My name is Yuto. I've had a pretty good life until i had these dreams. I always dream about a man who looks like me holding a blade. My life changes on this day. March 17,2010.That is the day my life changes. My brithday is when my life changes.

 

Chapter 1

I woke up in bed shakeing.'' Again huh. I keep on having these stange dreams. I sat up in my bed thinking what to do. The dreams been getting worse and my sixteen brithday is today. I finished getting ready and went into the living room where my family was. I sat next to my dad. He winked at me. I wonder what that met. The time was 1:30 in the afternoon. We on went into the backyard and started to gettingmy party ready. My dad then was behind my mom. He winked at my again.'' Dad,''I said as i appeared next to him. What the. I was just standing in front of my mom and i just appeared next him. He then pulled a sword out and stabed my mom. I looked at my father who had just killed my mom. The rest of my family screamed and my dad then had lightining form around him. It then made a shockwave which killed my family. I wasn't harmed which was stange.'' Look son. Give me the sword. You see. I had to kill the family because of you. You have ten days to get to New York city. Have the blade with you when you come,''said my dad as he turned into feathers and left. I saw my family die before my eyes. A blade then appeared in my hand.'' The element blade,''I said as i turned and saw the poilce came since the people next door saw the lightining. I jumped over my backyard fence door and ran the fast i could.I then bumped into a man.'' Hey need help getting to New York,''asked the man.

The general idea for the plot is good by itself, but then comes the problem with the grammar, you seem to be typing without the least of attention, there are missing letter on the words and lots of mispelled ones, also try and write in paragraphs, they make things easier to understand and more organized. That's all I have to say for now, just try to observe those small details and your story will be great.

I tried reading your story, and even after reading it so many times...I'm completely lost.

 

The ideas don't flow into one another. You go from waking up from a bad dream, then sitting with Dad, then to making the party, then Dad kills Mom and kills the rest of the family (which you could of introduced) with a blade and lightning, then he tells you to go to New York and turns into feathers, then you get a random blade, and finally, you run away from the cops and bump into someone.

 

That's not the best way to write a story. Characters need work, details need to be thought out, and the whole plot needs work. Grammar mistakes are there, so revise on them.

 

I mean, perhaps it could turn out to be a great story, but I don't see it right now. You should work on it a lot.