This is just a a preveiw

 

Mark, a 13-years-old boy, begins to travel to many worlds in order to save his girlfriend which was stolen by The NighRulers during a war. They threat the world with heartless, nobodies and a new kind of enemy, the emotional. Their goal is to create Kingdom Hearts using a new vessel, the legendary 8th Princess. Accompany Mark as he goes world to world in this great adventure! Will him be able to save his girlfriend and restore peace to the worlds?

This was made by Naroco with Me's help.

sounds interesting i would read it

im just going to finish ch 4 then put 1-4 0n here

Heh, same title as my story. It is a pretty cool title.

 

As for your story, it sounds interesting. Though, I can't judge until I read more than just a preview.

Heh, same title as my story. It is a pretty cool title.

 

As for your story, it sounds interesting. Though, I can't judge until I read more than just a preview.

 

srry for copying ur title

He didn't mean that you copied. That was just a coincidence.. that's all.. No copies noticed 8D

I was supost to have written darkend heart but i forgot the -end part

Chapter 1

 

Hi my name is Mark, I have black hair, blue eyes and I'm a tough guy. My story is one of those love and lost kind of books if you hate those kind of books then you may like the action, if not then don't read this. Yeah, you in the back I see you, get out of here if you know whats good for you.

 

Anyways, it all started on a normal day in Agraba. The sun was shining Alladin was stealing food and Princess Jasmin was waiting for a suiter

to marry. Well I was just about to steal some food while Alladin destracted the gaurds and shop keeper, for my breakfast, when all of a sudden these black things attacked me. Now I don't like violince, but if you get attacked, you got to fight. I took 5 down after 3 minutes with just my fists, but everytime i took 1 down, 9 more appeared. After awhile they took me down and then DARKNESS.....

 

 

What has happended to Mark? Will he survive? Find out in Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

I woke up to the sound of a Voice saying " Wake up warrior, the time has come for you to meet your destiny."

"Uggh where am I and who said that." I said as i got up. "I am what lies in ur heart. Now choose ur weapon." As it said that, a sheild, a sword and a mages staff ( magic staff for people who have no idea what a mage is). I chose the sword, but it dissapeared and instead a giant key appeared, but it was made of fire. "This is the Keyblade, a legendary weapon used in the past by a boy who saved the worlds multiple times. Find him and ask him to teach you all that he knows." Then a light appeared and I walked towerds it.

Don't worry, I am not accusing you of copying the title. Just saying it was a coincidence.

 

Interesting start. Would love to see where this story is heading.

its fine i know

 

And srry for taking so much time to write Chapter 3 it should be done by the end of the week unless I die of writers block

 

im sick so i may take longer to write

No problem at all.

Nice I like your style of writing. It has a good amount of background detail, although It can be more interesting if you can add more depth to your details such as a feeling before "DARKNESS". Was something going through his mind or something. And for the "black things" attacking as we can obviously refer to as heartless, did Mark have a strange feeling before they appeared and how did they appear. Idk this is just my thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I like your story so far and I'm not forcing you to change it. Just some thoughtful criticism. Can't wait to see more.

Chapter 3 (do not yell at me for putiing a NON disney or kh/final fantasy world first. I like this show so please bare with me)

Mark awoke in a bed with his arm in terrible pain. What happend to my arm, and where am I? I remember being at home then those freaking tiny monsters attacked me. What were they? He thought as he layed there in the bed. "So your alive. My brother thought you were dead." A short boy with long, braided hair said at the door way. "Hey Alphonse! You owe me ten bucks." He called out. Max looked at the boy dazzed. Who is this boy and who is Alphonse? He thought these thoughts till a suit of armor walked in. " Ed you probably scared the kid." the armor said. MAx turned pale at the sight of Alphonse. He thought he was one of the monsters that attacked him. "Hi im Alphonse and this is Edward. We are the Elric brothers." the Armor said. "and welcome to Central." he continued.

lol

Chapter 4

 

Mark sat there with a blank stare, thinking multiple things at once, Where am I? I wanna go home. I got to wake up from this nightmare. He realized he wasn't dreaming and looked at the two. " H-Hi I'm Mark. Um where is Central? I was in Agraba last I remember." He said with a worried tone. "Agraba? Never heard of it." Edward said with a wondering look. " Hm.... Well I guess your really far from home. But we can help right brother?" Alphonse asked trying to help Mark.

Hmm, interesting. I can't believe I actually got the Full Metal Alchemist reference before Alphonse walked in, I have only watched the show like three times.

Chapter 5 (srry it took so long, School and life has been a beeoch)

Mark tried sitting up with no avail. He noticed that an Arm was missing and went wide eyed. "WHAT THE F$^% HAPPEND TO MY ARM!!!!!" he screamed and grabed the stup of an arm he has now. "We found you bleeding and missing your arm, we were about to call Winry to help u get an automail, if u wanted it." Alphonse said. "whats Auto Mail?" Mark asked, totally confused by this world. "Automail are artifical body parts, I have two, one for my arm and one for my leg." Ed said as he showed Mark his automail arm. "It works like the real thing but i cant feel anything with it, and it hurts to have one attached to you, but I think its worth it" He continued. "Its your choice to have one though, think about it." Alphonse said and after ten seconds of thinking Mark smiled and said, "Get me my new arm."

Chapter 6

After Mark had to deal for three days of having a stump for an arm, Winry finally got to Central and went to the hospital where Mark was being taken care of. She walked into the hospital room and saw Mark asleep. First thing Winry noticed was his long black hair which was covering one of his eyes. Winry thought " Wow, he isn't much older then Ed, and look at him." blushing. She say the pain he was in from the missing limb and knew she had to help him as best as she could. So, Winry sat down in a chair near the bed, put her tools on the ground and locked the door to the hospital room, wanting to not be interuped. "I'll just wait till he wakes up, then ill start working on his automail arm." she said with a smile. After 3 hours Mark finally awoke and saw Winry smiling. "Am I seeing an angel?!" he thought, pretty sure he died in his sleep. "Hi I'm Winry, Ed and Alphonse friend. Im here to help you with ur automail." Winry said trying to sound comforting and sweet.

"Um thank you, I'm Mark....so u really think you can give me a new arm?" he asked, unsure. "I gave Ed his arm and leg, what do you think?" She said with a positive additude. Mark smiled and after ten minutes of talking Winry finally asked if he was ready to get a new arm. Mark looked at her and smiled and said "Well if not now then when will i have the courage to do it." So they started the operation.