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Posted

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a firetrucking Indian.

 

 

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

 

 

 

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

 

 

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

 

 

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

 

 

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

 

 

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the firetruck down.

 

 

Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

 

 

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

 

 

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

 

 

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

 

 

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.

 

 

When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

 

 

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

 

 

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

 

 

 

Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.

 

 

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"

 

 

Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord

 

 

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

 

 

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times

 

 

China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

 

 

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

 

 

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

 

 

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus

Featured Replies

But can Chuck Norris believe that its not butter?

chuck norris can slit your neck with a nerf sword

Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Noris can swim through land. :3

Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

 

O_O WHAT?! How is that even possible >.<

LEGENDERY

giraffes were created when chuck norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris can eat a cucumber and shit out a pickle

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