This is more like a Personal Rant/Thought and i kinda did wanna see if anyone else feels the same so to speak. Anyways...

 

This year has been pretty intense for me. I mean i always think about of lots of stuff in general because that's how i am. I used to not talk a lot because i was the guy who was super shy, couldn't bring myself to talk to girls without screwing up my words and getting nervous, getting sad when you hear girls talk about how cute other guys are in front of you, the guys always staring off in space wondering about life, stuff like that. I could never be mean to people cause that's not how i am. Even if people who don't deserve my kindness are mean i'm still nice, though with some sarcasm i might add. I always hated showing my emotions to other people because truth be told i care about others more than myself. If someone cries or is in pain in anyway i sympathize with them while at the same time controlling my own emotion. I know tons of my friends/family have told me bottling up my emotions and crap can be bad and i know that, but i just don't want people to see that side of me. I guess that's why i'm always smiling a lot i guess. I dunno, i like to think that i'm complex cause i people watch a lot and from that i've gained a lot of knowledge on how people act, the way the world works, things of that nature. So it's strange whenever people come up to me asking me for advice on stuff i don't know much about. Seriously all the time it's either relationship stuff, family stuff, whatever. I don't know much about relationships considering i've never had a Girlfriend cause i'm "like a brother to them" so to speak. I've faced a lot of family stuff this year too so i'm pretty confident about that. Everything else i somehow give sage like advice and even i'm impressed by it. Like i said before though, this year has been pretty intense. I find out my dad isn't my real dad, my real father wanted to contact me for a long time but didn't want to ruin the relationship between me and my dad, i find out i have more sister and i'm an uncle. I could honestly say that for the first time in a long time, i cried. Tears of sadness, joy, anger, happiness. All those emotions just came out in July. i didn't show that in front of my parent though cause i never want people to see me that way. I was afraid of hurting my dad's feelings because i did want to talk to my real father, which i did eventually, but i kinda sensed that it did someway. I mean me and my real dad are on good terms now cause i went to visit him and my 2 sisters not too long ago so that eased all the pains in my heart. But i think that somehow i always knew. I mean ever since i was little i knew i was different from my sisters and my cousin who was living with us at the time, but i never knew why. Hmm. Well right around the middle of October after i came back home was i no longer in pain. Not emotional or physical pain mind you, but that kinda pain when you feel something is wrong. I mean, life for me has gotten way better. Crossed out 2 things on my list to do in life 2 weeks after i turned 21(having a kiss with an asian(First kiss!!)and making out with one for like an hour), i now have an older sister who i can talk to about anything, i feel more and more confident everyday(i guess due to my first beer haha), and now i'm flirting with a lot of women (i'm surprised at myself even now still). Sometimes i think life just works out in different ways. The World may change, people and society may change, but i'll still observe people. Watching life pass by thinking how things can turn out, but now i can do it with renewed resolve. There's just many more things i still wish to see, many things to think about and ponder, and wonder about the world.

 

Man i got a lot on my brain apparently. I haven't written a rant that long in forever. i just let my brain do all the typing. Anyways for those that have read this rant, thanks for reading. I really do appreciate it. Goodnight

Well goodnight.

 

That was a rant worth reading though, I guess you could say I'm a lot like you through the first third of the rant, but then again, I'm only thirteen and anything can change like you said. You seemed to have changed a lot on those simple things, probably for better rather than worse. Releasing emotions is always good though, it temporarily reduces the activity of hormones, so when you cry and yell, you're less likely to snap later unless what made you snap in the first place happen again. And yeah, I'm one of those guys that's like a brother to a lot of girls, but a boyfriend to none. I never had a girlfriend myself, but I'm not sure if I even want one, or if people today really are right about me and someone else being "perfect." I mean as of now we are just good friends, I don't think I like her in that way, but I don't know what she feels under all the pressure our other friends give us. I'm glad you let out those emotions and that you did whatever you wanted to in life, so congratulations. As things are going now, my life is a repeating cycle of minor physical and emotional pain, curiosity, and confusion about what love is, if anyone likes me, or if I really am perfect for someone. Yes at this rate, I hope my feelings change in any way, to be sure of my current confusion, for better or worse. As long as I am no longer confused, I feel like I'll be better off but I can't help it. Apparently like ou, I always think and analyze things way too much, which can simply stress me even more often. I know those are kind of problems for me, but it IS how I am and I ahve no idea, and am pretty sure I cannot change that at all. I never understand some things about the world, but I hope some of it clears up sooner or later. I'm sorry for ranting myself, if anyone read this as well, I always have way too much to think about.

 

Thank-you Sonic, I find few people to relate to.

Well goodnight.

 

That was a rant worth reading though, I guess you could say I'm a lot like you through the first third of the rant, but then again, I'm only thirteen and anything can change like you said. You seemed to have changed a lot on those simple things, probably for better rather than worse. Releasing emotions is always good though, it temporarily reduces the activity of hormones, so when you cry and yell, you're less likely to snap later unless what made you snap in the first place happen again. And yeah, I'm one of those guys that's like a brother to a lot of girls, but a boyfriend to none. I never had a girlfriend myself, but I'm not sure if I even want one, or if people today really are right about me and someone else being "perfect." I mean as of now we are just good friends, I don't think I like her in that way, but I don't know what she feels under all the pressure our other friends give us. I'm glad you let out those emotions and that you did whatever you wanted to in life, so congratulations. As things are going now, my life is a repeating cycle of minor physical and emotional pain, curiosity, and confusion about what love is, if anyone likes me, or if I really am perfect for someone. Yes at this rate, I hope my feelings change in any way, to be sure of my current confusion, for better or worse. As long as I am no longer confused, I feel like I'll be better off but I can't help it. Apparently like ou, I always think and analyze things way too much, which can simply stress me even more often. I know those are kind of problems for me, but it IS how I am and I ahve no idea, and am pretty sure I cannot change that at all. I never understand some things about the world, but I hope some of it clears up sooner or later. I'm sorry for ranting myself, if anyone read this as well, I always have way too much to think about.

 

Thank-you Sonic, I find few people to relate to.

 

man just... thank you.