My whole life, I've never felt like my existence ever meant anything to anyone. I've grown up without having many friends or life-changing moments. I didn't hang out with any friends, outside of school, until I was in the 7th grade and it was one friend, one time, who actually picked on me and hit me quite a few times back then. I was only friends with him, because I didn't have many friends to begin with. My mom is the weirdest freaking person you'll ever meet, so as a kid not only did she rub off on me, I resented her for it, and we never got along. She once threw me down a set of steps, just because my dad threatened to take me and my brother to go live with him and then he'd stop paying child support. The only friend that I've ever had that I never argued with or got into fights with, moved and then when I got a facebook a few years later and added him as a friend, we barely talked and I haven't talked to him in 5 years. I guess we just grew apart. Once I moved in with my dad, I started to become more like him. Withdrawn and prone to a bad temper. I love him and all, he's my father, but I've picked up on a lot of his bad habits that I didn't even realize I had, until my friends began pointing it out, in our many arguments. I don't know, it may sound like I'm blaming my parents, and I'm not trying to. I really appreciate them both raising me, but I have picked up the worst traits possible. My mom's stubborn, OCD, shy, sensitive, and ditzy. My dad is stubborn, cynical, and argumentative. I tried so hard not to be like that, but I ended up being that way, anyway. I have a few friends now and I love them all, but we argue a lot and because of our work schedules we hardly get to hang out. Maybe that's part of the reason we're at each other's throats every time we hang out, I don't know. Plus, every time we argue I seem to be completely and utterly wrong and then they look at me like I'm an idiot. Not to mention, that it always feels like it's me vs. them, or me vs. the world, for that matter. I've never had a girlfriend or any sort of relationship. I've always been brushed aside or easily forgotten, like I wasn't even there. Nearly every time I became friends with someone, either they moved or I moved and our friendship ended up not even being good enough to continue by phone or social networking. I'm so disgusted with myself and my life and I don't know what to do, I don't want to not be myself, but at the same time I don't want to be myself. I've always been horribly conflicted and can never seem to make a damn decision. Not only that, but I care so much about people that when I upset people I don't even know at my job(I'm a cashier at Walgreens), even if I'm not at all at fault, I feel like shit for upsetting them or for them not understanding why I have to do what I do! Also, because of how much I care about people it bothers me that one of my friends told me that most of the people that meet me for the first time, tell him later that I seemed like an arrogant asshole. I don't at all understand how the firetruck I come off that way, when I barely say a damn word to people that I meet for the first time on account of how shy I am. Another problem is that I eat when I'm bored/stressed out. I'm in horrible shape, because of it. Luckily, I plan on buying a new pair of running shoes and get back into running soon, but I'm afraid that I won't have the will power to exercise or eat better when it gets down to it.

 

Btw, I'm not looking for anyone to give me a solution, I wasn't asking a question. I just wanted to get this all off my chest and put it out there. You're all free to comment in any way you want, I don't really care. You can tell my I'm being stupid, or you feel for me, whatever's on your mind I just wanted to do this.

Edited May 29, 201213 yr by Ertyx

Look at the bright side- you've got to be more important than Lightning and Sazh in FF XIII-2.

 

Okay, I was going for a laugh there. I'll finish reading your post and comment in just a bit.

I feel you on some of these.

I really do, Try your best to keep your head up.

Things will get better.

Thats a promise.

 

I am sorry by the way for some of the things that have happened to you in your life.

Be strong

Edited May 29, 201213 yr by Wolfgang

life can be ***** but it's stuff like this ,you can try and change, try or not life will end the same way but if you want to be different, be different, don't be like this all the time, try to change ,you can be different now and change the lives of everyone.

 

Don't worry about anyone bringing you down or argueing with friends (if you didn't care about them you wouldn't be argue or vice versa) whaever someone says dosen't matter your unique in your own way

 

you are important, to me (and i don't even know you) and to everyone else here

Edited May 29, 201213 yr by WingedIcarus

Damn.. I wouldn't have thought that such pain could be locked in such an awesome writer as yourself.. You do have significance! At least to me you do. You're writing inspires me to write better because they're so great. I don't really know what to tell you. But I am glad that you were able to release some tension here. I dont think you're stupid at all. You seem like a really awesome guy when I see your posts on here.

Edited May 29, 201213 yr by burnsideking24

Serious time-

 

I see how you feel. I never really had any good friends past sixth grade; my best friend and I just drifted apart. I talked to a bunch of people, but they weren't true friends. Right now, I would say that as of this year, I have one really close friend, and I'll talk to you about her briefly.

 

If you look back a few weeks, I posted a thread here about almost losing a friendship. We had an argument and we both had some really uncomfortable moments, but in the end we put our arguments aside and decided to move on from there and maintain our friendship. Now we're back to normal.

 

Having friends doesn't mean the absence of fighting- fighting can be positive in a relationship. During my fight with my friends (spanning maybe a week) I felt as if she must not care about me anymore and that our friendship was over. But reconciling made me realize that I need to be more responsible, and she realized that I didn't intend to wrong her and hadn't realized that she was upset. Even with my other friends we bicker all the time. Height jokes, intelligence jokes, you name it, but we still keep together.

 

You don't not matter. You matter. Even when your friends are mad at you and you feel as if they don't care, just stop and think about how you feel. Do you care about them? If not, good riddance, and if so, then they probably still want to be with you too.

Im sorry that you feel so down on your life and yourself . But i would like to say that you are the one in control of your life and its direction . If you dont like where its going , change it . If you dont like something about yourself , change it . No one has the power to change this but you .Also,not to sound harsh, but just remember no matter how bad you have it there are people out there who have it worse ..This is fact .So chin up and face life head on with confidence and you will succeed and conquer with hard work and effort..

Serious time-

 

I see how you feel. I never really had any good friends past sixth grade; my best friend and I just drifted apart. I talked to a bunch of people, but they weren't true friends. Right now, I would say that as of this year, I have one really close friend, and I'll talk to you about her briefly.

 

If you look back a few weeks, I posted a thread here about almost losing a friendship. We had an argument and we both had some really uncomfortable moments, but in the end we put our arguments aside and decided to move on from there and maintain our friendship. Now we're back to normal.

 

Having friends doesn't mean the absence of fighting- fighting can be positive in a relationship. During my fight with my friends (spanning maybe a week) I felt as if she must not care about me anymore and that our friendship was over. But reconciling made me realize that I need to be more responsible, and she realized that I didn't intend to wrong her and hadn't realized that she was upset. Even with my other friends we bicker all the time. Height jokes, intelligence jokes, you name it, but we still keep together.

 

You don't not matter. You matter. Even when your friends are mad at you and you feel as if they don't care, just stop and think about how you feel. Do you care about them? If not, good riddance, and if so, then they probably still want to be with you too.

 

Trust me, I know that friendships are going to have arguments. That's why I'm still friends with them, even after all the arguments we've had. It's how many of my other friendships have ended and how these ones are going that bother me. In fact, one of my friends use to argue with me at every possible point we could. We were on opposing views, ALL THE TIME. He left my house one day, asking another friend of mine, why I hated him. When my other friend told me that, I felt like shit! I couldn't believe he thought I hated him, merely for getting into a heated argument. But, guess what I haven't argued with that same friend in 2 years. He joined the Marines and became more respectful and calm. With that much time not hanging out and us both changing over that time, we've gotten over it. Plus, we don't get the chance to hang out as much, anymore, so we set our differences aside on the few occasions that we get to hang out.

 

Im sorry that you feel so down on your life and yourself . But i would like to say that you are the one in control of your life and its direction . If you dont like where its going , change it . If you dont like something about yourself , change it . No one has the power to change this but you .Also,not to sound harsh, but just remember no matter how bad you have it there are people out there who have it worse ..This is fact .So chin up and face life head on with confidence and you will succeed and conquer with hard work and effort..

 

I believe that, as well. But, every time I try to change and be more trusting of people, they always seem to let me down. It's become very difficult to believe in myself, as well as others. It's also very difficult for me to try and change something, that I barely see in myself. Thank you for the comment, though.

edit: Just saw your other post! I'll read it and respond after someone else posts!

 

Not only that, but I care so much about people that when I upset people I don't even know at my job(I'm a cashier at Walgreens), even if I'm not at all at fault, I feel like shit for upsetting them or for them not understanding why I have to do what I do! Also, because of how much I care about people it bothers me that one of my friends told me that most of the people that meet me for the first time, tell him later that I seemed like an arrogant asshole. I don't at all understand how the firetruck I come off that way, when I barely say a damn word to people that I meet for the first time on account of how shy I am.

 

Okay, this part.

 

I began working at a deli when I was 16, and I learned something fast. There are just horrible people out there! You sound like a nice guy, kind of like me. To give you a testament how "nice" I am, I refuse to curse (crap is my limit and any firetruck you see me write is actually spelled out f-i-r-e-t-r-u-c-k). The world isn't cut out for us. You need to realize that people are just going to have bad days or be mean for no reason. I felt so guilty when I first gave someone jalepeno cream cheese instead of olive (you only make that mistake once), but realize that everyone makes mistakes. Whoever you have upset must have made mistakes similar in the past, and if they give you grief, then that is just worse for them.

 

I can't help with the shyness because I'm hopelessly timid myself, but I can say to try to make some conversation. I know it's hard, but give it a shot. A few weeks ago I was at a school orientation event all alone and someone came up to me and bashfully told me that his mom told him to try introducing himself to new people. Awkward, but it worked. My impression of him was that he was nervous and polite, and I may have thought differently if we just avoided eye contact. In retrospect, I kind of shut down when I'm with people I don't know, and I guess that could be taken as being rude. But I find if I try to make some awkward conversation, it may sound stupid or be trivial like talking about the weather (I used that one about twenty times a few weeks ago), but at least it shows that I'm trying.

Edited May 29, 201213 yr by XIIISwords

Trust me, I know that friendships are going to have arguments. That's why I'm still friends with them, even after all the arguments we've had. It's how many of my other friendships have ended and how these ones are going that bother me. In fact, one of my friends use to argue with me at every possible point we could. We were on opposing views, ALL THE TIME. He left my house one day, asking another friend of mine, why I hated him. When my other friend told me that, I felt like shit! I couldn't believe he thought I hated him, merely for getting into a heated argument. But, guess what I haven't argued with that same friend in 2 years. He joined the Marines and became more respectful and calm. With that much time not hanging out and us both changing over that time, we've gotten over it. Plus, we don't get the chance to hang out as much, anymore, so we set our differences aside on the few occasions that we get to hang out.

 

 

 

I believe that, as well. But, every time I try to change and be more trusting of people, they always seem to let me down. It's become very difficult to believe in myself, as well as others. It's also very difficult for me to try and change something, that I barely see in myself. Thank you for the comment, though.

 

Trust me i know what you mean when you say that others have done nothing but disappoint . This is the story of my life . I can also tell you my best accomplishments, however, were bc i had learned to fight for myself and overcome.. You need to learn to trust YOURSELF and know you CAN do anything you set out to do .How can you expect others to see how great you are if you dont see it in yourself? Believe it and it will be .Trust me ive lived this all my life . I can say this from experience not blind advice .

Edited May 29, 201213 yr by Flaming Lea

edit: Just saw your other post! I'll read it and respond after someone else posts!

 

 

 

Okay, this part.

 

I began working at a deli when I was 16, and I learned something fast. There are just horrible people out there! You sound like a nice guy, kind of like me. To give you a testament how "nice" I am, I refuse to curse (crap is my limit and any firetruck you see me write is actually spelled out f-i-r-e-t-r-u-c-k). The world isn't cut out for us. You need to realize that people are just going to have bad days or be mean for no reason. I felt so guilty when I first gave someone jalepeno cream cheese instead of olive (you only make that mistake once), but realize that everyone makes mistakes. Whoever you have upset must have made mistakes similar in the past, and if they give you grief, then that is just worse for them.

 

I can't help with the shyness because I'm hopelessly timid myself, but I can say to try to make some conversation. I know it's hard, but give it a shot. A few weeks ago I was at a school orientation event all alone and someone came up to me and bashfully told me that his mom told him to try introducing himself to new people. Awkward, but it worked. My impression of him was that he was nervous and polite, and I may have thought differently if we just avoided eye contact. In retrospect, I kind of shut down when I'm with people I don't know, and I guess that could be taken as being rude. But I find if I try to make some awkward conversation, it may sound stupid or be trivial like talking about the weather (I used that one about twenty times a few weeks ago), but at least it shows that I'm trying.

 

I swear all the time, though. lol I typically don't hurtfully curse AT people, though. Usually, only joking or when I'm angry. But, I tend not to swear around people I don't know, because I understand that offends some people. But, yes, I almost always avoid eye contact with people I don't know, or people I don't like. Customers tend to infuriate me to no end, because I don't feel like they care in the same way that I do. I know that shouldn't be my problem and it shouldn't bother me, but it does and it's hard to change that gut feeling.

 

Trust me i know what you mean when you say that others have done nothing but disappoint . This is the story of my life . I can also tell you my best accomplishments, however, were bc i had learned to fight for myself and overcome.. You need to learn to trust YOURSELF and know you CAN do anything you set out to do .How can you expect others to see how great you are if you dont see it in yourself? Believe it and it will be .Trust me ive lived this all my life . I can say this from experience not blind advice .

 

Thank you, I just really don't see anything about myself to be proud of and I never have. I appreciate the vote of confidence, but it's hard to change how I feel inside. It's like I know in my mind that I'm being stupid, but in my gut and heart I hate myself with a passion.

I swear all the time, though. lol I typically don't hurtfully curse AT people, though. Usually, only joking or when I'm angry. But, I tend not to swear around people I don't know, because I understand that offends some people. But, yes, I almost always avoid eye contact with people I don't know, or people I don't like. Customers tend to infuriate me to no end, because I don't feel like they care in the same way that I do. I know that shouldn't be my problem and it shouldn't bother me, but it does and it's hard to change that gut feeling.

 

lol, it's just a personally thing; my parents swore a lot and I vowed not to be like them My friends know this is me and one almost had a heart attack when I told him to get the h#ll off of me when he was trying to cheat off my assignment.

 

People (especially customers) are idiots. That's being optimistic.

My yearbook quote: "I always come home from work remembering... just how much I hate people!"

Eye contact is hard, I'll give you that. But one trick I have is to look at their nose or forehead (just not obviously) so that I can see their eyes and it looks like I'm looking at them. If customers are giving you grief, give them a big smile and wish them well. That'll shut them up and make you feel so accomplished. And you said you don't want to be arrogant, but sometimes it's a good thing! If they're wrong and you're right, then don't let them phase you. The, they, you...

 

... Sorry, lost my train of thought... I'll get back on at the next station.

lol, it's just a personally thing; my parents swore a lot and I vowed not to be like them My friends know this is me and one almost had a heart attack when I told him to get the h#ll off of me when he was trying to cheat off my assignment.

 

People (especially customers) are idiots. That's being optimistic.

My yearbook quote: "I always come home from work remembering... just how much I hate people!"

Eye contact is hard, I'll give you that. But one trick I have is to look at their nose or forehead (just not obviously) so that I can see their eyes and it looks like I'm looking at them. If customers are giving you grief, give them a big smile and wish them well. That'll shut them up and make you feel so accomplished. And you said you don't want to be arrogant, but sometimes it's a good thing! If they're wrong and you're right, then don't let them phase you. The, they, you...

 

... Sorry, lost my train of thought... I'll get back on at the next station.

 

See, when I wish my customers well, they just ignore me or make some asinine, unoriginal comment. Not joking, everyone that comes into my store says and does the same awesome things:

 

They won't tell me what kind of cigarettes they want they'll merely tell me they want cigarettes, or a certain brand, but not the actual kind

 

"This debit machine asks too many questions." (No it doesn't you're just lazy and unoriginal.)

 

"Did you find everything alright, sir?" "I found too much."

 

"Hello! How are you?" *No reply*(ignorant asshole)

 

"Oh, I forgot my wallet in my car!" (Long line behind them).

 

"Do you want your receipt?" "No, you know I payed for it." (Yeah, I do right now, but not days later after I've rang up another 1000 customers!)

 

"You overcharged me!" (No, you moron, even if you were "overcharged" the register did it. I don't enter in the prices, I scan in the item.)

 

That's just what I can remember off the top of my head.

Edited May 29, 201213 yr by Ertyx

See, when I wish my customers well, they just ignore me or make some asinine, unoriginal comment. Not joking, everyone that comes into my store says and does the same awesome things:

 

They won't tell me what kind of cigarettes they want they'll merely tell me they want cigarettes, or a certain brand, but not the actual kind. I'll have a coffee (expecting me to predict the size, creamer, amount of milk, and sugar)

 

"This debit machine asks too many questions." (No it doesn't you're just lazy and unoriginal.) The bathroom door is broken. (No, it's heavy). The bathroom is stupid (It's a door, for crying out loud)

 

"Did you find everything alright, sir?" "I found too much. I say the same thing and get a gruff mumble and leaves all his garbage on the table when the can is next to the door.

 

"Hello! How are you?" *No reply*(ignorant asshole) "Hi, ma'am, how are you?" "I'll have 2 eggs over medium, ketchup, cheese, American, bacon, 2 3 egg whites with lettuce and mayo, and a..." (Thanks ma'am, thanks for giving me time to write down what you want)

 

"Oh, I forgot my wallet in my car!" (Long line behind them). Oh, let me get you change for 29 cents. (Counts it all out...)

 

Those are just the things they do off the top of my head.

 

Added the deli equivalent for comparison

 

People are jerks. At least every time one of these people leaves your store, you know that that's one more person you're a better person than!

You know man thats almost the exact way i've been, never could hang out with friends besides during school lol and last month i Actually got to hang out with a new friend for a bit AFTER School, and i'am a sophomore now. and this year hasn't been that good to me i know how you feel. things do happen in life that get you down low verry low indeed, Just keep going through it the best you can and if not ya know what try something different with how you act around others, like smiling all the time or being a fund person to be with, Ive had some good friends But i've moved away from them:/ Lol he's even on this site But anyways you still have a life to fullfill and do with

I'm really sorry for you and your life. But still, there's something in your heart you just have to remove it.

Look, I was very verrrrrrrrrrry gloomy person in the last year. I was sooo cold and just in some little times I get happy, and the thing that made me like that sad way was the SCHOOL and the people around me. One day, my cousin and I had a fight and never talked with her any other time until the last April and we returned as we were before because I removed the barrier that faced me. The thing that made me remove that barrier of Sadness and gloom was my believe in Allah. If you really want to remove anything that make you sad, Make A Pray for Allah our God and say everything in your heart like you're talking with Allah, then back to yourself and talk with it and if you did something wrong just vow that you'll never do it again. When I did these things, believe me I'm now an another person.

^Good advice, but if you're not into that religion then do it your own way and it could work.

And don't ever think that you're not important, if you're sad or anything else just come here and talk to a friend and I'm sure that this will make you happier. I sometimes really get upset but I go so fast to draw something or write some of my Six stories hehee^^ and I turn to happy^^. So if you like doing something very much like a hobby or anything, just do it and I'm sure you'll feel better.

And thanks for "XIIISwords" ^^, you're right about religion but everyone can ask Our God Allah for anything he wants and if it was good for him he'll make it real and if it's not you'll see after a while why is that.

I wish that you'll be happier than now Sir.Ertyx, Smile like that one .

And don't ever think that you're not important, if you're sad or anything else just come here and talk to a friend and I'm sure that this will make you happier. I sometimes really get upset but I go so fast to draw something or write some of my Six stories hehee^^ and I turn to happy^^. So if you like doing something very much like a hobby or anything, just do it and I'm sure you'll feel better.

And thanks for "XIIISwords" ^^, you're right about religion but everyone can ask Our God Allah for anything he wants and if it was good for him he'll make it real and if it's not you'll see after a while why is that.

I wish that you'll be happier than now Sir.Ertyx, Smile like that one .

 

Thank you, but I don't really follow any religions so that's not really going to work for me. But, I do write stories, because I enjoy it. Unfortunately, it doesn't really do anything to make me feel better or calm me down.

Thank you, but I don't really follow any religions so that's not really going to work for me. But, I do write stories, because I enjoy it. Unfortunately, it doesn't really do anything to make me feel better or calm me down.

 

Mmm, so maybe the wrong is with your personality, but don't think that you're not important. You just do anything that may make you feel good like watching something on TV maybe, or anything else, just be a litte happier and Smile^^

First off, no one in the world is unimportant. Everyone is someone's "world". Everyone gets really depressed lots of times and I know what you mean. You've went through a lot of crap that you shouldn't have and what you need to do now is keep your head up. Stay on the positive side of EVERYTHING.I mean EVERYTHING. I'll always throw on a smile and brush my problems off whenever I know somethings not right because...well...worrying about it..only makes it worse. The longer you keep looking on the cynical side, the harder it's going to be to be happy. If anything, come back on here and let one of us know. If anything, I'm here to listen.

 

My motto: "If everything is going downhill. (Life is hard as hell) Don't try to walk uphill, (Try to do something that doesn't make you happy) it's hard. Grab a pair of skates,

(Metaphor for whatever that makes you laugh or happy) and go downhill faster, (Just go with it, even if it's bad) eventually, it'll be a straight road again."(Things will get better)