Umbra
in imaginatione

 

 

 

Prologue:

 

Alone
With Me, Myself, And I

 

 

Let me
introduce myself, my name is Alex, I’m 11 years old with green eyes and I’ve
never had one friend my entire life. I’m alone; I’ve always been alone, except
for my grandma and grandpa. Grandma is the only one I can talk to; every time I
talk to grandpa he turns the television up. Grandma is different though, she
bakes me little cookies with smiley faces when she can and tells me about books
she read and the adventures she had around the world. Every time I hear her
stories I forget everything else around me, it doesn’t matter, the good and the
bad.

 

Grandma is
my teacher, I used to go to school but Grandma would always fight with the
teachers and it would always end with her smacking the teacher with her cane. I
was kicked out of school but it’s fine everyone at school hated me anyway. They
would throw things at the back of my head, hold me down while they all spit on
me and that was only my first week. I went to the teachers for help and all
they said was “Why do you let them pick on you” and “hit them back” they
wouldn’t do anything at all! Things just got worse after that, I would go to
the girl’s room between classes to cry eventually even that wasn’t safe.

 

They
followed me into the bathroom and slammed my face into the mirror. I never did
anything to make them hate me they just did and now I can’t even see out my
right eye, it’s…it’s all cut up from the mirror. I hate them…I hate all of
them…I hate myself. Grandma tried to get the names of the kids but the teacher
I had was the mother of one of the girls who jumped me. Now I’m all alone, we
moved up here in the mountains, my grandma teaches me what she knows, and I
live my quiet life here in the quiet darkness without any utilities other than our
toilet. My room is small and plain with just a bed which I crawl into every
night and bury my face into my pillow.

 

 

It's a work in progress, I want to know if it's any good to continue writing so please tell me what you think.

Edited March 26, 201312 yr by Supdudes

I think it's very good. But you should finish it before you get someone's opinion on it, that way they can look at the product as a whole.

you say that she lives in the mountains without utilities but there is an oven and a t.v? The plot is pretty cut and dry too, if you make the main character too good and the bad guys too bad then its not like there's even any challenge to the reader. Honestly, kids picking on the character at school isn't very deep either, no way in hell would people do stuff like that especially if there only eleven or younger. This story is all over the place and I cant even think of a way to salvage this, I would just start over. I'm not being mean really, I took a class in writing and every out of every 5 stories I scrapped 4, it just takes time to find a good one.

Seems interesting so far. Maybe keep writing it if you enjoy the writing and see how it turns out.