This is how I feel, it's not that serious, but I want to say it, because I'm feeling so alone and sad and no one else knows besides me.

 

I have two friends that I call "shinyuu" (means best friend in Japanese)

 

One we will call X and one we will call A.

 

X is my best friend. I'm very close to her and I want to help her with Japanese and I do. I also would like to make her happy I usually talk to X every day on KH13 or Swapnote. She likes mostly everything I like. Sometimes we would talk about our lives. I think of her as just a best friend.

 

A is my other best friend on KH13. She's close to me as well, but I don't know everything about her yet. She's more of my mentor though, so I don't know too much about her.

 

A told me to "marry" X. Not like a real marriage, but a fake KH13 friendship marriage. Now that we know that, let's explain why I feel alone.

 

You see. I always wonder if my friends care about me or if they just think of me as an annoyance that they would like to avoid at any time they can. They'll talk to me once a day sometimes, but after that they'll just disappear for the day. Because of my past experiences with friends, I've always been afraid. I feel like I'm just the person you see once and that's it. I always think that I'm nothing like the other members. They actually know about this site and I don't. Who am I? I always feel that one day I'll just be forgotten about by those I find dear. I'll never forget, but because of that I'll suffer. All those thoughts I have. Here they are? I call it the dark side within me that tells me how I feel, how my negativity is. If you read it, you'll think I'm crazy when I'm not.

 

"Hahaha. You were always just the one people look at and leave. Now they'll leave you here as well."

 

"You have no friends. They don't care. Everyone is better than you. No matter how many times you try to fit in the crowd, it won't work. Just give up and say goodbye!"

 

"You actually care? You want to make someone happy? You're so stupid! All they want to do is hurt you and that's what you're letting them do to you. Hurt you!"

 

"You'll always be alone! No matter how many friends you make, you'll always just be alone."

 

It hurts, because I know it's what I think. I feel that I'm just stupid compared to the other members. I'm not part of the crowd, I'm too weird and inexperienced to be part of any crowd. I feel lied to, even though my friends say they care and I believe them. It's just that part of me always says that my friends are lying. They don't really care, they have other, cooler friends. You can't be just as cool, no you're stupid, boring, and weird. No one ignores you. Just say you have everything. Don't be who you are! Because if you stay you, who would like that? As a person you're stupid. I told my friend that nice things, but I'm worried it'll be taken the wrong way. No matter what I do or how much I care, I can never be me or be part of anything. What's the point of life then? Why do I care and worry? Most people are afraid of being alone and having no relationships or people who love them but I worry about being able to even have a friend. I was who I was. I played my part. Now, it's over. You helped, you cared, but it's time to move on to the next friend. NO!!!!!!!!! That's not how it is. I have social problems. I have severe social anxiety! I would rather be ignored than feel like this.

 

I hate it... I hate it all...

 

I know I'll be looked at oddly. I'm not a real friend am I?!

Edited May 4, 201213 yr by keytotheheart

This is how I feel, it's not that serious, but I want to say it, because I'm feeling so alone and sad and no one else knows besides me.

 

I have two friends that I call "shinyuu" (means best friend in Japanese)

 

One we will call X and one we will call A.

 

X is my best friend. I'm very close to her and I want to help her with Japanese and I do. I also would like to make her happy I usually talk to X every day on KH13 or Swapnote. She likes mostly everything I like. Sometimes we would talk about our lives. I think of her as just a best friend.

 

A is my other best friend on KH13. She's close to me as well, but I don't know everything about her yet. She's more of my mentor though, so I don't know too much about her.

 

A told me to "marry" X. Not like a real marriage, but a fake KH13 friendship marriage. Now that we know that, let's explain why I feel alone.

 

You see. I always wonder if my friends care about me or if they just think of me as an annoyance that they would like to avoid at any time they can. They'll talk to me once a day sometimes, but after that they'll just disappear for the day. Because of my past experiences with friends, I've always been afraid. I feel like I'm just the person you see once and that's it. I always think that I'm nothing like the other members. They actually know about this site and I don't. Who am I? I always feel that one day I'll just be forgotten about by those I find dear. I'll never forget, but because of that I'll suffer. All those thoughts I have. Here they are? I call it the dark side within me that tells me how I feel, how my negativity is. If you read it, you'll think I'm crazy when I'm not.

 

"Hahaha. You were always just the one people look at and leave. Now they'll leave you here as well."

 

"You have no friends. They don't care. Everyone is better than you. No matter how many times you try to fit in the crowd, it won't work. Just give up and say goodbye!"

 

"You actually care? You want to make someone happy? You're so stupid! All they want to do is hurt you and that's what you're letting them do to you. Hurt you!"

 

"You'll always be alone! No matter how many friends you make, you'll always just be alone."

 

It hurts, because I know it's what I think. I feel that I'm just stupid compared to the other members. I'm not part of the crowd, I'm too weird and inexperienced to be part of any crowd. I feel lied to, even though my friends say they care and I believe them. It's just that part of me always says that my friends are lying. They don't really care, they have other, cooler friends. You can't be just as cool, no you're stupid, boring, and weird. No one ignores you. Just say you have everything. Don't be who you are! Because if you stay you, who would like that? As a person you're stupid. I told my friend that nice things, but I'm worried it'll be taken the wrong way. No matter what I do or how much I care, I can never be me or be part of anything. What's the point of life then? Why do I care and worry? Most people are afraid of being alone and having no relationships or people who love them but I worry about being able to even have a friend. I was who I was. I played my part. Now, it's over. You helped, you cared, but it's time to move on to the next friend. NO!!!!!!!!! That's not how it is. I have social problems. I have severe social anxiety! I would rather be ignored than feel like this.

 

I hate it... I hate it all...

 

I know I'll be looked at oddly. I'm not a real friend am I?!

 

I feel that way all the time. I think that most people feel that way at one time or another. Some, feel that way most of the time. It sucks and makes you feel sick to your stomach. Through the course of middle school i only hung out with two people outside of school and it was one time with each of them. I no longer see them to this day. Until i was a senior in high school i only hung out with two friends outside of school and that's because they both lived in the same neighborhood. But, you've got to remember that if they didn't care they wouldn't talk to you, at all. They may only talk to you once a day, but maybe that's because they're busy. People tend to have a lot to do each day. If you think that life isn't worth living just remember that you have the rest of your life to change that and make it worth living.

I know how that feels. I constantly questioned my friendships and other relationships with people. You sound like a real friend to me. I also try to be there for others and make them happy even when they don't do the same for me. Try not to listen to your darker said too often, that's just insecurity talking. I don't think you're crazy at all. It's true that not everyone will stick with you until the very end, but you have to find those good few that makes you really happy and hold onto them for as long as you can. I know what it feels like to think that your friends don't really care about you. I actually went through the same thing recently with my school friends. I stopped going, and they stopped talking to me. We never really hung out outside of school either. All of that made me question everything about them. Were we friends? Or were we just acquaintances with things in common? I felt really alone for weeks and even contemplated suicide. Honestly, I don't remember how I began to feel better. I guess it helped to write my emotions in a poem. You've gotta try your best to stay positive and enjoy the times you've got with those friends.

I know how that feels. I constantly questioned my friendships and other relationships with people. You sound like a real friend to me. I also try to be there for others and make them happy even when they don't do the same for me. Try not to listen to your darker said too often, that's just insecurity talking. I don't think you're crazy at all. It's true that not everyone will stick with you until the very end, but you have to find those good few that makes you really happy and hold onto them for as long as you can. I know what it feels like to think that your friends don't really care about you. I actually went through the same thing recently with my school friends. I stopped going, and they stopped talking to me. We never really hung out outside of school either. All of that made me question everything about them. Were we friends? Or were we just acquaintances with things in common? I felt really alone for weeks and even contemplated suicide. Honestly, I don't remember how I began to feel better. I guess it helped to write my emotions in a poem. You've gotta try your best to stay positive and enjoy the times you've got with those friends.

 

you probably got better, because you eventually realized that you're better off without people like that. if they weren't good enough friends to at least try and hang out after school, then they weren't worth it. deep down, i think you realized that. i'm glad to know that for the most part, you got over it.

you probably got better, because you eventually realized that you're better off without people like that. if they weren't good enough friends to at least try and hang out after school, then they weren't worth it. deep down, i think you realized that. i'm glad to know that for the most part, you got over it.

 

Yeah, but we did hang out for like a few minutes after school sometimes. Funny thing is, when I went back one day because i didn't sleep the night before (which i didnt do last night) they were all hugging me and telling me how they missed me and that i better stay. A week before that though, i showed them the poem and a lot of them were hurt or sorry for how i felt. People are pretty confusing.

I feel you but you're a little to harsh on yourself tho