Roxas's Diary

It's been a week since I got here. Saïx told me to keep a diary, but he said nobody would check it. What am I supposed to write about? Today they told us to go to the Round Room, where we met our new member, No. XIV. Was I like that when I first got here? I think I was. But I don't remember too well.

Axel and I went to Twilight Town today. He taught me a lot. Before we RTC'd (Returned To the Castle) we swung by the clock tower and had some sea-salt ice cream. Axel called it the "icing on the cake" after a successful mission. Well, except there was no cake—just the ice cream. I don't know what to write in this thing!

The past few days, the other members have been showing me how to fight and do mission stuff. They also told me more about the Organization, and about myself. I still don't really get what a "heart" is. But apparently, it's a vital piece of who I am—so I've decided to cooperate. If I collect enough hearts, I can complete Kingdom Hearts. Then I'll be whole.

Me and Axel went on a mission to Twilight Town. Afterwards, we went and had ice cream again up on the clock tower. He said friends do stuff like that. Or they laugh together. So does that mean me and him are friends?

The other members have been teaching me more about how to fight and stuff. It's going, I guess. Every day after work, I've been meeting Axel at the clock tower to have sea-salt ice cream. It really is salty! But still sweet, too. How come it tastes so familiar?

Axel is going to some place called Castle Oblivion. He told me because we're friends. He had to go home early to get ready, and after he left I noticed the word WINNER on my ice cream stick. I wonder what I won... I'll ask him when I see him tomorrow.

Axel left before I woke up this morning. I never got to ask him about the ice cream stick. I was partnered up with No. XIV for today's mission. Xion wore a hood the whole time and wouldn't say a word to me. Come to think of it, I didn't have a whole lot to say, either. Afterwards I went and had ice cream by myself.

I teamed up with No. XIV again today. We finally talked a little—Xion even said my name for the first time. Afterwards I had ice cream by myself again. The lady at the shop said you can trade the WINNER stick for an extra bar. But I can't eat more than one.

Today was my third day with Xion. I've gotten to know a little more about her. That's right—she's a girl, with black hair, and she can use the Keyblade just like me! I took her out for ice cream afterwards, but I'm saving the WINNER stick. Axel deserves a reward when he gets back. Xion wants to have ice cream with us from now on. Maybe we'll be friends.

I only remember part of this day. I heard somebody sent to Castle Oblivion was terminated. Saïx said it may have been Axel. I tried to ask Xigbar about it on the day's mission, and he said nothing's left of Nobodies once we're gone, because we have no hearts to leave behind. I don't remember much after that. They say I collapsed and wouldn't wake up...

I must have missed a lot. It's like I had the longest dream. I woke up to find a bunch of seashells by my pillow. I counted them—one for each day they said I was asleep. I was wondering who left them there, but then when I got to the clock tower, Xion gave me another one. I held it up to my ear, and I could hear the ocean... Why did it sound so familiar? The stuff I dreamed about felt strangely familiar too. I remember being in a white room with somebody the same age as me wearing red clothes.

It sounds like the worst has come to pass: the whole C.O. team, wiped from existence. It's hard to come to grips with the idea that Axel is gone. I feel...choked up? I don't know what you'd call it. I've never had this kind of sensation. I went up to the clock tower to have ice cream, but nobody else showed up.

I sit up on the clock tower, but no one comes. Not Axel, not even Xion. That weird lump in my throat won't go away. Something else is bothering me. This is gonna sound crazy (good thing this is a private diary!) but these pictures keep flashing through my head. Not all the time, just sometimes... Ever since I collapsed. It happens when I'm awake, too—on missions—so I don't think it's a dream. Where are the pictures coming from?

After work, Axel turned up. Just like that, out of nowhere. I didn't know what to say. I thought we'd lost him for good. We went up to the clock tower and talked for a while. I told him about Xion. The choked-up sensation has gone away.

Me and Axel went to Agrabah. He seems different now that he's back from C.O. Ice cream was just the two of us today. I wonder when me and Axel and Xion will all get to have ice cream together.

After I finished my mission I wanted all three of us to have ice cream, but I couldn't find Xion. It's been at least ten days since I've seen her. Axel said he'd ask Saïx what was going on. Speaking of Axel, I didn't see him at the clock tower today.

My job today was to help Axel find Xion. It turns out she had gone missing, but we managed to find her. We finally got to all have ice cream together, which was nice, but Xion can't use her Keyblade anymore. Axel says friends help each other out, so I'm gonna go on missions with her until she remembers how to work the Keyblade herself.

Me and Xion are working together now. The Genie we met in Agrabah said he and his friend Al are "inseparable." Axel told us best friends can be inseparable even if they're not always together, but it sounded like he wasn't too sure about it himself. I thought Axel knew everything. Oh well... That reminds me, those weird pictures flashed through my head again while I was in Agrabah. The guy in red I wrote about before... Has he been to Agrabah or something?

Xemnas summoned us. Nothing he says ever makes sense to me. He showed us Kingdom Hearts, a big heart-shaped moon floating up there in the night sky, and said the human heart will never have power over us. Great...I guess? So why are we trying to get hearts again? Axel said I'll understand better once I have a heart, but I'm not so sure...

I went to Agrabah today with Xion. We make a pretty good team now. Afterwards me and her and Axel talked about us and the other Nobodies. The ones who make it into the Organization are powerful enough to keep their memories... But me and Xion can't remember our pasts. What was I like?

Today's mission was with Xion, in Beast's Castle. I tried loaning her my Keyblade, and she had no problem using it. That meant I had to fight without it, but we got the job done. Afterwards Xion remembered how to summon her own Keyblade, so I guess we're out of trouble. When we were done, we all had ice cream together.

Every day, after work, the three of us have been going to our place on top of the clock tower to have ice cream. We don't talk about much, but I wouldn't miss these conversations for the world. I wonder if Axel and Xion feel the same way... Do the other Organization members have their own routines? It's hard to picture.

Today it was me and Xigbar. Axel and Xion went out on their own mission. Xigbar told me that Xion and me are "exceptional"—you know, like, special Nobodies. Because we can use the Keyblade? Work dragged on late, so I didn't make it up to the clock tower. I wonder if Xion and Axel made it. Those pictures started flashing through my head again on the mission. The boy in red... What's it all about? Maybe when Xigbar called me "special" he meant "crazy"... Seriously, though, is Xion experiencing

Today was my first vacation ever. I didn't know what to do with it. Axel said to do what I like, but all I like is having ice cream with my friends—so that's what I ended up doing. Axel leaves tomorrow for some kind of mission. Which reminds me—I still haven't given him the WINNER stick yet.

Axel has been gone forever. It's been just me and Xion at the clock tower. While me and Xaldin explored Beast's Castle, we found something he wants to protect... Xaldin says that's a weakness, but I'm not so sure. What does it mean to care about something that much? I don't, so it's hard to wrap my head around the whole idea.

Today's mission took me to a new world. It was a weird place. I was up on the clock tower afterwards when Axel turned up after being away forever. He said he finished that long mission. But this time Xion didn't show. I was gonna give Axel that WINNER stick, but I should wait until I get another one. It wouldn't be fair to leave Xion out.

Xion didn't come to the clock tower again today. She and Saïx had some kind of argument. Axel and I talked for a while about the things we can't bear to lose. Axel thinks that for Nobodies, it's our pasts, because that's all we have to remember the pain of losing something. I don't remember my past, but the idea of losing the present—Axel or Xion—scares me.

I ran into Xion in Twilight Town. I guess she messed up a mission pretty bad the other day, and it's been bugging her. We went up to the clock tower afterwards. She said me and her are different—which is pretty obvious if you look at us, but I don't think that's what she meant. A lot seems to be on her mind, and it's not the same as what's on mine.

I think Xion might be mad at me, but I don't know why. Axel says girls are complicated. You can't press the wrong buttons. Like I'm supposed to know what the right ones are.

It's hard spending time with Xion, and Axel seems busy, too. I've been having ice cream alone, but it's just not the same. All I taste is the salt, and my hands get all sticky. It's like I'm going through the motions of eating it just so I can throw the stick out and get on with life. I must've had about a hundred of these things, and I still haven't found another WINNER. I never did find a way to ask Xion about the pictures that go through my head. I don't really know what to do about anything

On my mission at Beast's Castle, Xaldin told me about "love" and the special power it has over people. I tried to ask Axel about it, but his explanation didn't make any sense to me. Every time I ask him about this kind of thing, he tells me I need a heart to understand. It's like he's dodging the questions.

Xion failed her mission and now she's in a deep sleep. I thought they were lying to me when they told me, but I went to see her, and she really was just asleep. I left a seashell by her pillow, just like she did for me. Saïx hates her. I don't know why. Maybe he knows more about her than the rest of us do. Those pictures flashed through my mind again on today's mission (the same boy in red as usual). I guess he's been to Wonderland. I'm still trying to figure out what it is I'm seeing.

I've decided to work harder while Xion is asleep to pick up some of the slack. Axel said he asked Saïx about her, but no dice. He did say that Saïx was having second thoughts about calling her broken, though. I just hope we get all this drama ironed out soon, so she doesn't have to wake up to it.

Xion hasn't woken up, but I'm pulling double duty to make up for it. Me and Axel talk about the dumbest stuff now. Afterwards we head back to the castle, and I leave a seashell by Xion's pillow. It would please me to see her smile when she finds them. Those pictures flashed through my head again in Never Land. And when I flew, it felt like I'd done it before. Has the guy in red flown before, is that it?

Xion's awake now. The three of us were gonna go get some ice cream after our mission, but she passed out again, so we had to take her home. I talked with Axel in her room until she woke up. He said the three of us were best friends—inseparable.

We've all started going back to our usual spot after work. Sometimes Axel and Xion are there waiting for me, other times I get there first. Things have gotten busier for us, so we can't all make it every day. But even if they're not there, at least now it seems like we're together again. I wonder if it seems that way to them, too. I forgot to ask Xion about the pictures in my head again... It was the same kid in red. Who is he? What does he have to do with me?

I think something's wrong with Xion. Is she not feeling well again? Axel said we should all go to the beach next time we get a vacation. I think he senses something is wrong, too. That's why he suggested the beach—to make her feel better.

Okay, now I'm really worried about Xion. I told Axel, but all he said was that she'll get through it. He knows something is wrong. I bet he's just telling me that to put my mind at ease. Well, it's not working.

I had ice cream with Axel after work today, but Xion didn't show. Axel said she got sent on an important mission, but he wouldn't look at me when he said it. I've been wondering what's wrong with Xion all this time, but now that I stop and think about it, Axel's not himself either.

Xion has gone missing, but nobody said anything about her being hurt, so that's good...I guess. Did she run off? That doesn't make any sense. Xemnas told us not to go after her. The way Saïx explained it, it's almost like they don't think she's worth getting back. What is going on?

I want to talk to Axel about Xion, but I can't seem to get ten seconds with the guy. What am I supposed to do? I can't believe he's avoiding me. We're supposed to be friends.

I don't remember much about today's mission—just that it was by the beach. Or was it? The mission didn't even feel real. Me and Axel agreed to start looking for Xion tomorrow.

I've looked everywhere for Xion, in every world, but there's just no sign of her. Where is she? Why did she leave the Organization? I don't get it, any of it.

There's one place we haven't checked yet to see if Xion's there—Castle Oblivion. When I brought it up with Axel, he surprised me by saying that C.O. is where Xion comes from. I guess he just found out himself. Is that where she is?

I went to Castle Oblivion to find Xion, but I don't remember anything about it. Axel said I collapsed as soon as I got there. I woke up in Twilight Town, and incredibly enough, Xion was there. But she wasn't alone—there was this guy with her, and he was wearing the Organization's cloak. I could tell by his build that he wasn't one of us, though. Who is he?

I don't believe it. Axel attacked Xion. There had to have been some other way. I know she's acting weird, but I hardly recognize Axel these days either. What's going through their heads? I feel so left out.

Xemnas told me that "Sora" is the connection between me and Xion. But just who exactly is Sora?

For the first time in a while, the three of us met up on the clock tower. None of us really knew what to say. We used to talk each other's ears off, but I guess those days are gone. So much has happened lately that I've been forgetting to write about those pictures in my head. Now it happens even when I'm not on missions. More often, too. They even show up in my dreams. Xion told me she has dreams, too. Is all of this connected?

I dream all the time now, but I don't sleep well. I wake up tired every day. I guess that makes them nightmares, not dreams. Xion and Axel don't come to the clock tower anymore. I thought maybe if I got everything off my chest with them, I might stop having the nightmares...but so much for testing that theory.

I feel so tired—almost disconnected from my body. The dreams have gotten stranger. Now I wake up with water on my cheeks. I don't know how it got there, but I think there's something really wrong with me. Today I was teamed up with Xion. She seems to be in a lot better shape than me. We had ice cream together, something we hadn't done in a while.