Hey everyone, how's it going? I know what you're thinking. "Seriously depressed? Naw, it can't be, you're always such a happy person, Key!" Well yeah, that may be true, but I do go through my depressing times now and then, and right now, I just feel stressed out.
First is the fact that Karla, the girl I want to get down with badly, is moving to the US on June 24th! When her Mom told me that, I felt my heart sink! I knew she was moving to the US, but I didn't expect it to be so soon! And well, you can imagine how I felt there...it was heartbreaking. And the fact of the matter is, I wanted to tell her how I felt about her at Comic-Con that same day, but we never had a private moment! It could be said that it was partially my fault, since I could've simply asked to talk alone with her...but yeah, my heart's pumping in my chest greatly, and I'm at a loss! I don't know if I'll be able to see her again before she leaves, and I really wanted to tell her how I felt in person! But seeing as how that didn't work out, I tried to see if I could tell her by the phone, but her phone was turned off...and well, I've been depressed! Over the months that I got to know Karla, I saw that she's an amazing girl, kind and sweet and lovable, and a huge otaku and gamer! She's also so simple and elegant, and just so adorable! (She's smaller than me!) And well, I thought that in Comic-Con, I'd finally get my moment with her...but alas, it did not happen, and knowing that she's gonna leave soon breaks my heart.
If I told her my feelings on the phone, and if she accepted them and told me she had feelings for me too...then I would be willing to try a long distance relationship! I was strongly thinking against it though, since I already tried online dating twice, and well, it didn't work out like I hoped it would! But if Karla is committed to trying to make something work out of us, I'll try as well! But...I just don't know what to do!
And well, another thing that's got me deeply depressed is the fact that I don't have a job yet! I'm so furious about it! I've been handing out resumes everywhere, but no matter how many I give, I always get the same answer! "If anything comes up, we'll be sure to call you!" It makes me f*cking sick! And it hurts even more because I want to be able to help my parents pay the house bills, because sometimes they get overwhelmed by the things they have to pay! Just today, my Stepdad's car was fixed, but it cost a lot of money! I only had 20 dollars, but I offered the cash to them, and they refused! I wanted to help them so badly! And it doesn't help that the car is messed up again! Who knows how much cash they'll need now? If I had a job, then their minds would be more at ease, since I could help pay the electricity and water, and groceries, too! But, even with my good intentions, even though I always help around the house by cooking and doing the dishes and the laundry and other things, a job doesn't seem to appear! I'm stumped in life, and I want to be able to keep moving forward, but I keep holding myself back, I keep hesitating, I stand in my own way, and I hate it! I want to be able to make something out of my life and accomplish my goals, and I want to be able to help the people that raised me, since they've done so much for me! But alas, things aren't clearing up for me yet...I know that things come when God wants them too...but I get so frustrated!
So yeah, girl problems, and money problems...I feel heartbroken and unreliable! I want to be able to have something with Karla, and I want to be able to help my parents economically! But yeah, here I am, with a clown's mask, smiling, even though sometimes the pressure and sadness just gets to me, ya know? But luckily, thanks to God and my friends and family, I've been able to avert going insane...heck, I'm still surprised that I've managed to go through all this without breaking down! X_X
But yeah...that's me, the always happy Transcendent Key...with a troubled heart and a sense of uselessness...and on top of that, I'm standing in the way of myself. Whoop dee frackin doo... -_-
Hey everyone, how's it going? I know what you're thinking. "Seriously depressed? Naw, it can't be, you're always such a happy person, Key!" Well yeah, that may be true, but I do go through my depressing times now and then, and right now, I just feel stressed out.
First is the fact that Karla, the girl I want to get down with badly, is moving to the US on June 24th! When her Mom told me that, I felt my heart sink! I knew she was moving to the US, but I didn't expect it to be so soon! And well, you can imagine how I felt there...it was heartbreaking. And the fact of the matter is, I wanted to tell her how I felt about her at Comic-Con that same day, but we never had a private moment! It could be said that it was partially my fault, since I could've simply asked to talk alone with her...but yeah, my heart's pumping in my chest greatly, and I'm at a loss! I don't know if I'll be able to see her again before she leaves, and I really wanted to tell her how I felt in person! But seeing as how that didn't work out, I tried to see if I could tell her by the phone, but her phone was turned off...and well, I've been depressed! Over the months that I got to know Karla, I saw that she's an amazing girl, kind and sweet and lovable, and a huge otaku and gamer! She's also so simple and elegant, and just so adorable! (She's smaller than me!) And well, I thought that in Comic-Con, I'd finally get my moment with her...but alas, it did not happen, and knowing that she's gonna leave soon breaks my heart.
If I told her my feelings on the phone, and if she accepted them and told me she had feelings for me too...then I would be willing to try a long distance relationship! I was strongly thinking against it though, since I already tried online dating twice, and well, it didn't work out like I hoped it would!
But if Karla is committed to trying to make something work out of us, I'll try as well! But...I just don't know what to do!
And well, another thing that's got me deeply depressed is the fact that I don't have a job yet! I'm so furious about it! I've been handing out resumes everywhere, but no matter how many I give, I always get the same answer! "If anything comes up, we'll be sure to call you!" It makes me f*cking sick! And it hurts even more because I want to be able to help my parents pay the house bills, because sometimes they get overwhelmed by the things they have to pay! Just today, my Stepdad's car was fixed, but it cost a lot of money! I only had 20 dollars, but I offered the cash to them, and they refused! I wanted to help them so badly! And it doesn't help that the car is messed up again! Who knows how much cash they'll need now?
If I had a job, then their minds would be more at ease, since I could help pay the electricity and water, and groceries, too! But, even with my good intentions, even though I always help around the house by cooking and doing the dishes and the laundry and other things, a job doesn't seem to appear! I'm stumped in life, and I want to be able to keep moving forward, but I keep holding myself back, I keep hesitating, I stand in my own way, and I hate it! I want to be able to make something out of my life and accomplish my goals, and I want to be able to help the people that raised me, since they've done so much for me! But alas, things aren't clearing up for me yet...I know that things come when God wants them too...but I get so frustrated! 
So yeah, girl problems, and money problems...I feel heartbroken and unreliable! I want to be able to have something with Karla, and I want to be able to help my parents economically! But yeah, here I am, with a clown's mask, smiling, even though sometimes the pressure and sadness just gets to me, ya know? But luckily, thanks to God and my friends and family, I've been able to avert going insane...heck, I'm still surprised that I've managed to go through all this without breaking down! X_X
But yeah...that's me, the always happy Transcendent Key...with a troubled heart and a sense of uselessness...and on top of that, I'm standing in the way of myself. Whoop dee frackin doo... -_-
Sorry for this guys. I just needed to vent.