Title: Zexion Fades Away

 

Castle Oblivion,Zexion has found out that Marluxia took advantage of Riku Replica  so he has already destroyed him.He comes out of his dark corridor,tired from his battle with the real Riku.

Zexion:Ahhh....this power....IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!(Zexion,angry and tired, hits the wall).I sent Riku into the deepest light and he came out with the help of darkness...IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!.

(A dark corridor opens and Axel arrives)

Axel:Yo Zexion...what happened..?

Zexion:Why do you care?! I just tried to put an end to the real Riku.But his power of combined light and darkness in his heart stopped me ....IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!.

Axel:Hmph.(Axel grabs Riku Replica's keyblade which was lying on the floor and turns it to Zexion's side)

Zexion:What are you thinking? .....Wait now i understand ..... Vexen and the others.You have orders from the Superior to eliminate the traitors, don't you?! But i am not one of them ....And anyway you cannot use the keyblade...?!

Axel:AHHH!!!(Throws the keyblade to Zexion and easily eliminates him)

 Zexion:Noooooooooooooo!!!(Zexion fades away....)

Axel:Sorry Zexion, you just found out way too much....

 

It's a little stupid and not written in a good way . Sorry for bad english ,too.

Edited December 28, 201212 yr by Nikos Sideris

It wasn't that bad...the only mistake you made was putting "IMPOSSIBLE" too many times.

It wasn't that bad...the only mistake you made was putting "IMPOSSIBLE" too many times.

Oops that's right.

As said before there is a bit over usage on the word impossible. Try using similar words instead of the same word to mix it up. The grammar could use a little bit of work in some spots. The idea itself however does seem interesting. Overall, nice job on this and keep improving.

It definitely suffers from being written in script format, and the last part's pacing could use some work, but its actually not that bad. Believe me, I have seen MUCH worse before. Much, much worse.