I DON'T OWN ANYTHING JUST A FAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

dairy entry 1

I don't really know what happend yesterday but Axel said I fell off my round room chair. All I can remember is #14 face, that sounded really weird, good thing I'm the only one who's going to see this!

 

 

When Roxas got up he was in sooo much pain but he didn't scream because he didn't want to wake up the other members. Axel came in to make sure he was okay. "Hey take it easy Roxas,I'll go get you some menison". Axel ran to the medison cabnet got a pill, a glass of water, and ran back to Roxas. Roxas took the pill and the pain went away but he wasn't asleep yet so he dicied to ask Axel something "axel, how did you know that I fell?" axel scrated his head in though. "Hm..., well... Roxas I didn't, and I wound of never none if #14 came to me, so next time you see her tell her thank you". By the time Axel was done Roxas fell asleep. When he woke up he saw a figer next to his bed, he thought it was Axel then he saw black hair."What A-who are you?" R-Roxas, I'm Xion #14". Roxaswas suprized, he didn't think she could talk, and he looked like the girl in his dreams. ( Wow she's so pritty) he thought.Xion's voice was like an angel's. Xion began to speak,"Axel is your friend right?" Roxas sat up rubbing his eye's. "Yeah why, is there somthing wrong with that?" Xion was shook her head no. "No no it's just..., I-I was wondering if maybe I could be your friend?" Roxas didn't really know what to say but he was glade she asked. "Okay" he said smiling. Xionwas sooo happy "thank you roxas" Xion ran out the door. Roxas got up, put on a freash coat and went to the loby. He saw saix come up "Roxas to day you and Xion will be killing a heartless and it is big to so stay safe "Where is this big heartless" saix looked at xion,"in twighlight town" Xion and Roxas noded and they left when they got to twighlight town Roxas asked "so do you think it would be hard to find?" Xion pointed up "No look"she said in a shakey voice. "come on it I know were it's coming from". So they both went to the big heartless, it was way way biger than they thought. " how are we going to kill that thing" Xion screamed at Roxas. "well if we work together we should be able to kill it. Xion did the most powerful magic spells she knew and Roxas swiped his keyblade a couple of time's but nothing worked. Then the heartless picked up xion "xion!" Roxas yelled.It's grip was so tight that xion stoped breathing, Roxas took out his key blade ,he had no chocie but to try.So he ran and slashed it.Black fog was everwere,"xion,were are you?" Then he saw her,on her stomic. he ran over to her,and roled her on her back. "Xion,Xion can you here me" Roxas burst into tears he had no idea why he had these feelings for Xion, he wasn't even sopost to have feelings.Xion was breathing but very light and short breath's."Oh Xion," Roxas said with tears going from his eye to his cheek. Then all of a sodden she stared breathing again norily this time,then she opened her eye's, "wh-what happen?" Roxas was sooo happy that Xion was alive. Then they both stared feeling diferent about each and other it was like some had controll over them. Then Roxas kissed Xion,Xion felt his soft lips pess aganst her's, and Roxas felt her finger's go though his soft golden hair.

 

plz plz tell me what you think!

And if u don't like my story's, STOP READING THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good lord.

It's called constructive criticism. No one charged right in and said "Okay, this sucks", now, did they? If people tell you how to improve you should at least attempt to take some notice.

 

Yeah, spacing is still iffy. And, as for plot...

You could try planning out a basic plot outline before you start. Whenever I write fanfiction, I plan out the basics- things that happen, relationships, how characters develop- and space it all out across the chapters.

 

And my brother is nine. He can easily spell and use correct grammar. Just sayin'.

Well, we're reading your stories and we're offering ways to fix it.

As Rosie said, we didn't say it sucks, but it could be greatly improved.

Please don't get offended. We weren't trying to do that.

not what i meant, im just kinda mad at my parents and everything i do is getting worse cuz i just found out that my grandma died and i never met her and it was on my b-day and they just told me, but if i seem mad I'm not at the people on here just at my parents! so sorry, and i know it's just I'm like winging it and I'm trying to stop because it affect's my writing. so sorry, and i will try to inprove my writing cuz a found a book that help's people write!

 

 

thx 4 being honest !

Well my grandfather died last week but that doesn't mean you can say it's your friends fault.We're just trying to help you like what Hinako_U said.

I'm sorry about your grandfather, and I didn't say it was her fault. Thank you for the help, and sorry if i seem mad, but I'm not mad at anyone, and I appreciate your help, and honesty thx

Sorry that I said it's your friends fault...I was just trying to state the facts.And your welcome!

it's okay, u didn't know

but when I'm bored I write so sorry I'll stop posting till I get better at writing story's (witch will be in like 4 months)

Sorry, but I only just refound this and am wondering why I never pointed it out.

"4 months", till you get better? Writing isn't just something you can predict improving on in a matter of weeks, months, whatever. It's a personal growth, and improving to a certain standard can take years of practise and working at it.

...I'll shut up and get my writing-since-I-could-form-a-sentence ass out of here now.

It's okay, and that didn't come out the right way because i have a book that i was going to read in 4 month's and it will help on spelling, and i don't know why i'm reading it in 4 month's. Thx 4 being honest