I need....tell it out to someone, and whenever I say it to anyone, they think of it as a stupid joke. Ever since I was about...10 years old, I had discovered that I had been...talking to myself. Of course I thought nothing of it and that everyone was doing it, but then it got worse, as time progressed I began arguing with myself as if there was actually someone in my mind, someone evil. It seems I had personified my insanity to the point of someone in my head who looks exactly like me, only with black hair and black eyes. That person would tempt me to sin and would make all the usual taunts and comments and bad attitudes. I get headaches more now, I get more angry now then when I have no reason to be. Sometimes my personified insanity would shapeshift into the forms of others to use in his taunts and arguments and comments, to promote his sin. I don't know what to do, is this a bad thing to have? Before in my past years I had fallen greatly into his temptations of the seven deadly sins, and sometimes even planned hem ahead. But then I had thought not to anymore, for it was a bad thing to do and against my religion, So about 5 months ago I began to detest this sinning cold-turkey. And that was rough as hell, my surgery last summer diddn't help much either, just think, I was lying in the hospital bed for 6 days straight staring up at the ceiling, arguing wth myself in my head. My mother next to me forcing me later to finally eat something. Hospital food's horrible T_T, anyways as I finally learned how to walk and write again and I returned home my will was strong as ever and even now i've been keeping away my sin, yelling at him in my head to either get out or shut the hell up. Then, as I now have entered my freshman year in highschool, my insanity has pressured me on the pretty girls walking by, the tests that are ahead, what people might think of me, how ugly I am, stupid, gluttionous, awesome! GAAAH! But that all happens in my head, I never dare to speak to myself while around others, only when i'm by myself can I speak to myself verbally. They think i'm smart, they think i'm fine, they think all about me is happy and divine. But this is not be, I am not me, this is merely my insanity. As if he is all that embodies the darkness in me, as if he were a demon from Hell sent to ruin another child. It is easy to fall into temptation, but I must keep reminding myself "I am dead to sin, and alive to holy." And advice for the insane, or do you not belive me? Like everyone else doesn't either belive or not know.

I don't believe I'm a sensative, I have seen a ghost and this led to visions of the very near future (like 10 seconds) for a few years, i still may rarely get these or Deja Vu, but not like when I first saw it. I don't like thinking of myself as insane, mentally I am "all there" but I am concerned about not being all there, if you understand what I am saying. It's weird, but only recently have these thoughts and feelings come on and I get this feeling that it's in a lead up to something, something big. I dunno, sensative, maybe, "psychotic", doubt it but hey, I'm not an expert, clinically insane, I sincerely don't think I'm gonna go on some sort of mental rampage anytime in the next, say, lifetime.

think of it this way

Evil is the absence of good

u have to fight it and bring good back over the evil

What a hardship you have been through...You're touching my heart deeply. You're not alone, you fight him with allies, believe on your family and friends that they're fighting alongside you (anyways we're always here).

 

(@your post in page 3) no, your inner angel never leaves you, I ever lost my inner angel once after a loong time she shows up again when I need and believe her at most (united with her now). Possibly he's being locked down by your evil self currently, but always inside you and you're the only one who can save him. Save him, man!

 

you becoming tense and ruining your health is what he want, that's exactly what he want

Idk where he went. He was here one day but then the next day he was gone. But i'm keeping it strong, but he is also going strong as well.

Now this is looking like a book or something, you guys are going by the wrong way, and please, there are no devils or angels,just good or bad "spirits" that already left "our world" and now are trying to help or disturb someone.Try looking that way and you'll find it easier.

@Roxas is Wise:Your correct from my point of view, "angels",like you say, don't leave us.But this isn't a film either, and the "bad" ones can't lock them up, the "angels" sometimes just can't stay near you, but the reasons are a bit difficult to know.

My philoshopy is that, believe if you want to.

That may be YOUR philosiphy or religion Gizelita, but the common religion around America (and some other places) is Christianity or Catholic or Jewish. (Or Scientology). This is not to be looking like a dramatic film orbook this is my illness, my diesease, my imprfection. My curse. (Sorry if I sound mean right now, I hadjust fallen under some common cold at the moment and i'm a bit angry.)

I can see you're angry. But sorry if I'm sounding stupid talking about what I believe, but sometimes I don't understand other people. And I see I'm no help. I'm not asking anyone to believe in what I'm saying, I'm just a bit nervous so I start saying things that I shouldn't sorry.

Well, I didn't meant to say things film-ish... it's just that I don't know the common words for it, so usually I just went to the nearest epic language I know. I believe Sorage already know what I meant, I'm far from his stage but the game is pretty much the same.

 

Well yeah, it's not literally, it's just when your connection to angel is weak, the evil breaks mind much easily, so what I meant by locked up is, what's the nearest word... depressed.

 

Yup, seems like some people mistaken it with movies or book-alike, but it's not. idk how to explain it but it's just not.

 

Ah Sorage, I just win a fight recently, it was very troublesome, but the resolution is unbelievably simple: DON'T THINK. Not blanking out but just don't try to answer everything he asks, 'coz it's never over. I got better at doing my religion afterwards, too, I think.

Ok, now I got it, I'm not so close to religions but I can understand somethings.

Well, I didn't meant to say things film-ish... it's just that I don't know the common words for it, so usually I just went to the nearest epic language I know. I believe Sorage already know what I meant, I'm far from his stage but the game is pretty much the same.

 

Well yeah, it's not literally, it's just when your connection to angel is weak, the evil breaks mind much easily, so what I meant by locked up is, what's the nearest word... depressed.

 

Yup, seems like some people mistaken it with movies or book-alike, but it's not. idk how to explain it but it's just not.

 

Ah Sorage, I just win a fight recently, it was very troublesome, but the resolution is unbelievably simple: DON'T THINK. Not blanking out but just don't try to answer everything he asks, 'coz it's never over. I got better at doing my religion afterwards, too, I think.

 

So either your thinking or others are thinking that insanity is developed by media information such as video games, movies, television and books that have been read through their periodical moments in life? As I say, "Anything is possible" that could be true to my eyes, but it is not the situation in my mind. I can notice that much, as I have looked more into my mind's working as I had been researching about the internet I had come to the same conclusion as DeathSkull...I have some insanity titled: "Psycosis". To which the symptoms seem true. I am insane, but I am not completely engulfed by it as one would be engulfed by a large body of water.

Be more positive and don't give up like that.

If it's psycosis, I can't help. I don't know anything about textbook psychology.

I won't say "I am insane" if I were you, though, based on documentary research it can cause self fulfilling prophecy that cause further insanity.

No one is insane, just some people have problems and just go saying they're insane, them they think they're insane and start acting like one.

No one is insane, just some people have problems and just go saying they're insane, them they think they're insane and start acting like one.

 

If you say there is naught insanity and yet you also say people act insanity then you confuse me as well as others. I can't belive you, but I can. And I wont, my thoughts are different, Insanity is an illness given at birth some scientist suspect, or simply how the infant acts through their time would suggest future insanity. My memory is badand I get distracted, he talks to me and see things. I never speak aloud of this, I don't talk to myself till i'm surely alone. I don't get angry, but sometimes a burst of furious rage engulfs me, but I don't show it, I don't show anything. Keep it down, keep it in, the sin is thick and yet I wish it to be thin.

I didn't said there's insanity, do you think it would be normal to someone get insanity at birth? No kids are insane, there's now way for someone to look at a kid and say for the way they act that that one is going to be insane, everything is in us, we just think and believe in somethings that we shouldn't, them our thoughts become so real that it turns into our lives.I think I'm confusing you even more, what I'm trying to say is that our mind is very confusing, the scientits are still trying to answer so many questions about it, but they aren't sure of nothing, but I don't believe that insanity is something we're born with,I mean, should it be fair that a kid that haven't even lived a bit have this tipe of "illness"?

I'm sorry, I'm getting quite confused here now... So what exactly caused your so-called insanity in the first place? I can feel your emotion through your poetic sayings, but I'm a bit dumb at translating the logical meanings, can you explain it with regular words about this?

 

@Gizelita

Thinking from my limited knowledge (and a lot of inner brainstorming), I'm half agree with Gizelita (don't ask me what the other half is, though, it's my subconsciousness feel) insanity is basically denying what happen(-ed/-s) in real life/in himself, and the person is often unconscious about what he is denying... But maybe there's more to it to those who suffers it, I don't know. We normal people will never understand completely, we can only support them from outside, the inside is fully depends on that person.

 

Is it extreme introvertness? I understand Sorage only this far because I'm half-introvert half-extrovert.

 

However, Sorage, from my amateur diagnosis, you don't really want your inner to stop 'cause as far as I remember you never really respond to any advice in this thread, you mostly respond in describing your inner fight, so maybe, just maybe, what you want is to fight him forever... like a boxing junkie... in your case, writing addict.

(Please don't be mad at me, I'm your secret writing fan)

Its nice to know I have a fan of course, I do not want to fight him forever, because t causes headaches (damage to myself, why would I want that unless it would be awanting I would wish.) and I bring my religion into the situation of my insanity between me and him, sometimes thinking of him as some sort of demon. For as you may not know, there are many different demons of Hell, many with a purpose, to tempt people in 1 of the seven deadly sins. I belive he as a demon, but he argues with me of course in other matters, I tell him to shut up, and get out of my head, I say he is not for me, but he even counters back with saying "You dumbass, I AM you!" It sounds cliche'd and stupid copyright from a movie but its true, but he isn't, he's an insignificant illusion of me, but he's there everyday.

 

When did it all start? Well....when I was about 10 years old, I was playing a videogame, when I caught myself suddenly talking to myself. I passed it off as nothing and continued y life, but a couple years later it grew, and grew and grew. Until it became the nuisance today. Sometimes I even picture him popping up in the real world, and not in my head. In the form of a wolf, walking by my side. But it wasn't just HIM, whenever he went to real life there was another wolf that popped up on te other side of me, a white wolf. It diddn't speak, just walked loyally by my side. I don't know why, it semed friendly, bu it wont talk to me, but then again I never talked to him.

If I continue trying to explain something that I'd want to here I'll be putting some of my ideas that I don't want to, so this is the end of my advice, sorry.

Its nice to know I have a fan of course, I do not want to fight him forever, because t causes headaches (damage to myself, why would I want that unless it would be awanting I would wish.) and I bring my religion into the situation of my insanity between me and him, sometimes thinking of him as some sort of demon. For as you may not know, there are many different demons of Hell, many with a purpose, to tempt people in 1 of the seven deadly sins. I belive he as a demon, but he argues with me of course in other matters, I tell him to shut up, and get out of my head, I say he is not for me, but he even counters back with saying "You dumbass, I AM you!" It sounds cliche'd and stupid copyright from a movie but its true, but he isn't, he's an insignificant illusion of me, but he's there everyday.

 

When did it all start? Well....when I was about 10 years old, I was playing a videogame, when I caught myself suddenly talking to myself. I passed it off as nothing and continued y life, but a couple years later it grew, and grew and grew. Until it became the nuisance today. Sometimes I even picture him popping up in the real world, and not in my head. In the form of a wolf, walking by my side. But it wasn't just HIM, whenever he went to real life there was another wolf that popped up on te other side of me, a white wolf. It diddn't speak, just walked loyally by my side. I don't know why, it semed friendly, bu it wont talk to me, but then again I never talked to him.

 

Try to talk to him, then. I do with mine and he ('cause usually in form of my nearest fav char that's always a guy) is totally rocks! Sure, getting too much talk with anyone inside will give headache. I guess it's because they're basically uses our brain to communicate with us so our brains' work in double.

Why'd you never talk to him but the black one instead? (See, he always walks loyally with you, so I'm right then, he's always inside you)

Also, chat with dearest people whenever yours start blabbering, because usually it happens when feeling lonely.

Did you ever noticed that it's common for most of people to ask and answer their own questions? I've seem it a lot of times especially with people of my class, and one time with me. I think you have headaches because even our brain has a limit and you've been passing it. But any doctor or something like that so I'm not sure.

Did you ever noticed that it's common for most of people to ask and answer their own questions? I've seem it a lot of times especially with people of my class, and one time with me. I think you have headaches because even our brain has a limit and you've been passing it. But any doctor or something like that so I'm not sure.

 

Yes I have noticed.

 

Its nice to know I have a fan of course, I do not want to fight him forever, because t causes headaches (damage to myself, why would I want that unless it would be awanting I would wish.) and I bring my religion into the situation of my insanity between me and him, sometimes thinking of him as some sort of demon. For as you may not know, there are many different demons of Hell, many with a purpose, to tempt people in 1 of the seven deadly sins. I belive he as a demon, but he argues with me of course in other matters, I tell him to shut up, and get out of my head, I say he is not for me, but he even counters back with saying "You dumbass, I AM you!" It sounds cliche'd and stupid copyright from a movie but its true, but he isn't, he's an insignificant illusion of me, but he's there everyday.

 

When did it all start? Well....when I was about 10 years old, I was playing a videogame, when I caught myself suddenly talking to myself. I passed it off as nothing and continued y life, but a couple years later it grew, and grew and grew. Until it became the nuisance today. Sometimes I even picture him popping up in the real world, and not in my head. In the form of a wolf, walking by my side. But it wasn't just HIM, whenever he went to real life there was another wolf that popped up on te other side of me, a white wolf. It diddn't speak, just walked loyally by my side. I don't know why, it semed friendly, bu it wont talk to me, but then again I never talked to him.

 

Try to talk to him, then. I do with mine and he ('cause usually in form of my nearest fav char that's always a guy) is totally rocks! Sure, getting too much talk with anyone inside will give headache. I guess it's because they're basically uses our brain to communicate with us so our brains' work in double.

Why'd you never talk to him but the black one instead? (See, he always walks loyally with you, so I'm right then, he's always inside you)

Also, chat with dearest people whenever yours start blabbering, because usually it happens when feeling lonely.

 

Instantly when I walk away from my friends, I feel sad and lonely inside. And he starts talking. I'm going to try to talk to "The Other One" more often now, but we don't have much to talk about.

Instantly when I walk away from my friends, I feel sad and lonely inside. And he starts talking. I'm going to try to talk to "The Other One" more often now, but we don't have much to talk about.

 

Yesh, finally! Now I got a right diagnosis! Yeah, Sorage, it's just that you're smart chap that feeling lonely in your inside world, your inside world is so wide and complex that you want to share it with people, unfortunely the one that completely understands your inside is your inner, and it's just happen to be the 'black' one. At this point you may think I'm just blabbering up (it's wrong, I think logically and a lot about you), you want the proofs?

1) Your brain is strong enough to bring up the specific inner talk for quite a long time (whatever your time is, your story tells me I'm far below you, I'm getting headache too soon)

2) Your creativity in writing and flash making is awesome, I'm in different style but I know you're highly talented in your genre, which indicates an incredibly complex inside world(--look at famous textbook painter and poet, is there anyone that ISN'T crazy??)

3) It first happened when you're playing game, which means you were being lonely. The point is you are being lonely.

4) ANYONE in kh13 can see that you're a nice person, indicates you're not falling for darkness like normal sinners. Which means if you did one of seven sins, it's something you're deeply regret and don't want it to happen again. Indicates a strong heart.

Talk about your biggest problems with him! About that black one trouble! I'm sure he can help you. Anyhow.

 

P.S: maybe you already know what they say, people in mental institution is either insane or having sixth sense, people considered idiot is either stupid or genius

 

@Gizelita and The Wise Ansem

Yes, common people often question and answer on their own, I notice it too. Yup too much thinking causes the overlimiting of brain. In my old school textbook it's said that thinking is basically having a talk to yourself (seriously it's written pretty much like that, I'm surprised too), in Sorage case, it's brought up to a whole new level, that...kind of.

 

all this was made by pure intention to help, no means for offending/judging or whatsoever

There's a boy at school that says that I talk alone, them I say to him I'm not crazy but even my sister says I'm (she's the crazy one) I'm lonely too, that's why I spend time here, sometimes when I'm writing or just creating something I feel everything that my characters feel, I think like them and not like myself, I use their personality, I don't know, some people find so difficult to create one character and I have lots of them. I talk alone sometimes but just in my thoughts I never spoke alone in a loud voice or something like that but I know some people who do and they're pretty normal.

 

Instantly when I walk away from my friends, I feel sad and lonely inside. And he starts talking. I'm going to try to talk to "The Other One" more often now, but we don't have much to talk about.

 

Yesh, finally! Now I got a right diagnosis! Yeah, Sorage, it's just that you're smart chap that feeling lonely in your inside world, your inside world is so wide and complex that you want to share it with people, unfortunely the one that completely understands your inside is your inner, and it's just happen to be the 'black' one. At this point you may think I'm just blabbering up (it's wrong, I think logically and a lot about you), you want the proofs?

1) Your brain is strong enough to bring up the specific inner talk for quite a long time (whatever your time is, your story tells me I'm far below you, I'm getting headache too soon)

2) Your creativity in writing and flash making is awesome, I'm in different style but I know you're highly talented in your genre, which indicates an incredibly complex inside world(--look at famous textbook painter and poet, is there anyone that ISN'T crazy??)

3) It first happened when you're playing game, which means you were being lonely. The point is you are being lonely.

4) ANYONE in kh13 can see that you're a nice person, indicates you're not falling for darkness like normal sinners. Which means if you did one of seven sins, it's something you're deeply regret and don't want it to happen again. Indicates a strong heart.

Talk about your biggest problems with him! About that black one trouble! I'm sure he can help you. Anyhow.

 

I would tell him time and again my trouble, he would either laugh or taunt me. Or both. The Light one, he doesn't talk, to me at all. Maybe he can't talk? I do try to keep away from the deadly sins, naught of which I wish to pay in the after life for. Literally, as I walk around through school while passing through classes, I look the same outside, but inside I am yelling "GET OUT OF MY HEAD! SHUT UP!" Those are the phrases I most use. So far, i've only talked about him. But there are other strange things I do alone without him. Sometimes, I automatically think of myself, as someone else in my clothes. If I look at a person, and he is taunting me about that person, when I react in my head by telling him to shut up, my mind pictures me as that person in the argument. I feel like a damn skin walker (shape shifter) when this keeps happening to me, sometimes I think of myself instead of as someone else, but instead of having brownish fur all around my body, my eyes yellow, my ears pointed, my nose enlarged slightly frontward, canine teeth, my skin tanned. Like a werewolf without a tail. (For a werewolf shouldn't have a tail because that would mean new bones in the spine would have to be created for an extension leading out like that.) Sometimes, I even think about the pretty girls or girls I have a crush on at school, when i'm indesicive I try to do the skin walker process, if it succeded, I usually quote myself: "As you can see, she is not for me." This usually happens all the time, except for one girl. There must be some calculation to that substance, the multiplacation of the face features by the total height and width of both persons equaling a mass of unknown.