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The Transcendent Key

Text Bokutachi No Hibi (Our Days) A Roxas And Xion Story

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Good work partner :D

I can't wait fo see everyones reactions to the ending muehehehe...wait for it

Haha, indeed.  Thank you dear.  And yes, only you and I know the ending, mowahahahahahahahaha! *thunder crackles.* 

 

What could you two possibly be cooking up? O.o At least leave some subtle hints in the story.

 

Okay, despite being a short chapter, it really gave some insight about Roxas and Xion's thoughts at this present time. I loved that dramatic irony about how both thought the other was sleeping soundly but really weren't xD Dramatic irony is truly great...

 

I managed to find a typo/misspelling:

 

"a man who had made so many people laugh, turned out to be a person who hided his suffering."

 

The word should be "hid". Though I'll admit that allusion to Robin Williams was a nice tribute to him. It's such a shame he's gone :(

 

Not sure if I have mentioned this before, but your writing is decent at creating images in one's head, which is very good! Creating distinct images really goes a long way! :D

 

As always, I'll be on the lookout for the next installment.

 

Peace!

Edited by CaelumMare

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What could you two possibly be cooking up? O.o At least leave some subtle hints in the story.Okay, despite being a short chapter, it really gave some insight about Roxas and Xion's thoughts at this present time. I loved that dramatic irony about how both thought the other was sleeping soundly but really weren't xD Dramatic irony is truly great...I managed to find a typo/misspelling:The word should be "hid". Though I'll admit that allusion to Robin Williams was a nice tribute to him. It's such a shame he's gone :(Not sure if I have mentioned this before, but your writing is decent at creating images in one's head, which is very good! Creating distinct images really goes a long way! :DAs always, I'll be on the lookout for the next installment.Peace!

I won't spoil you

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Ventus then looked at Vanitas irritatingly and then rolled his eyes.

You can get rid of this false pride the second then here.

 

seen…which

Should be a space between the ellipses and which.

fight…but

 

Same thing.

 

“Help me…please…help me…”

Once again... spaces.

 

“Running?  I’m not running…I’m fading away…”

You get my point. No need to reiterate myself. So I'll stop quoting those errors.

 

The principal remained quiet, his back arched and his two arms behind his back, walking like if he was some kind of evil villain straight out of a video game!  I’m not kidding, that’s how he looked like!  It was pretty cool, but at the same time so creepy!

 

"It’s not like I’m some kind of evil overlord."

What you did there, I see it.

 

  It just didn’t make sense!

There are two spaces here. You'll want to correct that. In fact, it seems most of the sentences after this start with two. Maybe I'm just seeing things.

 

Well, apart from those small errors... I loved this chapter! And I'm looking forward to more!

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Expelled for falling asleep in class? That's a bit harsh, don't you think? O.o

 

I'm loving the fluff going on between our favourite Days couple. It's just too sweet! I think I'll need to brush my teeth after this... xD

 

Those dreams sure are baffling... Meh, I'll just wait for the answers :P

 

Peace!

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This was such a great chapter! 

 

Awww... I'm not really a Roxas x Xion fan, but this might actually change my mind. (MAYBE) 

 

Anyways, keep it up! I'm really looking forward to the next chapter! 

Edited by ventusluv006

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I thought you had given up on this for a moment xD I'm just kidding.

 

Quite an interesting chapter as always, but... does Vanitas have to pursue Kairi? (I think we can all assume she's the "redhead") *eye twitches* It makes no sense to me since they never even met each other in the games xD Well... not on-screen anyway, but that's another can of worms for another day. I know this is AU (alternate universe) but it still bothers me a little.

 

SOKAI FOR-E-VER! VANKAI NE-VER! SOKAI FOR-E-VER! VANKAI NE-VER! SOKAI FOR-E-VER! VANKAI NE-VER!

 

Sorry xD Now that that is off my chest... on we go with the chapter review.

 

I'm really glad Riku has finally made his debut here because let's face it, what's a Kingdom Hearts fanfiction without Riku? Now what purpose will he serve, I wonder? O.o I like Eraqus' character too.

 

Is Xion on the verge of fainting or something? Because high fever can contribute sometimes. Or is it something else? >.< Please let her be okay... And as I said: Suspension is too harsh of a punishment for sleeping in class :P So I was right. Something that must be settled between Roxas and Xion? *foreshadowing alert*

 

I found ONE mistake/typo:

 

Sure, it could happen o anybody, but it was still strange.

 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that should be "to." No harm though; it's only minor.

 

By the way, sorry for this essay of a review xD If you read most of my reviews on fanfiction.net you'd see that a lot of them are quite lengthy, especially when I enjoy the story which is definitely happening in this case :) Keep it up, my friend!

 

Peace!

Edited by CaelumMare

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Thank you all so much for the awesome comments, they mean so much to me!  And well, I want to take this opportunity to apologize for the lack of chapters lately!  I realize that it's been ten days since I posted my last chapter, and I am truly sorry for not posting any more.  As many of you are aware, I recently reemerged from the hospital after six days of being sick.  As such, during my time in the hospital, I wasn't able to write any chapters, but now that I'm back and recovering, I promise you that I shall post another chapter as soon as I can!  Rest assured, this story will continue, make no mistake of that!  Please look forward to the next chapter!  I appreciate your patience and understanding everyone! :)

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Thank you all so much for the awesome comments, they mean so much to me!  And well, I want to take this opportunity to apologize for the lack of chapters lately!  I realize that it's been ten days since I posted my last chapter, and I am truly sorry for not posting any more.  As many of you are aware, I recently reemerged from the hospital after six days of being sick.  As such, during my time in the hospital, I wasn't able to write any chapters, but now that I'm back and recovering, I promise you that I shall post another chapter as soon as I can!  Rest assured, this story will continue, make no mistake of that!  Please look forward to the next chapter!  I appreciate your patience and understanding everyone! :)

 

It's all good man. We definitely understand :D Don't stress yourself about it.

 

Peace!

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