Well, I... kind of have a stupid, angsty drabble about to come up, so if you're going to get all up in my business about whining, then... please, just go before you read anything and make judgements about me.
In my life, I have three definite friends who I honestly adore, and who have given me more support than I know I deserve. Although I have plenty of other friends within our group, those three are the only ones I would really, honestly, never want to give up.
But all my friends are turning sixteen, and we're in our final year. In the past nine months, my depression really started to get to me- weighing me down, making me feel worthless, and all that stuff. I couldn't stop it- I couldn't find the source for it, the reason why I was so damn lifeless and down all the time.
I didn't need to, because I had those three friends. They kept my spirits up, and honestly, I only really feel alive, only feel like a proper, worthwhile person, when I'm with them.
But things are changing and I can't stand it.
The first friend... I've already mentioned his situation on here already, and I don't want to bring it up all over again because that would... I don't know, feel a bit repetitive. He's still around, but he's weak- incredibly weak. He needs much more support than I do, and I'm really giving him all I have.
But the other two are our crutch, really. Emotionally and physically. And, since our time at school is coming to an end, none of us are staying together. The two healthy friends are going on to another college, two hours away- and the chances of me seeing them are slim. I had to pick my sixth form (higher education, um... AS/A2 levels? I don't know what that is outside of the UK.) subjects with the full knowledge I would be here on my own. I've picked subjects I like, but... with them gone, I don't know if I can do it.
I'm barely getting by as it is- fighting the urge to just give up. They're making me happy, but in a matter of weeks I won't have them anymore, not physically, where we need each other.
Just... maybe, I'm starting to get scared again. I have this terror of being alone, of what I'll think then, of what I could do when I'm not thinking and there's no one to stop me.
And the worst part is that none of my other friends understand. They just frown and tell me not to be upset and that there's nothing wrong, so I should be happy. They think I can just think myself out of this rut.
Well, I... kind of have a stupid, angsty drabble about to come up, so if you're going to get all up in my business about whining, then... please, just go before you read anything and make judgements about me.
In my life, I have three definite friends who I honestly adore, and who have given me more support than I know I deserve. Although I have plenty of other friends within our group, those three are the only ones I would really, honestly, never want to give up.
But all my friends are turning sixteen, and we're in our final year. In the past nine months, my depression really started to get to me- weighing me down, making me feel worthless, and all that stuff. I couldn't stop it- I couldn't find the source for it, the reason why I was so damn lifeless and down all the time.
I didn't need to, because I had those three friends. They kept my spirits up, and honestly, I only really feel alive, only feel like a proper, worthwhile person, when I'm with them.
But things are changing and I can't stand it.
The first friend... I've already mentioned his situation on here already, and I don't want to bring it up all over again because that would... I don't know, feel a bit repetitive. He's still around, but he's weak- incredibly weak. He needs much more support than I do, and I'm really giving him all I have.
But the other two are our crutch, really. Emotionally and physically. And, since our time at school is coming to an end, none of us are staying together. The two healthy friends are going on to another college, two hours away- and the chances of me seeing them are slim. I had to pick my sixth form (higher education, um... AS/A2 levels? I don't know what that is outside of the UK.) subjects with the full knowledge I would be here on my own. I've picked subjects I like, but... with them gone, I don't know if I can do it.
I'm barely getting by as it is- fighting the urge to just give up. They're making me happy, but in a matter of weeks I won't have them anymore, not physically, where we need each other.
Just... maybe, I'm starting to get scared again. I have this terror of being alone, of what I'll think then, of what I could do when I'm not thinking and there's no one to stop me.
And the worst part is that none of my other friends understand. They just frown and tell me not to be upset and that there's nothing wrong, so I should be happy. They think I can just think myself out of this rut.
But I can't.