Ok, so me and my bf had another argument over something so small and insignificant. I pretty much made a comment about something he said, and he took it the absolute wrong way.

 

He told me he had a test today in Geometry and that he would probably bomb it. I asked him why he thought that, because when I was helping him with his homework, he was doing pretty good. He responded that it was only because he had his notes in front of him (to which I commented that he didn't spend his whole time looking at them) and that he barely had time to study for it. (And, lemme tell you, he did. He just never took the chance to, so that's all on him. And I let him know that.) I told him to just keep in mind SOH CAH TOA (Yes, he's on trigonometric ratios now.) and to study when he could. He then made the comment that he'd be lucky to get a D.

 

This is where it all went downhill, just because I made one, small, tiny observation:

"You sound like you're giving up."

 

That pissed him off. He started going off about how I was assuming he was giving up again, and how, even though he said all of those things, it didn't mean that he was giving up.

 

Yeah. I like how I was getting yelled at for assuming, yet he was the only one assuming!

I didn't even mean it like he's giving up. I already knew he wasn't. I was just saying that he sounded like he's giving up. He always wonders why everyone thinks he's giving up, and here I was trying to tell him why they thought so, only for him to get even MORE pissed off at me! I even tried to explain why I said it, and he let on that he still believed, even though he acknowledged what I said, that I was trying to say he's giving up.

 

Mind you, all of this was going on while he had to go to school. I told him to just go, because he was seriously starting to piss ME off, and I needed time to cool down. That's when he said something that pissed me off pretty firetrucking bad:

"Oh, it's all about you, now isn't it?"

 

Yeah, it's totally all about me. It's all about me when I moved away from my parents and all of my family just to move in with him and help him. It's all about me when I gave up a free ride through college just to be with him. It's all about me when I sit down with him every night to help him with his homework, and even reteach him, if need be. Yeah. It's all about firetrucking me.

 

So when he got back to ranting about how everyone thought he was giving up, he said something that I can't remember for the life of me right now (rage blocked it out of my memory I guess?) and I told him a harsh piece of truth: When he says things that make him seem like he's quitting, it makes him seem like a big firetrucking coward because he can't rise to the occasion.

 

That made him feel just like that, a big firetrucking coward. Didn't help the situation any, but you know what? Oh firetrucking well. It's a harsh bit of truth, but somebody had to say it. Probably not the best time, but then again, I don't think there will ever be a best time for it.

 

Anyways, he changes the subject back to what I said, saying that I only noted the negative things he said. If you read above, you know that's not true. I told him he was doing fine and gave him some advice. I guess he was too pissed to be able to remember that.

 

Finally, his dad started getting onto him about being late, and he left. FINALLY. And I've been steaming ever since. Tried taking a really hot shower since it usually works, but it only worked a little. I probably just need some time to think it over and calm down.

 

I probably shouldn't have said that he sounded like he was giving up. It was the wrong way to put what I meant. I'm pretty much sorry for how I said things, but not what I meant to say. I'll have to tell him that when he gets home. And I'll DEFINITELY tell him that what he said hurt like hell.

 

*sighs* Well, there we go. Feel free to leave comments or suggestions.

Well, I really don't think what you said was a bad thing. I mean, it was the truth after all and he needed to realize that sooner or later. And it's good that you're going to apologize to him for it even though I really think he should be the one to apologize. But it sounds like you handled the situation as best as you could and you tried to calm yourself down afterwards by taking that hot shower. I think he is just one that gets angry easily because I'm like that sometimes. Or it could be that he just has alot on his mind and doesn't know how to deal with it. Sometimes when people get overwhelmed which, in his case, it sounds like it was the test that he should've studied, they tend to take any comments that they don't want to hear the wrong way. Even though telling him "you sould like you're giving up" wasn't suppose to be a bad thing, he took it the wrong way because it's something he specifically didn't want to hear. But it's not your fault.

My advice is I think you two should really have a big conversation about everything that happened. Then you will both be able to say everything that you want to say. Try and find the specific source of the stress or try to get to the root of the problem.

Hope this helps ^^

Well, I really don't think what you said was a bad thing. I mean, it was the truth after all and he needed to realize that sooner or later. And it's good that you're going to apologize to him for it even though I really think he should be the one to apologize. But it sounds like you handled the situation as best as you could and you tried to calm yourself down afterwards by taking that hot shower. I think he is just one that gets angry easily because I'm like that sometimes. Or it could be that he just has alot on his mind and doesn't know how to deal with it. Sometimes when people get overwhelmed which, in his case, it sounds like it was the test that he should've studied, they tend to take any comments that they don't want to hear the wrong way. Even though telling him "you sould like you're giving up" wasn't suppose to be a bad thing, he took it the wrong way because it's something he specifically didn't want to hear. But it's not your fault.

My advice is I think you two should really have a big conversation about everything that happened. Then you will both be able to say everything that you want to say. Try and find the specific source of the stress or try to get to the root of the problem.

Hope this helps ^^

 

I know he's got a lot on his mind, and that's probably one of the things that contributed to his behavior. He's stressed out about school, for one, but I can't say that it's not mostly his fault. He knows he has me here to help him, and even reteach him if he didn't understand something. The problem is, he hardly ever tells me. I have to ask HIM if he has homework and push him to get his English work he's supposed to do to raise his grade done.

 

He's also worried about getting a job, even though I told him several times that his education is his top priority right now. He claims that he's been pressured by his dad about it, yet I haven't seen him doing that. The only pressure he's been getting from him about anything is about his schoolwork.

 

I also think the time didn't help. It was 6 in the morning when this all was going on... lol.

 

I'll definitely try talking to him when he gets home about this morning. I'm just afraid that he won't be up for talking about it and might still be mad when he gets back. He does have a bit of a bad temper. ^^;

 

But thank you for the advice and everything. =)

things like that can get some people really angry (speaking from experience here). but thats generally when people say it over and over again, saying it just once shouldn't have been to bad

things like that can get some people really angry (speaking from experience here). but thats generally when people say it over and over again, saying it just once shouldn't have been to bad

 

Well... People have. >w>;

But I was trying to explain why people say it seems like he wants to give up. I wasn't saying that he was, but he took it that way.

 

Anyways, he's going to be home soon. I just hope our talk goes well...

it's whenever i'm with my family, playing a game, or doing bowling or anything like that.

 

if i win, they say ''Alex, don't get cocky, it's just a game'' and if i lose, they'll say ''It's okay Alex, don't cry, it's just a game'', they say these over and over again. it wouldn't bother me as much as it does if they didn't say it EVERY TIME, and also when i've become bucketloads more patient than i was a few years ago.

it's whenever i'm with my family, playing a game, or doing bowling or anything like that.

 

if i win, they say ''Alex, don't get cocky, it's just a game'' and if i lose, they'll say ''It's okay Alex, don't cry, it's just a game'', they say these over and over again. it wouldn't bother me as much as it does if they didn't say it EVERY TIME, and also when i've become bucketloads more patient than i was a few years ago.

 

Have you tried talking to them about it? Maybe they don't know how it makes you feel?

 

it's whenever i'm with my family, playing a game, or doing bowling or anything like that.

 

if i win, they say ''Alex, don't get cocky, it's just a game'' and if i lose, they'll say ''It's okay Alex, don't cry, it's just a game'', they say these over and over again. it wouldn't bother me as much as it does if they didn't say it EVERY TIME, and also when i've become bucketloads more patient than i was a few years ago.

 

Have you tried talking to them about it? Maybe they don't know how it makes you feel?

 

no, they know how much it annoys me. I don't know why they do it.

something so small and insignificant.

 

So yeahhhh, don't worry yourself over it...