on cue reminds me it is time to die.[/align] Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
im-axel-fear-me-NOW 10 Posted October 22, 2009 thats really good!!!! i luvs it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaron 579 Posted October 27, 2009 Deep, meaningful. I LIKE IT:) Its very..dark tho. I'd aim for a more..positive? ending. I dont know. Thats just what id do. REALLY GOOD THO. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Misuzu 15 Posted November 3, 2009 Thanks. (: And lol, I have trouble writing uplifting, positive stuff. I have fallen into the darkside and now I'm stuck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites