Lexi and I are doing a thing 

 

I am Dean she is Cas

Edited December 5, 201311 yr by Paopufruity

Dean didn't know exactly when he had nodded off, but he gave a small smile when he realized where he was. He was dreaming once again with the comfort and support of Castiel's grace aiding him, warding off his nightmares and giving him an opportunity to rest. The scenery was the same as it had been before, a lulling, quiet park. A soft breeze tossed his hair and caressed his cheek. This time however, there were small children playing on a playground not too far from where he was. Their soft laughter was comforting. In front of him was a giant lake, the water was still however. Just still enough to watch as the wind flew over it, ripples formed as leaves fell from their branches to the surface of the water. Dean was more than content, he smiled and leaned his head back, taking in the peaceful and quiet dream that was more than a blessing to him. He only wished that Castiel was there to enjoy it with him, though he knew the angel would never trespass in his mind without good reason. He could have used the company however.

 

It was odd, he noticed after a while, the birds had stopped chirping and the breeze had vanished. The laughter of the children had ceased and everything was silent. Dean turned around to glace at the playground, all the children had stopped to stare at him with cold lifeless eyes, though none of them moved. It was then that everything started happening at once. In unison, the children let loose bloodcurdling screams as their faces began to melt away. Blood bubbled and ran down their bodies, leaving nothing but a charred black skull in it's wake.The blue sky slowly darkened into a bright red and the air was beginning to grow hot until the very air was on fire. The flames licked at his body and Dean opened his mouth to scream, but no sound escaped him. Something was wrong, through the pain, his mind flashed to Castiel, where was he, did something happen? His presence was gone and Dean saw the effect it gave. 

 

"Oh Dean." A sultry voice sounded from the shadows, and suddenly he was strapped to the rack once more, Alastair's distorted and broken face smirking above him, holding a rusted red knife."Why did your little insect of a brother have to go and kill me like that? Not after all the fun we had." The sounds of his own screams became silent to his ears, it was white noise at this point. The pain was one with his body, and all he wanted to do was wake up. 

 

"Castiel!" Dean, in a desperate attempt to wake up, screamed as loud as his voice could allow. 

Castiel whirled around, staring back at the motel room where he could hear a scream. Dean. "Dean?" He rasped, unsure of whether to speak to the creature or return to Dean. Castiel couldn't sense any other presences, so Dean was upset over a nightmare. Technically he was still safe. He glanced back into the empty parking lot. "Make it quick!" Castiel growled. 

 

"I'm sorry for all the trouble you've gone through for me, Castiel." 

 

Dean screamed again from inside the motel room. Castiel winced at the sound--Dean was calling his name. "Who are you?" Castiel hated being unable to see whatever was speaking to him. He could sense that it was close, but evidently well-hidden. 

 

"I want you to continue working. Protect Heaven, Castiel. I have faith that with Dean, you can stop what is coming. Because what is meant to be, is not really meant to be." 

 

"That doesn't make any sense!" Castiel shouted, but before he'd even finished the sentence, the presence was gone. What had happened? Who had he even been speaking to? Another angel, but it was far more powerful than an angel should have been. He could figure all of the details out later. At that moment, he had someone infinitely more important to attend to. Castiel burst back inside the motel room to discover Dean writhing on the bed, screaming for him. No. No no no no. "Dean!" Castiel moved to sit beside Dean's shaking form. "Dean, wake up!" 

 

Relief flooded through Castiel when Dean's emerald eyes finally shot open. They darted around madly, terrified. "Dean, it's alright. It was a dream. You're safe." Castiel's hoarse scream had dropped to a comforting near-whisper. "I'm holding you Dean, you're safe. I'll protect you." 

Dean was desperately attempted to break free of the hell that had a hold on him, but the chains seemed to bar him to his dream and Alastair would not stop. He was beginning to feel as if this wasn't a dream, that he was still in hell, that Alastair had made him believe that an angel had saved him and that he was back with his brother, sent on some foolish quest to find God. That meant that Castiel wasn't real, it had all been a ploy. Tears at this point ran freely down his cheeks as he cried out again and again for his angel, desperately waiting to see if he would come. Faintly, through the pain and hellfire, he could hear a voice calling his name, a panicked voice shouting at him to wake up. Wait, wasn't this real? He was still in hell, he couldn't be dreaming this pain up. It was real, and it hurt. 

 

"Dean!" The voice shouted once again, clearer this time, it was rough sounding yet it had a broken edge to it. Was this Castiel? "Dean you have to wake up!" The voice shouted again, even louder this time. It was then that the hell around him vanished, he was no longer in pain, Alastair and his cursed knife were gone from above his trembling form and instead, in his place, was a dark haired man with striking blue eyes and a tan trench coat. It was Castiel.

 

"I'm holding you Dean, you're safe. I'll protect you." He whispered and his voice cracked. Dean's eyes filled with tears as he curled in to the angel's form, he desperately wanted this to be real. "Are you..." his voice sounded as if someone had shoved broken glass down his throat, "Cas are you real? Please be real."

Castiel pulled Dean closer to his chest. It wasn't enough to know that Dean was safe. It was his fault and whatever had distracted him that had caused Dean's suffering. Again, Dean was in pain because of him. Castiel was afraid to hug Dean any tighter, but he was barely staving off tears. Here Dean was, perfectly safe in his arms, and yet Castiel was terrified. Terrified of what Dean constantly suffered through and of his near inability to help. Of his failure. "Shh," Castiel murmured, gently cupping Dean's head and pulling it to rest against his collarbone. He rocked slowly, carefully, as not to jostle Dean. He was still shaking violently, his eyes darting about nervously. The fact that Dean underwent the same torture every night and was able to hide this emotional state from Sam almost successfully was astonishing. How could he possibly do it? 

 

"Yes, Dean. I'm real. I am very real, and your dreams are not." Castiel wasn't sure what more comfort he could offer, so while softly rocking Dean, he began to list the beautiful real things Dean needed as a distraction. "Sam is real. Sam is safe, too. Bobby is real and safe. The people you have saved are real. They're happy people, Dean. Living normal lives. They send their children to school and they work normal jobs. They will have grandchildren some day, and they will try new foods, they'll travel, they'll meet new people. There are dogs and flowers and children. It's all real, Dean." Castiel was relieved to see that the panic on Dean's face had faded somewhat. 

Dean's breathing began to even out as Castiel reassured him. The angel was right, it was all real, Sammy was safe, Bobby too. The people they had saved were okay and living their lives. The world, even as it had gone to shit, was beautiful. This wasn't hell, this was Earth, and he was there. Safe and sound in Castiel's arms. Being held by the angel that had saved him from the world he was just in. The angel that protected him always and had promised to continue doing so. It was all real, and it was here and now. Dean had let go, his trembling began to slow down and the tears in his eyes spilled over and flowed down his cheeks and onto Castiel's coat. He wrapped his arms tightly around him as if he would disappear if he let go.

 

"Cas. Please don't leave. I need you here." He hiccuped and curled into the angel's side. He was a lifeline, and Dean needed him. 

Castiel could hardly stop his lips from quivering. Dean had at least some small fear that Castiel would leave him. Deep down, some part of Dean believed that Castiel would do that. Castiel forced a small smile onto his shaky lips. "I would not leave you, Dean." He murmured and rested his head in Dean's messy hair. Castiel felt his trench coat begin to grow wet with Dean's tears. "Don't cry. Please don't cry, Dean. I will not let go of you. I won't leave. I am real and I will protect you." Castiel shifted his arm slightly and accidentally bumped Dean's necklace. 

 

Castiel tried not to convey any shock. He forced himself to wear the same expression, to keep whispering to Dean. Now was not the time to bring up the fact that Dean's necklace felt white hot. Although Castiel felt like he was a human who had stuck his hand onto a hot stove, Dean didn't seem to notice that the necklace was radiating heat. Castiel had a terrible sinking feeling that he knew who he had just spoken to in the parking lot. There was only one being that Dean's necklace was able to detect--God. 

 

Castiel tried not to think of the fact that he had just met God and of the implications. Right then, he needed to focus on calming Dean. But really, how could he completely calm a man who had been tortured in hell for forty years? Who had suffered more than any human could ever be expected to? What kind of monstrous God would draw Castiel away from Dean when Dean needed him the most? 

Dean couldn't stave off his tears no matter hard he tried, this was forty years of torture and pain spilling out all at once. Forty years and then some of misery that always seemed to follow him. He needed to let this out, there was no one else around but Castiel. Sam was not here, he could let go finally. Despite Castiel's pleas for him to stop crying, Dean only sobbed harder. He clutched the backside of the trench-coat as if it was his only lifeline--his only anchor keeping him attached to the real world. He couldn't hold back any longer, he couldn't keep pretending that he was okay when he wasn't. At some point he just needed to give up and drop his facade, even if it was just for one night. Castiel's small reassurances did much to help, even if they did not stop his tears. The emotional support he was receiving was beginning to help ease the pain of the past years. 

 

It was only then when he realized how different Castiel sounded. The usually emotionless angel's voice was teeming with life and held a tone that conveyed that he did indeed care. The the tears that were staining his face had formed a large wet spot on Castiel's coat, though it didn't seem like he cared. He never once removed his arms from his body, and was stroking his hair lovingly in an attempt to calm him down. The gesture was comforting and it made Dean safe and secure. 

 

"Cas," Dean gasped through his sobs, "Cas." he couldn't help but repeat his name over and over again. When he shifted his weight however, he felt his necklace brush up against his face. It was burning hot. "What- What the hell?"

Castiel wasn't even entirely aware of his murmurings anymore. He just wanted Dean to be okay--it didn't matter what he had to say or do. If throwing himself in front of a bus would cheer Dean up, Castiel would do it in a heartbeat. More terrifying than the thought of God visiting him was knowing that he couldn't help Dean. He could offer support, but in the end, there really wasn't much Castiel could do. He couldn't undo Dean's years in hell, he couldn't stop the memories from hurting him. He could chase away nightmares, but was that really healing? What about when he wasn't dreaming. What if Castiel died? What angelic comfort he could have managed to give was gone. He was cut off from Heaven, leaving them stranded. 

 

Castiel pushed the necklace away from Dean, his hand stinging painfully. It must not have had the same effect on Dean. Little red marks where the pendant had touched him scarred Castiel's skin, but Dean's face, except for the tear trails, were clear. "Don't worry about it now, Dean." Castiel hushed him, gently caressing the side of Dean's face. Even though no marks were visible, Castiel wanted to be sure the necklace hadn't hurt Dean. "We'll deal with the necklace later." Castiel just wanted Dean to focus on himself and his own recovery. A distraction, though it would stop the tears, wouldn't do him any good in the end. 

The feeling of Castiel's cool hand gently caressing Dean's face made him sigh with relief, a gesture of comfort. It calmed him slightly. He let himself forget about his odd pendant for the moment as he began to finally calm down. His sobs eventually faded into whimpers that once again Castiel soothed with his soft murmurings. The tears that seemed to be flowing endlessly from his eyes slowed down, and soon stopped. Until he was blearily staring at the wall with shaky breathing, letting Castiel's voice lull him into a trace. For a second, it felt like his mother was holding and rocking him back and forth, the only thing that was missing was 'Hey Jude'. Dean's constant cries of Castiel's name slowly turned into whispers that he endlessly repeated. 

 

This episode of his had completely shattered his 'I don't give a shit' attitude and then stepped on the pieces to only crush them further. Right now, he was just a very scared and very broken little boy in the body of a man. The part of him that he had tried to cover up all his life since the fire that had sent his and Sammy's lives into a complete living hell of monsters, demons and almost every evil thing you could think of. This was the first time he had found solace in anyone else but his brother. 

 

"Cas..." Dean whispered after he had calmed down, "Stay with me tonight please. I don't want you to go... Just stay. I don't want to sleep."

"I would not leave you, Dean." Castiel nodded slightly, and pulled back so that he could be sure Dean was staring into his eyes. "Dean, don't be scared. You have to know that I won't leave. You have to know that, Dean." That was probably what hurt the most out of the whole episode. Castiel wouldn't have been able to end Dean's time in hell any faster, he wouldn't have been able to ease any of that agony, but the least he could do for Dean was give him someone to trust. He was worthless to Dean if he wasn't trustworthy. Being a source of comfort should have been enough, but Castiel needed more than that. He needed Dean to know, without asking, that Castiel would always be there for him. After all, Castiel had given up everything to fight for Dean. Who else would he go to if not Dean? What job did he have outside of being the Winchesters' personal guardian? 

 

Castiel shifted Dean so that he was no longer curled up in Castiel's lap, but leaning back against the pillows in a more comfortable position. Castiel kept his arms wrapped around Dean, and rested his head atop Dean's. He prayed that Dean had forgotten about his heated necklace. For the night, Castiel was too afraid to deal with problems outside of their motel room. For one night at least, Castiel wanted to focus exclusively on himself and Dean. It was selfish considering the fate of the world was at stake, but Dean deserved some comfort. They all deserved some relief. 

Looking into Castiel's eyes, Dean found resolute intention to never leave his side. He was telling the truth and Dean knew it too. He put as much trust in Castiel as his harded heart of a hunter could give. Castiel acted as his rock--the rock that kept him from falling apart and flying away. This was the angel that saved him from hell. That had placed a hand on his shoulder and lifted him away from his suffering. They were inseparable at this point. The first person that never intended to leave him ever. It felt good for once in his life to feel safe. 

 

While his movements were sloppy, Dean gently grasped Castiel's hand and guided it to the print that was branded into his shoulder. The feeling that flowed through him then was indescribable and he could do nothing but sigh in utter content and relief. He then began to settle back into the pillows that Castiel had placed behind him and pulled the covers over both of them. His episode had thoroughly exhausted him. Dean slowly then laid his head down on Castiel's chest, too tired to care about the clearly intimate position they were in. 

 

"Thank you..." Dean then whispered, the blackness of sleep slowly overtaking him. They would deal with anything else the following morning. For now, he couldn't care less. 

"Of course, Dean." Castiel closed his eyes for a moment. Things were indescribably perfect. He'd go through thousands of years of pain, boredom, and bloodshed again just to reach that second. Just to meet Dean, to hold him, to know Dean was enough. Castiel had met more than his fair share of humans, but he'd never met anyone like Dean. He'd never met another being who he'd be content to hold while they sobbed. It was strange, really. Romantic love wasn't something angels shared nor discussed. Their feelings were of familial love, not the strange way he felt for Dean. "What is happening to me?" Castiel murmured into Dean's shoulder. Dean was fast asleep, thankfully, but he'd never be able to answer. 

 

Castiel reached out for the television remote and clicked it on. He'd seen Dean watching Dr. Sexy on countless occasions, but Castiel had only seen two complete episodes. They were spaced out in such a way that Castiel couldn't follow the plot. He watched the marathon until the sun began to rise and, admittedly, it was an interesting show. It even had ghosts, although Castiel wasn't sure why the supernatural aspect of it appealed to Dean. He figured that Dean wouldn't like seeing the things he fought in every show. 

Dean was thankful that he could finally sleep in peace, a feel of absolute adoration and love was smothering him like a pillow, and he reveled in it. He was thankful for Castiel, and everything he had done. His heart sped up slightly at the thought of the angel. He always felt differently around Castiel. How could he feel so comfortable with opening up to and even sobbing in his arms. He had never felt this way about another person, not even with all the women he had been with. Even if he had been emotionally invested with some, it had never been on a scale such as this. He had never felt so content around another person before and it was a nice change. But why Castiel? Why was he so drawn to this angel? He didn't know what he was feeling. All he knew was that he needed him around and that he was here to stay.

 

Dean wasn't aware that he slept well into the morning, instead of getting up at the ass-crack of dawn like he usually did. He was so comfortable lying there that he had forgotten about their quest in his dreams. Which were of a bright warm, enveloping light that soothed him. In the end, it was his stomach that woke him. He had not eaten in more than a few days and it was beginning to take a toll on him. As when he finally opened his eyes, he groaned at the pain, and buried himself even further into Castiel's chest. 

"Dean?" Castiel finally tore his eyes away from the television. He had been watching it for at least eleven hours without interruption. Castiel smiled, glad that Dean had woken up late. The longer he slept, the more peaceful his dreams. "Dean, there is a Dr. Sexy marathon on. According to the announcer, it will be on for another four hours. They are doing a rerun of every episode to count down to the release of a new season." Castiel grinned when Dean looked up at him, clearly surprised. "I watched it all night. I know everything that has happened, although I will say I do not understand why Dr. Sexy is considered sexy. His cowboy boots are impractical, and he is not an extremely attractive man." Castiel pursed his lips and decided to shut up. Dean would likely launch into a speech about why Dr. Sexy's cowboy boots made him ultra sexy, and while Castiel wasn't entirely opposed to the idea, he had heard Dean's stomach growling multiple times throughout the night. Sometimes Castiel forgot that humans needed to it. It was around noon, so Castiel wasn't sure what he should retrieve for Dean. "You can stay and watch the Dr. Sexy marathon. I will get you some food." Castiel's eyes traveled to Dean's necklace. They'd have to discuss it at some point, but Castiel would rather put it off for as long as possible. "Would you like breakfast or lunch? It's a quarter past twelve." 

Dean yawned as Castiel started going into his large speech about Doctor Sexy. To his surprise, he actually laughed. Castiel had actually stayed up all night watching a Doctor Sexy Marathon. It was truly comical to see him get so in depth. "Nah Cas, don't you see? The cowboy boots are supposed to be impractical. That's what sets him apart and makes him sexy." Dean stated in a very matter-of-fact voice. He had to clear his throat a number of times however, due it being raw and hoarse from all his crying the previous night. He still was a bit drowsy, but the pain in his stomach drew all attention away from that fact. True to what Castiel said, it was past noon already. He really had slept in this morning, but he didn't really care. He put some thought into Castiel's question, what sounded good to him? As quickly as he had asked that question, he had come up with answer. 

 

"You know... A cheeseburger and fries sounds really nice right now." He gave a small shameful smile in Castiel's direction as his stomach broke out into yet another growl. 

Castiel bobbed his head. There was a little place around the corner. He could get some food for Dean and they could spend the rest of the day in the motel room watching the Doctor Sexy marathon. It sounded nice, really. Castiel wasn't completely caught up on the show, and it would be a hundred times more enjoyable to watch it with Dean. They'd even get to see the new episode that would be shown at the end of the marathon. Dean would smile and laugh, he'd narrate and fill Castiel in on the earlier seasons that he'd missed. He would probably call Sam, and his face would light up at the chance to talk to his brother. Though the separation was short, Castiel knew it was already taking its toll on Dean. He'd stay up late, trading stories with Castiel and reminiscing. Finally, they'd spend the night curled up together, Dean tucked safely away in Castiel's arms. It could be so perfect, and for another day they could put off the apocalypse.

 

While Castiel hoped that they would ultimately stop the apocalypse, he privately admitted to himself that they would most likely fail. God hadn't even offered any hope. He must have known what Castiel wanted from Him, and he hadn't even mentioned the apocalypse, let alone offered to stop it. That meant that while they'd have to make every effort to stop it, they might as well enjoy themselves a bit along the way. If they failed--and if Castiel couldn't convince God to stop the apocalypse, or find another solution--then they were all dead. 

 

Castiel was back with food in the blink of an eye. He held out the paper bag and soda to Dean "Do you want to spend the day here?" 

As much as Dean knew that the apocalypse should be their first priority, he wasn't feeling much better from the previous day and he needed to rest before he could get back out on the field with Castiel. Also, the idea of spending a day cooped up in a motel room with Castiel watching a Doctor Sexy Marathon honestly didn't sound half bad. The burger in front of him looked very appetizing and the bed he was in suddenly felt softer than anything. He was warm and comfortable for once in his life and he didn't see anything wrong with playing hooky for a day to actually enjoy himself. Castiel probably needed the downtime as well, rightly so after tending to the mess he was the previous night. His heart sank at the thought, he hoped he didn't cause the angel too much worry. He felt selfish. 

 

"Yeah Cas..." Dean gave a small smile at the angel after swallowing a mouthful of food, "Yeah I do." he motioned to the bed, and patted the spot where Castiel had been the past night, "Hey, why don't you kick off your shoes and get comfortable? You're too damn stiff." Dean propped himself up on the pillows and adjusted himself as he turned up the volume on the TV. A rerun of one of his favorite episodes had just started. The apocalypse could wait at this point. He couldn't pass up this day. 

"Too stiff?" Castiel was a little unsure of what Dean meant, but he took a seat at the edge of the bed and carefully removed his shoes. He tucked the laces inside of them and placed them under the bed. He carefully removed his tie and hung it on the front door. He wasn't quite sure what the gesture meant, but the pizza man and the babysitter had done it when they spent time together, so Castiel assumed that it was probably appropriate. Maybe it acted as a "do not disturb" sign or an indication that the room was occupied? He didn't feel like asking Dean. The question would only bring on a laugh and a somewhat confused answer, and it was one of the many times in which Castiel needed Dean to trust him completely. How could Dean trust someone so fully if he thought they didn't even understand basic human etiquette? He simply wouldn't. 

 

Castiel crawled onto the bed beside Dean. It was a particularly action-packed episode of Dr. Sexy, but that apparently implied a large amount of philosophizing about the existence of God. Which, of course, only drew Castiel's thoughts back to his encounter the previous night. He should bring it up, but he was terrified of spoiling the perfect moment. He glanced over at Dean, who had almost finished his hamburger. He didn't even realize that Castiel was observing him--he was far too absorbed in the episode. 

 

Castiel waited for the right moment to breach the subject of God. "Dean." A commercial break had just begun as yet another episode of Dr. Sexy ended. Castiel had been carefully deciding how to word it and he'd, hopefully, gotten it perfect. "I know we are using today as a vacation, but I believe we can delay God for long. We may procrastinate on the apocalypse, but I believe God will soon demand to be heard if we do not act." He sighed, hating that he would have to admit that Dean's terrible nightmares had been caused by him. "I felt a presence last night. I left you for a minute to find out what it was. When I came back to soothe you, your necklace was burning. I think the being I spoke to was God. I don't want to ruin your vacation, Dean, but I think we must talk about this. The consequences of ignoring God are usually severe." 

Finishing off what remained of his burger, Dean crumbled up the wrapper and threw it to the side and sighed. He knew he wouldn't have been able to get away from the apocalypse business for long. There was not much opportunity for a day off, it came with the job description. Dean sighed and lifted himself off the pillows with some effort in an attempt to sit up and talk business. So that was why he had had that nightmare, Castiel had left to go see what was going on. Dean didn't hold it against him, it was better than them both dying in the end. Though could it really have been God? Castiel said his necklace had been burning hot, which was the sign that He was near. If they ignored these signs, bad things could happen, or they could loose what little of a trail they had. They might not get another chance like this again for a long time.

 

"No Cas, it's okay. We never really had time for a vacation in the beginning." He crossed his arms, "I'm confused though, why would the big man show up in front of your face and then just disappear? It makes no sense. If he wanted to be heard, why couldn't he have just stuck around and given us some damn answers? What did he even say to you?" None of this made sense to Dean. He in no way doubted Castiel's words, but something about the whole situation just didn't seem right. He and Castiel had been searching high and low for him, literally, and there had been absolutely no signs. Then suddenly out of nowhere he decided to just show up on their front doorstep while he was in the middle of a breakdown. Dean was racking his brain for answers, but nothing seemed to click.

"I don't think it could have been an imposter. I cannot think of any way in which another being could make your necklace heat up. The only conclusion I can reach is that it must have been God. I know that it sounds insane to you, Dean, but the Lord works in--" He cut off mid-sentence. He knew how much Dean hated that quote, even though it applied perfectly in their situation. Castiel took a deep breath and began again. "God is all-powerful, Dean. He knows far more about this situation than anyone else does, and although this seems rather strange, there must be a reason God concealed himself for so long before revealing his message. I'm sure of it." But really, Castiel wasn't sure of anything. At that moment, they could only guess. They were just grasping at straws, and Castiel prayed that Dean didn't recognize how lost Castiel really was. 

 

"His message was rather unclear." Castiel hedged. God had specifically ordered him and Dean to protect Heaven, but Castiel knew exactly what sort of reaction that message would elicit. He would have to be careful how he phrased the instructions, or Dean would probably refuse. Castiel wanted to help the angels trying to kill him about as much as Dean did, but Dean didn't have the same fear and appreciation of God's wrath that Castiel did. While Castiel would do what he was told to avoid being smited, Dean wouldn't think long enough to stop before getting himself killed. "He wants us...to return Heaven to its former state. He said that you and I, together, could do it. God said that you do not have to become Michael's vessel to stop the apocalypse." 

 

Castiel was sort of lying, but to be fair, God's message could certainly be interpreted that way. 'What is meant to be is not really meant to be' is a rather open-ended statement, but Castiel was willing to construe God's message however he needed to. He couldn't imagine fighting to repair Heaven without Dean at his side anyway. Really, where would he be without the Winchesters? Castiel needed his human rock and friend, and Dean needed his angel. They were entirely codependent, and Castiel wouldn't dream of severing that bond. 

Dean ran over God's words in his head many times, though he couldn't find any signs of falsehood. He wanted them to repair heaven, now how in the hell were they supposed to do that? The devil was running rampant around the world trying to burn it to a crisp, trying to wear his brother to the junior prom. Then there was Michael, who was dead set on using him for the same reason. Who knew what the other two archangels were doing, added to the fact that the entire heavenly host was after them respectively. All of them under the command of Zachariah. However it seemed like God was on their side so to speak if he was telling them that there was another way to stop the apocalypse. A way in which he and Sammy wouldn't become suits for two angels dead set on killing each other. Even so, the situation was a bit bleak. God made sure to give them the most vague of information and then decided to jump ship. There was no way he and Castiel, even at their level of skill, could go up against the forces of both heaven and hell. Especially not at the same time. 

 

"Yeah well, he didn't exactly leave us a blueprint on how to do that. How are you and I supposed to do this Cas? This is bigger than anything we've ever done. I mean we couldn't even stop Lucifer from getting out in the first place. What are the chances of us restoring the entirety of Heaven? If you ask me, it seems more than a bit impossible." Dean cursed at himself for being so pessimistic. He just couldn't see any way this could work. Perhaps Castiel could. There was a reason that they made a good team, Castiel could see things that Dean couldn't sometimes. Dean smiled at the thought. Castiel was truly special, a remarkable being, and Dean had come to accept the fact that he needed him more than anything right now. He wouldn't be able to survive without his angel. Yes, his angel. 

Castiel had been taught from his creation not to question God. He wasn't allowed to question His choices or even His existence. How could he admit to Dean that he was just as uncertain? How could he dare to admit that he had as little faith as Dean? Truth be told, Castiel was somewhat disgusted by God. He understood that human life was focused around suffering, but at least most people had things to enjoy, and their sufferings were mundane. Dean's pain was quadruple what the average human would ever experience, and yet God just allowed it to continue. If Castiel were Dean, he hated to admit that he would have given up on life long ago. God was a cruel being to allow a man like Dean--strong, beautiful, caring, thoughtful, powerful--to live a life of nothing but suffering. Castiel clenched his fists and averted his eyes. He wouldn't dare meet Dean's. 

 

"I am not sure how we will do it, but God said he has faith that we can. God would not lie to us in a moment as important as this one. He is on our side in this battle, and if he isn't helping us personally, then he believes that we can succeed in repairing Heaven and stopping the apocalypse without him." The commercial break ended, and Dr. Sexy was back on television. Castiel's eyes traveled to the screen, but he could barely focus on the words. Suddenly it didn't seem so important anymore. "I'm sorry, Dean. I must have upset you." Castiel edged closer to Dean, unsure of how to comfort him. Holding him always seemed to help, but he wasn't sure Dean wanted to be held. "I am extremely sorry, Dean." He inclined his head toward the television. "You are still recovering from visiting Heaven. We can still spend the day here, watching Dr. Sexy, if you would like to." 

Dean was more than a bit frustrated, this whole situation had gone completely south since he and Castiel had begun to look for God. First it was simple, use the amulet he possessed to find the big man. Now though, it was a mess. There was no clear word on what they should do. Either God had simply told them to go screw themselves, or actually put in a good word for them. Dean felt for Castiel however. Right now, there was no doubt he was questioning his beliefs. No matter how resolute and confident he sounded in his so called 'father', Dean was able to see through his facade. He had experienced the same feeling with his own father. It was sad, Castiel was so different from all the other angels. Unlike the others, he possessed a conscience and at least tried to go his own way. Yet he got screwed over each time. He put so much responsibility on his shoulders and genuinely wanted to save world and protect him and Sam. In his heart, Castiel was good. He didn't deserve anything this damned world had dumped on him.

 

"I believe you Cas. I'm fine." Dean uttered after a few moments of silence, he hadn't known what do say, or do. In the end, he decided that if there was anyone worth putting his faith in, it was Castiel. Not God, not Heaven, just Castiel. He saw the angel move closer to him after Doctor Sexy had returned from break. Dean smiled, he was still willing to comfort him no matter what. "I'd like to stay here though. I'm not sure it would be so great for me to get back in the game just yet." 

 

Dean then shuffled closer to Castiel and gently began to remove his coat and laid his hands on his back. He wasn't the only one who was allowed to relax. After all this God business, Castiel had never looked more tense. "Hey man, you ever had a back rub before?" Dean began to gently kneed his shoulders and smiled at Castiel's reaction.

Castiel was utterly relieved to hear that Dean didn't want to continue their mission yet. Castiel worried that Dean's pride would get in the way and he'd want to return to the job, but Castiel just couldn't handle that. He'd met his Father, who had assigned him an insanely impossible task, and he'd watched Dean have a complete breakdown. Castiel would do whatever Dean wanted, but if Dean had insisted on hunting, Castiel wouldn't have made it far. It was almost funny how easily he brushed off his own concerns. Dean and the fate of the world were infinitely more important, but every once in a while, Dean found a way to remind Castiel that he was just as important. 

 

Castiel wasn't sure how to take Dean's physical contact. He felt nearly naked without his trench coat, but honestly it didn't bother him much as long as Dean wanted it off. A back rub? What was the purpose of such a thing? Hadn't the baby sitter and the pizza man preformed a similar act? Castiel wasn't sure whether he found that thought comforting or upsetting. But Castiel hadn't expected Dean's fingers to feel like magic. He battled the knots formed in Castiel's muscular back, and slowly, the tension faded from Castiel's body. He leaned back into Dean's touch, relieved to finally feel a sensation other than pain. He was getting stabbed more often than he was being massaged. 

 

Castiel tried to act like he was watching Dr. Sexy, but he knew he wasn't doing a very good job of it. Dean was completely distracting him, but Castiel couldn't say he minded. He paid careful attention to how Dean expertly kneaded his back, and where exactly to push to relieve pain. "Massage works as a medical technique because the isolation of muscles relieves pain. The force of the kneading on a tense area is a form of isolation." Castiel blurted out. Dean laughed, and Castiel could feel his cheeks heat up. 

Dean was more than satisfied with Castiel's reaction to the surprise back rub. The angel seemed to melt into his touch as he gingerly worked at the angry knots that consumed Castiel's shoulders and back. Dean figured that being an angel, he wouldn't necessarily notice the pain, or would have brushed it off like it was nothing. Though now he realized that Castiel definitely felt the relief that was being given to him. Since he had rescued him from hell, Castiel had had absolutely no down time. He was always tense and ready to spring at any given moment. Dean had never seem him so relaxed and content with just a simple back rub. He chuckled when Castiel started reciting the definition of a massage. This was a sign that he clearly did not know what to think of this. 

 

"Yeah, you're right Cas. Right now, you really need one." He responded and dug his fingers into a particularly stubborn muscle that refused to undo itself. He could feel Castiel sigh through his administrations. He was leaning forward slightly now, beginning to grow lax enough where it would become harder to support himself right up. "You're too rigid sometimes, you've got to loosen up. Trust me, I know." Dean murmured softly as he continued working at his shoulders. "We can deal with this later Cas, right now... Let's just rest. We need a day, it would do us both good." 

 

After some time rubbing Castiel's shoulders and making sure there were no more knots remaining, Dean began to grow curious. He paused for a moment and started at Castiel's shoulder blades, assessing where his wings would be if he could actually see them. Smirking for a moment, Dean placed his thumbs where he believed Castiel's wings would meet and started rubbing small circled around the area.