Just a quick recap since I'm focusing on events at a place called the Wall. I'm also inserting this prophecy to keep in mind when reading it if people are since apparently no one has read this series. It's a one time thing, shouldn't be longer than two chapters. I might expand if I want to, probably not though b/c the book has a lot of viewpoints. Also, if you've not read Dance of Dragons and are planning to read it, stop reading right here if you don't want a spoiler. Enough of that, time to get started.
"According to prophesy originating from Asshai over five thousand years ago, Azor Ahai is to be reborn again as "The Prince that was Promised" to challenge the Others. The prophesy states that "when the red star bleeds and the darkness gathers, Azor Ahai shall be born again amidst smoke and salt to wake dragons out of stone." This will occur after a long summer when an evil, cold darkness descends upon the world. It is said that The Prince that was Promised, wielding Lightbringer once again, will stand against the Others and if he fails, the world fails with him."
Summary of events on the Wall previously
Jon Snow hears a loud shriek and wonders what it could be. He at first thinks that it's Val, the wildling princess but then realizes that could not be true. He runs to the source of the sound and finds a giant, WunWun dangling a knight like his half sister, Arya, would a doll but the knight is torn up. The knight's name is known only because of his heraldry, a distinctive star. Jon notices that men are starting to bear there steel and tells them to stop because that would only aggravate the giant further. He tells one particular squire to stop and then realizes the squire is heading towards him and attempts to slash Jon's throat. Jon thinks he dodges it and it's only a graze wound. Then Bowen Marsh, high steward, stabs him in the stomach while crying and says, "For the Watch", as Jon Snow seems to ask why. Then others begin to stab him in plain sight and he felt the pain of the third knife. Smoke seemed to pour from his wound. He never felt the fourth knife, only the cold. And this is done in front of the acclaimed queen, the rest of the watch, and the priest of the red god, Rhllor
*Start Fanfic Chapter Melisandre
She thought, that foolish boy. I warned him repeatedly, that he had a hundred enemies and that it was not the ones who were openly hostile to be afraid of but the ones who smiled to his face. What am I to do? I am lost, every time I looked for Azor Ahai, I saw Jon Snow's face, not my king Stannis's is. Regardless it's too late now and events have been set into motion for better or for worse. If Jon Snow was Azor Ahai, he has surely perished. I can only pray that he was not for that means the fall of men is upon us. Well the least I can do, is set free his poor direwolf, Ghost. As she set out, she saw Bowen Marsh explaining his actions, " He was a traitor to the watch. He shielded the King Stannis when the Wall is to take no part in the wars of the Seven Kingdoms. But above all else, he tried to raise the wight walkers, those demons and consorted with wildlings. He lost lives of the watch for them, our enemies claiming that in the end we are all men while the wight walkers are demons." Men seemed to murmur at his words, some people looked satisfied with those words but others looked appalled. One in particular, Grenn exclaimed, " You craven! You murdered him in the back, what makes you different from the Kingslayer? You showed no honor and he was the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch. We are all brothers or did you forget your vows? In that case, let me recite them again for you. Now my watch begins, it shall not end until my death. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness, the watcher on the walls. I am the fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's watch for this night and all the nights to come." Bowen Marsh seemed to pale but continued to insist, " Do you consider the wildlings men? But our primary concern is for the watch, we do not risk our brothers for wildlings who will have no cause to join us after the war. Against the wight walkers, I agree we should act with the wildlings but we should not protect them at the cost of our own, they have no honor." Grenn promptly refuted, " I think you're wrong, They definitely have more honor than you Bowen Marsh and the war will not be quick to end. I would be more concerned about the wight walkers than I would about the wildlings, at least they're human. Jon trusted you and only turned his blade on traitors and taught our brothers how to fight with bow and sword, you craven." Bowen Marsh became livid with anger. Melisandre though went up to them and said, " Calm your heads. Enough blood has been spilled here today, at least wait until Jon's funeral. Grenn, can you please accompany me to Jon's chambers?" Grenn replied, "As you will my lady," Bowen and Grenn still had their hands on their swords glaring at each other silently. Then, Grenn and Melisandre departed to Jon's chambers where they found Ghost. Grenn cut through the chains binding Ghost and the wolf howled. Melisandre felt sympathy for the beast but decided to go back and talk about Jon's funeral. She wanted to burn his body and explained to this everyone present. Almost everyone agreed, remembering the wight walkers who take on the bodies of the dead and remember when they come back. She helped unload Jon's body onto the pyre in the courtyard and felt it one more time placing her hand over his heart and there was no beat. She shook her head, what had she been expecting after all? He was dead and the cold on his body proved it. She then removed her hands from the body and lit the torch. Then she noticed an object rapidly approaching and realized it was Ghost and he headed straight into the pyre.
Jon Snow
His first thoughts were, " Where am I?" He looked around and began to recognize his surroundings, the crypts of his family, the Starks. He wondered why he was here, before, he had been clearly rejected by both his brother and his father saying that this was not his place. But this time was different. He felt it somehow and as he walked here, he stopped and paused looking back. He noticed a statue that reminded him of his sister. They looked quite similar, oddly enough. He tried to figure out who this was and realized it was his acclaimed aunt, Lyanna. But the statue's eyes were different and it almost seemed to be alive. Then it started to speak in a high melodious voice, "Jon, What are you doing here? This place is only for the dead, it can't be your time, my son. Jon Snow looked around and thought his mind was playing tricks on him but the voice repeated itself. He responded to the statue, quietly saying, " Unfortunately it seems so. I was betrayed by the Night's Watch, my brothers, not the wildlings. Quite sad really, I misplaced my faith really and here I lie dead. Am I not welcome? And above all else, if you are my mother, who is my father?" The statue responded, " I don't think you belong down here yet, I sense energy in you even now. I'm not sure what this light is but it surrounds you, almost like you're being given another chance at life. As for your father, that would be Rhaegar of the house Targaryen. We were quite the pair even if it did upset Robert. I asked Ned to raise you as his own because he knew our true relationship at the end before I died. Now go back, your time is up, it seems. Jon felt himself forcefully being drawn back. So now I'm back again in darkness. He wondered why Ned had never told him and realized that there had been no time before Ned had died at the hands of Joffrey Lannister. He contemplated this and realized that he was not quite ready to die so soon. He wanted to live, to lead his brothers and rescue his sister. As he realized all this, he felt something unusual. He realized it was his wolf, Ghost but what was he doing here? He despised not the watch but Bowen Marsh as most of the watch had been ready to stand with him against that beast in human form, Ramsay Bolton. As if it wasn't enough that he died, Bowen had to kill Ghost too. Jon Snow began to grow in fury and felt something change, he wasn't sure exactly where but he felt more powerful and alive, almost like fire, having a ton of energy. And as this energy kept rising, he felt his own heart begin to beat again slowly. He felt like he was on fire and realized that his eyes were still closed. He realized all he had to do was open his eyes.
Melisandre
She felt anger and grief at Ghost. That wolf had jumped into the pyre before she had a chance to stop him after her attempts to save Ghost. Then she realized something odd, the pyre was beginning to spiral out of control. She noticed the wildlings around her and realized that everyone present in Castle Black was attending Jon's funeral, even the queen. She thought she might was well try to read the fires and ask for Azor Ahai once more. To her utter shock, it still showed a man that looked similar to Jon Snow but was different somehow. She thought she had deluded herself again into thinking she would still see Jon Snow. Then she felt a great rush of power flowing into her, almost like it came from her God, Rhllor. She glanced around and realized that no one else had felt anything but then she began to see through the fire. She thought she was beginning to go mad when she the body start to rise. She started screaming and everyone else seemed to look at her in surprise, mistrust, and confusion. Melisandre exclaimed, " The body is rising. Rhllor is upon us. " Then people began laughing and jeering at her in equal turns but she knew what she saw even as people looked at her like she was mad. Bowen Marsh though started to turn pale while Jon's friends and Tormund Giantsbane began to grin. He started laughing oddly enough like he was starting to believe her. Then it happened. There was dead and utter silence except for the flames crackling as she began to see a man walk out of that pyre unhurt. He held a blade in his hands, 3 feet long with a pommel of a different color of flame while the rest of the sword burned yellow, bright red, orange, purple all at once. And as he began to step closer, she could feel the heat of the sword on her skin almost seeming to burn her. And as that man advanced, she knelt knowing he was the one, Azor Ahai wielding the sword of legend, Lightbringer made out of fire. Indeed, it brought light, fire, heat and so much more. The others began to kneel as well, even the queen because only 1 man could have stepped out of that pyre, Jon Snow. But he looked his different. While his features appeared the same, things about him had changed. His hair had turned as silver as the moon from its former black. His eyes had turned violet instead of their former black luster. And as he advanced with his sword Lightbringer at his side, he seemed to command attention almost instantaneously. He stopped before her and began talking. He said, "My name is Jon Snow, I am no bastard any longer. I have been reborn somehow, my parentage now granted to me. My mother was Lyanna of House of Stark and my father Rhaegar of the House Targaryen. In me flows the blood of kings, of Aegon the Conqueror, Aegon the Just, and Aerys II, the Mad King. I forgive you but I am now freed of my vows. I died and now make claim to my heritage and birthright, the Iron Throne. I know the Night's Watch takes no part in the wars of the 7 kingdoms but the Wight Walkers are almost upon us and we need to unify the realm. Choose your lord Commander and let the brothers stay here. I mean to march south to the Dreadfort stopping along the way for men and unifying the north against the Boltons. And then riding to the Dreadfort to rescue my cousin, Arya Stark. Will you join me?" Unlike before, it looked like all men were to join him. The queen looked upset but upon noticing her men take the knee, she hung her head in defeat. Tormund and the other wildlings cheered and went wild while the Night's Watch nodded and bowed to this man. She wondered why and realized it was because of his time in he Night's Watch and his increased charisma and they wanted to repaid any debts owed to him. They then proclaimed him, The Fire King and everyone present began making preparations to go with him. She began her own preparations as well.
How is it? i thought it was a bit long but the chapters in the other books are a ton longer. I think there's too much dialouge but can I have some feedback? This is my first ever fan fiction and a rough draft.
Just a quick recap since I'm focusing on events at a place called the Wall. I'm also inserting this prophecy to keep in mind when reading it if people are since apparently no one has read this series. It's a one time thing, shouldn't be longer than two chapters. I might expand if I want to, probably not though b/c the book has a lot of viewpoints. Also, if you've not read Dance of Dragons and are planning to read it, stop reading right here if you don't want a spoiler. Enough of that, time to get started.
"According to prophesy originating from Asshai over five thousand years ago, Azor Ahai is to be reborn again as "The Prince that was Promised" to challenge the Others. The prophesy states that "when the red star bleeds and the darkness gathers, Azor Ahai shall be born again amidst smoke and salt to wake dragons out of stone." This will occur after a long summer when an evil, cold darkness descends upon the world. It is said that The Prince that was Promised, wielding Lightbringer once again, will stand against the Others and if he fails, the world fails with him."
Summary of events on the Wall previously
Jon Snow hears a loud shriek and wonders what it could be. He at first thinks that it's Val, the wildling princess but then realizes that could not be true. He runs to the source of the sound and finds a giant, WunWun dangling a knight like his half sister, Arya, would a doll but the knight is torn up. The knight's name is known only because of his heraldry, a distinctive star. Jon notices that men are starting to bear there steel and tells them to stop because that would only aggravate the giant further. He tells one particular squire to stop and then realizes the squire is heading towards him and attempts to slash Jon's throat. Jon thinks he dodges it and it's only a graze wound. Then Bowen Marsh, high steward, stabs him in the stomach while crying and says, "For the Watch", as Jon Snow seems to ask why. Then others begin to stab him in plain sight and he felt the pain of the third knife. Smoke seemed to pour from his wound. He never felt the fourth knife, only the cold. And this is done in front of the acclaimed queen, the rest of the watch, and the priest of the red god, Rhllor
*Start Fanfic Chapter Melisandre
She thought, that foolish boy. I warned him repeatedly, that he had a hundred enemies and that it was not the ones who were openly hostile to be afraid of but the ones who smiled to his face. What am I to do? I am lost, every time I looked for Azor Ahai, I saw Jon Snow's face, not my king Stannis's is. Regardless it's too late now and events have been set into motion for better or for worse. If Jon Snow was Azor Ahai, he has surely perished. I can only pray that he was not for that means the fall of men is upon us. Well the least I can do, is set free his poor direwolf, Ghost. As she set out, she saw Bowen Marsh explaining his actions, " He was a traitor to the watch. He shielded the King Stannis when the Wall is to take no part in the wars of the Seven Kingdoms. But above all else, he tried to raise the wight walkers, those demons and consorted with wildlings. He lost lives of the watch for them, our enemies claiming that in the end we are all men while the wight walkers are demons." Men seemed to murmur at his words, some people looked satisfied with those words but others looked appalled. One in particular, Grenn exclaimed, " You craven! You murdered him in the back, what makes you different from the Kingslayer? You showed no honor and he was the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch. We are all brothers or did you forget your vows? In that case, let me recite them again for you. Now my watch begins, it shall not end until my death. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness, the watcher on the walls. I am the fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's watch for this night and all the nights to come." Bowen Marsh seemed to pale but continued to insist, " Do you consider the wildlings men? But our primary concern is for the watch, we do not risk our brothers for wildlings who will have no cause to join us after the war. Against the wight walkers, I agree we should act with the wildlings but we should not protect them at the cost of our own, they have no honor." Grenn promptly refuted, " I think you're wrong, They definitely have more honor than you Bowen Marsh and the war will not be quick to end. I would be more concerned about the wight walkers than I would about the wildlings, at least they're human. Jon trusted you and only turned his blade on traitors and taught our brothers how to fight with bow and sword, you craven." Bowen Marsh became livid with anger. Melisandre though went up to them and said, " Calm your heads. Enough blood has been spilled here today, at least wait until Jon's funeral. Grenn, can you please accompany me to Jon's chambers?" Grenn replied, "As you will my lady," Bowen and Grenn still had their hands on their swords glaring at each other silently. Then, Grenn and Melisandre departed to Jon's chambers where they found Ghost. Grenn cut through the chains binding Ghost and the wolf howled. Melisandre felt sympathy for the beast but decided to go back and talk about Jon's funeral. She wanted to burn his body and explained to this everyone present. Almost everyone agreed, remembering the wight walkers who take on the bodies of the dead and remember when they come back. She helped unload Jon's body onto the pyre in the courtyard and felt it one more time placing her hand over his heart and there was no beat. She shook her head, what had she been expecting after all? He was dead and the cold on his body proved it. She then removed her hands from the body and lit the torch. Then she noticed an object rapidly approaching and realized it was Ghost and he headed straight into the pyre.
Jon Snow
His first thoughts were, " Where am I?" He looked around and began to recognize his surroundings, the crypts of his family, the Starks. He wondered why he was here, before, he had been clearly rejected by both his brother and his father saying that this was not his place. But this time was different. He felt it somehow and as he walked here, he stopped and paused looking back. He noticed a statue that reminded him of his sister. They looked quite similar, oddly enough. He tried to figure out who this was and realized it was his acclaimed aunt, Lyanna. But the statue's eyes were different and it almost seemed to be alive. Then it started to speak in a high melodious voice, "Jon, What are you doing here? This place is only for the dead, it can't be your time, my son. Jon Snow looked around and thought his mind was playing tricks on him but the voice repeated itself. He responded to the statue, quietly saying, " Unfortunately it seems so. I was betrayed by the Night's Watch, my brothers, not the wildlings. Quite sad really, I misplaced my faith really and here I lie dead. Am I not welcome? And above all else, if you are my mother, who is my father?" The statue responded, " I don't think you belong down here yet, I sense energy in you even now. I'm not sure what this light is but it surrounds you, almost like you're being given another chance at life. As for your father, that would be Rhaegar of the house Targaryen. We were quite the pair even if it did upset Robert. I asked Ned to raise you as his own because he knew our true relationship at the end before I died. Now go back, your time is up, it seems. Jon felt himself forcefully being drawn back. So now I'm back again in darkness. He wondered why Ned had never told him and realized that there had been no time before Ned had died at the hands of Joffrey Lannister. He contemplated this and realized that he was not quite ready to die so soon. He wanted to live, to lead his brothers and rescue his sister. As he realized all this, he felt something unusual. He realized it was his wolf, Ghost but what was he doing here? He despised not the watch but Bowen Marsh as most of the watch had been ready to stand with him against that beast in human form, Ramsay Bolton. As if it wasn't enough that he died, Bowen had to kill Ghost too. Jon Snow began to grow in fury and felt something change, he wasn't sure exactly where but he felt more powerful and alive, almost like fire, having a ton of energy. And as this energy kept rising, he felt his own heart begin to beat again slowly. He felt like he was on fire and realized that his eyes were still closed. He realized all he had to do was open his eyes.
Melisandre
She felt anger and grief at Ghost. That wolf had jumped into the pyre before she had a chance to stop him after her attempts to save Ghost. Then she realized something odd, the pyre was beginning to spiral out of control. She noticed the wildlings around her and realized that everyone present in Castle Black was attending Jon's funeral, even the queen. She thought she might was well try to read the fires and ask for Azor Ahai once more. To her utter shock, it still showed a man that looked similar to Jon Snow but was different somehow. She thought she had deluded herself again into thinking she would still see Jon Snow. Then she felt a great rush of power flowing into her, almost like it came from her God, Rhllor. She glanced around and realized that no one else had felt anything but then she began to see through the fire. She thought she was beginning to go mad when she the body start to rise. She started screaming and everyone else seemed to look at her in surprise, mistrust, and confusion. Melisandre exclaimed, " The body is rising. Rhllor is upon us. " Then people began laughing and jeering at her in equal turns but she knew what she saw even as people looked at her like she was mad. Bowen Marsh though started to turn pale while Jon's friends and Tormund Giantsbane began to grin. He started laughing oddly enough like he was starting to believe her. Then it happened. There was dead and utter silence except for the flames crackling as she began to see a man walk out of that pyre unhurt. He held a blade in his hands, 3 feet long with a pommel of a different color of flame while the rest of the sword burned yellow, bright red, orange, purple all at once. And as he began to step closer, she could feel the heat of the sword on her skin almost seeming to burn her. And as that man advanced, she knelt knowing he was the one, Azor Ahai wielding the sword of legend, Lightbringer made out of fire. Indeed, it brought light, fire, heat and so much more. The others began to kneel as well, even the queen because only 1 man could have stepped out of that pyre, Jon Snow. But he looked his different. While his features appeared the same, things about him had changed. His hair had turned as silver as the moon from its former black. His eyes had turned violet instead of their former black luster. And as he advanced with his sword Lightbringer at his side, he seemed to command attention almost instantaneously. He stopped before her and began talking. He said, "My name is Jon Snow, I am no bastard any longer. I have been reborn somehow, my parentage now granted to me. My mother was Lyanna of House of Stark and my father Rhaegar of the House Targaryen. In me flows the blood of kings, of Aegon the Conqueror, Aegon the Just, and Aerys II, the Mad King. I forgive you but I am now freed of my vows. I died and now make claim to my heritage and birthright, the Iron Throne. I know the Night's Watch takes no part in the wars of the 7 kingdoms but the Wight Walkers are almost upon us and we need to unify the realm. Choose your lord Commander and let the brothers stay here. I mean to march south to the Dreadfort stopping along the way for men and unifying the north against the Boltons. And then riding to the Dreadfort to rescue my cousin, Arya Stark. Will you join me?" Unlike before, it looked like all men were to join him. The queen looked upset but upon noticing her men take the knee, she hung her head in defeat. Tormund and the other wildlings cheered and went wild while the Night's Watch nodded and bowed to this man. She wondered why and realized it was because of his time in he Night's Watch and his increased charisma and they wanted to repaid any debts owed to him. They then proclaimed him, The Fire King and everyone present began making preparations to go with him. She began her own preparations as well.
How is it? i thought it was a bit long but the chapters in the other books are a ton longer. I think there's too much dialouge but can I have some feedback? This is my first ever fan fiction and a rough draft.