Alright, I normally don't like posting these, but I'm at my sanity's edge over this.
Now, about 3 months ago, me and my girlfriend of more than a year broke up, because we had gotten to a point where we just couldn't work anything out. She was completely busy with school and out of school activities and everything, and I was working a lot, so we didn't get to see each other much, so that was affecting our stress as well. But up until that point we were incredibly happy with each other (at least I thought) and we spent one of the happiest summers I've ever had with each other.
But after we broke up, I was (and still am) super stressed, because I was doing everything I could to be who she wanted again. This is the girl I thought I could spend my life with and raise a family and all that jazz, so I was fighting hard to keep her. but after a month and a half of not getting any sort of good attention from her, I began to lose my hope. I started smoking again (I had quit for her, even though it took me a few times to, I was still proud that i quit), to quell the urges to do stupid, selfish things that I had nightmares of.And I did plan on telling her and quitting again if we ever got back together again.
But as time went on, we had talked on and off, and things just wouldn't work out. We were getting into arguments a lot and said things we shouldn't have. And so, about a month ago, I collected what was left of my shattered dignity and started talking to another girl, and I was feeling a decent sort of connection with her. At this point, my ex logged into my facebook account, saw the messages and pretty much accused me of cheating on her, I sort of lied to her, just to get her to stop, saying that I really had no intention to do anything with the other girl (I realize how mean this sounds). So I stopped contacting this girl in hopes of once again getting back together with my ex.
But i guess, "in order to not be tempted to text me and say something stupid" she deleted my number from her phone, and when i found that out (I texted her and I received a "Who's this?"), I wasn't happy. I pretty much had a breakdown. Justified her intentions as though she had completely given up on me and that I was making her give up on me, even though I was still trying so hard. But I found out that she has a new guy she's going around with another guy a couple days ago. And to be completely honest, I'm glad she's able to move on while I can't. And I'm trying to stay happy for her, but I'm at the point where I'm just giving up. I'm trying to move on but at the same time I don't want to.
I will always love this girl, because she's the first one to ever make me completely happy in my wretched life, but now I'm on the verge of snapping again because it's over.I'm so full of emotions right now and I'm just completely overwhelmed. Sadness, anger, love and sickness are just a few. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to protect her and then I don't. I just don't know.
Alright, I normally don't like posting these, but I'm at my sanity's edge over this.
Now, about 3 months ago, me and my girlfriend of more than a year broke up, because we had gotten to a point where we just couldn't work anything out. She was completely busy with school and out of school activities and everything, and I was working a lot, so we didn't get to see each other much, so that was affecting our stress as well. But up until that point we were incredibly happy with each other (at least I thought) and we spent one of the happiest summers I've ever had with each other.
But after we broke up, I was (and still am) super stressed, because I was doing everything I could to be who she wanted again. This is the girl I thought I could spend my life with and raise a family and all that jazz, so I was fighting hard to keep her. but after a month and a half of not getting any sort of good attention from her, I began to lose my hope. I started smoking again (I had quit for her, even though it took me a few times to, I was still proud that i quit), to quell the urges to do stupid, selfish things that I had nightmares of.And I did plan on telling her and quitting again if we ever got back together again.
But as time went on, we had talked on and off, and things just wouldn't work out. We were getting into arguments a lot and said things we shouldn't have. And so, about a month ago, I collected what was left of my shattered dignity and started talking to another girl, and I was feeling a decent sort of connection with her. At this point, my ex logged into my facebook account, saw the messages and pretty much accused me of cheating on her, I sort of lied to her, just to get her to stop, saying that I really had no intention to do anything with the other girl (I realize how mean this sounds). So I stopped contacting this girl in hopes of once again getting back together with my ex.
But i guess, "in order to not be tempted to text me and say something stupid" she deleted my number from her phone, and when i found that out (I texted her and I received a "Who's this?"), I wasn't happy. I pretty much had a breakdown. Justified her intentions as though she had completely given up on me and that I was making her give up on me, even though I was still trying so hard. But I found out that she has a new guy she's going around with another guy a couple days ago. And to be completely honest, I'm glad she's able to move on while I can't. And I'm trying to stay happy for her, but I'm at the point where I'm just giving up. I'm trying to move on but at the same time I don't want to.
I will always love this girl, because she's the first one to ever make me completely happy in my wretched life, but now I'm on the verge of snapping again because it's over.I'm so full of emotions right now and I'm just completely overwhelmed. Sadness, anger, love and sickness are just a few. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to protect her and then I don't. I just don't know.