I need....tell it out to someone, and whenever I say it to anyone, they think of it as a stupid joke. Ever since I was about...10 years old, I had discovered that I had been...talking to myself. Of course I thought nothing of it and that everyone was doing it, but then it got worse, as time progressed I began arguing with myself as if there was actually someone in my mind, someone evil. It seems I had personified my insanity to the point of someone in my head who looks exactly like me, only with black hair and black eyes. That person would tempt me to sin and would make all the usual taunts and comments and bad attitudes. I get headaches more now, I get more angry now then when I have no reason to be. Sometimes my personified insanity would shapeshift into the forms of others to use in his taunts and arguments and comments, to promote his sin. I don't know what to do, is this a bad thing to have? Before in my past years I had fallen greatly into his temptations of the seven deadly sins, and sometimes even planned hem ahead. But then I had thought not to anymore, for it was a bad thing to do and against my religion, So about 5 months ago I began to detest this sinning cold-turkey. And that was rough as hell, my surgery last summer diddn't help much either, just think, I was lying in the hospital bed for 6 days straight staring up at the ceiling, arguing wth myself in my head. My mother next to me forcing me later to finally eat something. Hospital food's horrible T_T, anyways as I finally learned how to walk and write again and I returned home my will was strong as ever and even now i've been keeping away my sin, yelling at him in my head to either get out or shut the hell up. Then, as I now have entered my freshman year in highschool, my insanity has pressured me on the pretty girls walking by, the tests that are ahead, what people might think of me, how ugly I am, stupid, gluttionous, awesome! GAAAH! But that all happens in my head, I never dare to speak to myself while around others, only when i'm by myself can I speak to myself verbally. They think i'm smart, they think i'm fine, they think all about me is happy and divine. But this is not be, I am not me, this is merely my insanity. As if he is all that embodies the darkness in me, as if he were a demon from Hell sent to ruin another child. It is easy to fall into temptation, but I must keep reminding myself "I am dead to sin, and alive to holy." And advice for the insane, or do you not belive me? Like everyone else doesn't either belive or not know.

Gaa... that poetic language again... It's okay, just please correct me if I misunderstood any of it:

As far as I know Sorage (and looks like you've experienced it), telling it to get out of your head will never, never work (it's like telling bully not to hurt you that of course results him enjoying your suffering even more), try to work out your physical body instead of talking to it to reconnect to physical world.

As for your skin walker stuff, I don't think it's really a big deal (yeah it's odd though), what's really the problem is looks like you drain yourself in the process, that's what's bad. People do crazy things in their mind, as long they don't cause damage to the outer world and themselves, it's totally fine.

It's like waste, you cannot vanish it, you can only minimize it.

Japanese management wisdom (Taguchi concept) says: vanish the effect instead of the cause, because doing otherwise costs you high and has lower probability to succeed. If I remember correctly.

 

everytime you use poetic language outside poem I feel like you're going further away from me...

 

(Another) quick cheat tip:

 

To reconnect to your body--done best in pre-sleeping or sitting down doing nothing--FEEL YOUR BLOOD STREAM WITHIN YOU. My friend said it's hard to do, but it's amazingly very easy for me. Maybe it's basic of yoga or something

 

 

@Gizelita

HAHAHAHA(I'm laughing in happiness knowing everyone's the same with me in this) Of course we all here because we're feeling lonely, that's what forums made for.

Creating character is about skill, girl. You should be proud, experiencing to the full is the best recipe to be successful in artistry market. If there's no one around it's fun to do it out loud, you know, I have a bad but fun behaviour of saying out loud funny dialogues of comics(manga) I'm reading, even when people are around me. I like humor so much that I want to feel the character to the fullest, I know I gotta do something with that behaviour, but in the meantime, I just enjoy it. Laugh before it's prohibited, everyone!

 

writing too long...

Sorage, you're going at the wrong path (I think) as Roxas is Wise said, you need to find the cause first, if you just try to eliminete the problem, it will come back again, there must be some cause, but as I don't really know you, I can't say what it is, once you find it there'll be another difficult part that's find a solution.

 

@Roxas is Wise:

When I make a character I don't know how but I change my personality and think like her/him and sometimes act like him/her as well. It's pretty strange, every character I create in a story, a RP or something like that is a piece of my own personality. That's what I do when creating storys and characters. That happens when I'm watching films9incredible) and reading as well.

Hmmmmm. Well, what snaps me back to the physical world would be my daily physical pains coming from my back, which is healing from surgery. How it burns, how it bites me from the inside. I always think of my storys, the main character in The Adventures of Veinxs Poisenberry, how I always think of myself as him, always in his werewolf form from my first attempt at drawing him. lol, how he looks nothing like a real werewolf....

Thank God, there's something that snaps you back, I once afraid you have gone like poet Poe or any poet like that . I'm praying for your cure, so that you can do sport, your body needs exercise in order to balance heart and mind. Your heart is complex (your own, not any other ones), the brain has already been able to keep up, which leaves only metabolism of body to follow. Can you run? I read that there's a painful disease that can be anesthetic-ed by running. Hm... I don't know much about textbook medical.

 

@Gizelita and also Sorage

Well, about creating character by thinking ourselves as him/her, I do it countless and countless of time, and I am a happy person for doing it. So I think it's healthy, like balancing games, we need to exercise muscles (of heart) we never know existed at times. Don't you think? (looking for justification )

I think that we're getting out of the subject, but anyway, it's pretty normal for me to imagine myself as one of my characters (I have lots of them) espacially Xuffie from nobodys do have hearts (don't ask me why) and I think that's not a problem Sorage, and about your back, hope you get better soon.

I have been eating less than usual, since the hospital. Now I have lost enough weight that forced me to drill 2 more holes into my belt so it would fit, but I still appear gluttinous. The doctor, says that the numbness of my back and the back itself should be healed around summertime. But the pain is as if i'm being surrounded in a coccoon of pure silver. The very touch burning my skin. As for the poetry thing....that is too late for me. I am like Edgar Allan Poe, but my blood in heritage is for Thomas Hardy of early 1900 England. Though my best friend at school, is related to Edgar Allan Poe. I make about 20 rhymes and poems in my head each day without trying, my vocabulary containing archaic words. My mind is a race but I go my own pace, through thicket and thin I will win. Body heart and soul, I will reach the goal. (As you can see it has contaminated me -.-')

I wonder if you talk like this everyday. :-/

Only in my mind, if I spoke to rhymes to everyone in a casual conversation, it would seem weird.

It wouldn't just see weird, it would be weird, sorry.

No problem, all is forgiven, so we keep on livin'.