My very first attempt at doing a poem. Feedback is always welcome

 

 I live in the snow

I downfall in the snow

I create the snow

 

That's all what I was thinking.

If you're going for Haiku, the second line is one syllable short

No no I see it. it is a poem to the adversity in your life. The more colder moments in the road of a more warmer life.

I live in the snow = I live with adversity

I downfall in the snow = I fall to such hard times

I create the snow = I realize I'm the one that may have caused my own pain.

 

yes yes.

 

Add something like "I live on the sun." = I don't let it bother me regardless.

My very first attempt at doing a poem. Feedback is always welcome

 

 I live in the snow

I downfall in the snow

I create the snow

 

That's all what I was thinking.

Edited February 21, 201312 yr by ReikuSSR

Good job.

No no I see it. it is a poem to the adversity in your life. The more colder moments in the road of a more warmer life.

I live in the snow = I live with adversity

I downfall in the snow = I fall to such hard times

I create the snow = I realize I'm the one that may have caused my own pain.

Great analysis, I got that feel from "Downfall" but didn't think about the others.