hey guys this is the new book i'm writing I hope you guys like it!!!! the start's pretty gory but the rest of the book's pretty okay so don't worry the book's not usually this bad I just had my name changed so if you know me as josh then you can keep calling me that if you want but my new name's Robin which is what i usually have it as (i logged in with facebook stupid idea )

 

PROLOGUE: Mr. Green in the bathroom with the knife

 

The room was dark, cold and all Robin could see was black, he flicked the switch only to see one of the most gruesome massacres he had seen in his life. He tried to breathe as he felt his body revolt against the stench of blood, he started to gag but held it down, blood covered the walls sprayed in streams and entrails were strewn across the room. Stomach juices were littered across the floor, a pair of dead eyes stared right through him from the corner of the room. He steadied himself against the edge of the door and tried to get his head straight before looking at his… mentor? Well I guess you could say he was a kind of Teacher. Robin was a detective in training, Bruce was his mentor, he was an amazing detective, one of the best, Robin hoped he could one day be as good as him.

Seems pretty cool.

 

 

I'm not really a person who can review much.

 

Robin investigating a gory scene seems interesting. I'm excited to see how it goes.

Edited December 20, 201311 yr by -iAD

Robin looked back at Bruce while holding in his gag reflex “so Teach… Is this what you usually deal with?” Robin held back another gag and pointed over his shoulder at the mash up of bodies. He had started calling Bruce Teach when they first met about a week ago, mainly because he thought Bruce didn’t suit him. He looked way too cool to be called Bruce, it was too bland. Teach wore a long black coat and sunglasses… and Robin had never seen them leave his face. He also had one of those cool detective hats and always pulled out a cigarette when he was thinking hard about a case. Robin looked down at his own clothes, he was wearing a blue shirt, black Jeans and sneakers. He also wore a beanie that was very important to him, he never took it off. Teach walked in to the room, took his hat off and took a look around at what had to be at least 10 corpses in the room. From the amount of damage that had been done it was impossible to put an exact number of deaths at the present time. He turned to Robin with a small grin “What do you think kid?” He took out a smoke and lit it. Robin always imagined Teach as a sort of modern day Sherlock, he always had this kind of ease to him and his voice had this slight rasp, it made everything he said sound ridiculously cool.

Seems pretty cool.

 

 

I'm not really a person who can review much.

 

Robin investigating a gory scene seems interesting. I'm excited to see how it goes.

thanks i'm a couple of pages in so i'll be going through pretty fast just editing each paragraph and then posting it on here

Robin was a distant relative of a vampire, really distant, maybe half of one per cent, so he was entirely human, no problems with walking in the sun and all that. But somehow he obtained what’s known as a vampire’s ability. A vampire’s ability is very rare, even in a pure blood a vampire’s ability is so rare that only maybe 10% get one, so for Robin to have one and to not have any other trace of vampire likeness… at all… it was more than just rare, he was the first and only human in history with a vampire’s ability. Robin’s ability had only been seen about 5 times in history and it hadn’t been seen for almost a century, he had the unique ability to watch memories. He could watch any memory from any time or place in a person’s life as long as that person could still remember it. This made him valuable on detective cases since he could get people to confess what really happened, Robin could see exactly what happened from that person’s perspective.

Oooh, now I get where this story is going. :cool:

 

 

I'd love to be the guy to give constructive criticism, but I'm pretty blank right now

Oooh, now I get where this story is going. :cool:

 

 

I'd love to be the guy to give constructive criticism, but I'm pretty blank right now

that's alright I'm just glad you're reading it at least i'm not writing to nobody

There was only one drawback, Robin’s ability could be extremely painful to him if memories were viewed for too long or if he delved too deep into their mind. He had never ventured far enough to do any major damage, but of the 5 other vampires in history with his ability 4 of them had died from venturing to far. They died from what is known as memory overload where a memory is so raw and agonizing that the viewer feels that persons pain as their own, they’re pulled into a coma where they live the pain of the memory continuously until they wake up or die. Only one of the four made it out alive, it’s known as one of the most excruciating deaths, they scream constantly from the moment they enter. The one who survived never viewed memories again, he lived an empty life full of alcohol afterwards. The vampires who have had the memory ability have been the greatest detectives of their time.

 

Robin always had it at the back of his mind to never to delve too far into someone’s memories. He walked into the room holding his nose but Teach gave him a “really?” stare so he suffered in silence as he tried not to breathe. Robin walked into the next room which looked twice as bad, this time it took all of his efforts just to hold in his gagging as tears started streaming out his eyes and his stomach started punching him in the throat. Teach chuckled “ You right there big boy?” Robin forced out a smile and Teach gave him an overly excessive pat on the back “you’ll get used to it” he gave him a classic grin and walked past. Robin looked at his feet to get his bearings back again and teach walked towards the kitchen. 

Edited December 20, 201311 yr by Robin

Vampires? Count me in! ^o^ 

Vampires? Count me in! ^o^ 

thanks

Robin heard Teach’s footsteps slow and looked up in time to see him stop in his tracks, he quickly moved to see and his heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t believe his eyes, In the kitchen there was a man on his knees who had stabbed himself in the forehead with a knife. Around him in big letters written with blood were the words I’M BACK. “What the hell is going on?” he looked at Teach hoping for an explanation but his mind was in overdrive.  Robin walked up to the corpse “This doesn't make any sense, there’s not a mark on him… How did he kill all these people without a scratch on himself? Why didn't anyone fight back!” Teach pulled out a smoke and Robin watched as the smoke cascaded in on itself and disintegrated into the air. Teach was in his thinking mode, and he was thinking hard… Robin could see the concentration as he stood there transfixed staring at the killer’s front pocket… “Please god” he whispered to himself, Robin pulled out a small piece of paper from inside the guy’s pocket. “Damn it… DAMN IT!” Teach screamed and punched the wall, Robin heard the paint crack under his knuckles, he could feel goose bumps crawling over his whole body. Teach’s glasses fell off his face and he looked right at Robin, he could see the fear in his eyes. “What the hell is going on?”

Edited December 20, 201311 yr by Robin

CHAPTER 1: School, friends and falling asleep in history

 

About an hour earlier:

Robin jolted awake as a ringing filled his ears, “darn it not again!” he had fallen asleep in History again. Robin slipped his books into his bag picked it up and moved for the door. His school was huge, it was underground since its members were vampires, Most of them couldn’t go out above the ground. His school was situated under Rome and it was connected to the underground city known as Tenebre or the city of darkness. Tenebre was massive, it had to accommodate millions of vampires with food and shelter. It had hundreds of shops, and endless houses built into the dirt tunnels, it had everything from libraries to McDonalds. Tenebre was a huge network that always amazed robin, there were lanterns hanging all throughout the tunnels giving light to the city.  

On the plus side school was over… on the other hand Robin had probably missed something important for the history test next week. He walked past the warning signs for the “pure of blood” and walked up to the hidden entrance “AAAAAAGGGGHHH!!!” Robin yelled as he reached the entrance and the sun blinded him, he blocked the sun with his hand and his vision started to adapt. He noticed two girls standing beside the door laughing at him, “oh hey there Robin, the sun giving you a hard time?” she pouted at him and gave him a sarcastic caring face. “Oh ha-ha very funny” He put his hand down and gave her a short death stare. That’s Sarah for you she’s the typical 3 B’s blonde: blonde, beautiful, big attitude, but once you got to know her you discovered she actually cared about her friends. She was the most loyal person that Robin knew, she’d always have his back so he’d always have hers.

Edited December 20, 201311 yr by Robin

Not bad.

Not bad.

thanks i should be going through pretty fast well hopefully anyways

“Sorry if I kept you waiting” Robin usually met up with his friends when he got out of school. “YOU’D BETTER BE SORRY!” Robin felt a large smack on the back of his head “OOOOWWW!! What was that for?” Robin looked at Nina. Nina pouted at him “why are you always the last one to come out! And why do you keep falling asleep in history! Now I have to give you my notes again.” Nina kicked him in the leg. “AAAGH… just… can you stop hitting me?” Robin smiled at Nina but she wasn’t amused “just because you’ve already got a cool job doesn’t mean you get to slack off at school alright.” Robin had gotten a job at the detective agency because of his ability and was awaiting his first case. “Ummmm yeah I think it does” Robin gave Nina a cheeky grin “what do you think Jack?” Jack was one of those silent types. He took the silence that the rest of the group should’ve had, all the girls loved him, he played guitar and his hair came down over one eye. Robin knew he needed some friends so he invited him into the group and he’d really come out of his shell. “Sure man” Jack shrugged and then they all started to walk down the street to get some ice cream.

That’s what they always did, they left school, bought some ice cream and then sat on the fence that guarded the beach. They talked about random stuff while their faces were hit by the ocean breeze and they all got brain freezes from the ice cream. This was Robin’s favourite part of every day, the world just stopped for a second while they watched the wave’s crash. Robin wished he could sit on that fence forever but then the sun would go down and he would go back to the orphanage where he was raised. Robin had never known his parents. He was one of those classic “left on the front door in a cardboard box with nothing but a name” kids. He was bundled in a beanie when they found him, the beanie he always wore, it was his only connection to who he was. “Are you alright there?” Sarah looked at him weird “what?” Robin looked around “you’re really out of it, we lost you for a second there” she smiled and they all chuckled “sorry about that.”  Robin felt his phone buzz in his pocket, “who’s that?” Nina looked at him with interest, he checked his phone “It’s my first case.”

Back to present time:

Teach opened up the letter and placed it on the table, Robin moved over to see what it said.

 

GREETINGS BRUCE,

 

It’s good to hear from you again, how’s life? Well enough small talk. You know how the game works, figure out the theme. I’ll give you a clue… it involves board games… sssshhhh don’t tell anyone. then you need to find the clue. If you figure out the clues to each victim within the time limit then you can restrain them before they kill themselves and you’ll stop the cycle. But I won’t be stopping for 10 years like last time, this time each victim you save will only buy you a month. Since I kept my deal last time you know I’ll keep my word, good luck detective.

With love

Spider

(sorry for the lack of continuing on my book i've been busy for christmas but i'm pumped to continue  )

 

Robin looked at Teach whose face was so red the room was about to burst on fire. “Spider? You knew him?” Teach put his glasses back on and started to calm down. “Yeah… he’s…” Robin could hear his blood starting to boil again “don’t worry about it I’ll just call Walter.” Robin pulled out his phone “Yo Walt.” Walter was a student like Robin who was also chosen to work at the agency, but where Robin worked in the field Walt worked in the office… and he knew EVERYTHING!!! He had a gift as well, he had a vampire’s gift of intelligence, it was beyond anything anyone had ever seen. But his intelligence was in knowledge, not in guesswork, hence why Robin was in the field and Walt stayed at his desk. “I told you to call me WALTER!!!” Robin chuckled, Walt had an English accent which made him sound funny when he was angry. “Sorry man it’s already stuck in my mind, can’t change it now.” he gave Teach a cheeky look but he wasn't in the best of moods “Sooooo… Walt my man do you know of a certain mysterious figure known as the Spider?”

Edited December 27, 201311 yr by Robin