There is girl that I like so much but she has this problem called a boyfriend. I know I should step off but its different. When I flirt with her its not to try to get with her, its to boost her self esteem. She has no idea how pretty she is because her f*cking boyfriend want tell her she is.

 

He verbally abuses her constantly calling her fat. She went through a stage of bulimia in 8th grad and and he knows that. She is so skinny and he'll call her fat which makes her cut herself. Every time she cuts herself it feels like I'm getting stabbed in the heart.

 

Also whenever she wears make up and tries to dress up he calls her a slut. She cuts her self so often because of him and how she treats her.

 

He saw a picture of us and facebook and flipped out. He got mad at her. So I sent him a text message that was actually nothing bad. It was me saying that he shouldn't be mad at her he should be mad at me. (Why I did that I don't know) but he went against what I said and got mad at her. Well after he calmed down he told her he'd drop the fight if she stopped talking to my "fat *ss" forever.

 

She will message me through Skype twice a month just to update me on her life. But she usually has some kind of complaint about her relationship.

 

My question is: If she tells me that he called her fat, ugly, or a slut again should I call him out on it?

Yes.

She needs to break up with him too.

There is girl that I like so much but she has this problem called a boyfriend. I know I should step off but its different. When I flirt with her its not to try to get with her, its to boost her self esteem. She has no idea how pretty she is because her f*cking boyfriend want tell her she is.

 

He verbally abuses her constantly calling her fat. She went through a stage of bulimia in 8th grad and and he knows that. She is so skinny and he'll call her fat which makes her cut herself. Every time she cuts herself it feels like I'm getting stabbed in the heart.

 

Also whenever she wears make up and tries to dress up he calls her a slut. She cuts her self so often because of him and how she treats her.

 

He saw a picture of us and facebook and flipped out. He got mad at her. So I sent him a text message that was actually nothing bad. It was me saying that he shouldn't be mad at her he should be mad at me. (Why I did that I don't know) but he went against what I said and got mad at her. Well after he calmed down he told her he'd drop the fight if she stopped talking to my "fat *ss" forever.

 

She will message me through Skype twice a month just to update me on her life. But she usually has some kind of complaint about her relationship.

 

My question is: If she tells me that he called her fat, ugly, or a slut again should I call him out on it?

 

DUDE TELL SOMEONE Her parents or other friends of hers, but you need to convince her to get away from that guy. Bcause from what I heard cases like those don't get better. In fact they can lead to some very serious problems other then what she has now

And if you do manage to get her away from that guy YOU better be nice to her.

total yes, if my best friend was dating a guy like this, i would take total charge and call the guy out, she shouldnt be with a guy like that.

Ask her why she likes this guy and why she dates him if he's so mean to her. Confront the guy about what he's done.

Okay thanks for the quick replies, but also:

 

I actually convinced her to break up with him and he did, but he pulled the "I have no reason to live anymore" card and she took him back if he acted better, and he actually did for about a month but after that month and now he has gotten to his old ways.

 

And you guys need to understand its easier said than done. And studies say that if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship you don't know when to end it. I'm just tired of her being unhappy

ok I got this. My girl's ex is the same way. It's the "guilt" card. As a friend here's what you do....

 

1. Call BS- if you see him treating her bad again.

2. Talk to her- tell her he's just doing that so he can have someone to call a girlfriend and he's probably treating her bad to get attention or have dominance over her.

3. Proof it- if she doesn't believe you, ask a couple of friends to help you HELP HER understand =D try to help her understand your trying to help her. She's your friend and your trying to watch over her.

4. He might try to pull the card again- remind her why she left him

.

Now this worked on my end. Just try it if it doesnt work I'll think of something to help. I hate abusive relationships and I try my best to help my friends when their involved or when they have a friend who's involved lol hey we're all friends here just trying to help

Okay thanks for the quick replies, but also:

 

I actually convinced her to break up with him and he did, but he pulled the "I have no reason to live anymore" card and she took him back if he acted better, and he actually did for about a month but after that month and now he has gotten to his old ways.

 

And you guys need to understand its easier said than done. And studies say that if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship you don't know when to end it. I'm just tired of her being unhappy

 

Mmmm I thought something like that might happen, someone is abused and ditches the person then they play a wild card and get the person back, AND let me tell you something man that guy shes with ISN'T GOING TO STOP THIS HAS APPEND BEFORE. Because once a guy gives into rage and gets physical he isn't going to stop.

I agree with Lizzie you need to confront the guy and do it soon before your friend regrets it worse than she already is now.

Personally, I'd get rough with him at this point. Is it the right thing to do? No. Would i do it anyways? Hell yeah.

 

My sister was in a relationship similar to this, and I tried everything you were talking about. I finally got her out of it, but unfortuantely I had to let her drive herself to the bottom first. Sometimes people just can't see what they're in until it puts its foot up their... yeah.

Id beat the living shit out of him, but thats just me. Good luck saving the girl.

Well when I say "call him out" Or "confront him" I mean, I'm ready for a fight. He needs to learn respect and needs to handle his problems instead of taking it out on her

DO IT!!!! lol

But see I'm not just going to walk up to him and punch him in the face (as much as I want to) I'm going to call him out and be prepared for him to swing

You need to confront an adult for this situation your scenario is domestic abuse case waiting to happen. Don't wait until it's to late but don't handle it yourself beacause it could backfire on her. Bottom line tell an adult.

But see I'm not just going to walk up to him and punch him in the face (as much as I want to) I'm going to call him out and be prepared for him to swing

 

You need to confront an adult for this situation your scenario is domestic abuse case waiting to happen. Don't wait until it's to late but don't handle it yourself beacause it could backfire on her. Bottom line tell an adult.

 

HE'S RIght if you pick a fight with the guy you'll probaly make things worse TALK TO AN ADULT

I understand its dangerous to confront him and I don't want him to hurt her. I understand telling an adult would be option but I think its just as bad if not worse. It would get more people involved than needed. That adult would tell her parents. That would make her boyfriend angry to where he came after me, either way its probably going to end with us in a "confrontation"

I understand its dangerous to confront him and I don't want him to hurt her. I understand telling an adult would be option but I think its just as bad if not worse. It would get more people involved than needed. That adult would tell her parents. That would make her boyfriend angry to where he came after me, either way its probably going to end with us in a "confrontation"

 

Listen getting a load of people involved now and facing a minor confrontation in which people will have your back is nothing. Compared to causing bad emotions with the dude wether you want to or not the bad emotions will come and later you find out your friend who you apparently care a great deal for is injured or worse dead. That will haunt you for the rest of your life beacause in the back of your mind you will feel guilty. This all sounds harsh but that's how reality is I actually know somebody who was in the same situation he later found that the girl had killed. I'm not trying to scare but I just want you to know you need to take steps to ensure your friends safety.

Hmm you seem to be in quite the situation. If you confront the guy he might get angry and take it out on her if you confront her he will find some excuse to get her back is what it sounds like to me. I'd get some of her friends that also care about her to talk to her with you that way she will get more support. Convince her she deserves better than him and that you care about her. I know this probably just tells you what you already know but i really hope you can help this girl.

Listen getting a load of people involved now and facing a minor confrontation in which people will have your back is nothing. Compared to causing bad emotions with the dude wether you want to or not the bad emotions will come and later you find out your friend who you apparently care a great deal for is injured or worse dead. That will haunt you for the rest of your life beacause in the back of your mind you will feel guilty. This all sounds harsh but that's how reality is I actually know somebody who was in the same situation he later found that the girl had killed. I'm not trying to scare but I just want you to know you need to take steps to ensure your friends safety.

 

Thats true but still, it just doesn't seem like a good idea to have all these people involved

 

 

And Echo: Her friends are behind me all the way, they don't know everything that I do but they tell her to break up with him all the time

I think you should tell the girl mom or dad about this. Maybe they can help with this it not a good thing if she cutting.

ok I got this. My girl's ex is the same way. It's the "guilt" card. As a friend here's what you do....

 

1. Call BS- if you see him treating her bad again.

2. Talk to her- tell her he's just doing that so he can have someone to call a girlfriend and he's probably treating her bad to get attention or have dominance over her.

3. Proof it- if she doesn't believe you, ask a couple of friends to help you HELP HER understand =D try to help her understand your trying to help her. She's your friend and your trying to watch over her.

4. He might try to pull the card again- remind her why she left him

.

Now this worked on my end. Just try it if it doesnt work I'll think of something to help. I hate abusive relationships and I try my best to help my friends when their involved or when they have a friend who's involved lol hey we're all friends here just trying to help

 

This.

 

As for the confrontation (i.e. fist fight or whatever), hey, I would be all for that, but here's why I think it's a bad plan: If I were the girl, whether or not I really cared about this guy who was abusing me, I wouldn't want the two of you fighting and hurting each other. Instead of admiring you for fighting for her, she would probably get mad at you for hurting this guy, because she must still care about him in some way if she's willing to put up with the way he treats her. Also, she would probably feel worse about herself, and blame herself for causing the two of you to fight.

Yes, the idea of giving that guy what he deserves is great in theory, and I wish it were that simple, but when you consider the emotional effect it would have on her...not such a good idea.

You must convince her to break up with him! HE IS RUINING HER LIFE AND FUTURE. Seriously what girl wants a guy who is blaming everything on her?

I can tell she must be a REALLY nice person, really! She is just feeling bad for him and you as the friend that knows the most must be the one to CONVINCE her one way or another to break up with him.

And yeah if you are gonna confront the guy give him a punch from me and say "GROW THE F*CK UP".

This.

 

As for the confrontation (i.e. fist fight or whatever), hey, I would be all for that, but here's why I think it's a bad plan: If I were the girl, whether or not I really cared about this guy who was abusing me, I wouldn't want the two of you fighting and hurting each other. Instead of admiring you for fighting for her, she would probably get mad at you for hurting this guy, because she must still care about him in some way if she's willing to put up with the way he treats her. Also, she would probably feel worse about herself, and blame herself for causing the two of you to fight.

Yes, the idea of giving that guy what he deserves is great in theory, and I wish it were that simple, but when you consider the emotional effect it would have on her...not such a good idea.

 

Honestly I have thought about that, and as much as I want to beat him senseless, I'm not going to swing the first punch, and yeah she might hate me and be mad at me and may be mad at herself. I know she'll get over it and if I beat him (which in fights there is allways an if factor, I'm not going to be cocky and say I'll kick his arse) he'd learn I'm not going to let it slide and that he'll have a new respect for her. If not we'd have to go at it again.

 

I doubt there'll even be a fight between us but I'll be prepared if there is

 

You must convince her to break up with him! HE IS RUINING HER LIFE AND FUTURE. Seriously what girl wants a guy who is blaming everything on her?

I can tell she must be a REALLY nice person, really! She is just feeling bad for him and you as the friend that knows the most must be the one to CONVINCE her one way or another to break up with him.

And yeah if you are gonna confront the guy give him a punch from me and say "GROW THE F*CK UP".

 

Leaxel, I've tried to convince her and multiple (all) of her other friends have tried to convince her, I'm the only one whose made the most progress. But because of him I can't talk her through it and convince her more

That's quite a predicament you have. I would start by telling her that she deserves much better, and should reconsider breaking up with him.People with previous eating disorders tend to be very sensitive about their bodies, even after they have recovered.Trust me I have recovered from anorexia. As for the cutting it is probably a way for her to cope with her boyfriend's abuse.I would tell an adult to help you with this. Perhaps someone who has been through this.I don't think you should confront him because violence will not solve the problem. Unless he starts physically abusing her than report him to the cops.