soI have decided to rewrite something I wrote a long time agoif enough people are interested I may decide to keep this going, but if not, oh wellthe original can be found here
changes you can expect:the story will be more fictional, and probably won't be about a war this time since i don't like writing war-ficsbetter grammar and punctuation than you're seeing herethanks to for suggesting I rewrite thisChapter One: GraduationJesse sat back in his chair, staring at the ceiling as his brother went up to the stage to give his speech on graduation. With a yawn, he sat up and looked at the stage. His brother took the diploma from the principal's hand, and adjusted the microphone. He took his hand down and began to speak. "I'm not really sure what to say..." He said, trembling a bit. "Well, I guess what I should say is, thank you, Jesse." He said, looking at his brother in the audience. Everyone shifted to look at him, and Jesse gave a small grin while rubbing the back of his head. "Without my brother, I wouldn't have been able to make it through highschool. He's the one that was there for me when I was bullied, when I needed help with my work. He was the one that was there for me. Without him, I'd have dropped out long ago. And since he plans to go to a college that I don't want to go, I think I'll just stop my education here and enlist in the army. All my life I've wanted to fight to protect this country, and now I think I can finally do that." He finished. There was a loud, thundering applause, and he went off the stage. The clapping didn't finish until the principal began to speak. "The rest that did not want to do speeches can come and get their diplomas now." Jesse stood and walked to his brother. "Nice job, Jonas." Jonas chuckled. "Thanks." He said, with a nod. Jesse walked past him and took his diploma from the principal, shaking his hand as he did. "Have fun in college, Jesse." The principal said with a smile. Jesse nodded and walked off the stage.After the celebration ended, Jesse and Jonas walked outside the school. The crowd of other students pushed their way around them, rushing to their cars or their parents who were there to pick them up. As usual, Jesse and Jonas's parents weren't there. They actually never were. At least, for Jesse. With Jonas being a year older than him, Jonas got all the recognition and support, while Jesse was left to sit alone in his room and listen to music. They always went to his conferences, rewarded him, and never even so much as called Jesse's teachers. He was the number one, star child, while Jesse was the one they wish they never had. He could fail and become homeless and fail for all they cared. Not like he would, though. He sighed and put his hand on Jonas's shoulder. "Looks like we're walking home." He said. Jonas nodded, and walked alongside Jesse off the school grounds. It began to rain, soaking them within minutes. "Just my luck..." Jesse muttered. It began to thunder as the rain intensified, and Jesse could barely see two feet in front of him. "Let's cross the street." Jesse said, beginning to run to the other side of the street. Their home was on the left side, anyways. "JESSE! LOOK OUT!" Jonas yelled, and ran up to him. Jonas shoved him and there was a loud honk. Jesse's head hit the edge of the curb, and his vision went black as he heard a loud crash to his right. He tried to get up but he lost consciousness before he could.Jesse's consciousness came back as he heard sirens a short distance away. Police sirens... He thought, his memory a little fuzzy. Then he remembered Jonas telling him to look out, and he shot up and looked around. A car was in front of a tree, he could see blood on the asphalt. Or was it just the red light it gave off? He slowly got up and walked towards the car. The car was empty, and a slight, dull beep kept sounding to signal that the door was open. There was some beer cans inside, with some strange stains on the seat. It even smelled like alcohol. He closed the door and walked up to the hood, and nearly fell back with what he saw. Jonas was wedged between the tree and the car, blood still dripping from his forehead on to the white paint of the car. "JONAS!" He shouted, going to the side of the car. Jonas lifted his head, and smiled warmly at him, yet it was frail. The car and the tree must have been keeping his body together long enough for him to speak to Jesse. "Don't be afraid... just... keep going..." He mustered. Jesse held his hand, "Hang in there! Don't die on me!" Jonas closed his eyes and gripped Jesse's hand tightly. Jonas's hand fell limp, and slipped out of Jesse's. Jesse's eyes welled up as the life faded from Jonas's. "JONAS!" He yelled, the tears streaming out by now. Two police cars pulled up as Jesse put his head on his arms over the car's hood, his tears mixing with Jonas's blood.A cop was able to pry Jesse away from Jonas, and put him in the back of the police cruiser he came from. They proceeded to call backup to investigate the scene as the other cop would search for the one responsible. The cop that pried Jesse away sat in the car with him. There was a few minutes of awkward silence, until the cop spoke up. "I'm sorry... about what happened. That was your brother, wasn't it? Would you mind telling me your name?" After a few seconds, Jesse lifted his head. "My name is Jesse Hardy, and that was my brother Jonas Hardy." The cop nodded, taking note of this. "Do you have any idea who the man who hit your brother could be? Anybody who has a keen hatred for you?" The cop turned right on the intersection, taking Jesse to the station. "Oh, and where are my manners? My name's Dean." He said. Jesse shook his head. "No. I don't know him. The car didn't even look familar. He was probably just a drunk driver." Dean nodded. "Does the license plate KYZ dash 483 sound familiar?" Jesse shook his head again. The cop sighed, taking a sip of his coffee. "Can I just go home? Or do you have more questions for me?" Dean considered this for a moment. "I suppose you could, but we'd have to let your folks know what happened and why you're coming home alone. Come on in." He said, pulling into the station's parking lot. Jesse sighed. They'd never let him come him knowing that Jonas won't be with him.
soI have decided to rewrite something I wrote a long time agoif enough people are interested I may decide to keep this going, but if not, oh wellthe original can be found here
changes you can expect:the story will be more fictional, and probably won't be about a war this time since i don't like writing war-ficsbetter grammar and punctuation than you're seeing herethanks to for suggesting I rewrite thisChapter One: GraduationJesse sat back in his chair, staring at the ceiling as his brother went up to the stage to give his speech on graduation. With a yawn, he sat up and looked at the stage. His brother took the diploma from the principal's hand, and adjusted the microphone. He took his hand down and began to speak. "I'm not really sure what to say..." He said, trembling a bit. "Well, I guess what I should say is, thank you, Jesse." He said, looking at his brother in the audience. Everyone shifted to look at him, and Jesse gave a small grin while rubbing the back of his head. "Without my brother, I wouldn't have been able to make it through highschool. He's the one that was there for me when I was bullied, when I needed help with my work. He was the one that was there for me. Without him, I'd have dropped out long ago. And since he plans to go to a college that I don't want to go, I think I'll just stop my education here and enlist in the army. All my life I've wanted to fight to protect this country, and now I think I can finally do that." He finished. There was a loud, thundering applause, and he went off the stage. The clapping didn't finish until the principal began to speak. "The rest that did not want to do speeches can come and get their diplomas now." Jesse stood and walked to his brother. "Nice job, Jonas." Jonas chuckled. "Thanks." He said, with a nod. Jesse walked past him and took his diploma from the principal, shaking his hand as he did. "Have fun in college, Jesse." The principal said with a smile. Jesse nodded and walked off the stage.After the celebration ended, Jesse and Jonas walked outside the school. The crowd of other students pushed their way around them, rushing to their cars or their parents who were there to pick them up. As usual, Jesse and Jonas's parents weren't there. They actually never were. At least, for Jesse. With Jonas being a year older than him, Jonas got all the recognition and support, while Jesse was left to sit alone in his room and listen to music. They always went to his conferences, rewarded him, and never even so much as called Jesse's teachers. He was the number one, star child, while Jesse was the one they wish they never had. He could fail and become homeless and fail for all they cared. Not like he would, though. He sighed and put his hand on Jonas's shoulder. "Looks like we're walking home." He said. Jonas nodded, and walked alongside Jesse off the school grounds. It began to rain, soaking them within minutes. "Just my luck..." Jesse muttered. It began to thunder as the rain intensified, and Jesse could barely see two feet in front of him. "Let's cross the street." Jesse said, beginning to run to the other side of the street. Their home was on the left side, anyways. "JESSE! LOOK OUT!" Jonas yelled, and ran up to him. Jonas shoved him and there was a loud honk. Jesse's head hit the edge of the curb, and his vision went black as he heard a loud crash to his right. He tried to get up but he lost consciousness before he could.Jesse's consciousness came back as he heard sirens a short distance away. Police sirens... He thought, his memory a little fuzzy. Then he remembered Jonas telling him to look out, and he shot up and looked around. A car was in front of a tree, he could see blood on the asphalt. Or was it just the red light it gave off? He slowly got up and walked towards the car. The car was empty, and a slight, dull beep kept sounding to signal that the door was open. There was some beer cans inside, with some strange stains on the seat. It even smelled like alcohol. He closed the door and walked up to the hood, and nearly fell back with what he saw. Jonas was wedged between the tree and the car, blood still dripping from his forehead on to the white paint of the car. "JONAS!" He shouted, going to the side of the car. Jonas lifted his head, and smiled warmly at him, yet it was frail. The car and the tree must have been keeping his body together long enough for him to speak to Jesse. "Don't be afraid... just... keep going..." He mustered. Jesse held his hand, "Hang in there! Don't die on me!" Jonas closed his eyes and gripped Jesse's hand tightly. Jonas's hand fell limp, and slipped out of Jesse's. Jesse's eyes welled up as the life faded from Jonas's. "JONAS!" He yelled, the tears streaming out by now. Two police cars pulled up as Jesse put his head on his arms over the car's hood, his tears mixing with Jonas's blood.A cop was able to pry Jesse away from Jonas, and put him in the back of the police cruiser he came from. They proceeded to call backup to investigate the scene as the other cop would search for the one responsible. The cop that pried Jesse away sat in the car with him. There was a few minutes of awkward silence, until the cop spoke up. "I'm sorry... about what happened. That was your brother, wasn't it? Would you mind telling me your name?" After a few seconds, Jesse lifted his head. "My name is Jesse Hardy, and that was my brother Jonas Hardy." The cop nodded, taking note of this. "Do you have any idea who the man who hit your brother could be? Anybody who has a keen hatred for you?" The cop turned right on the intersection, taking Jesse to the station. "Oh, and where are my manners? My name's Dean." He said. Jesse shook his head. "No. I don't know him. The car didn't even look familar. He was probably just a drunk driver." Dean nodded. "Does the license plate KYZ dash 483 sound familiar?" Jesse shook his head again. The cop sighed, taking a sip of his coffee. "Can I just go home? Or do you have more questions for me?" Dean considered this for a moment. "I suppose you could, but we'd have to let your folks know what happened and why you're coming home alone. Come on in." He said, pulling into the station's parking lot. Jesse sighed. They'd never let him come him knowing that Jonas won't be with him.