So, a couple of YouTubers I watch just got engaged, and my first emotion was... well I don’t exactly know what it was, it just wasn’t happiness.  I’m not really sure why.  Maybe it’s another wedding I don’t get to go to (Why does everyone else get to enjoy themselves but me).  Maybe I’m just getting flashbacks from the “wedding that never was.”  Maybe it’s because I’m lonely and haven’t really been happy since I was in college.  Whatever the reason is, I just can’t be happy for them.

15 hours ago, VisitJoan said:

So, a couple of YouTubers I watch just got engaged, and my first emotion was... well I don’t exactly know what it was, it just wasn’t happiness.  I’m not really sure why.  Maybe it’s another wedding I don’t get to go to (Why does everyone else get to enjoy themselves but me).  Maybe I’m just getting flashbacks from the “wedding that never was.”  Maybe it’s because I’m lonely and haven’t really been happy since I was in college.  Whatever the reason is, I just can’t be happy for them.

Don't feel bad, I am single too.  I have a hard time getting close to others, especially romantically.

I know how you feel... I can't really be happy for couples (even though I write a few in my story), it's just something I know I can't have. I know mentally and emotionally I'm not ready for anything, but I want it really badly. It's hard to feel happy for someone with happy lives, trust me I know. But realize that just because you feel alone doesn't mean you're totally alone. You got people who care about you and want you to be better and happier, even me who doesn't know you well. It's not a bad thing to not be happy for someone, yeah it sucks but it's better than pretending to be or denying that feeling.

All of this to say is that it's okay to feel that. You've had a bad experience and are not in a good place right now (from it sounds like). You're working through things and it's not bad to not feel happy. I might be way off on somethings but I hope it helped a little...