Alright guys, so I heard a ghost story in CIMI and it was a true ghost story. I'm not sure who the people's names were because my teacher didn't tell me what their names were, but I'll still be able to write the story and make up names as the story progresses.

 

 

Prolague:

Before 1943, Catalina Island of Marine Insitute was a barren land and it was inhabited by Native Americans. When 1943 came along, the USA Military set up a camp at CIMI. One day, the Indian Chief came up to the leader of the USA Military camp and stated "As long as the white man is here, this place will be cursed". The leader raised a eyebrow. The Indian Chief walked away. "That was wierd... but continue training guys!" exclaimed the leader of the Military base. Little did they know that they probably should've left after the Indian Chief told them that the place would be cursed because all the sudden, wierd things started to happen....

Well, it seems you are working on good plot but I think there's something wrong with the way you write... you describe events very fastly so we can't imagine the scenes very well (in fact, I'm trying to guess till now how did an Indian get to the island)....

 

But

 

I haven't given up on reading this, specailly because of the title -"a true ghost story: The 6 spirts of toyan bay" sounds so epic and soo cool:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

IDK, but if this was so recent, would they really be talking like that and stuff? Dx

 

I can't really crit much, because I think Namine summed it up pretty well. You should try to improve on your grammar some, though. In certain places of the story it could have been touched up a little bit.

 

This seems pretty cool, though. <3

 

Shouldn't you specifically say you're giving credit to the natives of that area, though? Since it's their story? Just my opinion, lolz.

I have been to cimi many times and can say with certainty that I have seen ghosts while being there. now for certain who it was I cannot say but I can explain the nature of the two haunts and I will let you determine. so I am also uncertain if this was a human or demonic entity. So one lunch we are sitting inside the food area where we eat, and I was staring outside off in a daze, and for some reason my eyes snap into focus, and I'm now staring out at the picnic tables outside. Standing behind one of the tables in a cloak nearly identical to the one I had brought was a shadowy figure. I get chills at the site and I turn to one of my buddies to show him. at this point I'm pressuring him to look up. but I only look out fast enough to see him step behind the umbrella of the table and just simply vanish. then my buddy looks at me and outside he is like bro there's nothing out there. then the second occurrence happened in the hallway which contained a sealed off room called the red room. when I say sealed I mean it was painted shut like it still existed, but no one could enter it. the red room pertains to another ghost story about the plumbers son called thunk. this is back in the day when cimi used to be a boarding school. the kid helped his father with fixing appliances. he was called thunk because he had a cast and when he walked his cast made a thunk. one day the boys corned thunk and tried to beat him up. he took a pipe wrench and beat all the kids to death and after that he took his own life. but back to my other instance of a ghost encounter. So I was walking into the door way to go down to my "dorm" room well call it. and at the other end of the hallway was the shadowy figure. this time I decide to chase it to make sure I'm not insane. I run all the way to the other end of the hallway and out the door. I make it outside and I've got a clear view of both ways. The figure had simply vanished. these were two of my experiences with the paranormal in cimi.