The Pidgey

 

 

Once upon a Halloween night

 

As I sit in my living room, trembling in fright

 

I hear a knock knock knock on my front screen door

 

I wonder to myself who is knocking on my front screen door

 

Merely a Trick-or-Treater, and nothing more?

 

 

Ah, I remember, it was November.

 

Or was it October, I can't remember that much more

 

A trick or treater called my sister Lenore a whore

 

Just because she didn't give him a warm S'more

 

I told him to come back to my house nevermore!

 

 

 

The knocking kept happening, it was loud

 

It filled me with wonder, wonder of who was knocking on my door

 

My heart kept beating and beating, and my mind kept repeating and repeating

 

Surely it is not that punk knocking on my door

 

Merely a child and nothing more

 

 

I could not get up from my seat

 

"I am not giving out candy!", I scream at the person knocking on my door.

 

"I was napping when you started rapping, rapping on my door.

 

Get away from my house before I come out this door

 

And kick your ass to nevermore!".

 

 

Then I heard whispers, loud whispers.

 

And a voice I've never heard before

 

Shouts at the top of its lungs

 

The words "Lenore is a whore!".

 

"That's it, I'm kicking your bitch ass!", I shout at the person outside of my door.

 

"And you will live nevermore!".

 

 

I open the door, and what do I see?

 

Twenty dozen eggs flying at me

 

And a rage fills me, a rage I have never had before

 

So I jump out onto my porch, and falcon punch the kid into nevermore.

 

 

 

But before I get to close my door

 

A big ass bird flies into my house

 

And when I close my door, it perches on my door.

 

I yell "GTFO!", and open my door

 

But all it says is "Pidgey!".

 

 

I get a chance to examine the bird, and I notice that it looks like no

 

bird nor fowl I've seen before

 

So I say to myself, "What the firetruck kind of bird is this? This isn't some funny shit".

 

And then the Pidgey flies from my door, and shits on my head, like it just scored, and then perches on my T.V, staring at me like it never has before

 

And I scream, "GTFO. Let me say this no more!".

 

 

The bird cocks its head at me

 

I tremble with raeg, and I'm getting really pissed

 

And then I noticed that the bird just pissed

 

On my Playstation 3.

 

"Oh hell naw", I shout, intending to kill

 

But the bird just opens its big ass bill

 

And says, "Pidgey!".

 

 

Not knowing why the firetruck this bird keeps repeating its name

 

I wipe the poop of my head in shame

 

Tired and tired of playing this games

 

With a awesome bird that only knows it name

 

I pick up a bat, and swing at it

 

But it flies away and I hit my T.V, OH SHIT!

 

I cry out to the bird, "Why? Why are you torturing me?!".

 

But all it says in response is "Pidgey!".

 

 

Sick of this crap, I bring out a knife

 

And wave it at the bird and yell, "I'm taking your life!".

 

So I run at the bird, and quickly stab it

 

And it falls to the ground, hopping like a rabbit

 

I am satisfied, thinking I gave it a blood clot

 

But the mother firetrucker evolves into a Pidgeot.

 

 

The end.

"Get away from my house before I come out this door

And kick your ass to nevermore!".

 

 

You win...

Thats what you get for not giving me candy, bitch.

I give away candy to everybody. Seriously.

Sk3, I remember when you told me you weren't funny ..

WORST LIE EVER.

Then I heard whispers, loud whispers.

And a voice I've never heard before

Shouts at the top of its lungs

The words "Lenore is a whore!".

"That's it, I'm kicking your bitch ass!", I shout at the person outside of my door.

"And you will live nevermore!".

 

I laughed so hard at that

I give away candy to everybody. Seriously.

 

Well, not me.

You never mailed it to me.