NOTE: This story began as a dream I had. So I'm pretty much adding to the dream and making it into a full blown story. Here is the first chapter. I honestly think its mediocre so far. Oh, and another thing! It's got a bit of Code Lyoko in it. Kinda...

 

Chapter I

The sounds of teenagers talking and roaming the halls, they’ve told me that I should cherish these memories and what I’ve got now. Why would I want to remember noisy hallways and obnoxious people? The only people I really like are Mr. Middy, my physics teacher (my favorite teacher), and my friends Alexandria and Sam. We go to Sparks High School in the small town of Reed, Nevada. “Haha! You’re too slow, Alex! You’ll never be faster than me!” yells a freshman. “Jimmy, slow down! We’re just going to class. Math isn’t going anywhere!” yells out Alexandria to the puny 14 year old red head already far down the hall. Jimmy’s in some of our classes. He seems to be a genius in a few subjects. He’s not really a close friend that I care about though. He’s more of just a pain in the ass.

“Sheesh, Al, why do you babysit that kid every day? It’s not like you get paid for it.” I said. “Oh shut up, Trinity! You know he’s my cousin. His mom told me to look after him and make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble.” She replies. “You’re doing such a great job. If that kid’s supposed to be a gifted or whatever, he sure should act like it. He's too childish.” The bell rings before Alexandria can say anything back to me. She yanks my arm and drags me to class.

“Okay, guys, turn to page 365 and do problems… Hm… Do problems 1-16! No! Do 1-30” says Ms. Orochi. The class groans. “Do you want more?” she says annoyingly. “NO!” The class yells in unison.

“Psst! Tri! Tri!” I try to ignore the whispers coming in my direction. “Come on, girl! Don’t try to ignore me! I know you can hear me!” I finally turned around. “What do you want, stranger? Also, stop calling me ‘Tri’. It sounds really stupid.” It’s James, a guy who’s been crushing on me ever since the 5^th grade. After his first relationship, he somehow gained some false confidence and hits on me every single day. “Why do you gotta be so cold?” “Cause I want nothing to do with you.” “Why? What’d I do to you?” He begins to sound desperate. “James, for once, could you just shut your mouth?” says Ms. Orochi. “Y-yes ma’am…” Thanks to her, he didn’t bother me again.

I hear a sigh of relief come from beside me. “Man, am I glad the day’s over! It’s too bad it’s just Monday.” Sam looks tired. “Oh come on, Samuel! It’s not the end of the world.” I giggle as I begin to walk out of the school with him. “I wish it was, then I wouldn’t have to go to class anymore.” He smirked. “Yeah, but you wouldn’t be able to get that Playstation Vita that you’ve been saving up for. You know you’re life wouldn’t be much without video games.” “Damn, Trinity. It's not like I don't have a life!” His voice cracks. “You know I'm just kidding!” he sticks his tongue out at me. “What? Are you five?” I look across the street and see Mr. Middy just leaning on a building. Didn’t he have a last period class? How’d he get out here so quickly?

“Sam, isn’t that Middy?” I point across the street. “Oh yeah, didn’t he have a last period?” “That’s just what I was thinking. I guess he didn’t.” All of a sudden, I see a short redheaded boy with two backpacks on running down the street that Mr. Middy was in. Sam laughs “Looks like Little Jim is going to miss his bus! Hey, why does he have two backpacks anyway?” “He packs his back up clothes for gym in the one he wears on his chest.” Alexandria pops up. “Oh hey, Al!” Sam and I say. “Hey, Sam, Trinity.” She says back.

When we look back to where Mr. Middy was standing and he was gone. “Middy! Come back with my bag!” Jimmy’s on the ground hastily trying to get up and give chase. “Whoa! Did Mr. Middy just steal Jimmy’s bag?!” Alexandria exclaims. “No way would he do that!” I say. “Middy!” We run down the stairs and chase down our teacher down the street.

Edited May 28, 201213 yr by burnsideking24

Not bad, it has potential.

Not bad, it has potential.

 

Any advice? Btw, it may seem a bit normal now, but it's gonna get a bit weird later on.

Any advice? Btw, it may seem a bit normal now, but it's gonna get a bit weird later on.

 

I figured it would. lol Um, I'm not really good with advice, but I'll try and help you as best as I can. I'd say take a look at the dialogue. That can always make or break a story. Maybe condense it, change up the words a little. When you're looking over and editing your chapters, that should be what you focus on editing.

I figured it would. lol Um, I'm not really good with advice, but I'll try and help you as best as I can. I'd say take a look at the dialogue. That can always make or break a story. Maybe condense it, change up the words a little. When you're looking over and editing your chapters, that should be what you focus on editing.

 

All right, will do!

 

Chapter II

We follow Mr. Middy for a few blocks. I guess Jimmy’s disappointed. I actually outran him while chasing the teacher. Actually, it seemed like everyone was far behind. I continued to follow Middy until he took a right turn into a building. I stopped for a quick second and gave a quick look at the building. It was old and completely abandoned. Why would Mr. Middy come here?

I burst through the door and I see the door to the stair case slowly close. He went up the stairs! I head straight for the stairs and begin to climb them by skipping a step to try to reach him faster. “Mr. Middy! Stop! We just want Jimmy’s backpack back! It’s just filled with sweaty clothes!” I yell while catching my breath. I reach the third floor and see through the little glass window a figure running. I open the door and see the figure open a door. A bright orange-yellow light shone onto the walls of the hallway. “How is there electricity here?” I say to myself while catching my breath. I jog to the door. Luckily, it was still open.

Inside the room, were these pod shaped machines. “Whoa… This is like Code Lyoko!” I whisper to myself. I noticed that one of the pods had just closed. “Mr. Middy!” I called out his name to see if he was in the contraption. No answer. “Trinity! Trinity! Where are you?” I hear Sam’s voice. “I’m over here! I’m on the third floor!” They come though the stair case door and they each take a moment to catch their breath. “Did you catch him?” says Jimmy while gasping for air. “Uh—Sorta.” I say awkwardly. “What do you mean ‘sorta’?” asks Alexandria.

I point inside of the room. “Well, he’s in here but in one of these machines.” I explain. They take a look inside the room and are all in shock. “W-what is this place?” asks Sam. “If I knew, don’t you think I would’ve told you a moment ago?” “It was a rhetorical question!” Sam seems a bit irritated. I examine the pods and investigate the whole room. “That’s weird. It doesn’t seem to have any controls.” I look inside one of the pods and remember some episodes of Code Lyoko from my childhood. “Guys, you’re going to think I’m insane,” My friends look at me with confused looks. “I’m going in.”

Chapter III

“What the hell are you talking about? You don’t even know what’ll happen to you!” Sam looks at me with a worried face. “Well, if Mr. Middy went into it, why shouldn’t I?” I ask innocently. “Trinity, you’ve got to stop trying to be like Mr. Middy. I understand he’s a really good teacher and cool enough to talk to but you can’t just do everything he does! He just stole from Jimmy! How could he really be that great of a man? You’re just blinded by a stupid school girl crush!” Sam’s face is starting to turn red and he looks really annoyed. I look over at Alexandria and Jimmy. “B-but, Sam! My mom’s going to kill me if I don’t come home with those clothes!” Jimmy exclaimed while on the verge of tears. “Looks like you’re dead. There’s no way we can get your clothes back now.” Sam messes up Jimmy’s hair. “No! I can’t go home without those clothes! Alex! Try to convince him!” He starts tugging on Alexandria’s sweater. “I don’t know, Jimmy. I think I’m siding with Sam on this one.” Jimmy begins to get really desperate at this point. Sam and Alexandria turn to the door, ready to leave. Jimmy turns towards me. “Trinity, you can still convince hi-“ Jimmy’s sentence never finished as he witnessed me step into one of the pods. “Trinity!” Jimmy gasps. Sam and Alexandria quickly turn around. “Trinity!” They call out to me. “Don’t worry guys. If this is like Code Lyoko, I’ll be sent into some digital world or something!” I try to reassure them.

“Trinity, this isn’t a damn cartoon! Get out of there!” Sam yells at me. Even if I had tried to get out, it would have been too late as the doors began to close. “Trinity!” I hear the three of them call out my name. As the door’s close, my head becomes light headed and my vision becomes blurry. Before the doors closed, I saw Sam trying to reach the doors before it fully closed. “Trinity!” I can barely hear them. They sound so far away. The machine powers on by itself. A fan on the bottom began to blow furiously. I began to feel drowsy. In mere seconds, I was rendered unconscious.

nice job

nice job

 

Thanks!