Lexi and I are doing a thing 

 

I am Dean she is Cas

Edited December 5, 201311 yr by Paopufruity

He was slowly coming back to reality, the dream-like landscape disappearing from his thought process, he was awakening. For a moment he expected to be hit with a massive hangover from all the drinking he had done the night before, but the pain never came, there was only the sweet blissful sound of soft breathing as he slowly opened his eyes. The dimmed lights suggested that it was still in the early hours of the morning and the absence of background noise meant that Sam was not yet awake. Though he began to become aware of himself, he was warm and comfortable for the first time in many years, he did not want to move. The question was, what was making him so warm. Shifting his eyes downward, he was surprised to see a tan trench coat in front of his face. Realization suddenly dawned on him that he was in Castiel's arms. All the events of the previous night began to come back to him. He had begun to cry in Cas' arms, before shortly falling asleep in them. The angel had then proceeded to keep all his nightmares away. Dean couldn't help but blush at their close proximity however.

 

"Cas...?" he called out sleepily, yawning not so long after. 

Castiel knew that Dean was waking up. His long, deep breaths had slowly become more frequent, until they were at short intervals similar to when he was awake. Castiel wasn't sure whether he was glad or disappointed to hear his name. He didn't want one of the first relaxing nights of his life to end, but he would never pass up the chance to talk with Dean. "Good morning, Dean." Though Dean was awake and probably about to move, Castiel stayed still. He hadn't moved an inch since Dean had gone to sleep, but it didn't bother him. It suddenly occurred to Castiel that Dean would need to eat. He wracked his brain for others human things--he'd need to take the time to shower and dress, and while Castiel enjoyed their downtime, they couldn't squander precious time. "I will get breakfast for you, if you would like some." 

Dean took the opportunity to yawn again, it seemed like Castiel was attempting to take care of him in some sorts. The thought of that made him smile internally. Thinking about it, breakfast sounded pretty good.

 

"Now that you say... Yeah I do. There's a diner down the street a little ways. That should be good. You should come with us. I'll wake Sammy up." He reluctantly detached himself from Castiel's arms, before taking a look at the angel's placid face that held so much concern for his overall well being. Dean was grateful to Castiel for that. Standing up, he yawned once again and stretched himself out. He turned this gaze over to Sam's bed and internally chuckled, his little brother was still sleeping like a rock. At least it saved him the embarrassment of being discovered sleeping in Cas' arms. He walked over to his brother and kicked him lightly,

 

"Rise and shine Sammy." He laughed, all traces of the previous night gone. 

Though Castiel knew they absolutely adored each other, Sam and Dean's relationship had always seemed a bit strange. They played practical jokes and made plenty of remarks that could be construed as mean, but the boys took it all in stride. Castiel wasn't sure whether he should move or not. There was no real reason for him to go to breakfast with them. He didn't eat, and it would be more time efficient if he retrieved food for the boys while they prepared. But as Sam woke up and sleepily smiled at Castiel, he realized the Winchesters would really enjoy the social experience. As took turns getting dressed, Castiel stood. His trench coat was wrinkled, but on one side, there was a circle where Dean's head had been that remained flat. He smoothed it out and observed the boys. It was always interesting watching them. Dean had dressed and flicked on the TV while Sam showered. He was watching some soap opera--Doctor Sexy. Castiel had seen it a few times before. He stood beside Dean to watch. As superficial as the show was, there was something riveting about it. 

After he had finished his shower, Dean had begun to put on his boots while turning on the television. To his pleasure, it seemed like Doctor Sexy MD was on. Although the show was a bit odd and undoubtedly cheesy, Dean had come to enjoy it profusely. It seemed like Cas was watching as well, a perplexed expression marring his face, it almost made Dean laugh. The angel hadn't moved for a while after he had woken up, but seemed ready to go out when necessary. It was then that Sam reemerged from the bathroom fully dressed and ready to go. 

 

"Alright let's head out." Dean motioned to the door as he picked up his keys and headed out to the impala.

Castiel noticed that Dean intended on taking the Impala, but why was it necessary? None of them were injured so severely that they were unable to walk a short ways. "Dean, you told me the diner we will be visiting for breakfast is just down the street. We could walk to it instead of using the car and polluting. Global warming is an issue that can be solved with small changes to a daily routine, like walking short distances instead of driving a car. It is a matter of reprogramming the mind to be comfortable with such changes." Sam and Dean stared at Castiel like he had proposed they grow wings and fly. Castiel got the feeling that they didn't care much about the environment when there were bigger problems on their minds. He suppressed a sigh. "Or we could take the car." He added and nodded emphatically. "We have much to talk about. Work to do." 

Dean couldn't help but laugh at Castiel's little speech on global warming, though they had much better things to do than the protection of the environment. There wouldn't be any environment to protect if they didn't stop Lucifer from roasting the earth alive. The thought alone made his body feel heavy. He attempted to drive those thoughts from his mind for the time being however. Right now, he, Sam, and Cas were going to have breakfast at the diner. He tried to console himself with those thoughts. Opening up the door for the front seat, Dean climbed in, as well as hearing Sam and Cas getting into their respective seats. Had Sam been absent, he would have let Cas ride shotgun. 

 

"Listen to her purr." Dean smirked as he started up the impala's engine and began to drive down the road to where the diner was.

Castiel didn't comment on Dean's incorrect referral to the sound of the Impala as a "purr". He settled into his seat, folding his hands neatly in his lap. He hated travelling by car. He was used to instant travel and not the bumpy, uncomfortable slowness that came with riding in a car. Castiel felt like he was trapped--boxed in from all sides, though he could easily teleport out of the situation. He really wished that Sam and Dean had agreed to walking. Castiel grabbed onto the door handle for support as the Impala shot out of the parking lot and made a wild turn onto the road. It was a near miss situation, and the car Dean had cut off began honking at them. "Dean, I believe you have upset another driver." He nodded in the direction of the honking. "You would not be polluting the air and frustrating other humans you must share the road with if you had walked." 

Dean sighed at Cas' statement, the driver was still honking at him from the distance, annoying him slightly. He rolled down the window and shouted profanity at the other driver, effectively shutting him up. They pulled into the parking lot of the diner and Dean shut of the ignition. 

 

"Alright time to get some bacon!" Dean exclaimed, no evidence of last night's breakdown was present in his voice. The bell atop the doorway chimed as they entered and sat themselves. Dean sitting next to Castiel and across from Sam. They all ordered their food respectively and Dean turned to Cas,

 

"You gonna get something man?" he asked.

Castiel shook his head. "I do not need anything to eat." He watched Dean's face carefully. He'd expected Dean to look a little frazzled after his episode, but he appeared to be fine. That worried Castiel more than Dean's tears. That meant he'd never know how badly Dean was hurting unless he lost it and started to cry. Castiel folded up his menu and pushed it toward the end of the table. It seemed like the boys had ordered a feast for breakfast, but Castiel realized it was because they didn't know when their next meal would come. Life was always rather open-ended for them. 

 

Castiel ignored that thought and glanced around the diner somewhat suspiciously before looking at the Winchesters again. "We need to talk about Lucifer." He could see the faint smiles that had found their way onto the boys faces vanish. He hated taking away the little bit of joy they could find in moments like these, but the world was at stake. The safety of millions of lives trumped the boys' fleeting good moods. He erased the philosophical question of why do we have to save the world? before it even had a chance to really register. He couldn't risk being distracted, but at the same moment he reminded himself that he couldn't lose focus, he lost it. He was drawn into Dean's eyes. Why did Dean have to lose everything? He was about to lose it all one more time, and Castiel could think of no solution. At the end of the apocalypse, chances were that they'd all be dead. 

Dean gave a sigh as Castiel pushed his menu away, the look on his face said it all, it was time to talk business. More specifically apocalypse business. His face fell slightly and turned hard and stern.

 

"Okay. Let's talk." He pushed away his plate of bacon and eggs, suddenly devoid of his appetite.

 

"Lucifer's out of the box and we have no idea what our next move is right? I mean, Cas you ditched the god-squad for us." He sighed again. Sometimes he thought to himself, what was the point of trying to save this damned world. Why did they have to be heroes for the sake of all the ungrateful bastards on this planet. But it was his job, right?

Castiel nodded slightly. The term god-squad had originally bothered him--the kinds of angels Castiel knew didn't even deserve to be associated with someone like God--but he'd gotten used to it. There was no point in chastising Dean over such a minor thing when the apocalypse was hanging over their heads. Castiel knew what the next move was, but he'd rather not consider it. If Sam and Dean agreed to act as vessels...Castiel shook his head. He didn't even want to consider the possibility. The boys he'd grown to love would be dead and gone, and he would have failed them for the final time. There had to be another way to stop the apocalypse--something that would allow the Winchesters to survive. It was a partially selfish decision to keep them alive. It wasn't just because he owed them, but also because he didn't know how he'd survive without them. It seemed as if the universe had turned against him, and the Winchesters were the only family he really had left. 

 

"I know Zachariah wants you--" Castiel cut off when he saw Dean's eyes freeze over. There was no point in repeating it. He cleared his throat and continued on past the part about Sam and Dean being the perfect vessels. "You cannot say yes, no matter what Zachariah bribes you with. We will find an alternative solution."

Dean growled under his breath, why would Cas even consider the possibility that he might say yes to Michael? Did he not have any faith in him whatsoever? He tried to keep his growing anger under wraps but the more he thought about Castiel''s statement, the more annoyed he became. Dean would never say yes to Michael and those winged asshats in order to end the world, and he didn't want to think about Sam saying yes to Lucifer. However, for now he needed to stay focused on not falling into Zachariah's lap. The guy sure had a way with words that made Dean want to stab him in the gut. 

 

"Oh of course Cas, because I would say yes to Michael in a heartbeat right? Or let Zachariah control me? Is it that hard to just put a little damn trust in me? Of course there has to be some other way." Dean knew he was acting like a petulant child at this point with his sudden outburst, but this had been weighing on him ever since he had found out he was to be Michael's vessel. 

 

"I'm going to go to the restroom." he abruptly stood up before storming off to the men's room.

Castiel wanted to follow Dean and explain what he really meant by the comment, but he knew Dean didn't want to talk to him right then. In retrospect, maybe that wasn't the best way to phrase his point. Castiel sighed. It felt like he was never going to perfectly fit in with humans. He liked the distinction of being an angel, but he wanted to communicate with the Winchesters as freely as they did with each other. He felt like he was just learning how to speak--trying to decipher what words to use when, and how to say things in just the right way that Dean wouldn't be upset. Castiel wanted Dean to feel better, not to get angry. 

 

Castiel turned to Sam, who thankfully hadn't left. He wasn't sure what he would have done if both of the boys had stomped off. "I meant no disrespect." Castiel assured him with a slight nod. "But I know how persuasive Zachariah can be. He will not leave you many options. He will try to bend you to his will by any means necessary. He can kill you and Dean over and over until you break. He can create a world worse than hell. It would be unwise to underestimate him." 

Sam smiled slightly and shook his head, "I know Cas, it's okay. Dean's just..." he paused for a moment, "He's just not been himself lately." He stared at the ground solemnly.

 

Meanwhile in the bathroom, Dean was staring at himself in the mirror and gripping at the sink, all the while scowling. "Was Castiel right? Did he really not have the power to resist Zachariah's influence? If it came down to it, would he say yes? If it meant if Sam lived or died, yes he would. He would say yes to Michael to save Sam even if it meant sacrificing himself. Whatever became of him didn't matter, Sammy always came first, it had always been that way. He had made a deal and gone to hell for him, and he would do it all again if he had to. The old Winchester way, was it not? He could feel his eyes beginning to sting again, and wiped at them furiously. No, he could keep crying, that wouldn't help him at all. It wouldn't help fill the hole in his chest. Sighing deeply, he tried to move himself from his position and make his way back to the table. He needed to keep his cool. 

 

"I'm sorry." He said simply as he scooted in the booth next to Cas. Suddenly grooves along the table became very interesting.

"You made no transgression, Dean." Castiel's crystalline blue eyes darted back and forth between the brothers. "Returning to the subject of the apocalypse, we still do not have a plan. We cannot rush into this and risk destroying the world, but we don't have much time. As far as I know, there is no way to stop the apocalypse without you both saying yes." He watched as the boys' eyebrows shot up and their lips began to form words, but he continued before either of them could speak. "However, I have an idea. I will work on my plan while you come up with another option. I don't want everything to ride on my idea." He almost didn't want to say it. It was rather absurd, wasn't it? "I want to find God." 

 

He knew what the Winchesters were going to say before they even spoke. He didn't endure their protests and questions for long. "This may work. God is the only being that can stop Lucifer without you two. But I have never spoken with God, and finding him will be extremely difficult. I need something that will alert me to his presence." His eyes dropped from Dean's face to his chest. "Dean, your necklace can detect God." Castiel could have easily asked for the necklace. It wouldn't have taken much effort, and even if Dean resisted, he could have stolen it without much trouble. But spending an indefinite amount of time chasing a dream that led him away from Dean? Castiel didn't think he could handle that sort of loneliness. "I will need you to come with me." 

Dean's eyes widened at the prospect of Cas wanting him to come with him to find God, what use would he be to him? Like God wanted to be found anyway, but he guessed it would be worth a try.

 

"Why do I need to come with you Cas?" Dean asked, genuinely curious, why couldn't Cas just take his amulet and go? Not that he was complaining of course. As much as he trusted the angel, leaving the necklace with someone else, worried Dean, he didn't want to lose it. Also, spending time with Cas wouldn't be so bad. He genuinely enjoyed his company as clueless as he could be. God may be able to help them with this situation, as disheartening as it sounded, it seemed hopeless without his help at this point. He didn't want to become a vessel, he honestly didn't. The world would be roasted alive and there would be nothing he could do to stop it at that point. The thought alone made him cringe.

Castiel wasn't used to making up excuses. He couldn't outright say that he wanted Dean there because he cared. Because for some reason, he needed Dean around, and he wanted to keep an eye on that particular Winchester. Castiel was still clueless about much of what was considered appropriate in human interaction, but he knew that he couldn't reveal openly how stupidly and desperately he needed Dean. "I did not want to take your necklace from you. I know it is important to you. Sam will be doing research while we search, and does not need your protection. I will need to fight, and I don't want to go alone in this situation. If I'm alone and I am killed, you'll never get your necklace back. It is the most sensible option." 

 

Castiel turned to Sam. "You and Bobby will need to work quickly. Pray to me if you find anything urgent." Castiel hesitated for a moment. "And please tell Bobby that I am sorry I cannot heal him." 

Dean nodded in understanding of Castiel's plan, and smiled lightly, a road trip with Cas, didn't seem half bad now that he thought about it. There was something about him that Dean felt that he could place his trust in. He had comforted him as he had had a breakdown the night before and seemed to want to do anything to help him. Dean did not know what to think of that, he had never had this kind of relationship with another being other than his brother, and not even Sam knew everything about him. Dean felt like he needed Castiel in his life right now, like he wouldn't be able to get by without him. Which was saying something for the older Winchester. He felt that this little excursion would what he needed aside from the obvious business at hand. Sam would be safe at Bobby's and there wasn't much he needed to worry about. 

 

"Alright Cas, when do we need to take off?" He asked in anticipation, he wondered if they would be taking angel air this time, since Castiel obviously felt uncomfortable in the impala. 

"As soon as possible." Castiel nodded to Dean's untouched plate of food. "You will need fuel. This will be a long trip and you will not be getting much rest. Eat and then we will leave." Castiel's eyes hadn't strayed from Dean's chest. He was fixated on that necklace. He could have discovered the story behind it with ease, but it wouldn't be the same as asking Dean to explain. He would wait until they were alone, but Castiel could already imagine the way Dean's eyes would light up. His eyes had always stunned Castiel. After thousands of years and watching billions of humans, Castiel had never seen a pair of eyes as beautiful as Dean's. It was almost comical that such beautiful eyes could have seen such disgusting things. "Sam, make sure you and Bobby put up sigils. Be prepared for an attack. It is unlikely, but not impossible." He let himself relax a bit. "And stay safe. While Dean and I are searching, I will see if there is anything I can find that will heal Bobby. Do not tell him I am looking for a cure in case I fail." 

Dean nodded and pulled his formally abandoned plate towards him once more and resumed eating his breakfast. This was a turn of events for him, but it might work out, there could be a way to stop the apocalypse without roasting half the planet alive. There might just be hope for this damned crusade, he just hoped they all came back alive from it. He grasped the wound leather string holding the pendant around his neck, who knew that it would have came in handy at this hour. As he downed the rest of his breakfast, and choked back some water, he stood up and grabbed his jacket, "What are you waiting for Cas, let's go." He gave the angel a familiar smirk. 

Leaving would be Castiel and Dean's first problem. Where were they supposed to go, exactly? Castiel hadn't the faintest idea where to find God, so they had two options: either they could blindly scour the earth for months hoping they stumbled upon Him, or they'd have to go Heaven and ask a direct source. "Would you be willing to visit Heaven?" Castiel worried about bringing Dean to the war zone that Heaven had become, but he pushed down that fear. Dean could hold his own in a fight, even against angels. Before Dean could answer the question, Castiel continued, "I know it is a lot of ask of you, Dean, but I cannot bring a living human to Heaven. I can bypass the judgment process, but you would still have to..." Castiel trailed off. The rest was obvious. "I don't want to ask you to die for me if you do not have to, but I can bring you back after we finish our mission. God is not in Heaven, but there are a few angels who have spoken to God. They might know his whereabouts, or be able to narrow down the search radius."

Not expecting the statement Castiel gave, Dean, in shock, dropped his fork on his plate. The dinner had suddenly gone silent as the only noise he registered was the resulting loud clang from the impact. Him go to heaven? The only way for that to work would be if Castiel killed him. He would have to die in order to get into heaven, even if Castiel could bring him back, he had already died once before and did not want to repeat the experience. Though it so happened to be the only way that he and Cas' could find God. They would not ever be able to find him any other way than this. So if he needed to set aside his personal desires for the good of mankind, then so be it. Swallowing thickly, he sighed and looked Cas in the eyes, "No, its fine Cas. It's okay. I'm okay.". He pushed his plate to the side once again and stood up. 

 

"Alright, let's do this. Sammy, you take baby. We'll meet you back at Bobby's whenever we can." He tossed his younger brother the keys, who expertly caught them, and began to walk outside the diner. "C'mon Cas." he beckoned to the angel. 

Castiel had never felt such dread in the pit of his stomach. He had the power to bring Dean back, but did he have the power to kill him? Even if it was just temporary, Castiel couldn't stand the idea of murdering Dean. But, as always, the needs of others came before Castiel's needs. Whether he wanted to or not, he was going to have to kill Dean. "Thank you, Sam, for being understanding." He nodded to the hunter and followed Dean outside. "We will need to find a secluded area." Castiel was already scanning the street. Thankfully, they were in a rather shady section of town, and there were plenty of alleyways. Castiel led Dean to the first empty alley, and the terrible whirlpool feeling in his stomach worsened. He tried to imagine the face of someone else, but no matter how hard he tried, all Castiel could see was Dean. He steeled his nerves and looked up into Dean's eyes. He knew Dean wouldn't hold a grudge, but Castiel deserved Dean's fury. After all the times he had failed Dean, now he had to kill him? "I know it will not help much," Castiel averted his eyes. "But I am very, very sorry for this, Dean. I appreciate your sacrifice, and I will bring you back. We will not spend long in Heaven." 

Dean swallowed the fear rising in his throat as he and Castiel stepped into the abandoned alleyway, there was nobody around to see them which was good, he'd rather not have someone discovering his dead body and freaking out over it, it would cause too much of a scene. He stood at arms length from Castiel and sighed, trying to gather up his composure to stick this out, to imagine the face of some damn monster killing him instead of Cas. It was so hard, all he could see was the face of the angel that saved him from hell and had done so much for him. He squeezed his eyes shut to stop an involuntary tear from leaking down his cheek, and balled up his fists. "Go ahead Cas." He motioned towards himself, "Just do it, but...", there was a pause, "Please... Let it be painless." Memories of the hellhounds raking his chest to shreds and his vision turning red filled his mind. Could he really do this? He had to, there was no other choice was there.