DChiuch

I think something's wrong with Xion. Is she not feeling well again? Axel said we should all go to the beach next time we get a vacation. I think he senses something is wrong, too. That's why he suggested the beach—to make her feel better.

We've all started going back to our usual spot after work. Sometimes Axel and Xion are there waiting for me, other times I get there first. Things have gotten busier for us, so we can't all make it every day. But even if they're not there, at least now it seems like we're together again. I wonder if it seems that way to them, too. I forgot to ask Xion about the pictures in my head again... It was the same kid in red. Who is he? What does he have to do with me?

Xion's awake now. The three of us were gonna go get some ice cream after our mission, but she passed out again, so we had to take her home. I talked with Axel in her room until she woke up. He said the three of us were best friends—inseparable.

Xion hasn't woken up, but I'm pulling double duty to make up for it. Me and Axel talk about the dumbest stuff now. Afterwards we head back to the castle, and I leave a seashell by Xion's pillow. It would please me to see her smile when she finds them. Those pictures flashed through my head again in Never Land. And when I flew, it felt like I'd done it before. Has the guy in red flown before, is that it?

I've decided to work harder while Xion is asleep to pick up some of the slack. Axel said he asked Saïx about her, but no dice. He did say that Saïx was having second thoughts about calling her broken, though. I just hope we get all this drama ironed out soon, so she doesn't have to wake up to it.

Xion failed her mission and now she's in a deep sleep. I thought they were lying to me when they told me, but I went to see her, and she really was just asleep. I left a seashell by her pillow, just like she did for me. Saïx hates her. I don't know why. Maybe he knows more about her than the rest of us do. Those pictures flashed through my mind again on today's mission (the same boy in red as usual). I guess he's been to Wonderland. I'm still trying to figure out what it is I'm seeing.

On my mission at Beast's Castle, Xaldin told me about "love" and the special power it has over people. I tried to ask Axel about it, but his explanation didn't make any sense to me. Every time I ask him about this kind of thing, he tells me I need a heart to understand. It's like he's dodging the questions.

It's hard spending time with Xion, and Axel seems busy, too. I've been having ice cream alone, but it's just not the same. All I taste is the salt, and my hands get all sticky. It's like I'm going through the motions of eating it just so I can throw the stick out and get on with life. I must've had about a hundred of these things, and I still haven't found another WINNER. I never did find a way to ask Xion about the pictures that go through my head. I don't really know what to do about anything right now.

I think Xion might be mad at me, but I don't know why. Axel says girls are complicated. You can't press the wrong buttons. Like I'm supposed to know what the right ones are.

I ran into Xion in Twilight Town. I guess she messed up a mission pretty bad the other day, and it's been bugging her. We went up to the clock tower afterwards. She said me and her are different—which is pretty obvious if you look at us, but I don't think that's what she meant. A lot seems to be on her mind, and it's not the same as what's on mine.

Xion didn't come to the clock tower again today. She and Saïx had some kind of argument. Axel and I talked for a while about the things we can't bear to lose. Axel thinks that for Nobodies, it's our pasts, because that's all we have to remember the pain of losing something. I don't remember my past, but the idea of losing the present—Axel or Xion—scares me.

Today's mission took me to a new world. It was a weird place. I was up on the clock tower afterwards when Axel turned up after being away forever. He said he finished that long mission. But this time Xion didn't show. I was gonna give Axel that WINNER stick, but I should wait until I get another one. It wouldn't be fair to leave Xion out.

Axel has been gone forever. It's been just me and Xion at the clock tower. While me and Xaldin explored Beast's Castle, we found something he wants to protect... Xaldin says that's a weakness, but I'm not so sure. What does it mean to care about something that much? I don't, so it's hard to wrap my head around the whole idea.

Today was my first vacation ever. I didn't know what to do with it. Axel said to do what I like, but all I like is having ice cream with my friends—so that's what I ended up doing. Axel leaves tomorrow for some kind of mission. Which reminds me—I still haven't given him the WINNER stick yet.

Today it was me and Xigbar. Axel and Xion went out on their own mission. Xigbar told me that Xion and me are "exceptional"—you know, like, special Nobodies. Because we can use the Keyblade? Work dragged on late, so I didn't make it up to the clock tower. I wonder if Xion and Axel made it. Those pictures started flashing through my head again on the mission. The boy in red... What's it all about? Maybe when Xigbar called me "special" he meant "crazy"... Seriously, though, is Xion experiencing the same thing? It feels weird to ask.

Every day, after work, the three of us have been going to our place on top of the clock tower to have ice cream. We don't talk about much, but I wouldn't miss these conversations for the world. I wonder if Axel and Xion feel the same way... Do the other Organization members have their own routines? It's hard to picture.

Today's mission was with Xion, in Beast's Castle. I tried loaning her my Keyblade, and she had no problem using it. That meant I had to fight without it, but we got the job done. Afterwards Xion remembered how to summon her own Keyblade, so I guess we're out of trouble. When we were done, we all had ice cream together.

I went to Agrabah today with Xion. We make a pretty good team now. Afterwards me and her and Axel talked about us and the other Nobodies. The ones who make it into the Organization are powerful enough to keep their memories... But me and Xion can't remember our pasts. What was I like?

Xemnas summoned us. Nothing he says ever makes sense to me. He showed us Kingdom Hearts, a big heart-shaped moon floating up there in the night sky, and said the human heart will never have power over us. Great...I guess? So why are we trying to get hearts again? Axel said I'll understand better once I have a heart, but I'm not so sure...

Me and Xion are working together now. The Genie we met in Agrabah said he and his friend Al are "inseparable." Axel told us best friends can be inseparable even if they're not always together, but it sounded like he wasn't too sure about it himself. I thought Axel knew everything. Oh well... That reminds me, those weird pictures flashed through my head again while I was in Agrabah. The guy in red I wrote about before... Has he been to Agrabah or something?

My job today was to help Axel find Xion. It turns out she had gone missing, but we managed to find her. We finally got to all have ice cream together, which was nice, but Xion can't use her Keyblade anymore. Axel says friends help each other out, so I'm gonna go on missions with her until she remembers how to work the Keyblade herself.

After I finished my mission I wanted all three of us to have ice cream, but I couldn't find Xion. It's been at least ten days since I've seen her. Axel said he'd ask Saïx what was going on. Speaking of Axel, I didn't see him at the clock tower today.

Me and Axel went to Agrabah. He seems different now that he's back from C.O. Ice cream was just the two of us today. I wonder when me and Axel and Xion will all get to have ice cream together.

After work, Axel turned up. Just like that, out of nowhere. I didn't know what to say. I thought we'd lost him for good. We went up to the clock tower and talked for a while. I told him about Xion. The choked-up sensation has gone away.

I sit up on the clock tower, but no one comes. Not Axel, not even Xion. That weird lump in my throat won't go away. Something else is bothering me. This is gonna sound crazy (good thing this is a private diary!) but these pictures keep flashing through my head. Not all the time, just sometimes... Ever since I collapsed. It happens when I'm awake, too—on missions—so I don't think it's a dream. Where are the pictures coming from?