This is where I'll finish my story so plz comment so I can post the rest! Thxs!!

Well, I liked the storyline so far (not that I go the whole thing obviously) but I think you should be a bit more descriptive, like describe the man who the one who seems to be the main character is talking to, his age, name, appearence and stuff like that. Also describe places and feelings, that should be enough advice for now, and the good start for an already great story.