Just a random thing I came up with, it sucks. If anyone can suggest changes for improvements(I pray you can), lemme know. Sorry it's so crappy. And cheesy.

... Why am I posting this, anyway?

 

[align=center]We're strange beings, aren't we?

I guess you could say.

Hearts ripped from our chests,

Flung into the blinding day.

 

We band together, rebellion may breed

One rising up and leading others away

In the end we die the same

Nothing left of us to make way.

 

We are nothing, we are not alive

We exist only to ourselves

Expression a mere fantasy

Fleeting hopes escape the shelf.

 

Some ask of us why we are this way

Unfeeling monsters who steal the night

Let me rip out your heart to show you

That when numbness sets in, anything is right

 

We follow our own rules

We are the children of the darkness

No one can truly defeat we who creep along

Our nothingness nothing but relentless.

 

We will return to make the world pay

For treating us in this questionable way

Who killed who is a game of strife

In the end, we will win and no longer be mere lowlife.

 

When we feel and become who we want to be

We'll see that you who refused to see

Will suffer the same way as we once did

And nothing hiding you, not even your mere eyelid.

 

So we will carry on

Darkness cannot contain us

We shall be free to exist

No longer weak and forceless.

 

We're strange beings, aren't we?

I guess you could say.

Hearts ripped from our chests,

Only to return that one day.[/align]

I think it's cool.As I don't know much about poetry I can't give you any tips,you could talk to Sorage,he must know something.

Thank you. ^^

Ah, okay.

Okay Sorage here to review your poem! *reviews* Ok...so it was a good poem, I for one could never think of ways like that, my style is more for rhyming and I see that you attempted that a few times. A couple stanzas I did not enjoy but most of all of it I loved. Try thinking of more "smart words" or "big confusing words" that makes the poem epic. Try for some archaic words such as thou, or thee, or wherefore (wherefore actually means 'why?' instead of where. Incase anyone diddn't know) Try reading some shakespeare like I do. (Check out the epic Shakespeare poem I posted up on this forum as well, Shakespeare Sonnet #70, http://kh13.com/mybb/showthread.php?tid=4763)

Sorage,I have to admit,you have a lot of patience,I can't even finish a Shakespear poem.

BUT THE ENDING'S EPIC!!!

I can never get to the end.

BUT THE ENDING MAKES SENSE OF THE ENTIRE POEM! IDC IF YOU SKIP THE POEM JUST READ THE END!!! THE LAST TWO LINES!!! I'm very impatient sometimes T_T

Me too,almost always.

Okay Sorage here to review your poem! *reviews* Ok...so it was a good poem, I for one could never think of ways like that, my style is more for rhyming and I see that you attempted that a few times. A couple stanzas I did not enjoy but most of all of it I loved. Try thinking of more "smart words" or "big confusing words" that makes the poem epic. Try for some archaic words such as thou, or thee, or wherefore (wherefore actually means 'why?' instead of where. Incase anyone diddn't know) Try reading some shakespeare like I do. (Check out the epic Shakespeare poem I posted up on this forum as well, Shakespeare Sonnet #70, http://kh13.com/mybb/showthread.php?tid=4763)

 

Heh... it's not that advanced in wording because I just spawned out of boredom. I didn't think much about it. As for the Shakespeare, no way. I don't like anything that sounds like it came out of a history book. Might float your boat, but I'm more into the dark stuff then old-fashioned love songs. Thanks anyway, though, I'm not trying to be mean. It's just that thanks to my over-enthusastic English Honors teacher that I've had for two years in a row, Shakespeare is ruined for me.

 

It's like writing something longer than normal by hand. In 3rd grade, my teacher made me write an essay over and over and over and over again for no apparent reason, and even now, seven grades later, my hand spazzes and gets tired when I go too far. It's a miracle I survived through my Writes end-of-the-year state test thing.

Well if anyone DID bother to read till the end of Shakespeare poem number 70, the last two lines go as this:

 

" And if some suspect of ill mask'd not thy show

Then thou alone Kingdom of Heart would'st owe."

 

SHAKESPEARE IS THE OLDEST KH FAN IN THE WORLD!

He was a KH fan before KH was created. That's cool.

Its more than cool, its HISTORICLY EPIC! SINCE THE 1600's!!!

Yeah! KH is the best game before even the video game was created.

Even Nostrudamus foresaw the making of KH and proclaimed "Holy Sh*T! Yo shizzle, thats some pimpin' game!" /shot

You're crazy Sorage.

SRSLY?! ZOMG

 

I feel so left out of the loop, though. Even though I study hard and scrutinize every little picture, video, and info I can get my hands on, I only have 358/2 T^T Now even Shakespeare was a KH fan!? THIS IS JUST UNFAIR

I wonder which Org. Member was Shakespeare's favorite? Probably Zexion

That's just cruel, Sorage.

Because Zexion is the most literate of the Org.?

GO HOME SORAGE

Where do you think I am? -_-

I don't know, maybe you're at the asylum?

No, he's at the DMV. REGEST-RING OUR VAN

"Did you fill out the section B paragraph 26 of the form sir?"

 

"Yes I did."

 

"I don't see the form sir."

 

"If you look harder you would see."

 

"Sir please step to the right line to fill out the form again. We don't want any charges going out."

 

"I'm TELLING YOU I FILLED OUT THE FORM!"

 

"You know what? I'm on lunch break."

*puts up "Out to Lunch" Sign on desk*

 

"Damn -.-"