DChiuch

It sounds like the worst has come to pass: the whole C.O. team, wiped from existence. It's hard to come to grips with the idea that Axel is gone. I feel...choked up? I don't know what you'd call it. I've never had this kind of sensation. I went up to the clock tower to have ice cream, but nobody else showed up.

I must have missed a lot. It's like I had the longest dream. I woke up to find a bunch of seashells by my pillow. I counted them—one for each day they said I was asleep. I was wondering who left them there, but then when I got to the clock tower, Xion gave me another one. I held it up to my ear, and I could hear the ocean... Why did it sound so familiar? The stuff I dreamed about felt strangely familiar too. I remember being in a white room with somebody the same age as me wearing red clothes...and then he sort of disappeared into the white. And there was a girl's voice—she said she knew I'd be "snoozing." Why would she know that? The voice was a little like Xion's.

I only remember part of this day. I heard somebody sent to Castle Oblivion was terminated. Saïx said it may have been Axel. I tried to ask Xigbar about it on the day's mission, and he said nothing's left of Nobodies once we're gone, because we have no hearts to leave behind. I don't remember much after that. They say I collapsed and wouldn't wake up...

Today was my third day with Xion. I've gotten to know a little more about her. That's right—she's a girl, with black hair, and she can use the Keyblade just like me! I took her out for ice cream afterwards, but I'm saving the WINNER stick. Axel deserves a reward when he gets back. Xion wants to have ice cream with us from now on. Maybe we'll be friends.

I teamed up with No. XIV again today. We finally talked a little—Xion even said my name for the first time. Afterwards I had ice cream by myself again. The lady at the shop said you can trade the WINNER stick for an extra bar. But I can't eat more than one.

Axel left before I woke up this morning. I never got to ask him about the ice cream stick. I was partnered up with No. XIV for today's mission. Xion wore a hood the whole time and wouldn't say a word to me. Come to think of it, I didn't have a whole lot to say, either. Afterwards I went and had ice cream by myself.

Axel is going to some place called Castle Oblivion. He told me because we're friends. He had to go home early to get ready, and after he left I noticed the word WINNER on my ice cream stick. I wonder what I won... I'll ask him when I see him tomorrow.

The other members have been teaching me more about how to fight and stuff. It's going, I guess. Every day after work, I've been meeting Axel at the clock tower to have sea-salt ice cream. It really is salty! But still sweet, too. How come it tastes so familiar?

Me and Axel went on a mission to Twilight Town. Afterwards, we went and had ice cream again up on the clock tower. He said friends do stuff like that. Or they laugh together. So does that mean me and him are friends?

The past few days, the other members have been showing me how to fight and do mission stuff. They also told me more about the Organization, and about myself. I still don't really get what a "heart" is. But apparently, it's a vital piece of who I am—so I've decided to cooperate. If I collect enough hearts, I can complete Kingdom Hearts. Then I'll be whole.

Axel and I went to Twilight Town today. He taught me a lot. Before we RTC'd (Returned To the Castle) we swung by the clock tower and had some sea-salt ice cream. Axel called it the "icing on the cake" after a successful mission. Well, except there was no cake—just the ice cream. I don't know what to write in this thing!

It's been a week since I got here. Saïx told me to keep a diary, but he said nobody would check it. What am I supposed to write about? Today they told us to go to the Round Room, where we met our new member, No. XIV. Was I like that when I first got here? I think I was. But I don't remember too well.

With luck, we can bring Roxas back into our fold, but even if Sora should awaken, as the hero of the Keyblade, he is bound to keep unlocking hearts. If he should come to target us, we need simply subdue him and use his powers ourselves once more. I must become one with Kingdom Hearts. I will become a higher existence. All of my true ambitions begin there.

Roxas left. It's so like him to just leave that WINNER ice cream stick behind. Come tomorrow, I'll probably get the order to hunt him down, but leaving that here makes it feel so permanent. I wish the three of us—three? No. That the two of us could share some ice cream again someday. That's what it is to be friends.

Our plans never accounted for the possibility of both Xion and Roxas leaving. How did this come to pass? When did Roxas grow strong enough to outmuscle me? What were you really after, Lea? We joined the Organization at the same time, and formulated our plan. At this point, it's just an idle fantasy. Everything changed. You, and me.

The gears of Xemnas' plans have begun to spin wild since the loss of half our membership at Castle Oblivion. The results are there, but can this state of affairs fairly be called a success? If Kingdom Hearts can be said to possess a mind of its own, it is surely rejecting Xemnas—no, rejecting Xehanort. Roxas left the Organization today.

I wanted to see Roxas one more time, but couldn't. What would I say? Did I ever really exist? Even if not, I just hope that those times we spent watching the sun set were real. I know Naminé will tell me how to get back where I belong. I should hurry to see her.

I couldn't tell Xion she was wrong, and I can't bring myself to end her. But it's either that, or I have to erase Roxas. There's no future where the three of us can sit around and eat ice cream. I know Roxas will never understand. I don't want to acknowledge it myself.

Riku gave me this time. Axel told me to spend it thinking for myself. The Organization is determined to erase either me or Roxas. They'll never allow us to coexist. I love Roxas and Axel. I'm sure Saïx would scoff at that. Call it a trick of my artificial memories. But the time I spent on that clock tower was real. I wish the three of us could stay together, just like this, forever. But I have to end this. I'll never forget today's sunset. Even if Roxas and Axel do, I won't forget.

Be they a puppet or the hero's Nobody, we merely need a functional Keyblade master. The details are unimportant. The puppet has developed to a point where the hero of the Keyblade may be entirely redundant. Indeed, perhaps we ought never allow Sora to awaken. He cannot be controlled. He will rise up against us. We must move our agenda ahead with that firmly in mind.

Axel's always helping me out, so I just assumed he would again. How long has he known about me? Maybe since long before we met in Castle Oblivion. But he told me to think for myself. I was so happy. But now, as I get stronger, Roxas keeps getting weaker. I shouldn't exist anymore. They say that Nobodies were never meant to exist, but I'm the real affront. But before I'm gone, I want to help Roxas and Axel. Even just a little. I think the boy I saw today is the same Sora from my memories.

Xion is burning through missions at full tilt. She seems frantic. Why, I don't know. And speaking of, I still don't know what to say to Roxas. Even without my orders from Saïx, I'd do anything to stop Roxas from being erased. I just don't know if I can stand by and let that happen to Xion, either.

We watched the sun set today. The three of us. I didn't think we'd ever be able to do that again. It's like that dream I had—the one where I was by the shore with Roxas and Axel, watching the sun set over the water. I just want to stay with them. But how? What should I do?

Roxas doesn't trust me after the whole Xion incident, but I can't tell him the truth yet. So I keep lying. It's no big deal when you're a Nobody. There's no guilt, no feeling at all. So why does it still sting, just a little, when I lie to him? All my dealings with Roxas give me this bizarre illusion of humanity.

Axel failed to report that the impostor and Xion are working together. Instead, that news came from Roxas. The boy is far more easily handled than Axel, but now Axel has captured Xion and returned her to us. His motives are impossible to read. Our plans can be altered if necessary, but doing so can only delay their realization.