Once upon a time, I get angry at stupid things like jokes and pranks, or maybe even comments and start a drama. I really get sad, yes i do, and I carry guilt with me.

Obviously, some people here are reading this and thinking

He's doing this again? pffft

And no, I'm not here to start a drama, but to admit that:

1: I exaggerate at some things I say, yet most of them, including feelings and such, I don't.

2: When making a drama, instead of trying to help myself, I be an ass at other people and expect them to help me, and put me up. That's what I keep thinking. I never think of putting myself up.

3:I make self depressing comments especially at the KH13 MSN chatroom. then all of that up there happens.

 

I don't WANT people to say anything that will make me feel better on this thread, I want you guys to rub all of the truth about me that you hate. about, how "depressed" I am, about how I can never do anything on my own.

I don't want people telling me here of what I don't do wrong, I want them to tell me of what I don't do right.

 

I wanted to stop being a freak and get over that what I'm feeling is just a stupid illusion, and that every time I talk to someone, it's that whole "here we go again"thought.

 

I want to admit that sometimes I lie to try to be cool here. I've lied before saying I watched porn, etc, when I never really did, just to try to be cool.

 

last, I want to say that I'm sorry for all the people who I annoyed, all those who I hurt, who I annoyed, and who I made dislike me. I want to apologize for all the times i was rude, for all the times I argued, for all the times I indirectly hated on a person who was being honest to me and trying to tell me what they think.

 

And I want to be sorry for myself, for all the times I put myself down, for the times I went off and hit myself. I want to try to develop bonds, and Thanks to a few people, I realized that I have to start on myself.

 

Yes,I thought for abut 15 minutes on this thread, and rush typed it, but all I wrote here is true and I will do my best not to make these mistakes again.

honest opinion:

i didn't want to even read this. but i did.

and I didn't 'Here he goes again' but more like 'this kid needs help'. because your self esteem is so low that I'm just hbefiuwebnfewrfjwed. Stop. Being. So. Harsh. On. Yourself.

Okay, get it through your head that you can't live your whole life hating yourself, judging yourself, and criticizing yourself.

you can't lie to fit in, because it'll leave you feeling like a huge tool, and won't make you happy.

you can't rely on others to cheer you up. sure, they can contribute, but only you can make yourself happy, and that won't work if you treat yourself like this, will it?

You didn't annoy us, sure you slightly offended me, but I've learned to brush little things off and that's you should to.

You dont know whether anyone dislikes you, unles theyve told it to your face. So don't assume either.

Glad your apologizing and all, but you also have to learn to forgive yourself and try help yourself.

And I want to be sorry for myself, for all the times I put myself down, for the times I went off and hit myself. I want to try to develop bonds, and Thanks to a few people, I realized that I have to start on myself.

 

that's still not completely forgiving yourself though. but it's a start

This is my honest opinion: I havnt talked to you so i cant say much but you need to get a higher self asteem. And dont expect people to help you cause sometimes they wont. And no offense I didnt know if you were lying or not about the whole imaginary Vanitas thing.

no, I wasn't lying about that.

I've lied before saying I watched porn, etc, when I never really did, just to try to be cool.

 

you're 12, that would make you seem creepy, not cool.

 

and i know this is off-topic, but i'm still worried about that vanitas thing, it can be a sign of a very serious brain maulfunction, make sure that if it happens again TELL SOMEBODY IMMEDIETLY TO TAKE YOU TO A DOCTOR.

That doesn't have anything to do with my post.

That doesn't have anything to do with my post.

 

thats why i said it was off topic, but it was important for me to say

Kinode, I've never talked to you nor have I known you prior to reading this thread. However, I'm going to say that I can honestly relate to you. There was a time on this site where I was a complete ass and really didn't give a damn about the friends I had and started drama just to start it. And as for low self-esteem, honey, I've been there and I reluctantly find myself going back. But don't let that get to you. The fact that you can bring yourself to have the courage to down your pride and be humble about this apology is a beautiful start for you changing. He don't have to like porn or anything to be cool on this site. We accept you for who you are because I know better than almost anyone else on this site how much of a family these people really are.

 

From the mods to those people you don't hear much from we all love each and every one of the people on here for who they are. Kinode, you seem like a really nice person cutting out the negativity you've received. I'd really like to talk to you--the real you. It's a way to prove how sincere you really are. And it's okay to be a bit sad sometimes, but don't let it get out of hand. Love yourself, love life, and love everything you have. It's the best way to live and facing yourself and your obstacles will help in the long run. I hope you feel better Kinode and I'm always here to talk to or vent through. I may not always like what I hear, but I'll alway be there. I lost a friend for not helping them when I could have and I don't want that to happen again. Good luck and I hope you change for the better if you feel the need to.

 

Remember, I'm here.

 

--Allie

That was all beautiful ;.;

ilu all, you know that?

I think I feel better, thanks, all of you,I'll try not to let this happen again.