Ok, so I'm counting on at least two people to rate this practice SAT essay for me.  You can score from a 0 to a 6.  You are given 25 minutes to write the essay.  And the topic was whether or not people should start to solve their own problems rather than rely on the government...so, here it goes:

 

     Many people in the United States believe that the government should do more to solve the country's problems.  But, why rely on the government?  Can't individuals come up with the solutions ourselves?  People should start taking more responsibility in the problem solving; it will not stress the government, and it will allow for new leaders to be born.

     If the government didn't have to worry as much on numerous problems, the U.S. would become a better nation.  For example, in many historical events, government leaders have become stressed due to many problems.  During the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln dealt with various situations, ranging from secession to slavery.  Many citizens expected the government to solve the problem swiftly; but, they began to realize that the government was dealing with too much.  Some citizens became generals and charity leaders, while others participated in events to aid the soldiers.  Without these actions, the U.S. government would have indubitably collapsed.

     New leaders could also be created if people took responsibility in problem solving.  For example, in the widely acclaimed novel The Hunger Games, the heroine, Katniss Everdeen, rebels against the current government after she and numerous other friends protest against their cruel treatment.  She takes matters into her own hands by leading many of the country's citizens into rebellion.  In the end, the problem of hunger and crude punishment is solved through the destruction of the government's policies.

     All in all, if United States citizens took matters into their own hands, the country could become a better place.  Governments would not be fretting constantly over the nation's struggles.  And, people would develop incredible leadership skills by figuring out solutions to problems.  If everyone did this, both community and nation would become stronger.

 

Tell me what you liked and what I need to improve on!!!  Thank you so much, KH13 members!

Edited February 6, 201312 yr by Think Pink

A 4, as you conveyed your side well, but did not accurately represent the other side of the argument.

Like Oniaku said, play it from both sides. Sure, people should be taking care of their problems themselves more, but there's also more the gov can do to help. Throw in some ways the gov can support these endeavors and lighten the load on everyone.

 

But overall, don't worry about it. The SATs are stupidly easy. If you can pass standardized testing, you'll have no problem. I did very well on it, and there was even a man with a chainsaw right outside the window the entire time. (<- That's not a joke. All trueness.)

A 4, as you conveyed your side well, but did not accurately represent the other side of the argument.

 

 

Like Oniaku said, play it from both sides. Sure, people should be taking care of their problems themselves more, but there's also more the gov can do to help. Throw in some ways the gov can support these endeavors and lighten the load on everyone.

 

But overall, don't worry about it. The SATs are stupidly easy. If you can pass standardized testing, you'll have no problem. I did very well on it, and there was even a man with a chainsaw right outside the window the entire time. (<- That's not a joke. All trueness.)

I agree with both Ansem the Wise and Oniaku on their advice. I think you could expand a little bit on the other side of the argument a bit, but remember you always want to provide plenty of evidence in your essay to support your main points. I would also try to omit all of the contractions in your essay. You had a nice thesis statement at the beginning of your first paragraph. I also like how you incorporated American history to prove your point. I think it would be excellent if you could also think of an event in modern America to stress your point even more. Overall your essay looks good and I am sure you will perform well on your SAT. I wish you good luck!