8)Kingdom Hearts ANOTHER SIDE

WHILE SORA WAS ASLEEP IN TWILIGHT TOWN AND RIKU WAS TRYING TO BRING ROXAS AND XION WITH HIM IN ANOTHER WORD STRANGE EVENTS WOULD CHANGE THE FATE OF A YOUNG MAN

A SHADY PAST AND A STRANGE WEAPON WOUND CHANGE THE LIFE OF THIS MAN WHOSE SECRETS WOULD CHANGE THE FATE OF THE WORLDS AND UNRAVEL THE MYSTERIES OF THE KEYBLADE WARS ,MASTER XEHANORT ,ORGANIZATION 13 AND A NEW THREAT THA WOULD SOON ARISE

 

STAY TUNED FOR AN EPIC TALE IN THE Kingdom Hearts UNIVERSE THAT CONNECTS ALL WORLDS AND THE PAST WITH THE FUTURE

please stop with the capitals!

My eyes hurt from reading the caps. I realize you were trying to make it sound exciting, but you should just put a few words here and there in bold, not your entire paragraph. Also, that was the longest run-on sentence I've ever seen. Just try to work on that a bit. <3 I wanna see what happens. owo

Kingdom Hearts the forgotten keyblade

 

chapter 1 twisted paths

 

It was summer when all kids enjoy their holidays ,our young protagonist is Ravus a black haired boy 1.87 feet tall with black eyes .He usually wears gray pants ,black sneakers and a red jacket with black stripes .

He has a black tattoo with the latin number 13 on his neck .

Ravus lives since the age of 7 in an orphanage with other kids ,younger than him who he takes care of along with his two older friends Nio and Rosa who are 27 years old.

The orphanage is in a village called Home outside an enormous industrial city called Fatum .

Today Ravus becomes 17 but the only thing troubling his mind is finding out his origins and any possible relative.

 

Ravus-This world is just too small .How can I find clues about my past in such a tiny place.Even time seems to never pass in this god forsaken place.And yet here I am ,stuck in this tiny world

Rosa-Ravus why do you hate Home so much .Isnt life here so peacefull and calm?

Ravus-So do you expect from me stay here for the rest of my life doing nothing else than taking care of the orphans!!

Rosa-You used to be no different .Nio and I worked so hard to raise you

Ravus-I am sorry ,you know I love the orphans ,but I want to find about my past

-How did I end up here?How did you find me?

Rosa-I've told you a thousand times ,we found you ten years ago sleeping in front of the orphanage

Ravus-Is that all?

Rosa-Yes Rovus why dont you believe me

Ravus-Sorry but you know, I am afraid that I'll never find out anything

Rosa-Its okay I know how you feel

-So why dont you go for a walk in the city with Serah,Hope and Vanille?(final fantasy 13 characters)

-Maybe you'll relax a little hunging out with the kids

Ravus-You are right ,I'll go get them

-Ah and Rosa thank you ,for all you've done for me

 

 

to be continued

sorry for grammar mistakes

You mispelled your main character's name....

Ravus is a latin world for gray his name has a major significanse like terra's name which means earth

That's not the point. You go from Ravus to Rovus the entire chapter.

 

You'd think you know your character's name correctly >.<

 

But I can see you already fixed it, so nevermind.

THIS STORY HAS POTENTIAL BUT IT IS POORLY WRITTEN. IT IS NOT IN STORY FORMAT. IT'S NOT EVEN IN A DIALOG FORMAT, ITS JUST OUT THERE.

 

MAYBE IF YOU SWITCH UP TO PARAGRAPHS, ACTUALLY ADD DETAILS TO YOUR STORY, AND USE PROPER GRAMMAR, MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, WILL THIS STORY ACTUALLY BE GOOD.