Film REVIEW: "Fant4stic"

[Firaga 5,947]

 

I just happened to go to a movie theater today and on the turn of a dime, I wound up watching this movie. I was planning on seeing Ant-Man originally, and I have to say, despite everything that led up to this point like he info. on the production and reviews from people who already saw the movie, I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised w-okay, you know what, f*ck it, I'm not sugarcoating this bullshit.

 

The movie was trash. Depressing, uninteresting, not-even-in-the-ballpark trash. I can barely comprehend how trash it is at the moment. Were there good parts? Who gives a f*ck! There was so much bad that it literally swallowed up the good that I liked and made me not care anymore. It's that bad. It leeches off any chance for it to be good. Some people may think I'm overreacting, but I'm not. It's really that bad. And you know why? I'll tell you why right now.

 

Without further ado... j-just listen up:

 

Not putting a spoiler tag because I don't care enough about the story to talk about it without spoiling it. The plot is predictable and shallow with no sense of pacing, so if it's not going to try, neither am I. Spoilers all up in this bitch.

 

Now, if you're not familiar with the concept of the Marvel superhero team, the Fantastic Four are Mr. Fantastic (with the power to stretch his limbs), Invisible Woman aka Mrs. Fantastic (with the power to turn herself invisible and make forcefields), The Human Torch (with the ability to surround himself with fire, control fire, and fly) and The Thing (with the power of... a giant orange rock monster that smashes stuff) who all gained their powers through an accident with cosmic mumbo-jumbo. They get matching outfits, and a pair of underwear/pants to cover up The Thing's rock-dick, and shenanigans ensue. 

 

Got all that? Good. Now, let's start off with the plot: a young Reed Richards (Fantastic) teams up with his schoolmate Ben Grimm (Thing) to create a device that allows an object to be transported from one place to another. They start this experiment when they're in elementary school and continue to improve it for seven years until they are eventually approached by Franklin Storm and his daughter Susan (Invisible Woman). Storm gives Reed a scholarship to his fancy-smancy smart people school to continue his work and perfect his experiment as he believes it can do a lot of good for humanity or whatever. Storm then assigns Victor Von Doom (who later becomes the 4's biggest villain Doctor Doom) to help work on the project as well as his son Johnny Storm (Human Torch). Blah blah blah, test run, blah blah blah they send a chimp in and he successfully transports to and back from another dimension. 

 

Then, on a very stupid and drunken whim, Reed calls up Ben in the middle of the night to help him, Doom, and Johnny test out the newly finished machine on themselves. They use it, shit hits the fan and they get slimed with some other-dimensional stuff and it gives them all, including Susan, powers, with Doom being left behind in the dimension, possibly dead. The film then gets all horror thriller on us as it reveals that the gang have been locked up in some military base as scientists poke and prod at them in the name of science. Reed manages to escape and then... *sigh*... cut to seven years later, and Susan, Ben, and Johnny are basically the government's lapdogs but have also mastered their new powers and perform special government-assigned tasks in return for the government helping them find cures for their altered states. Yadda yadda yadda, Reed is forced back to use the machine again, Doom's back, he's f*cked up, wrecks the base, the team chase him into the dimension before he can suck up the Earth through a black hole, fight scenes, escape from the dimension, and cue the happy/cheesy ending.

 

Why yes, I did lazily sum up the plot like that on purpose. This movie doesn't respect my intelligence enough to spark any interest in me with its pacing so horrible that it literally feels like barely anything even happened and yet so much in such little time, so screw it, I'm not respecting its story flow. It's just bad. It's horrible even.

 

And I can go on: the cast, while made up of good actors, is flat and don't resonate with you in any way because the movie doesn't care enough to establish their traits, motivations, or anything else interesting. They're all just wastes of space at the end of the day. Johnny is the only one I like only because Michael B. Jordan seems like the only guy having fun. 

 

Speaking of the cast: Doom. Motherf*cking Doom. I was very very very skeptical about his character from the moment he was described as being a blogger and surprisingly, his character was better then what I thought it was going to be, what with his cynical and almost anarchic approach on the world and whatnot, but even then, it's f*cked up because again, no development, and his plan doesn't even make sense. He wants to suck up the Earth and create a new world in the other dimension? How the f*ck does that work? What, are you gonna re-populate this world by f*cking some space rocks while the people of Earth and your only other chance of having inhabitants are killed by your black hole bullshit? Blegh. 

 

Did I mention this movie was depressing? Goodness gracious, these people are supposed to be superheroes with awesome powers and yet they're always talking about getting rid of their powers and being sad/mad about their current lives and about how the government is holding them down and other mooding and brooding of that dumbass variety. This is "Daredevil" levels of sucking the fun out of being a superhero and is easily the worst offender of this movie overall.

 

What can I even say I liked about this movie overall at this point? Some decent visuals? One or two action scenes that looked cool? Character interaction that was good and went somewhere? Doesn't matter. All of that is taken away as soon as you remember that everything besides that stuff is horrible. Now you're probably wondering: "Geez, Firaga, what is the deal?" I'll tell you what the deal is: this is simply unacceptable. This is 2015! We're past the dark ages of the early 2000s where superhero movies were either giant broodfests, asnine shitfests, or both. Bigger and better Marvel movies, Hell, better movies about superheroes in general are far superior than what this trite was trying to be. It is a waste of time. It doesn't even have a leg to stand on, and frankly, I'm already sick of talking about it.

 

"Fant4stic" gets a non-fantastic 4 out of 10.

Edited October 15, 2015 by Firaga Sensei

[KHUndertaleFan25 2,858]

Me and my uncle want to see this. And so does my mom.

[Forever 3,550]

Not surprised. I honestly thought the trailer wasn't too engaging, so hearing that the actual film didn't have much to offer either, seems about right. Even the actors they chose for the roles don't look invested. They could be replaced by anyone, and nobody would even notice.

[TheKingdomkid 1,194]

You know I was actually planing on seeing this movie at some point and still kind of do even though I know it's going to be shit and people that I've talked to that went to it tell me that it's shit and seriously the only reason that I would go see it is how they did Doom and from what you just said that they did it better than what you thought he was (To be honest he was like the only one I had no idea about) so that was a plus but then you explained other stuff and it's like yeah that is stupid, I really don't want to see it but probably will on one boring Saturday or something when I have nothing better to do then what a shit movie

[Hero of Light XIV 2,381]

As Pence would have said: "The movie was bogus. The End."

[Saber Lily 1,543]

Ant-Man,on the other hand, was firetrucking amazing

[Enix 995]

In other words: IT SUCKS.

[MyDixieRect 2,061]

Imagine if 'Iron Man' spent a good 20 minutes on Tony Stark's childhood, and then the majority of the movie is him stuck in the cave building the 1st suit. The climax is him breaking out of the cave and returning home, it finishes with a teaser of him making the 2nd suit. That is what Fantastic Four was like.

[KeybladeLordCheeseCurd 1,542]

This is what happens when you don't give the rights to make an FF movie to Marvel!

[Riku21Terr 214]

The movie was actually pretty decent for what it was. An origin story about them becoming the FF with a better executed concept and better actors. Seriously, the character moments alone were worth the price of admission, especially sue's moral/theme of "seeing patterns in people". Reed and Sue had great chemistry with each other especially when they were flirting in the lab and Sue did her funny accent. Even if the action was scarce, what we did get was pretty awesome especially flying around in sue's force fields. It was something we haven't really seen before. 

 

Just give it a chance, you may be surprised by the movie. Quite a few people I know felt the same way about the movie and actually ended up liking it 

Me and my uncle want to see this. And so does my mom.

 

 

Not surprised. I honestly thought the trailer wasn't too engaging, so hearing that the actual film didn't have much to offer either, seems about right. Even the actors they chose for the roles don't look invested. They could be replaced by anyone, and nobody would even notice.

 

 

You know I was actually planing on seeing this movie at some point and still kind of do even though I know it's going to be shit and people that I've talked to that went to it tell me that it's shit and seriously the only reason that I would go see it is how they did Doom and from what you just said that they did it better than what you thought he was (To be honest he was like the only one I had no idea about) so that was a plus but then you explained other stuff and it's like yeah that is stupid, I really don't want to see it but probably will on one boring Saturday or something when I have nothing better to do then what a shit movie

The movie was actually pretty decent for what it was. An origin story about them becoming the FF with a better executed concept and better actors. Seriously, the character moments alone were worth the price of admission, especially sue's moral/theme of "seeing patterns in people". Reed and Sue had great chemistry with each other especially when they were flirting in the lab and Sue did her funny accent. Even if the action was scarce, what we did get was pretty awesome especially flying around in sue's force fields. It was something we haven't really seen before. 

 

Just give it a chance, you may be surprised by the movie. Quite a few people I know felt the same way about the movie and actually ended up liking it  

[Nero Kunivas 3,046]

Preach. Firaga. Preach it's awfulness to the worlds because HOLY SHIT this was a GOD AWFUL MOVIE!

 

The movie was actually pretty decent for what it was. An origin story about them becoming the FF with a better executed concept and better actors. Seriously, the character moments alone were worth the price of admission, especially sue's moral/theme of "seeing patterns in people". Reed and Sue had great chemistry with each other especially when they were flirting in the lab and Sue did her funny accent. Even if the action was scarce, what we did get was pretty awesome especially flying around in sue's force fields. It was something we haven't really seen before. 

 

Just give it a chance, you may be surprised by the movie. Quite a few people I know felt the same way about the movie and actually ended up liking it 

 

 

 

 

The movie was actually pretty decent for what it was. An origin story about them becoming the FF with a better executed concept and better actors. Seriously, the character moments alone were worth the price of admission, especially sue's moral/theme of "seeing patterns in people". Reed and Sue had great chemistry with each other especially when they were flirting in the lab and Sue did her funny accent. Even if the action was scarce, what we did get was pretty awesome especially flying around in sue's force fields. It was something we haven't really seen before. 

 

Just give it a chance, you may be surprised by the movie. Quite a few people I know felt the same way about the movie and actually ended up liking it  

...d-did you watch the same movie? Where's this Fantastic 4 Movie? I want to see the one with good character and chemistry that you're presenting to us!

 

...oh wait, it doesn't exist.

[Sendou Aichi 2,356]

I would usually make a DOOM joke, but the movie doesn't worth it.

[KHUndertaleFan25 2,858]

Ant-Man,on the other hand, was firetrucking amazing

My uncle took me to see it. It was awesome .

[The Transcendent Key 12,109]

Whoa, this was an explosive and fun review to read!  I had heard lots of bad things about this film, and now I've read your review, and I can safely say the movie is that bad.  I haven't even bothered watching it, and I probably won't until like, maybe three of four years later, lol.  The only way the Fantastic Four can be saved now is if Marvel scoops up the F4's film rights and adds the foursome as part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe!

 

'Nuff Said!

[The Deathdealer 96]

Can't wait for Marvel to get the movie rights back to The Fantastic Four.

[Gwynbleidd 551]

Ant-Man was great.

Mission Impossible was great.

Man from U.N.C.L.E was great.

 

Fantastic 4 looks like crap.

[The 13th Kenpachi 4,279]

The dialogue of the movie was firetrucking amazing:

 

"Hey Reed"

Edited August 29, 2015 by TheNinjasJoint

[Riku21Terr 214]

This user made some accurate Lego figures and accurate remarks about the movie: