This is just a short story based on my drama life in the last couple of years. It's got a bit of a harsh language and some strong scenes, so yeah, read at your own risk. I also include some of my own thoughts and opinions so screw off no one asked if you agree. It's also about my difficulties regarding my homosexuality and my love interest so homophobes screw off.
Now read if you want to.
"A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me
Might end up together
It's like wishing for rain
as I stand in the desert
but I'm holding you closer than most
because you are my heaven"
It was last year when I began to realize who I was...
I had thoughts even before that. I wondered, but I knew I was probably gonna decide that later.
I was wrong. It happened much sooner than I thought. In the most unexpected way I could ever imagine.
My name is ------, I’m 13 years old, but this story begins when I was only 12. Actually, before that, even.
The year had just started. I had just recently revealed my crush to another friend of mine. This friend was names Isabella. She also happened to be my crush’s best friend, and I was friends with both of them. Friendship triangle.
Isabella was a blabber-mouth though. I don’t trust her much anymore because of that.
She instantly told my crush I liked her. Eduarda was her name. I was incredibly embarrassed. But she said she wanted to see how it went...
I was excited every day before school. It was still a few weeks until School started so we only talked online.
First day of school; went off telling all my friends I was going out with Eduarda, until I saw her that day, and she avoided me. Usual friendly smile.
I’d been friend-zoned. But why? Turns out she only wanted to see my reaction. I avoided her for a while until I was convinced to get friends with her again. Our friendship isn’t as strong anymore, in my opinion...
After that, I was extremely depressed. “What... is love?” I really thought I loved her until I thought more about it, and came to this conclusion:
“Love doesn’t exist. Itś something we just make up for our own good.”
I started questioning everything from then.
Moving on...
I’ve never been a guy with many friends. Just few and good friends, right? Not exactly. Few, yet, many of those weren’t good friends at all.
Example? I had an extremely shitty previous year. It all takes me to first grade, when I was only 7 years old.
There was one boy who is known for being excessively girly. You know what that means.
Judging by looks? Maybe. Well, not really.
I was having a nice day, when he suddenly started talking to me about a game he played with my best friend at the time, Samuel. It was called “Cock n’ ass”.
I had no idea what that was. I started asking him more about this “game”. Until he asked me if I wanted to try it. I said yes, it surely sounded fun if Samuel did it too!
...No. I didn’t get it at the time. But because of this my life has been hell since two years ago. I think the rest of the day speaks for itself. The teachers found out, and I started telling everyone in class that I “had sex with Lucas”. What was sex? I didn’t know. And I actually kinda thought it was funny since nothing actually got to happen at the time.
My parents never found out.
5th grade. It’d been an year since I’d returned from the United States. Me and my family had been there for 2007. I started remembering what had happened that day, after being more aware of the world and what happened then.
I wasn’t the only one who’d remember though. Leonardo, or as I call him, Leo, was my best friend along with Samuel. During the previous year, he’d grow appart from me, we’d been seperated from classrooms. I stayed with Samuel and helped him with school, we both learned some moral lessons that year. What happened with Leo that year? Drastic transformation.
He’s aways been someone who’s not good company. I hated how he was overly violent, aways used swear words, but I aways stayed by his side for some reason.
During 4th grade, I suspect he started getting new friends and hating me. I admit I wasn’t the best friend. I’ve never been but I’ll never reach the same level as Evil as him.
He remembered what had happened that day.
So what did he do? Started telling everyone. I couldn’t do anything. That year I made new friends, one called Rodrigo, another one called Heitor, and one called Bruno. There was also João, but he changed schools mid-year. Bruno and Heitor eventually found out, but Heitor didn’t reveal his knowledge until later. Bruno swore he’d help me get my revenge from Leo.
Me and Leo had SEVERAL fights that year. We went fist to fist at least three times. First one, didn’t really have any reason, and I started it. I started getting a nervous attack after being around kids who’s previously bullied me. I started remembering how they all had humiliated me and how I wasn’t as weak as before. I shaped up a little. I started to try bragging and saying I could beat anyone up if I wanted to. Leo challenged me. I’d call it a tie.
The second time, After he started spreading the ‘secret’. I chased him around and started kicking and punching him. Why? He was whispering the secret in some friends’ ears. They both lied about him not saying anything. What they said he said were two different things though so it’s obvious they were lying.
Third time was where it got ugly though. We both got badly hurt from that one. I swore to my friends that if Leo dared spread secrets one more time, or tease me again I’d show him a thing or two. The word of me wanting to fight him reached him eventually, and suddenly people made a circle around me and him with the usual “Fight, fight, fight!” chorus. I epicly turned my back to him and walked a few steps. I stopped, whispered something I can’t exactly remember, and turned away from him, kicked backwards. He fell on the floor. I started kicking him,until he got up. We punched each other a little, until he jumped on me. he started trying to bite my ear; Yes, bite my ear off. He missed and bit my head, which still hurt but he must have felt taste of my smelly, dry black hair.
I, then, stopped him. I shouted his name a few times when he knocked out of it. I broke up the fight, shaking. Everyone noticed. I went off running. To my classroom. I was scared. He’d be angrier than ever, spread as much as possible.
Last day of school, rather, last day of recuperation classes, I failed History in the final semester.
I suddenly, twistly found out Bruno wasn’t my friend. He was the one spreading all the “secret”. I felt broken. He was transferring schools next year though, but he’d be in the same English School as many people from my grade. I was screwed. There was no way I could avoid the spreading. I was hoping for a better year.
The next year? To sum it up, only important things that happened were in the end of the year but I’ll get to that...
I still had to solve problems. I had to explain to people how I didn’t know what was happening, how I was defenseless and how nothing ACTUALLY happened. I didn’t get away with that, though.
The is around when it started getting intense; my interest in boys. I judged boys unconsciously by “Hm, he’s cute" and things as such. Erections were overly regular and I started having more trouble focusing at classes. I revealed that to Eduarda, I had to get it out. I told her I was bisexual.
Mid-year, I started geting interested on this boy. His name was Tiago.
He was friends with Rodrigo, who I still am friends with even now. I was aways with Rodrigo and so was Tiago. They were, as they said, “brothers”. I wasn’t exactly one of their brothers but me and Tiago slowly got closer.
Biggest characteristic of Tiago; He loves some attention. He’s the funny guy, someone’s aways gotta be with him, looking at him and laughing at him.
Second, he’s a pervert. Simply put. That’s how I got closer to him, actually. We started talking about porn.
THAT led to our “pervy boy stupidnesses”. I’ll get to that.
One day, I discovered someone found out about my “bisexuality”. Tiago. Thankfully, that didn’t really spread. Eduarda made sure she wasn’t the one who said it, but I’m still not sure... It doesn’t exactly trouble me anymore.
Anyway, I started getting extremely obsessed over Tiago. I convinced myself; Love didn’t exist. I knew that. It was just a crush but I really wanted him.
I got closer to him. I noticed he was a guy with few true friends, with a complicated life and he was sincerely, lonely. I started aways watching him and trying to be there for him. I was careful not to start arguments with him, but I couldn’t.
I started being different, and Tiago started sexually teasing me. I was able to change seats slowly until I finally got to sit by his side.
I started noticing he threw flirty smiles around me too. I knew what that meant...
“He likes me too!”
"Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore
No, heaven doesn't seem far away."
I thought the chances of him liking me back were extremely low until that, which raised my expectations. Hell, what were the chances of him even being gay? So I started playing along and letting him tease me. I never really teased him, though.
I noticed I was overly distracted. Someone in my English school then noticed:
“You’re in love, aren’t you?”
I thought about it for a while. I replied.
“Yeah.”
I was wrong about love before. Maybe I just had to hit a certain maturity level.
I started having trouble knowing myself. I had online friends who helped me through this, I looked for help all over (not having a psychologist) and after an afternoon in my English School, I decided I wanted to tell my dad. I wanted to come out.
He noticed something was bothering me. I swallowed my saliva and spit everything out. This was too hard since I never talk to me dad. I’m a silent guy who likes to be alone.
We had the whole talk where he said all the obvious things. However, he told me not to come out to anyone else, not to let Tiago tease me, to stop thinking about him, to stay away from him.
How could I do that? I was in love with him. I surely was. It wasn’t like the crush I had with Eduarda, or anyone else in fact. I never talked to him, yet I felt a connection with him. I didn’t believe I loved, but I was proved wrong by him. Unintentionally.
My dad wouldn’t get that though... he thought I was too “young” to know what gender I liked. He was sad but somewhat cool with it.
Tiago and I stayed somewhat the same, I tried lowering down the teases, when suddenly, he started humping my chair.
“What do I do now?” I had no idea.
“Please, stop that.” He didn’t hear me.
I punched back at him, and it hit his stomach. He started breathing heavily, I hurt him more than I wanted to. People started telling me Tiago would get mad, but no way, I was a wimp. What to do? I told them there’s no way I hurt him that much. Suddenly, I get kicked, while sitting in the chair. It was Tiago, he surely looked angry. I was firetrucked.
He started kicking me, punching me, and I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t want to fight back.I was scared. I loved him. It hurt... I simply said without moving a fist, “Hitting me won’t solve anythin-” I didn’t get to finish that word. A punch through by cheek hit me hard.
“a-... anything...” It really hurt. He stopped. He looked at his hands with shock. I looked down. I couldn’t say anything.
“Aren’t you two gonna apologize?” Insisted Rodrigo.
Tiago walked away to another side of the room. We were in the classroom, yet almost no one saw it, and no one did anything about it.
“Your face, it’s all red... And you look hurt.”
I was extremely hurt. I loved Tiago too much though. I let him abuse me. It wasn’t his fault...
It was me.
I looked down. I started crying, not only because of pain, but because of my feelings. No one would get that, though. The teacher eventually heard I was crying and sent both of us the “Oelek’s Office”. Oelek, short for Oeleksander is pretty much the “principal” of the school, who solves social issues.
“The firetruck did you have to cry? Now we get this problem."
I wish I could tell him... I really do...
We explained ourselves. Tiago was worried. He confessed he was ashamed of what he did. He was worried, mostly because his parents had to sign something confirming that he had done something wrong. We almost got expelled, actually, but we explained the situation.
I knew Tiago wasn’t lying, though. Because, for the first time ever... I saw him cry.
Not because of pain.
Because it hurt inside.
We both left his office without a word. We packed our bags and went home... I didn't know what to say to him. I couldn't say I was sorry, or anything... And I had no choice but to do what I did.
I told my father. He was... proud of me for not letting him abuse me... But I wasn’t. He told me to completely avoid Tiago and never forgive him.
Me and Tiago wouldn’t be together anymore. There really was 0% chance now. Tiago actually bulled me once before, so my mom knew this and that just lowered the chances to -25%
Classes were about to end. Every day he came to me and apologized, and asked me to be friends with him again. I aways said no.
I wonder why he insisted so much... I guess it’s because maybe, just maybe, he somehow loved me too...
It’s a new year now. Me and him, we haven’t talked this year. I feel uneasy near him. I love him, still. But I can’t be near him. I hope he understands that I don’t hate him, my parents do.
But I also wish I could just tell him I can’t be near him because...
This is just a short story based on my drama life in the last couple of years. It's got a bit of a harsh language and some strong scenes, so yeah, read at your own risk. I also include some of my own thoughts and opinions so screw off no one asked if you agree. It's also about my difficulties regarding my homosexuality and my love interest so homophobes screw off.
Now read if you want to.
"A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me
Might end up together
It's like wishing for rain
as I stand in the desert
but I'm holding you closer than most
because you are my heaven"
It was last year when I began to realize who I was...
I had thoughts even before that. I wondered, but I knew I was probably gonna decide that later.
I was wrong. It happened much sooner than I thought. In the most unexpected way I could ever imagine.
My name is ------, I’m 13 years old, but this story begins when I was only 12. Actually, before that, even.
The year had just started. I had just recently revealed my crush to another friend of mine. This friend was names Isabella. She also happened to be my crush’s best friend, and I was friends with both of them. Friendship triangle.
Isabella was a blabber-mouth though. I don’t trust her much anymore because of that.
She instantly told my crush I liked her. Eduarda was her name. I was incredibly embarrassed. But she said she wanted to see how it went...
I was excited every day before school. It was still a few weeks until School started so we only talked online.
First day of school; went off telling all my friends I was going out with Eduarda, until I saw her that day, and she avoided me. Usual friendly smile.
I’d been friend-zoned. But why? Turns out she only wanted to see my reaction. I avoided her for a while until I was convinced to get friends with her again. Our friendship isn’t as strong anymore, in my opinion...
After that, I was extremely depressed. “What... is love?” I really thought I loved her until I thought more about it, and came to this conclusion:
“Love doesn’t exist. Itś something we just make up for our own good.”
I started questioning everything from then.
Moving on...
I’ve never been a guy with many friends. Just few and good friends, right? Not exactly. Few, yet, many of those weren’t good friends at all.
Example? I had an extremely shitty previous year. It all takes me to first grade, when I was only 7 years old.
There was one boy who is known for being excessively girly. You know what that means.
Judging by looks? Maybe. Well, not really.
I was having a nice day, when he suddenly started talking to me about a game he played with my best friend at the time, Samuel. It was called “Cock n’ ass”.
I had no idea what that was. I started asking him more about this “game”. Until he asked me if I wanted to try it. I said yes, it surely sounded fun if Samuel did it too!
...No. I didn’t get it at the time. But because of this my life has been hell since two years ago. I think the rest of the day speaks for itself. The teachers found out, and I started telling everyone in class that I “had sex with Lucas”. What was sex? I didn’t know. And I actually kinda thought it was funny since nothing actually got to happen at the time.
My parents never found out.
5th grade. It’d been an year since I’d returned from the United States. Me and my family had been there for 2007. I started remembering what had happened that day, after being more aware of the world and what happened then.
I wasn’t the only one who’d remember though. Leonardo, or as I call him, Leo, was my best friend along with Samuel. During the previous year, he’d grow appart from me, we’d been seperated from classrooms. I stayed with Samuel and helped him with school, we both learned some moral lessons that year. What happened with Leo that year? Drastic transformation.
He’s aways been someone who’s not good company. I hated how he was overly violent, aways used swear words, but I aways stayed by his side for some reason.
During 4th grade, I suspect he started getting new friends and hating me. I admit I wasn’t the best friend. I’ve never been but I’ll never reach the same level as Evil as him.
He remembered what had happened that day.
So what did he do? Started telling everyone. I couldn’t do anything. That year I made new friends, one called Rodrigo, another one called Heitor, and one called Bruno. There was also João, but he changed schools mid-year. Bruno and Heitor eventually found out, but Heitor didn’t reveal his knowledge until later. Bruno swore he’d help me get my revenge from Leo.
Me and Leo had SEVERAL fights that year. We went fist to fist at least three times. First one, didn’t really have any reason, and I started it. I started getting a nervous attack after being around kids who’s previously bullied me. I started remembering how they all had humiliated me and how I wasn’t as weak as before. I shaped up a little. I started to try bragging and saying I could beat anyone up if I wanted to. Leo challenged me. I’d call it a tie.
The second time, After he started spreading the ‘secret’. I chased him around and started kicking and punching him. Why? He was whispering the secret in some friends’ ears. They both lied about him not saying anything. What they said he said were two different things though so it’s obvious they were lying.
Third time was where it got ugly though. We both got badly hurt from that one. I swore to my friends that if Leo dared spread secrets one more time, or tease me again I’d show him a thing or two. The word of me wanting to fight him reached him eventually, and suddenly people made a circle around me and him with the usual “Fight, fight, fight!” chorus. I epicly turned my back to him and walked a few steps. I stopped, whispered something I can’t exactly remember, and turned away from him, kicked backwards. He fell on the floor. I started kicking him,until he got up. We punched each other a little, until he jumped on me. he started trying to bite my ear; Yes, bite my ear off. He missed and bit my head, which still hurt but he must have felt taste of my smelly, dry black hair.
I, then, stopped him. I shouted his name a few times when he knocked out of it. I broke up the fight, shaking. Everyone noticed. I went off running. To my classroom. I was scared. He’d be angrier than ever, spread as much as possible.
Last day of school, rather, last day of recuperation classes, I failed History in the final semester.
I suddenly, twistly found out Bruno wasn’t my friend. He was the one spreading all the “secret”. I felt broken. He was transferring schools next year though, but he’d be in the same English School as many people from my grade. I was screwed. There was no way I could avoid the spreading. I was hoping for a better year.
The next year? To sum it up, only important things that happened were in the end of the year but I’ll get to that...
I still had to solve problems. I had to explain to people how I didn’t know what was happening, how I was defenseless and how nothing ACTUALLY happened. I didn’t get away with that, though.
The is around when it started getting intense; my interest in boys. I judged boys unconsciously by “Hm, he’s cute" and things as such. Erections were overly regular and I started having more trouble focusing at classes. I revealed that to Eduarda, I had to get it out. I told her I was bisexual.
Mid-year, I started geting interested on this boy. His name was Tiago.
He was friends with Rodrigo, who I still am friends with even now. I was aways with Rodrigo and so was Tiago. They were, as they said, “brothers”. I wasn’t exactly one of their brothers but me and Tiago slowly got closer.
Biggest characteristic of Tiago; He loves some attention. He’s the funny guy, someone’s aways gotta be with him, looking at him and laughing at him.
Second, he’s a pervert. Simply put. That’s how I got closer to him, actually. We started talking about porn.
THAT led to our “pervy boy stupidnesses”. I’ll get to that.
One day, I discovered someone found out about my “bisexuality”. Tiago. Thankfully, that didn’t really spread. Eduarda made sure she wasn’t the one who said it, but I’m still not sure... It doesn’t exactly trouble me anymore.
Anyway, I started getting extremely obsessed over Tiago. I convinced myself; Love didn’t exist. I knew that. It was just a crush but I really wanted him.
I got closer to him. I noticed he was a guy with few true friends, with a complicated life and he was sincerely, lonely. I started aways watching him and trying to be there for him. I was careful not to start arguments with him, but I couldn’t.
I started being different, and Tiago started sexually teasing me. I was able to change seats slowly until I finally got to sit by his side.
I started noticing he threw flirty smiles around me too. I knew what that meant...
“He likes me too!”
"Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore
No, heaven doesn't seem far away."
I thought the chances of him liking me back were extremely low until that, which raised my expectations. Hell, what were the chances of him even being gay? So I started playing along and letting him tease me. I never really teased him, though.
I noticed I was overly distracted. Someone in my English school then noticed:
“You’re in love, aren’t you?”
I thought about it for a while. I replied.
“Yeah.”
I was wrong about love before. Maybe I just had to hit a certain maturity level.
I started having trouble knowing myself. I had online friends who helped me through this, I looked for help all over (not having a psychologist) and after an afternoon in my English School, I decided I wanted to tell my dad. I wanted to come out.
He noticed something was bothering me. I swallowed my saliva and spit everything out. This was too hard since I never talk to me dad. I’m a silent guy who likes to be alone.
We had the whole talk where he said all the obvious things. However, he told me not to come out to anyone else, not to let Tiago tease me, to stop thinking about him, to stay away from him.
How could I do that? I was in love with him. I surely was. It wasn’t like the crush I had with Eduarda, or anyone else in fact. I never talked to him, yet I felt a connection with him. I didn’t believe I loved, but I was proved wrong by him. Unintentionally.
My dad wouldn’t get that though... he thought I was too “young” to know what gender I liked. He was sad but somewhat cool with it.
Tiago and I stayed somewhat the same, I tried lowering down the teases, when suddenly, he started humping my chair.
“What do I do now?” I had no idea.
“Please, stop that.” He didn’t hear me.
I punched back at him, and it hit his stomach. He started breathing heavily, I hurt him more than I wanted to. People started telling me Tiago would get mad, but no way, I was a wimp. What to do? I told them there’s no way I hurt him that much. Suddenly, I get kicked, while sitting in the chair. It was Tiago, he surely looked angry. I was firetrucked.
He started kicking me, punching me, and I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t want to fight back.I was scared. I loved him. It hurt... I simply said without moving a fist, “Hitting me won’t solve anythin-” I didn’t get to finish that word. A punch through by cheek hit me hard.
“a-... anything...” It really hurt. He stopped. He looked at his hands with shock. I looked down. I couldn’t say anything.
“Aren’t you two gonna apologize?” Insisted Rodrigo.
Tiago walked away to another side of the room. We were in the classroom, yet almost no one saw it, and no one did anything about it.
“Your face, it’s all red... And you look hurt.”
I was extremely hurt. I loved Tiago too much though. I let him abuse me. It wasn’t his fault...
It was me.
I looked down. I started crying, not only because of pain, but because of my feelings. No one would get that, though. The teacher eventually heard I was crying and sent both of us the “Oelek’s Office”. Oelek, short for Oeleksander is pretty much the “principal” of the school, who solves social issues.
“The firetruck did you have to cry? Now we get this problem."
I wish I could tell him... I really do...
We explained ourselves. Tiago was worried. He confessed he was ashamed of what he did. He was worried, mostly because his parents had to sign something confirming that he had done something wrong. We almost got expelled, actually, but we explained the situation.
I knew Tiago wasn’t lying, though. Because, for the first time ever... I saw him cry.
Not because of pain.
Because it hurt inside.
We both left his office without a word. We packed our bags and went home... I didn't know what to say to him. I couldn't say I was sorry, or anything... And I had no choice but to do what I did.
I told my father. He was... proud of me for not letting him abuse me... But I wasn’t. He told me to completely avoid Tiago and never forgive him.
Me and Tiago wouldn’t be together anymore. There really was 0% chance now. Tiago actually bulled me once before, so my mom knew this and that just lowered the chances to -25%
Classes were about to end. Every day he came to me and apologized, and asked me to be friends with him again. I aways said no.
I wonder why he insisted so much... I guess it’s because maybe, just maybe, he somehow loved me too...
It’s a new year now. Me and him, we haven’t talked this year. I feel uneasy near him. I love him, still. But I can’t be near him. I hope he understands that I don’t hate him, my parents do.
But I also wish I could just tell him I can’t be near him because...
I love him.
Edited by Kinode