hey so I'm making an animation and at the moment I'm focusing on determining the story

i'm not a good writer at all and this is supposed to be vague but I'm going to be posting a very simple version of what may be the first "episode" of my animation series.

If you want to know more about it or see the trailer there's a thread for it somewhere, you find it

anyway:

iM NOT A WRITER BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK SO FAR

It’s a bit confusing because im still tossing it around and yeah but have some illustrations too

It's very simple because this is literally going to be transformed into a cinema script after it's done. No point on making it brilliantly written. What matters here is the story getting across.

Warning: A bit of gore. Not much at all and doesn't last more than a sentence, but worth the warning.

 

CHAIN 2- Drafts

Day 0-

I took a walk in the park and sat down before the lake, staring at the brownish water. “It’s been almost two weeks since the incident.” I whispered. “Tomorrow, It begins.”

Day 1-

I sat quietly at class. I wasn’t doing very well for my first day. Due to my extremely bright brown/green eyes, I had a weird glance from other people’s perspectives. Yellow eyes aren’t so common.

A boy accross the room noticed me. He had slightly dark skin, green eyes and short brown hair, and was wearing a red sweater. He approached me and noticed my sketches of Nico. Nicolas Francis. I hid them and tried to tell him to go away. He ignored me and introduced himself. “I’m Victor” he said. I didn’t reply.

I knew exactly why I wanted him to stay away from me.

After class, he tried to approach me again. He held his hand to the level of his head and said “Hey…” I simply said walked away.

Day 2-

In class again, the boy who sat behind me started bugging me and mocking me for being silent. Bright green eyes, but somehow creepy, brown hair, a green cap and a jet black jacket. He threw a paper ball at me, and I turned around angrily. His cold grin scared me. Why was I so afraid of standing up to a bully? He was different. It was intimidating to stare down at his cold eyesight.

I turned around, obviously troubled. Another paper ball. I was absolutely pissed and turned around fiercely, this time pulling out a pocket knife at his neck… Or I just wish I had. It was only my imagination, but my imagination sure didn’t hesitate to completely rip open his neck, having blood gruesomely gush out in all directions.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” I thought to myself. “I’m so messed up… But I shouldn’t be surprised by that.”

I turned around again, and Victor was watching the whole scene. I could tell he knew how much I wanted to get away form that kid.

After class, I noticed Victor was approaching me so I went out ASAP. I went to the nearby park to walk once again.

 

I sat down by the lake and stared into the water. How long would I be feeling like this? I heard running steps. Usually that wouldn’t surprise me, as there are joggers there all the time, but they sounded more like a sprint.

As I turned around, I noticed Victor was the one coming along.

I honestly was surprised. Why was this boy so determined to get me to open up to him?

He slowly approached again. “Hey.”. “Hey”? Why did a simple word like that stir me up so much?

“Hello.” I replied. “You never told me your name.” he remembered, trying to breathe.

“Eduardo. Victor, right?”

“Yeah.” He sat down next to me, catching his breath. “I’ve never seen you at school before. It’s weird for a student to transfer in the middle of the semester.”

“Yeah, I’m new. I didn’t think anyone’d notice me…”

 

“Hey, so I sit at the back of the class and I see pretty much everything that goes on there. Don’t let Raimundo’s teasing get to you. Usually most people just want to rip his head off, but we all respect him our of pure intimidation.”

“Raimundo? Is that his name? And wait; I’m not the only one!?” i smiled a bit without noticing.

“Heh, of course not!” He laughed.

I looked to the sky for a second.

“…Why are you doing all of this?”

“Huh?”

“I mean.. Approaching me.”

“I saw you and… well… I just know no one likes to be lonely. In fact, I’ve gone through the same thing as you, and my friend Luis helped me out before.”

“Hum, sorry, but you don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t think you know what I’ve gone through.”

“…I’m sorry. I don’t have any idea about why you transfered, you’re right.”

“…I gotta go.” i said as I stood up.

“Wait! I’ll go home with you.”

“Huh? Is your house up that way too?”

“I have no idea where your house is, but I take the bus home. I can go with you.”

“Why?”

“Why, huh? Well, I guess I just want to be your friend.”

We both walked through the street by the school. In the middle of it, we saw a boy wearing a complex and expensive-looking blue jacket. He wore glasses and had black hair.

“Hey, Luis.” Victor said.

“Oh, hey Victor, going home?”

“Yeah, I don’t have much to do at school today so I guess I’ll be going home earlier.”

“Oh, okay.”

I stood behind Victor, trying to avoid getting much attention. I seemed nervous.

 

“Hey, who’s this?” Luis asked, trying to get a better glimpse of me.

“Oh, this is Eduardo. He’s a transfer student and we’re just becoming friends” Victor answered.

“Friends?” I tried to object. “…Isn’t this moving a bit fast? I don’t think this is how this works-!΅

“Don’t be like that. I promise, you can trust me.” Victor said. “You can trust us.” He turned to Luís and nodded. “This is Luís, the friend I mentioned earlier.”

“Nice to meet you.” I forced myself to say.

“Nice to meet you too, Eduardo.” he smiled widely.

How easy is it to make friends around here?

 

Sorry for being incredibly boring probably but I promise the story gets interesting later. This is only the beginning and in total there are 5 episodes planned to be made.

 Episode 2:About Raimundo and Luís and their friendship, as well as Raimundo influencing Luís to be against Eduardo. Probably will have some of the backstory between Victor and Luís too.

Episode 3: Fight between Eduardo and Luís,  Ana’s introduction

Episode 4: Ana's importance to the plot and Eduardo’s past. Nicolas

is discussed and revealed. Eduardo feels guilty for fighting with Luís.
Episode 5: Climax- Luís and Ana vs Raimundo, Accident with Eduardo and Victor, Eduardo’s meeting with Nicolas and Eduardo’s final choice.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 3, 201411 yr by Kinode

Episode 2:

Day 3- Tuesday

About Raimundo and Luís and their friendship, as well as Raimundo influencing Luís to be against Eduardo.

Raimundo sat on a bench behind the stairs at school. Luís aproached him and they started talking. I turned to Victor, who was watching them with me.

 

“Why is Luís talking to him?” I asked him. “I thought he was your friend.”

“Just because he’s Raimundo’s friend doesn’t mean he can’t be mine.” He explained.

“I don’t understand, though. He’s an awful guy, so shouldn’t you tell him to stay away from him? As a warning?”

He sighed. “We’ve argued about it before, but it’s not so simple.”

“We’ll see about that.” I said angrily.

I aproached  Luís.

“Hey there, can I talk to you?”

“Oh, hey… Eduardo was it? What’s up?”

“It’s about your friend, Raimundo.”

“What about him?”

“Did you know that he’s a prety awful guy?”

“…Victor told you to talk to me about this.”

“No, I’m the one who wanted to. Look, I want to be friends with you guys, I really do, but I need to know I can trust you.”

“By telling me who I can and can’t talk to?”

“No, it’s just-”

“Look, I don’t know you very well yet, and I want to be your friend, but let’s not ruin it before it even begins. Okay?”

“…Alright”

Luís walked away, mildly annoyed.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.” I thought.

 

A hand touched my shoulder. Startled, I turned around. It was Raimundo.

“You heard him,  Eddy. Mind your own busines.”

“Look who’s talking!” I exhaled as I slapped his hand out of my shoulder. “I don’t even know why you’re bothering me at all, but I know you’re awful.”

He pulled my hair, having me struggle. “Listen here, nipple twist. I don’t think you realized it, but you’re also trying to get people against me. Why is that? Is a paper ball too much for you to handle? It was just a joke.” He threw me on the ground.

“We don’t like each other. I think it’s pretty obvious why I’m “bothering” you.”

He walked away as I stared at him furiously.

“I would have warned you, but you do look like the stubborn type.” I turned around and noticed Victor.

“Victor…”

“I’m just glad you’re not too hurt.”

The bell rang, and Victor and I went to the parking lot and sat at the grass.

“Ahhhh… I love this spot.”

“Maybe it’s because you have dark skin! I’m gonna end up with a sun burn here…”

“Don’t worry, we’re not staying for long. I’ve got somewhere to be today.”

“Really? Well, thanks for showing me around the school. It’s beautiful.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

I looked at him. “Victor. I need to ask you something.” “Shoot.” He replied.

“You told me Luís helped you when you were lonely, didn’t you? But to me, it doesn’t make sense. How could he be nice to you and be Raimundo’s friend at the same time?”

“It’s funny, Eduardo. I don’t think Raimundo affects the people around him except for his targets. If he were mean to everyone, then no one would like him, don’t you agree?”

“You mean he’s nice to other people… Like Luís.”

“It doesn’t make him a good person to be nice to most people. Because he’s terrible to few. But no one sees it.’

“Has he ever bothered you?”

“He has. As soon as he started picking on you.”

I was shocked. “You didn’t even know me. Why would you care ?”

“Good question… I have no idea.”

“And why did you need Luís’s help?”

“…I don’t think we need to talk about that.”

Raimundo and Luís talked at the school‘s lower floor.

“I’m telling you, Nipple Twist is a little shit. He thinks on his second day he has the right to sperate people and try to make everything go his way. Don’t you think?” Raimundo asked Luís.

“He did try to tell me to stay away from you, just like Victor has, but I don’t think he meant it. He’s new, so he probably just doesn’t understand the situation.” Luís guessed.

“It’s not like he’s never been in school before. Just this one. Maybe you’re the one who should tell him to mind his own business.”

“Rai, did you do something to them? I mean, why would they say you’re awful?”

“I have no idea why they wouldn’t like me, I’ve never done anything to them.”

“Then I’ll talk to them.”

“I think you should stop talking to them at all. They’re obviously not going to do you any good.”

 

“What?”

“If they’re that desperate to keep you away from me… It just means they know I’ll help you realize that they’re the awful ones.”

A girl with golden skin, long brown hair and an outfit of a green shirt and white pants overheard the conversation. Her big green eyes showed seriousness. She understood what was going on.

Episode 3: Fight between Eduardo and Luís,  Ana’s introduction

Day 4: Wednesday

Me, Victor and Luís were sitting together. Victor was talking a lot.

“So, Eduardo, are there any girls you’ve got your eye on yet?” He asked me.

“Oh, uh, not yet, no. I actually think I still like this girl from my other school.”

“Oh really? What’s she like?”

“To be honest… I don’t remember.” I admitted.

“What?” Victor asked confused.

“The reason I changed schools is that I suffered from a trauma that I haven’t recovered from yet. I lost some memories relating to it… But it doesn’t matter much.”

“Oh. Well, I’m sure you can create many memories over here, to make up for it!” Victor said smiling.

“Yeah, I already have.” I said smiling too. I looked at Luís. “Hey, you’re awfully quiet. is something wrong?”

“Oh, it’s nothing!” He said, his mood instantly lighting up. “I’m just a bit tired. Didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Well you better try your best to keep awake for the next classes!”

“Yeah, I better go. See you guys around.” Luís said as he walked away.

“Oh… See you…”

“Eduardo.” A voice behind me called. I turned around to see a girl with long brown hair and big green eyes. She was wearing a green shirt and white pants. Her golden skin was familiar.

“Ana.” I whispered.

“Good, so you remember me.” She said, relieved.

“Is this a friend of yours, Ed?” Victor asked me, obviously nervous.

“I think so. The name just came to me.”

“Hello Victor. As Ed said, my name is Ana and I’m from his old school as well.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you… Ana.” Victor said, blushing.

“The pleasure is all mine.” She said, smiling. “You really don’t remember me, Ed?”

“Only your name. Sorry.”

“Then I suppose I should help you out with that.”

Ana walked really close to me and stared into my eyes, before giving me a kiss. Was she… my girlfriend?

I noticed she slipped a note onto my hand. She backed away.

“Did that right any bells?”

“I suppose… it will soon.” I replied.

“You’re right.” She said as she walked away.

“Dude, did you go out with her!?” Victor asked me.

“I don’t think so. Don’t worry, I don’t like her.” I said.

“What?” He asked loudly.

“Come on, I noticed the way you were looking at her.  I think that kiss was just to get your attention.”

“Okay, now you’re crazy. I’m heading back to class.” He said as he walked away.

I looked at the note she handed me. My eyes widened.

“Meet me at the woods after class. I know about Nicolas.”

The bell rang. I was with Ana now.

“I’m sorry for kissing you like that.” She said. “I needed to give you the note without your friend noticing.”

“That’s fine. Tell me. What do you know about him?” I asked.

“Eduardo, this is a fragile situation for you. Are you sure you want to face this?”

“I’m sure. I need to know.” I replied.

“Nicolas was your best friend. He asked me to give you a message before he left.”

“What? What did he say?”

“He asked me to tell you not to forget your promise. Do you know what he meant?”

“..Promise? …No.”

“I see. The promise was that the next time you saw him, you won’t leave him behind.”

“What? Then does that mean… Where is Nico right now!?”

“The incident did happen Ed. He’s gone. The chances are, if you see him again, you’ll have no choice but to keep your promise.”

I was sad. I understood now. That’s what happened.

“Do you remember how he died?” I asked.

“You were the only one with him at the time.” She answered.

I left without saying a word.

“Alright, Victor, I know you’re there too. You can come out.” Ana called out.

Victor came out from behind the statue in the woods.

“Okay, you’re going to have to explain some things to me now.”

“Does Eduardo trust you?” She asked him.

“He doesn’t have anyone else to trust.”

Luís and Raimundo talked.

“You’re gonna tell them, right?” Raimundo checked.

“How do you expect me to simply leave my best friend behind?” Luís asked.

“I suppose you’re just going to have to decide who is right here. And you’d better do it fast.” 

Raimundo said as he walked away.

 

“Luís!” I shouted as I spotted him in the distance, looking at Raimundo walking away. He turned to me.

I stopped running as I got close to him. “Eduardo. What do you want?”

“Victor and I are going to be hanging out at the park later. Wanna come with?”

“Sorry, but I have plans already.” He replied.

 

“…Plans with… Raimundo?” I asked suspiciously. He didn’t answer.

“I haven’t been your friend for long, and I don’t mind that you’re his friend. But is something going on? Victor told me there was no was you’d refuse.”

“Mind your own business.” He said.

“What are you hiding from us? Are you picking Raimundo over Victor, your actual best friend!?”

“Maybe I am! Maybe I‘m tired of you two trying to keep me away from my other friends, and maybe you‘re the ones who are awful!”

I picked his shirt and held it in a way that suffocated him.

“Shut up! You’re wrong! Victor has been your friend forever, right? You even helped him before, so why wold you hurt him like this? Without even telling him!? Why don’t you trust him?” 

“Look, I would have talked to you two, but you are my friends. I don’t want to hurt you, I really don’t.”

I punched him and knocked him back, his glasses falling and shattering.

“Are we your friends? Really? Because friends are honest with each other. We trust each other. Is it because of me?”

“I don’t mind you at all, Ed. Please understand, you’ve gotta trust me!”

“…But I don’t trust you.” I said.

Raimundo watched from a distance. He smiled coldly.