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Found 39 results

  1. (WARNING: None of what you're about to read is meant to be taken seriously.) Hello, and welcome to Firaga’s Latest Scheme To Get Attent-uh, I mean, welcome to my newest random story-fanfic-forum game-whatever-you-wanna-call-it, and this time around, things are going to get heated and poop is going to hit the fan. Now you might be wondering what this little shindig is actually about, and I’m gonna tell you what it is, but first, let me bring out our three vict-contestants, Sora, Riku, and Kairi!! Kairi: Why are we even here? We already know we’re going to be tortured. Riku: At this point, we might as well accept it. We don’t have much of a choice in the matter anyway. Really, asking why we’re here and why we need to go through this is like asking why the sun rises in the morning. Sora: Why does the sun rise in the morning? Does it have to be pulled up by the Man On The Cloud? Riku: … I’m not even going to respond to that one. As you can see, they’re very excited to be here. All: No we’re not. Aaaaanyways, the aim of the game is simply… battle. Straight up, knock ‘em up, drag ‘em out brawling, ladies and gentlemen. We’re gonna see action out the whazoo! Riku: Oh, so we’re just going to be fighting people. That doesn’t sound too arduous… Kairi: You’re probably going to regret making that statement. Riku: I just did. Sora: So who are going to be fighting? Heartless? Nobodies? Dream Eaters? A giant koala bear?! Kairi: Why would you want to fight a giant koala bear? Sora: Why wouldn’t you want to fight a giant koala bear? Kairi: Good point. I’m sorry, my spiky haired friend, but the answer is none of the above. Sora: Aww… No, instead, you three are going to fight these people. Sora: What people? Theeeeese people… that’s right, I’m looking at you, KH13. If you’ve ever had the desire to beat the holy hell out of Sora, Riku, or Kairi (As well as beat the holy hell out of other people from KH, but I’ll wait to see how far I can ride this schtick before bringing out more punching ba-options) then this is the chance for you to do just that! Kairi: But I thought everybody loved us? Why would that do something like that? Well, I can’t deny that you guys have fans, but see, here on KH13, things are a little different. We’re comprised of unique and different individuals, with aspects ranging from the hilarious right down to the obnoxious, who are able to form perspectives on things that other “fans” might find questionable, laughable, or even insane, and can turn those perspectives into something great… or at times… something monstrous… Riku: What the hell are you even on about…? Okay fine, the basic version is there’s people on here who are not only willing to kick your ass, but enjoy it as well, even if they don’t even hate you as characters. Riku: Oh… well, since you bring it up, I’m starting to think you hate us. Kairi: Yeah, why else is this our third time of being tortured by your sick ideas? Hey now, I don’t hate you three… I like Riku a lot, if I can be honest. Riku: Oh really? Well, thank you. Sora: What about me and Kairi? … Eh. You’re okay. Sora: What? “Okay”?! But I’m the main character! You’re also a spotlight stealer and have the personality of a block of wood. Sora: I-Is that what you really think of me? No, but you are compared to Master Riku over here. Riku: Oh wow, two in a row. Kairi: So what do I fall under? Eh, same as Sora, ‘cept you don’t really do anything. Kairi: Hey, I do things! … Sometimes… “Sometimes” being almost never. Kairi: … Y-you’re mean. And you’re useless, we’ve established this. Riku: Okay, I think you’re going a bit too far. Sora: Yeah, quit picking on Kairi! Easy, easy, I’m just messing with you guys. Plus, I’m trying to hype you up for your first battle. Sora: Oh. Well, who are we fighting anyway? Me. All: Wait, what? Yes!! Ha-ha! I, Firaga Sensei, will be your first in what will hopefully be a long string of opponents that you will face in his beautiful disaster I have created! Sora: Well, this’ll be easy. You may be annoying, but you’re not as all-powerful as you might think! That’s where you wrong, for you see, I’ve laid down some rules. Rule number one: the KH13 user, this case being me, is allowed to have three powers; these powers can be anything that the person desires, as long as they’re not too OP. The powers I’ll be using will be the power to teleport, the power of flight, and last but not least, and of course I’d have this one: the power to control fire. Kairi: You’re so original, Firaga. And you’re still useless, pipe down Red. Kairi: *blows raspberry* Sora: So wait, do you we get powers? Of course. You can use any of the powers you have gained in any of your past adventures. And so can Riku. And Kairi... well, you'll just have to improvise. Kairi: T-that's not fair! Life isn't fair. Now then, rule number two: the user has a choice of fighting either one versus one, one versus two, or one versus three, with any combination of Sora, Riku, and/or Kairi, meaning that one choice would be to fight Kairi mano a mano, and another one would be to fight Sora and Riku as a team. Sora: Hey wait, no way! I’d never let Kairi fight by herself! Kairi: Really, Sora? Sora: Of course, Kairi! So you admit that she’s useless on her own. Kairi: What?! Sora: T-that’s not what I meant! Firaga’s just trying to be condesating! Riku: Seriously, did you hit your head before you came here? I know for a fact that you’re not this dumb. Sora: Just because I make a whoopsie now and again doesn’t mean I’m a dum-dum, Riku. Riku: … I can’t even process what you just said. If you two ladies are done chit-chatting, there’s one more rule I need to go over. Sora & Riku: Heeey! Rule number three: I, nor you three, can’t actually kill each other. This one should be obvious, but I have a feeling that I just need to say it because as I pointed out earlier, a lot of people are willing to kick your asses even if they don’t hate you, and I think for some people, that might stretch into “trying to obliterate you” territory. Considering the scope and magnitude of what we’re gonna be dealing with, I figured it was the right thing to do. Sora: If you’re trying to scare us, then it’s not working! I’m not actually, I’m trying to do you a favor, moron. Sora: Hey, I’m not dumb! Kairi: Yeah, you’re the dumb one! Riku: Alright guys, I think we’ve thrown enough insults at each other. Sora: I say we haven’t thrown enough! Kairi: I say we keep throwing more!! I say “Three, two, one, let’s jam”. All: What? *sets ground on fire* All: Ahhh! Aaaaaand we’re off, ladies and germs! *battles will be in spoiler tags to avoid these posts from getting any longer* -- BATTLE START -- Later! *teleports away* Sora: Ah, ah! Hot hot hot! Quick, Riku, Kairi, grab on! Kairi: Why?! Sora: Because... I can fly! Riku: ... No you can't. Sora: Now isn't a time to argue!! Riku: Okay, okay! *Riku and Kairi grab on, Sora uses Superglide to lift them off the ground* Sora: Whew that was close. Riku: Yeah... but where did Firaga go? *teleports behind* I'm right here. *kicks Sora across the air* Sora: Agh! Darn it! *teleports behind again, punches Sora in the back, causing him to drop Riku and Kairi* Sora: Oh no! Kairi: Ahh! Riku: Hold on! *summons Way to Dawn* Freeze! *freezes part of ground with Blizzaga, Kairi lands on top* Kairi: It's f-f-freezing... Riku: Better than scorching hot. Sora! Sora: Gotcha! *flies over and catches Riku* Riku: Thanks. Sora: No problem. *ascends down towards the two* Don't be so casual, you two... this is only the beginning... heh heh heh... Will Sora, Riku and Kairi survive the onslaught of Firaga?! Will Kairi be able to help her two friends?! Will Firaga ever stop picking on her?! Most likely not. Kairi: Aw... In any case, ahem, I'll finish our first battle after we get some volunteers to go next for next episode. Remember to follow the three rules that I explained earlier, and remember to have fun too! By the way, since I'm going to be personally writing for the people who participate in this fun little game, feel free to PM me about certain details about yourself that I should follow so I don't end up making you look like a dork... which I have clearly done for Sora, Riku, and Kairi. Anyways, bye for now and I'll see you all on the next installment on the KH13 Slobberknocker!
  2. I made this and I'm not really sure what else to do with it, so I guess I'll just post it here. It's a KH story about an original character I made up called Ziemia (Polish for earth, trying to keep up that trend) and her apprenticeship. Set pre-BBS. I originally meant for it to be longer but I decided I'd leave it hanging here. The context of the story should imply their fates. Hope you like it. ----- Ziemia sat quietly reading in her chair while her Master studied at the desk opposite her. While Ziemia filled her head with loosely fictional stories passed down through generations, her Master worked hard at unravelling the truth from the long-forgotten past. Ziemia highly admired that about her Master. He was so knowledgeable already, but he’d stop at nothing to learn even more. Meanwhile, all she ever did was drink in tales and fables even though there was still so much to learn. She didn’t mind that too much. She was still learning a lot from her Master every day and as long as she enjoyed her novels, did it matter that they weren’t real? Anyway, Ziemia found that she could learn a lot about herself by absorbing the views and thoughts of her authors and their characters and assessing them. Sometimes she did this with her Master, although that was hard to do since he didn’t see much point in them. Still, Ziemia was learning about herself through books and about the worlds around her through her Master. She was content. Yet as much as she tried to convince herself of that, she envied her Master too much to avoid comparing herself to him. His criticisms of her cut deep and her flaws were so apparent in their training against his perfections. She didn’t wholly like her Master and she certainly didn’t agree with him all the time, yet still she longed to have his power, his wisdom and above all his confidence. Whatever her differences with him were, there was nobody she respected more. Ziemia turned the page, almost at the end of her chapter. Most of the books she read were based on accounts of the heroes and villains of the Keyblade War, sometimes by surviving participants and other times by observant witnesses. They often weren’t accurate accounts (and when they were, her Master would take more interest), but Ziemia was only interested in the characterisations and stories. She loved it when one story portrayed light as the ultimate force against darkness, while another displayed darkness as the greatest power a warrior could ever wield and both would have convincing ideals behind it. Between both sides, Ziemia felt like she was learning more about light, darkness and the war than she ever did in her lessons. Her Master was quick to remind her that experience was the most valuable way to learn, but encouraged her to keep an open mind about light and darkness. Master and pupil had spent many sessions discussing the advantages and disadvantages of both light and darkness. To her Master’s disappointment, Ziemia was unwilling to utilise the darkness in her heart more than she was comfortable with. She’d never push it to be more than a dark corner of power she could weaponise in controlled bursts, afraid to try and unleash it any further. “Light and darkness are a balance,” her Master would say. “Unless you learn to balance the darkness in your heart with your light, how do you expect to reach your full potential?” “Forgive me Master,” she had replied once. “But if I’m not careful, the darkness will consume me. Many past warriors fell to their own power because they thought they were above it. Who’s to say I won’t corrupt myself? Someone could even use my own darkness against me!” “You think so?” Her Master stroked his chin, which was lately growing a small beard. “Darkness is difficult to master, yes. But once you accomplish that task, you need not ever fear it again. And you’ll never master it as long as you fear it.” “Of course, Master. But I need time. Under your tutelage, I know I’ll get there one day… It’s just not today.” “Ziemia…” He turned his head in thought for a moment. “There are times when people must take risks in order to proceed. Safety will not help you learn anything.” Yes, but it might help me live longer, Ziemia thought to herself but didn’t retort. She knew her Master was referring to her armour, which she still wore when they travelled through the lanes. Her Master was familiar enough with darkness to travel without it but she didn’t have faith that she’d cope that well. She hesitated before she next responded. “So have you mastered your darkness already, Master?” She felt nervous about the question but the old man smiled and answered easily. “Yes. But it’s not something I accomplished by cowering from it, Ziemia. You’ll understand one day.” “Of course,” she replied as she bowed. “Thank you, Master Xehanort.” *** Ziemia finished her chapter and put the book down. Her favourite character had just been killed. She always needed time to think when that happened. He’d trusted the wrong person and lost everything right when it counted. It was a dramatic, sudden and unfair end to such a worthy person. Sometimes life and death were equally cruel, but at the end of the day it was always their decisions that brought them to their close. Nobody was more at fault than their own selves. Ziemia wondered what legacy she’d leave behind; what lessons would her life set an example for teaching? She had no doubt her Master would leave greater ones, but she still hoped to match him in some way. He encouraged her to follow him in everything, but she wanted to be known for her own accomplishments and her own dreams. Characters that lived and died as somebody else’s number two were never respected and hardly loved. Besides, she knew from books that following too strictly in the footsteps of another was dangerous. If you follow the wrong person, their failures become yours. Indeed, Ziemia sometimes wondered if she was following the right person. Her Master’s knowledge was unrivalled, but his methods and ideals were highly unorthodox. She was unlikely to find a better Master anywhere else, but perhaps she should be more concerned about finding a good Master than a great one. For all his criticisms of her cowardice, she’d already taken a big risk in her life by siding with him and following in his footsteps. The pupils and teachers of her old school had been unnerved by him, but she decided to give him a chance and asked to become his apprentice. In some ways, she was glad that she did. She’d learned so much more since leaving her home and she’d never really fit in with the others anyway. There were times that she missed someone that she’d been close to, but still she’d always felt like an outcast. A friend that was never needed and rarely missed. Not that she’d come to Xehanort seeking companionship, but perhaps that was for the best. She didn’t know how to work well with people and so she was probably better off alone. All the same, Ziemia couldn’t figure her Master out. She’d lately been reading books that took time to write about character motivations: what these people were after, why they were after it, how far they’d go to get it and why they failed to achieve it. Sometimes she tried to apply this to her Master. What was he hoping to get out of all this learning? And why did he never feel the need to teach all of this history, even to her? If she didn’t understand where her Master was going, how could she claim to understand why she was following him? Master Xehanort stood up from the scrolls he was reading, a slight air of frustration around him. For some time now, they’d been spending their days travelling to whatever storehouses of records or banks of knowledge they could find. All to learn about the Keyblade War, which Xehanort appeared to already know inside-out. The more Ziemia thought about it, the more she wondered what the point was. Each time, Xehanort would absorb another vault of words, only to leave in disappointment or annoyance and repeat the process. Only now did Ziemia realise that he must be looking for something but whatever it was, he wasn’t finding it. “Ziemia, we’re leaving.” It was all he needed to say. Ziemia rose obediently, packing her book into her bag as she did so. Together, they headed out the door and into the open air, where Master Xehanort summoned his keyblade to open a gateway. Ziemia couldn’t resist a glance back at the little hut they’d just left. It seemed to have some kind of historical significance to Xehanort but even so, he had no real need of it. It was a cosy place though; the closest thing the two of them had to a home. They moved around so much, Ziemia didn’t consider anywhere a home anymore, but they stopped at this little place more frequently than others, usually just as a rest stop where the two of them would catch up on some reading. Ziemia was growing fond of it. It made her miss having a real home. Part of her even longed for a real friend, despite how much she tried to dismiss that gap in her heart. She turned back to her Master, who was waiting by the gateway. He looked at her with the anticipation of disappointment that he typically did while he waited for her to equip her armour. Ziemia was already reaching for her shoulder guard, about to summon it, when she hesitated. Maybe it was her latest reflections, maybe she was still sore from the loss in her book or maybe she was just sick and tired of never knowing what to do. Ziemia didn’t know for sure, nor did she really care. All that concerned her in that moment was stepping up and making a difference in her life. She wanted to grow beyond her Master’s shadow, to evolve as a keyblade warrior and as a person. It was a sudden spontaneous urge, a flash of desire, an impulse that meant the difference between order and chaos, light and darkness or life and death. It didn’t last, but neither did it refuse to leave a mark. Ziemia felt caught in a gravitational pull while she held on for dear life. She was struggling with the logic and sense of knowing her limits while respecting the dangers and the imbalance and ego within her that was pushing to defy her limits and make a difference in her life. She found herself at war with herself and no amount of inspirational words from the people she’d read about could put it right. There were too many factors and too many opposing sides to bring her to peace. She looked at the only real factor present, raising her eyes to meet those of Xehanort, looking to see what his reaction was. Her hand was frozen, hovering inches away from her shoulder guard; her hesitation was extremely obvious. Xehanort could see it and from the look he was giving her, Ziemia thought he looked intrigued yet doubtful. He raised an eyebrow at her, giving her the barest of smirks, as though daring her to make a move, not once saying a word, simply watching to see what she would decide. Ziemia was torn, but looking at Xehanort’s face made her lose focus. She could already see his face falling when she hit her pad; she could picture him shaking his head in shame as she passed through the portal wearing the protective gear that he loathed so much. She’d put up with his gripes at her reluctance for so long that in that moment, her annoyance took hold. She made her decision and lowered her hand. Master Xehanort’s slight smirk became a wide grin as Ziemia spurned her armour and stepped forward to travel without it. Even so, he never raised his brow, as though he were taunting her even now. As Ziemia came to a stop in front of him, staring at him with resolve, he still said nothing. He merely nodded his approval and stepped into the lanes between. Ziemia held back for a couple of seconds; one last hesitation of nerves forcing her to ask herself what she was doing. But there was no going back now. Even if she wasn’t ready, she had to make this choice. Ziemia summoned her keyblade and stepped into the darkness.
  3. Hell to the no. No more musicals. #StopAtlantica
  4. ...is pretty damn cool. I also looked fantastic on Space Mountain and tried to get a picture, but I couldn't get my phone out in time to snap a pic of the screen in the lobby and the hell if I'm paying for one. Oh, and the Haunted Mansion is all Nightmare Before Christmas-ified, which I wasn't expecting.
  5. (Or any other digital platforms that had holiday sales, I guess, Steam is just the biggest.) On my end, I got a few games I've really been wanting: Dark Souls 2 (pretty good!), Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance (real good!), Assassin's Creed: Freedom Cry (haven't tried it yet!) and all the Saint's Row IV DLC (still playing through SR3 again!), all for well under $30. Take that, people who say PC gaming is too expensive! So anyone else pick up some good shit?
  6. It's currently super cheap on Steam. Is it any fun? Point of reference: I didn't much like the main game. The superhero mechanics seem poorly thought out and the world map doesn't very well accommodate them, most of the new missions weren't a lot of fun, cars are pointless, story is pretty much a huge slog, yadda yadda. Does the DLC change any of that? Like, it seems like the humor is there, and I'm all for that, but new guns, powers, game mechanic changes, etc.?
  7. It's trash. It's complete trash. Okay, it's not trash. I still don't like it though. So yeah, this is me, throwing it out there, because I feel like I am the only one who thinks this. But if you feel like I do, then please say so. That way I don't have to feel so alone. As for the rest of you: well, why don't you try to convince me otherwise? My main gripes are: A) the art is horrible, B) the story is full of unneeded gags and stupid shit, and C) the fights are... well, they're almost non-existent. Your move.
  8. WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED??? Been listening to it for the past 50 minutes and it's solid stuff; real mellow, reminiscent of their glory days and a good final album and tribute to Richard Wright.
  9. Ooooooh, scary spooky skeletons...! ... Are you afraid yet? Uh... Ahem, anyways, happy Hallow's Eve everybody. To commemorate the holiday, I decided to whip out another story from the "blarg" vault. This story, of course, will be a classic thriller that will fill your hearts with terror, leaving your dreams turned into nightmares and your minds on the edge of insanity... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ... Either that, or you'll just laugh your ass off. Regardless, let us begin: In the blarg blarg of Blarglin, Neblargska, blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blargity blarga blarga blargy blarg cornfields. One blarg, the blarg blargs and blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blargity blarigty blarg, blargeth the blarg, blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blargitty blargitty the blarg of Blarglin blarg blarg blargitty blargitty blargitty blargitty... wait for it... blargitty. Then, a couple of blargs come and (<--stupid indent ) blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg the blargs of blargitty blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blargitty blargitty blargeth blarg. This leads to blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg sacrifice blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg. The blargs blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg devours the blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg He Who Blargs Behind The Blargs blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blargitty blargitty blargeth blargeth blarg. And just when you think its all over... blarg blarg blarg blargitty blargitty! Yes, blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg knife blarg blarg blarg blarg blarg. But in the end. blarg blarg blargitty blarigtty and blargitty blargitty into blarg blarg blarg blarglitty blargitty blarg. I hope you enjoy this tale of horror, suspense, and overall scariness. May your Hallow's be Eve-y, may your trick or treat bags be full of candy, and may your shrieks of terror and/or laughter fill the night air, mwahahahahahahahaha!! Happy Halloween to all, and to all a good fright!
  10. Yes, yes, YES! The return is now! Back by popular demand (sort of), Five Questions is once again on the air and in your face, challenging everybody else on the internet to waste more time that it does! Just to let you know, things are going to be a little bit different this time around. And you'll see one of those things by reading the first episode. But, lets just get to that first. After its done, then I'll talk about the other changes. Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan based forum story thingy. Kingdom Hearts and all its respective properties belong to Disney, Square Enix, and Tetsuya Nomura. Some elements of the universe may be changed, some character personalities may be altered or be “quirky”, and some fictional events may be mentioned or discussed all for the sake of comedy. Don't take any of this seriously, its all for fun. Episode I (8/25/2014) In a studio, based somewhere in Hollywood... or Japan... or somewhere... Various people scramble around the studio set as the first episode of the new 5 Questions is about to begin. I sit on my director's chair, as the cameras are turned on and the celebrities are in place, including the host of today's episode: a boy with super spiky brown hair and wearing an all black outfit, sprinkled with red and yellow, consisting of a hoodie, baggy pants, fingerless gloves, and big sneakers. Seeing that its time to roll, I give the signal for the camera man to start filming, as my host gets ready to speak, papers in hand. The viewer, now, would be seeing a flashy intro movie, complete with graphics and colors about, reading “Five Questions W/ The KH Cast”. After the intro finishes, my friend Sora bursts into emotion: “Hey, what's up everybody, its your pal Sora here, from Destiny Islands to Radiant Garden, if you have an internet connection... you're here. Why?” He began, raising an eyebrow to the audience after he finished. “Because this is simply... the most important piece of information... on the entire... internet,” Sora was doing very well at sounding sincere yet also hilariously over the top at the same time. “This is 'Five Questions W/ The KH Cast', where you, the members of KH13.com, send in your questions, and we, the members of the Kingdom Hearts Cast, give you our answers. Sounds fun, right? Believe me, it is. But things can also get a little wacky here and there, and to be honest, I'm surprised you guys are tuning in to see it. We appreciate that. We really do,” Sora said with a smile, causing me and the other cast members to chuckle a bit “Without further ado, question number one!” Sora said, raising up the papers in his hand. “This is from Keyblade_417... very clever name, I might add, and he says, 'Sora, in Kingdom Hearts III, you have to fight Xehanort and his new Organization'. No kidding. 'The Organization is full of bad guys you fought in the past, some of them you don't even know yet. Do you think this Organization will be even more dangerous than anything else you have faced before and do you feel like the odds are stacked against you?' Well, Keyblade, to be honest, yes. The odds are definitely stacked against me. I mean, we have Old Man Xehanort, who is just on all kinds of badness levels... then you have Braig, who is just a troll, and then Ansem and Xemnas and Lea's friend and all these other goons looking to mess with me too. Its a pretty tall order. And then you have me... just a live hard, fight hard, simple-minded son of a gun who just wants to get in there, kick butt, take a few names, and then go back to my island and hang out with all my friends. Its gonna be one big fish fry out there... and that's exactly what Donald said to Goofy and me before we went into Atlantica for the first time. 'Its gonna be one big fish fry out there'. And it was.” Following that last line, a rimshot could be heard in the background as more laughter ensued and Donald gave an approving nod. Sora chuckled and continued. “Question number two, from MydeIX. He asks, “Hey Sora, Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep and Kingdom Hearts II are my favorite games and I can't wait to play them again in the 2.5 Remix collection'. Glad you're still dwelling on the excitement. 'Your fight with Xemnas was cool, but my favorite fight in the entire series is the fight against Xehanort as Terra'. I'm glad for your unbiased opinion,” Sora said with a little jealousy in his voice. “I mean, you coulda humored me and said that my fight was as good as that one, but you know... 'Xehanort is pretty tough and he can take a lot of punishment for an old man. Do you see yourself at that age taking a beating like that?' No... because as an old man, I will kick your teeth down your throat.” A fair amount of laughter came from me, the cast, and even Sora himself after he said that. “Because at that time, I will be so grizzled and so upset at the world for making me do probably a bajillion more Kingdom Hearts games... that if somebody even looks at me wrong, I'll be arrested for assault and battery. You can believe that,' Sora said fiercely, straightening out his papers and looking at the camera with a wild but contained look. From the back, Xehanort complimented on how with age comes wisdom, and Riku shot him down by saying “By wisdom, you mean senility right?” Riku then received a firm smack on the head from Xehanort as he told him to respect his elders. Kairi, also by his side, then face-palmed. “Moving on...” Sora continued. “From 8DSmiles: 'On KH13.com, they're having a 'King Of The Hill' tournament between the Power Rangers and the Meow Wow Army this Sunday on pay-per-view'. That sounds exciting. 'What if you and the other Kingdom Hearts characters had a tournament with each other?” That sounds like a cool idea. But you know, if we had a King Of The Hill, I think we can make it even more special. Walk with me down potential pay-per-view lane: wouldn't it be cool if we had a 'Clash Of Franchises' King Of The Hill? One one side: Square Enix, with Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, heck, maybe even TWEWY, and on the other side: Disney and all of its toughest players. Sora then began counting off his roster for each side. For SE, he chose himself, Riku, Cloud, Leon, and Neku. For Disney, he chose, Mickey, Beast, Hercules, Jack Skellington, and Tron. “And then in one night, where you will pay to see them all duke it out!” Sora exclaimed, now getting every hyperactive. “Friends face off against one another, and maybe we see upsets where, lets say, Riku is beaten by Tron-” Riku then interjects saying that Sora would lose to Tron and not him. “Oh no, you would lose to Tron, trust me,” Sora shot back, messing with his best friend as the cast and I laughed at Riku's pouting face. “Anyways, you'd see stuff like that, and then at the end of the night, the best of the best from each brand square off... to see who would be...” Sora started to gaze off to the side as he said this: “The Virtual Video Game Superbowl Grand Master Champion!” Sora stared for a few more moments before deeply breathing to himself to further emphasize the importance of the title he just made up, much to our weird-out reactions. “Heh. Anyways...” Sora got back into focus and shuffled through his papers for the next question. “SelimPride. Such a nice name. Selim asks, “Hey Sora, I read on KH13.com that a new music CD is coming out called 'Kingdom Hearts: Music In The Heart'. Its got some great songs on it, and if you pre-order it now, you can get an autographed trading card of you.'?! Shit!!” Sora exclaimed, surprising even me. “You realize what this means? This album's gonna sell like crazy, I haven't seen the menu or heard everything on it, but I've heard its going to be a mesh of bands performing modified theme music for me and other people, what's not to love about that?! The bad part of this is... I'm gonna have to sign... like a hundred thousand freaking autographs... because its gonna sell like hotcakes. Like pancakes sell at the International House of Pancakes... dark days are coming for me, folks. And I thank you Mr. Nomura for giving me a short name, but a long sense of...” Sora quickly looked down at his pants for a second. “Personal well-being. I thank you sir.” Sora said, giving a quick bow to the camera. “Did Sora really just say that?” Kairi then asked Riku. “Yeah, he did. Still, I bet his sense of personal well-being isn't as big as mine. Am I right?” Riku responded, with Kairi simply face-palming once more. Riku tried asking again, but only received a punch in the arm by Kairi, Riku's short “Ow!” being heard almost through the camera's audio. Sora continued: “Like I said before, I don't know the full details, but the album is going to be great. Because anytime we can get outside musicians who are pro-active about this franchise, who love this franchise, ala Linkin Park and their rap/rock song for Roxas, or even Seether doing a hard edge theme for Lea, come on people. The music is always quality and they get the message, they get the message that we want to send to you!” Sora cried, pointing straight at the camera. He then looked back at his papers. “And she also asks when my next CD is coming out. Good question, when is my next CD coming out?” For those of you who don't know, Sora released a music CD called “Sora: Head In The Clouds”, a rap CD featuring him and other artists like Goof Dogg, Dr. Xay, Lil' Payne, Wakka Wakka Flame, and even Daisukenojo “Beat” Bito. Surprisingly, it was a huge success. “Okay, so we've already getting music for the CD, and this is breaking news by the way. This is something you usually get on one of those mysterious third-party websites that you can't really trust. Anyways, we've started getting music for this... but give me some time, alright? I do have the daunting task of starring in Kingdom Hearts III, and uh, the movie “The Islander” is coming out, starring me, and uh... maybe something else on the silver screen, also, is in the works, another breaking piece of information right here on Five Questions. But we're still going to do some music. When that comes out is a coin flip. Give me some time, I'll have more info for you, but we are starting, the wheels are turning.” Sora then shuffled through his papers once more. “Last question. This is from Ice Cream_SS. He writes, 'Hey Sora, I have a question about your Twitter page.'” Sora then began groaning. “See this? This is some frustrating stuff right here. But, we gotta go on with it.” Sora sighed. “'I really enjoy reading your personal blog-' Man, what kind of word is 'blog'? You know? It sounds gross, like 'I gotta go take a blog', or 'Ooh, its gonna be a really tough blog.' I mean, who came up with that?” Then from the back, Ansem The Wise, 5 Question's audio engineer, informed Sora that the word “blog” was a combination of the words “web” and “log”. “Web log?” Sora asked for clarification, which Ansem confirmed again. “Web, log? Yeah okay, but 'blog' is like 'blog'! Bleeeeeh... blog, that's horrible. But AW, thanks for the info. You always got answers for stuff like this.” The camera than switched over to one pointing in Ansem's direction, to which the robed man wearing headphones quickly waved and smiled to the audience before chuckling at Sora's praise over him. “I mean, we only have five answers, but Ansem has 'em all. He just rattles 'em off,” Sora added. Then Ansem gave him the number “2.3478”, claiming it was an answer to question he hadn't asked yet. “Okay, yeah. See, folks, to a question I haven't even asked yet. Its amazing, I swear. I'm probably gonna ask him that in like two weeks or something” Then one of the cast members backstage got annoyed and yelled at Sora to keep the show moving. “Hey, don't-don't tell me to keep it going, don't tell me to keep it moving! We are the presence of genius! 2.3478, the answer to a question that I haven't even asked!” Sora repeated, now looking at the man with a strange face. The cast member simply told him something that the camera audio could not pick up. “... I freaking hate you,” Sora said. “I really do. One of these days, we're gonna have an old fashioned melee. A donnybrook, a have-it-out, a pier sixer! And whether I'm standing or not, I will go down swinging!” Sora said, exaggeratedly moving his hands and arms as he talked. “You guys know who I'm talking to right now.” Sora then said to the audience and then pointed backstage to the person in question. “That stupid son of a bitch!” The man then asked if Sora was going to say his name aloud and embarrass him. “You know what, no. No, I'm not bringing your government name into this. Not gonna give you the press time, Captain F*cking Battleship! Andrew F*cking Cherenknov! Inspector Kenji F*cking Murasame! Leo-F*cking-Mon!” Sora concluded, throwing his hands in the air. “I hate you! Stop it, I'm getting to the question cuz it's very important. It-its just that right now, I might have excuse myself to take a blog.” The cast member then piped down, but wore a disgruntled expression. The man in question of course was Xemnas, who seemed to have a problem with Sora praising his former teacher Ansem. Sora then cleared his throat and went on: “I enjoyed reading your blogs, however, your account has been deactivated and is now somebody has it, it seems. Will you be back on Twitter?” Guys, you're getting this straight from me, the long of the short of it is: everybody on Twitter knows that I read everybody's tweets to me as fast as I can, because you know, you gotta do like ten at a time... its tough, but everybody's in and everybody is allowed to say anything, I'm never one-sided about any topic. I'm open to comments, questions, suggestions... anything! So there are people who say 'Hey Sora, you're a good kid, don't ever change, best friends forever, we finally made it, have a great summer!'... and then there are those who say, 'You are a piece of shit.' And that's okay! That's what freedom of speech is all about! That's what the interweb is for too... well that and, uh, porn... according to Riku.” Sora then looked backstage as Riku was simply grinning. Sora gave him a sarcastic nod and went back to the camera. “Yeah, anyways, this is what happened: some guy who I can't quite find out because I'm not that good with computers or blogs hacked into my account, got my password, didn't like me too much I guess, and shut it down. Fortunately, another guy, who is a Kingdom Hearts fan and thankfully a fan of me too, picked up my URL and is operating it right now and he's gonna give it back. So will I be back on Twitter? Hell yes! I will not let the evil geeks deprive me of my constitutional amendments! Those being freedom of internet assembly and freedom of internet speech. The site will be back up, and more Photoshopped pictures of my face on the bodies of body builders will be there for your enjoyment! Just give me some time... just give me some time.” Sora said with a lot of gusto in his voice, tapping his wrist like he had a watch on. “And with that, we are done with the first episode of 5 Questions. Things didn't get too crazy, but believe me, in the future... they will. They definitely will. But, we'll have a good time too, so make sure to tune it. 'Okay then, that's all folks!” Sora cried, crumpling up the papers he had into a ball and throwing it to the side of the camera. “'Til next time, I'm gone, and I still hate you!” He yelled towards Xemnas, pointing with both fingers. He then gave Xemnas a look before blowing a raspberry and running off, much to the enjoyment of the cast. Sora and Xemnas themselves even got a laugh out of it. And here we have it. One episode down, hopefully a bunch more to go. You noticed all the fake usernames and made up questions right? That's the thing: I've decided that overall, each episode is going to be more heavily scripted so I focus on bringing the comedy and the randomness and all the other good stuff a lot better. However, I will still be accepting fan questions, but I'll only do probably one or two per episode from now on. So anyways, next episode we have Riku hosting, so drop some questions for him. See you guys then, and here's to Five Questions making its glorious return!
  11. I hate to sound like a jerk to some people but... yeah. Its true. :cool:
  12. || AN ORIGINAL STORY BY FIRAGA SENSEI || || BASED ON A TRUE STATUS UPDATE || ----- The world, or as we knew it, changed, almost suddenly, and quickly on the day that we all now know as "Day Of Duck." From there, ducks were all that were left. They ravaged the lands, took over the establishments, and all of the bread in the world was, at a time, wiped out. I myself, am a member of this new Duck race. My name is Duck Dodgers II, the son of the famous Duck war hero, Duck Dodgers. My father was a great Duck, but I will tell you more about him later. For now, let me focus on the origins. Ducks became the dominant force of life on Earth. Ducks began behaving like humans as well; they took jobs, lived in homes, and eventually, the first duck president was named on Duck Day 15, Duck Year 1 (November 15, 2014 in real time) -- Duck Washington. And at a time, things seemed to be peaceful. That is until segregation and discrimination grew between the ducks with white feathers and the ducks with black feathers. However, and thankfully, Abraquack Lincoln was elected as president in Duck Day 38, Duck Year 5 and helped established equality for the black feathered ducks, and all rights to ducks of all feather colors as well. Lincoln's reign was described as a true "duckocracy". Once again, an era of peace lasted for the duck kind. That is, until the Human-Duck War broke out. Yes, as it turned out, not all Humans were expunged from the Earth. Some of them survived and plotted revenge against the Ducks. Eventually, they raised an army and staged a coup against the Ducks. Both sides tore up the new Duck world, starting on Duck Day 210, Duck Year 12, in all countries: Duckstreet, Ducktopolis, Duckhaven, and the capital city Duckberg. Eventually, the Humans were defeated and called for surrender, but many Duck lives were lost, including President Abraquack and former president Duck Washington, and my own father, Duck Dodgers as well. He was a general in the war, and served our race well. I am very proud of him. After the war, I talked with one of my friends, a member of the Duck Army, Flash Duckstar. He was so nerve-racked after the war had ended. "I've seen pictures from the wartorn battlefields... bloodied bodies and feathers littered everywhere, the landscape itself shaped by the war... It was a horrible time...", he told me, holding the gun that he had used to move down countless Humans in his wings. However, the Ducks and Humans could finally shake hands and wing once more after forming a treaty, and the two species lived in peace together. But the next conflict came only one year later, when the Penguin Revolt occured, a revolted that ended in black, white, and red. What a great tragedy indeed, or should I say, "quackery". The Penguins, sick of the Duck's status as top bird, rose up to their status. It started with small groups of Penguins committing acts of violence against Ducks all over the world, and then the groups merged together to form their own Union, a union that would wage war with the Ducks for many moons. The Duck-Penguin War commenced on Duck Day 13, Duck Year 211, with the Humans siding with their Duck allies. Even more lives were lost, on all sides. Eventually, the Penguins gave in after a massive three year war, and once again, the now three species decided they would all live in peace. Yes, it seems that my race has made a habit of creating enemies and turning them into allies, only to create new enemies all over again. But maybe someday, there will come a time where the Ducks, the Humans, and the Penguins, along with all the other races of the world, can live in peace eternally. ----- || THE END ||
  13. When I was younger my mother used to tuck me into bed before I went to sleep. After that she would read me a story, a bedtime story, it was "Eye Of The Tiger" TM. Within this story there contained a tiger (duh!!), one that antagonised me. My mother didn't get it though, for she thought I was crazy. But I would laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. Mother knows best my (am I aloud to curse on here to be safe) a**. Anyways, this tiger had an eye (doesn't every animal have an eye or eyes hopefully) that was very peculiar because, it was red. A beastly red, mostly seen in blood. I was scared, very timid, and alone in my dark room (haha, her room is the darkest in the house, aren't parents awesome!). I couldn't see anything, but one night the tiger helped me out, he made his bright and vicious bloodshot eyes shine so I could see his gruesome face and believe me it was scary as f***. I automatically pee on myself and run out the room (and of course she slips on her pee, what a dumba**!) but I slip on my pee and get dragged back in. I kick and scream but it was as if my mom was ignoring me (what a bi*** right) and she never came that night. TO READ MORE YOU MUST DEMAND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WATCH VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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