DChiuch

I feel so tired—almost disconnected from my body. The dreams have gotten stranger. Now I wake up with water on my cheeks. I don't know how it got there, but I think there's something really wrong with me. Today I was teamed up with Xion. She seems to be in a lot better shape than me. We had ice cream together, something we hadn't done in a while.

I dream all the time now, but I don't sleep well. I wake up tired every day. I guess that makes them nightmares, not dreams. Xion and Axel don't come to the clock tower anymore. I thought maybe if I got everything off my chest with them, I might stop having the nightmares...but so much for testing that theory.

For the first time in a while, the three of us met up on the clock tower. None of us really knew what to say. We used to talk each other's ears off, but I guess those days are gone. So much has happened lately that I've been forgetting to write about those pictures in my head. Now it happens even when I'm not on missions. More often, too. They even show up in my dreams. Xion told me she has dreams, too. Is all of this connected?

Xemnas told me that "Sora" is the connection between me and Xion. But just who exactly is Sora?

I don't believe it. Axel attacked Xion. There had to have been some other way. I know she's acting weird, but I hardly recognize Axel these days either. What's going through their heads? I feel so left out.

I went to Castle Oblivion to find Xion, but I don't remember anything about it. Axel said I collapsed as soon as I got there. I woke up in Twilight Town, and incredibly enough, Xion was there. But she wasn't alone—there was this guy with her, and he was wearing the Organization's cloak. I could tell by his build that he wasn't one of us, though. Who is he?

There's one place we haven't checked yet to see if Xion's there—Castle Oblivion. When I brought it up with Axel, he surprised me by saying that C.O. is where Xion comes from. I guess he just found out himself. Is that where she is?

I've looked everywhere for Xion, in every world, but there's just no sign of her. Where is she? Why did she leave the Organization? I don't get it, any of it.

I don't remember much about today's mission—just that it was by the beach. Or was it? The mission didn't even feel real. Me and Axel agreed to start looking for Xion tomorrow.

I want to talk to Axel about Xion, but I can't seem to get ten seconds with the guy. What am I supposed to do? I can't believe he's avoiding me. We're supposed to be friends.

Xion has gone missing, but nobody said anything about her being hurt, so that's good...I guess. Did she run off? That doesn't make any sense. Xemnas told us not to go after her. The way Saïx explained it, it's almost like they don't think she's worth getting back. What is going on?

I had ice cream with Axel after work today, but Xion didn't show. Axel said she got sent on an important mission, but he wouldn't look at me when he said it. I've been wondering what's wrong with Xion all this time, but now that I stop and think about it, Axel's not himself either.

Okay, now I'm really worried about Xion. I told Axel, but all he said was that she'll get through it. He knows something is wrong. I bet he's just telling me that to put my mind at ease. Well, it's not working.

I think something's wrong with Xion. Is she not feeling well again? Axel said we should all go to the beach next time we get a vacation. I think he senses something is wrong, too. That's why he suggested the beach—to make her feel better.

We've all started going back to our usual spot after work. Sometimes Axel and Xion are there waiting for me, other times I get there first. Things have gotten busier for us, so we can't all make it every day. But even if they're not there, at least now it seems like we're together again. I wonder if it seems that way to them, too. I forgot to ask Xion about the pictures in my head again... It was the same kid in red. Who is he? What does he have to do with me?

Xion's awake now. The three of us were gonna go get some ice cream after our mission, but she passed out again, so we had to take her home. I talked with Axel in her room until she woke up. He said the three of us were best friends—inseparable.

Xion hasn't woken up, but I'm pulling double duty to make up for it. Me and Axel talk about the dumbest stuff now. Afterwards we head back to the castle, and I leave a seashell by Xion's pillow. It would please me to see her smile when she finds them. Those pictures flashed through my head again in Never Land. And when I flew, it felt like I'd done it before. Has the guy in red flown before, is that it?

I've decided to work harder while Xion is asleep to pick up some of the slack. Axel said he asked Saïx about her, but no dice. He did say that Saïx was having second thoughts about calling her broken, though. I just hope we get all this drama ironed out soon, so she doesn't have to wake up to it.

Xion failed her mission and now she's in a deep sleep. I thought they were lying to me when they told me, but I went to see her, and she really was just asleep. I left a seashell by her pillow, just like she did for me. Saïx hates her. I don't know why. Maybe he knows more about her than the rest of us do. Those pictures flashed through my mind again on today's mission (the same boy in red as usual). I guess he's been to Wonderland. I'm still trying to figure out what it is I'm seeing.

On my mission at Beast's Castle, Xaldin told me about "love" and the special power it has over people. I tried to ask Axel about it, but his explanation didn't make any sense to me. Every time I ask him about this kind of thing, he tells me I need a heart to understand. It's like he's dodging the questions.

It's hard spending time with Xion, and Axel seems busy, too. I've been having ice cream alone, but it's just not the same. All I taste is the salt, and my hands get all sticky. It's like I'm going through the motions of eating it just so I can throw the stick out and get on with life. I must've had about a hundred of these things, and I still haven't found another WINNER. I never did find a way to ask Xion about the pictures that go through my head. I don't really know what to do about anything right now.

I think Xion might be mad at me, but I don't know why. Axel says girls are complicated. You can't press the wrong buttons. Like I'm supposed to know what the right ones are.

I ran into Xion in Twilight Town. I guess she messed up a mission pretty bad the other day, and it's been bugging her. We went up to the clock tower afterwards. She said me and her are different—which is pretty obvious if you look at us, but I don't think that's what she meant. A lot seems to be on her mind, and it's not the same as what's on mine.

Xion didn't come to the clock tower again today. She and Saïx had some kind of argument. Axel and I talked for a while about the things we can't bear to lose. Axel thinks that for Nobodies, it's our pasts, because that's all we have to remember the pain of losing something. I don't remember my past, but the idea of losing the present—Axel or Xion—scares me.

Today's mission took me to a new world. It was a weird place. I was up on the clock tower afterwards when Axel turned up after being away forever. He said he finished that long mission. But this time Xion didn't show. I was gonna give Axel that WINNER stick, but I should wait until I get another one. It wouldn't be fair to leave Xion out.