i made this for my writing class 

 

 

 

 My favorite game series is Kingdom Hearts. It is an action role playing game made by Square Enix. It contains Final Fantasy characters and Disney characters along with originals as well. One game even featured The World Ends with You (It’s a Wonderful World) cast, which a game is also made by Square. The main protagonist of the series Sora is an original character made for Kingdom Hearts. These are but a few reasons why I love this series and its story.

  Kingdom Hearts has span over seven games so far excluding remakes and Final Mix’s. And were expecting Kingdom Hearts3 the to be 8^th game by at least mid or late 2016.It’s an amazing epic story. Many times have moments made me teary eyed like Roxas’s line,

‘’You’re Lucky Sora, looks like my summer vacation is over....’’

  This line is actually very very sad if you know Roxas’s past. He has gone through hell, and out of his whole life (he is one year old at this point.) he only got a one  week break from it all before having to return to Sora. Roxas is half of Sora sort of like an empty shell.  It’s just a perfect story and I can’t wait till Kingdom Hearts 3 so we can bring Roxas and everyone else out there sorrow and suffering. It’s a story that perfectly blends Square and Disney.

  Sora is almost an ordinary 16 year old boy. He is special but he holds no Title and even fails his mark of Mastery exam. The Director of the series Tetsuya Nourma has said he made Sora this way so that he won’t become crazy and god-like. He’ll stay his innocent self. This also makes Sora relatable to many people. Sora always see’s the good before the bad. 

 The Main Villain Xehanort is a crafty one. He has many back up plans if is main ones fail and as it turns out all those plans led to one goal. Creating 13 Darkness to combat the Seven Lights and Recreate Kingdom Hearts and strike another Keyblade War. And Xehanort also wants the x-blade (key-blade). He has been pulling the strings of everyone so far. Roxas’s torment? All Xehanort’s Doing. He has ruined, killed and hurt many people and brought sadness to many worlds. The true Organization XIII the 13 darkness are 12 other people that Xehanort has put his heart in them and now has made them into 13 pure Darkness. Kingdom Hearts 3 will be the Game to end the Xehanort Seeker of Darkness saga.

And those are only but a few reasons why I love this series. The game might seem like its for children because of the Disney aspect but trust me it’s not. The story is very deep and is also targeted towards Teens and Adults. I’m a Kingdom Hearts fan for life! 

Edited June 10, 201411 yr by Big Boss

Teacher be like "........what?"

Teacher be like "........what?"

She gave it back to me and gave me a 3 on everything of organztion ideas and content and all that. the highest is a 6 but we need to at lest get a 4 to pass. i seriously dont see what i can do to improve on it  

She gave it back to me and gave me a 3 on everything of organztion ideas and content and all that. the highest is a 6 but we need to at lest get a 4 to pass. i seriously dont see what i can do to improve on it  

I don't know what grade you are in but you don't have a thesis or a real central idea. "Kingdom hearts is my favorite game" is not a thesis, but if you are in middle school an idea should suffice, in that case talk about WHY kingdom hearts is your favorite game, make a compare and contrast with other lesser games to back up your point. No one cares what, trust me in high school they don't want you to explain the "what" they need the "So what", the "what argument are you making with this" why does it matter what lesson does it teach, how or why is this important to others or you. you made a glorified list of random points in the game. You like it but never explain why it makes you like it? You said that Ansem is crafty and killed and harmed people and wants the x-blade and stuff, but never why that is a reason to like something, ya know?

Edited June 10, 201411 yr by Oblivian474

I don't know what grade you are in but you don't have a thesis or a real central idea. "Kingdom hearts is my favorite game" is not a thesis, but if you are in middle school an idea should suffice, in that case talk about WHY kingdom hearts is your favorite game, make a compare and contrast with other lesser games to back up your point. No one cares what, trust me in high school they don't want you to explain the "what" they need the "So what", the "what argument are you making with this why does it matter what lesson does it teach, how or why is this important to others or you. you made a glorified list of why you like it but never explain why it makes you like it? You said that Ansem is crafty and killed and harmed people and wants the x-blade and stuff, but never why that is a reason to like something, ya know?

next year will be last year in high school so u should be able to guess from that

I don't know what grade you are in but you don't have a thesis or a real central idea. "Kingdom hearts is my favorite game" is not a thesis, but if you are in middle school an idea should suffice, in that case talk about WHY kingdom hearts is your favorite game, make a compare and contrast with other lesser games to back up your point. No one cares what, trust me in high school they don't want you to explain the "what" they need the "So what", the "what argument are you making with this" why does it matter what lesson does it teach, how or why is this important to others or you. you made a glorified list of random points in the game. You like it but never explain why it makes you like it? You said that Ansem is crafty and killed and harmed people and wants the x-blade and stuff, but never why that is a reason to like something, ya knal

alright thanks ill work on it a bit more

next year will be last year in high school so u should be able to guess from that

Well, with all due respect you should work on your essay skills... Writing to a teacher that most likely has no Idea what the hell you are talking about, explaining it in random and incoherent way, no thesis, a conclusion that is......

 what you need to do is rewrite it as either a persuasive essay or a compare and contrast essay.

your thesis needs to express the idea of the paper, (what are you going to cover) "Kingdom Hearts and ----- are similar in that they both ------- however Kingdom hearts --------"  make topic sentences (basically expend your thesis) "they are similar because ------" then use examples. your conclusion should, to be honest just your thesis rewritten, do not introduce a new idea or comment that was not introduced before... The game might seem like its for children because of the Disney aspect but trust me it’s not. ​ Also in the first place don't write an essay about video games the teacher won't know what you are talking about

Um... what exactly was the objective of the essay? Like, what was the prompt that the teacher assigned?

Noting really. she gave me a list of prompts and I told her I cant choose one then she said to write about my fav video game so I went with that 

you got a 3/6 because you didnt mention xion the best character of the series

Well, with all due respect you should work on your essay skills... Writing to a teacher that most likely has no Idea what the hell you are talking about, explaining it in random and incoherent way, no thesis, a conclusion that is......

 what you need to do is rewrite it as either a persuasive essay or a compare and contrast essay.

your thesis needs to express the idea of the paper, (what are you going to cover) "Kingdom Hearts and ----- are similar in that they both ------- however Kingdom hearts --------"  make topic sentences (basically expend your thesis) "they are similar because ------" then use examples. your conclusion should, to be honest just your thesis rewritten, do not introduce a new idea or comment that was not introduced before... The game might seem like its for children because of the Disney aspect but trust me it’s not. [/size]​ Also in the first place don't write an essay about video games the teacher won't know what you are talking about

My favorite game series is Kingdom Hearts. It is an action role playing game made by Square Enix. I love it because of the way the story is so amazing, the villain is very well developed, and that it’s a series that perfectly blends the world of Square and Disney.

The story is so amazing. Kingdom Hearts has span over seven games so far, excluding remakes and Final Mix’s. We’re expecting the 8th game Kingdom Hearts 3 by at least mid or late 2016. The story is very deep and can pull you in. When a new game comes all your questions are answered only to be replaced with 2x the amount of new questions. Every single game released holds a part of the story another piece of the puzzle. Many times have moments in the story have made us fans teary eyed. Like Roxas’s line,

‘’You’re lucky Sora, looks like my summer vacation is over…’’

This line is very sad if you understand his past. Roxas has gone through hell and only a one week break from it all only destined to return to Sora. Roxas is half of Sora and half of Ventus. It’s just a perfect amazing epic story and I can’t wait till Kingdom Hearts 3 so we can bring Roxas, Ventus and everyone else out of their sorrow and suffering.

The villain is very well developed. The main villain Master Xehanort is a crafty one. He has many back up plans if his main plans fail. And as it turns out no matter what happened everything will lead to his true goal. To create XIII Darkness to combat the Seven Lights and strike another Keyblade War and make the x-Blade (keyblade) to call upon the one true Kingdom Hearts. He has been pulling the strings of everything so far. Roxas’s torment? All Xehanort’s doing. He has ruined and killed, and hurt many people as well as bring sadness to many worlds. He is a terrible person and must be stopped. I can’t wait for the day when we get to finish Xehanort off for good.

It’s a series that perfectly blends the worlds of Square Enix and Disney. The main cast is made up of mostly original characters but also has some Disney characters in there as well. The main protagonist Sora is almost always together fighting with Donald and Goofy. There are worlds you explore made up of different Disney movies. Like Dwarf Woodlands is Snow Whites world. The World Ends with You (It’s a Wonderful World) cast have appeared once in Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance which is another game made by Square Enix. The most important Disney characters are Mickey who is a keyblade wielder and Yen Sid who was once a keyblade master but retired and is now Sora’s, and Riku’s Master.

And those are but only a few reasons why I love this series and its on the top of my list of best games ever . I love it because of the way the story is so amazing, the villain is very well developed, and that it’s a series that perfectly blends the world of Square and Disney. Kingdom Hearts fan for life!

My favorite game series is Kingdom Hearts. It is an action role playing game made by Square Enix. I love it because of the way the story is so amazing, the villain is very well developed, and that it’s a series that perfectly blends the world of Square and Disney.The story is so amazing. Kingdom Hearts has span over seven games so far, excluding remakes and Final Mix’s. We’re expecting the 8th game Kingdom Hearts 3 by at least mid or late 2016. The story is very deep and can pull you in. When a new game comes all your questions are answered only to be replaced with 2x the amount of new questions. Every single game released holds a part of the story another piece of the puzzle. Many times have moments in the story have made us fans teary eyed. Like Roxas’s line,‘’You’re lucky Sora, looks like my summer vacation is over…’’This line is very sad if you understand his past. Roxas has gone through hell and only a one week break from it all only destined to return to Sora. Roxas is half of Sora and half of Ventus. It’s just a perfect amazing epic story and I can’t wait till Kingdom Hearts 3 so we can bring Roxas, Ventus and everyone else out of their sorrow and suffering.The villain is very well developed. The main villain Master Xehanort is a crafty one. He has many back up plans if his main plans fail. And as it turns out no matter what happened everything will lead to his true goal. To create XIII Darkness to combat the Seven Lights and strike another Keyblade War and make the x-Blade (keyblade) to call upon the one true Kingdom Hearts. He has been pulling the strings of everything so far. Roxas’s torment? All Xehanort’s doing. He has ruined and killed, and hurt many people as well as bring sadness to many worlds. He is a terrible person and must be stopped. I can’t wait for the day when we get to finish Xehanort off for good.It’s a series that perfectly blends the worlds of Square Enix and Disney. The main cast is made up of mostly original characters but also has some Disney characters in there as well. The main protagonist Sora is almost always together fighting with Donald and Goofy. There are worlds you explore made up of different Disney movies. Like Dwarf Woodlands is Snow Whites world. The World Ends with You (It’s a Wonderful World) cast have appeared once in Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance which is another game made by Square Enix. The most important Disney characters are Mickey who is a keyblade wielder and Yen Sid who was once a keyblade master but retired and is now Sora’s, and Riku’s Master.And those are but only a few reasons why I love this series and its on the top of my list of best games ever . I love it because of the way the story is so amazing, the villain is very well developed, and that it’s a series that perfectly blends the world of Square and Disney. Kingdom Hearts fan for life!

That is a big improvement, I think you are getting the idea so that's good, and even though it is till a summery, it is a much more coherent summery than last time. keep in mind that next time you should write about something that you and your teacher would be able to understand, unless you have a gamer teacher, but still. I should have said this before, but don't forget about essays that explore a theme in a story. A theme can be hard for some people to grasp, but a theme is something that applies to most people, that can also be found throughout your book. "Your friends and family give you strength" is a theme in Kingdom Hearts and you'd prove that theme with examples from the text, just something to keep in mind for next time.

when is this due? What is the teacher looking for? I've been doing lot of college essays, so I should be able to help you, but not now, I got my final essay to work on.