Would you ever like to escape...to Fantasia?

 

 

First Chapter:

 

The teacher keeps giving her daily history lesson.I just sit here.Pretending to listen.As I wait for the bell to ring.So summer vacation could FINALLY begin.And who am I you ask?Oh,you didn't?Well to bad,cause I'm going to tell you anyways.I am Kevin Mizukuri.I have spicky dark brown hair and green eyes.At this moment I am wearing my school uniform.A royal blue shirt along with white pants with a white belt and some white and blue sneakers.Nerdy.I know.I waited anxiously."Come on...come on..."I say as I look at the clock.I see the hand of the clock moving towards the twelve.Signaling the seconds that were left.The hand seemed like it would never ever reach.And then.

 

The bell rings.The students go wild and screams of happyness are letted out all over the school.Everyone picked up their things and ran out of the school.I was just so happy.Finally.Summer vacation.I feel that a friend jumps over me and puts his hand on my shoulder."Hey,dood!Summers on!Finally.Hey,my mom said that I could invite some friends to play KH 3.Wanna come?"He asks.I shook my head."No thanks.I still need to beat KH 2.Besides.I'm going to sleep all day long."I say smiling.

 

"OK.If you say so.See ya later dood!"He says as he goes running around.I laugh and run towards my home.I get home and run to my room."No running in the house!"My mom says.But I ignore her.I get to my room.I throw my backpack on the floor.I think and decide to go to the park.I run back outside and towards the park.I was so excaited.It semed like if I had endless energy going all around.

 

~Somewhere else~

There was a man sitting in a chair.He had a cloak on."...It seems our prince has finally been found..."The man says.

 

~Back to me~

I ran towards the park.I got there.I went to my usual spot.A shady tree.I sat inder it and rested there."Summers on..."I say.

 

~From affar~

A girl was looking at me."That must be him..."The girl says.She moves her tail and takes out a knife."I need to bring him back."She says.

This is really great! I really like it, just a few misspelled words but nothing too big. Keep it up!

Second Chapter:

 

I rest under the shady tree.Enjoying the beguinning of the summer to come.And that were to soon end.I hear noise but I do not mind to look up,figuiring that it could just be a little kid playing around.Men in red cloacks with golden masks approch me.I as careless as I am.Don't notice a thing until I feel something sharp pointed at my chest.I open my eyes to see the men holding swords."What the hell?!"I ask afraid and clueless of what the heck was going on at the moment."Is this the kid?"One of the men asks.One who seemed to be the leader noded."That's the one.We must bring him back to Rizeck imidiatly."The man says.

 

 

I looked confused."OK...who has been cosplaying and at the same time using alchohol?"I ask.Since it was the best escuse I could come up to make all of this to come to reason.Two of the men took me by the arm.I tried to break free but as soon as I saw their blades again.I knew I had to stay still.Suddenly we hear something."Let him go!"Says a female voice.Suddenly out of nowhere the men started to fall down with slashes on them.Like if a ghost was attacking.I was free.A girl appeared infront of me.She had very long brown hair with blue eyes.Oh yeah and brown cat ears with a brown cat tail.Wait.What?

 

 

"What the-?!Um,I-I see that you guys are occupied with your cosplay murder scene so if you escuse me I will be going."I say as I try to return back to reality.But then the girl threw a knife at me that missed me by an inch and hitted the tree.She looked at me."Where are you going my prince?"The girl asks.Prince?"Look out!"She says.I looked back only to find a pain in my head and everything going black.

O.o what should I say? The way you displayed the title is cool and attracting (the tilte itsleft attrcked me somehow... AMAZING), but the story itself is quite weird (no offense, most cool plots are VERY weird at the beggining ). I say you should be more descriptive the chacater's feelings, not only in his toughs, because it seems ilke he says/thinks such things to hide different kinds of feelings. If he is is really the prince that tailed girl claimed he is, then I guess he must feel someting when hears so (simpathy, calm, end of his fear, shock, fear, anger, rage) Truely you rocked in chapter one in describing his feelings throw his toughts,. we can all feel hoiw anxiuous he is to see hiimself free, what prooves you can in your next chapter, do another show. ^^

I'll read this untill the end :D:D:D;D and since, I'm not the best of a critique I guess you can forget what I said sometimes ^^

G on, I'm waiting for more ^^

Interesting. This is turnin out to be a cool story. Just know this, Hitted isn't a word.

The tittle attacked me, like, Oh shit I need to read this and it was right.I loled at Kh3. It's not really out yet .

I hate anim

Chapter three:

 

"(I feel light headed...wait.Where am I?)"I think in my uncounceousness.I open my eyes.Only to find myself back in my room.I satted up and looked around.Was it all just a dream really?Yet it seemed so real."Man.What a dream.Huh?"I say as I scratch my head and I feel some bandages.It pressed the badages and it hurted.If it was a dream.Then how did I even got this?I rubbed my eyes."OK..."I say.

 

"You're finally awake my prince."A voice says.It sounded like a girl.I then freaked out a little bit and looke daround my room trying to find the source of the voice."Huh?What the hell?Who's there?"I ask looking around.I looked under the bed."Up here silly."The voice says.I look at the cieling to find teh same girl from my dream...sitting in the cieling?She jumped back down.I backed away."You were hurt pretty bad."The girl says.I still couldn't speak.I was just a bit shocked to see that she had cat ears and a cat tail.

 

"So...it wasn't a dream?"I ask confused.The girl laughs."No.It was all real.And thankgoodness that I found you in time.They would have taken you to Riyoku."The girl says.I was just confused out of my mind.She gets closer.I freak."H-Hold it!OK.You better explain.Starting by who are you?"I ask.The girl smiles."I'm Tsuki.One of the guardian apprentices of the Luna Knights."The girl says.Luna Knights?Guardians?What the HELL?!?!I just steared confused."Are those things real?The tail and ears."I ask."Um,yeah.They are.Duh!"The girl says.

 

I just stear.I hold my head."It's just a dream.Of course.What else it is?I'll just close my eyes.And when I open them.I will be under the tree in the park.Probably at the sight of sunset."I say.I close my eyes.After a few moments I open them.The girl wasn't there."I knew it.Wait.Then why am I still in my room?"I ask."Because it is not a dream."Tsuki says.I scream as I see her behind me in my bed.I back away."You OK my prince?"Tsuki asks."Stop calling me that,Why are you even calling me that?"I ask confused and a bit annoyed."Why.Because you're teh Prince of Fantasia ofcourse."Tsuki says.I just stear."(What...the firetruck?)"I think.

 

 

Tsuki stears at me for a while."Something wrong my prince?"Tsuki asks."No.I'm fine."I say lying ofcourse.Since I was confused as hell."And please stop calling me that.My name is Kevin."I say.Tsuki smiles."OK prince Kevin."Tsuki says.I sighs."OK then.Thos eguys in red cloacks.Who were they?And who is this Riyoku guy?"I ask."Riyoku is the evli lord that has taken over Fantasia in your absense.And those were his knights.Appearently they have been searching for you ever since the day of your birth and your escape from the castle.And now they have found you.So the Luna Kinghts sented me to get you."Tsuki says.I was confused yet.But less then before."OK.Now explain.What is Fantasia?"I ask."It's your homeworld.Mine as well.A realm where only those who dream can see."Tsuki says.

 

I was about to ask another question when gunshots broke the windows in my room.Tsuki brought me down to protect me from the flying shards and we both fell down."He's inside.Go and get him!"A man says from outside.I hear as my frontdoor is kicked open.I was freaking out."Riyoku's knights!"Tsuki says.She took out a crystal that glew in different colors.She garbbed my hand and raised the crystal up into teh air."Take us home!"Tsuki says.A bright white light consumes us.Just as the knights come into my room.I only see white."You OK?"Tsuki's voice says as it echoes.

O.O awesome, yet confusing, and I saw a bunch of spelling mistakes, and It'd more enjoyable to read without them. I could help you fix them if you'd like. ^^

Haha! I love it! Must have more!! And you called it Fantasia! Sorry I couldn't think about anything else except the movie, but now I see it as some sort of magical home world. Amazing, keep up the good work, this is turning out great.

@kinode,it would be very helpfull if you were to help me with the grammar errors.Thanks.English is my second leanguadge so I do need to practice a bit more.

 

@Sora not Roxas,lol.I didn't even knew there was a movie called like that.I just put that because Fantasia means Fantasy in spanish.And as you can see,this stoyr is taking a turn to fantasy,so yeah.

 

Fourth Chapter:

 

I open my eyes slowly.Only to see and feel the blinding sunlight of the sun hitting my eyes.I cover my eyes from the sun with my hand.After a few minutes my eyes adjust to the brightness.I sit up."What was that all about?"I ask.I look around.Trying to find Tsuki.But she wasn't around."Tsuki?Tsuki!"I ask.It was not like if I had any choice.Then I finally come to my senses and I look around.I wasn't in my room anymore.Or in the park.Or in the city.Infact.I don't think I was even in my state anymore.I look around to what it seemed endless plains stretching around far and wide.Flowers everywhere.To one side there was a forest in the horizon.To the other just some roads that leaded to different places.If only I could see beyond.But I don't have that ability under my belt sadly.

 

"You're awake!"Tsuki says happily.I jumped back and tripped by the sudden surprise."Stop doing that."I say seriously.She just laughed and moved her tail."Sorry.Cannot help it."She says.I feel my eyebrow twitch.Then I come to reason again."Hey.What did you do with that light?And where the heck are we?"I ask.Tsuki stears at me and smiles."Can you not reconize?"Tsuki asks.I shake my head in a 'no'.She helps me up the floor and extends her hands."Isn't it obvious?We're in Fantasia!"Tsuki says smiling.I just freeze.She mentioned this Fantasia as the world where she came from.And now I was here?

 

 

I stear at her."You serious?"I ask.She nods.I just stear into nothing analizing more than I could handdle.It was fantasy meeting reality.Tsuki looked at the horizon."Oh!What a luck!My village is just around the corner!Come on!"Tsuki says as she runs away down a road.I just stood there.Still in shock that everything that was happening was actually real.Tsuki came and took my arm."Come on my prince."Tsuki says as she pulls me,making me move against my will.After about 30 minutes of walking,we get to the village.We enter through the gates.All of the people living there were like Tsuki.Half animal and half human.They all started to stear at me and started to murmur and comment behind my back.

 

 

I tried to ignore all of this but it was quite difficult to.Tsuki then brings me to a really big building.We enter and go up some stairs.Then through some halls that were guarded by guards.They glare at me as I pass by.I give a nervus smile and just keep walking.Tsuki opens a door.I see many people of Tsuki's kind sitting in a round table.Disscusing of something.They stop to see us.They stear at us."What is this thing that you dare to bring to our village?"One of them asks."This is Kavin sir.The missing prince."Tsuki says.Their eyes widen a bit.They stand up and walk towards me.I shake a bit.But suddenly,all of them bow in one knee."Welcome back...my prince."Another one says.Then everyone else that was there,even Tsuki,bowed in one knee.I stear in awe.

Let's see what I can fix here!

Fourth Chapter:

 

I open my eyes slowly.Only to see and feel the blinding sunlight of the sun hitting my eyes. I cover my eyes from the sun with my hand.After a few minutes my eyes adjust to the brightness.I sat up."What was that all about?"I ask.I look around, trying to find Tsuki.But she wasn't around. "Tsuki?Tsuki!"I ask.It was not like if I had any choice.Then I finally come to my senses and I look around.I wasn't in my room anymore.Or in the park.Or in the city.In fact, I don't think I was even in my state anymore.I look around to what it seemed endless plains stretching around far and wide.Flowers everywhere.To one side there was a forest in the horizon.To the other just some roads that leaded to different places.If only I could see beyond.But I don't have that ability under my belt sadly.

 

"You're awake!"Tsuki said happily.I jumped back and tripped by the sudden surprise."Stop doing that."I say seriously.She just laughed and moved her tail."Sorry. Can't help it."She says.I felt my eyebrow twitch.Then I return to reason."Hey.What did you do with that light?And where the heck are we?"I ask.Tsuki stares at me and smiles."Can you not recognize?"Tsuki asks.I shake my head in a 'no'.She helps me stand up and extends her hands."Isn't it obvious?We're in Fantasia!"Tsuki says smiling.I just froze.She mentioned this Fantasia as the world where she came from.And now I was here?

 

 

I stare at her."You serious?"I ask.She nods.I just stare into nothing analyzing more than I could handle. It was fantasy meeting reality. Tsuki looked at the horizon."Oh!What a luck!My village is just around the corner!Come on!"Tsuki says as she runs away down a road.I just stood there.Still in shock that everything that was happening was actually real.Tsuki came and took my arm."Come on my prince."Tsuki says as she pulls me,making me move against my will.After about 30 minutes of walking,we get to the village.We enter through the gates.All of the people living there were like Tsuki. Half animal and half human.They all started to stare at me and started to murmur and comment behind my back.

 

 

I tried to ignore all of this but it was quite difficult to.Tsuki then brings me to a really big building.We enter and go up some stairs.Then through some halls that were guarded by guards.They glare at me as I pass by.I give a nervous smile and just keep walking.Tsuki opens a door.I see many people of Tsuki's kind sitting in a round table.Discussing of something.They stop to see us.They stare at us."What is this thing that you dare to bring to our village?"One of them asks."This is Kavin sir.The missing prince."Tsuki says.Their eyes widen a bit.They stand up and walk towards me.I shake a bit.But suddenly,all of them bow in one knee."Welcome back...my prince."Another one says.Then everyone else that was there,even Tsuki,bowed in one knee.I stare in awe.

 

One tip, it's STARE not STEAR.

and I would use spaces after periods more. Most of the times, you use periods in place of the comma, which confuses people.

one more thing, sometimes, you switch between past and present too much. I recommend using the past, but that's our choice.

Other then that, amazing chapter!