So I have an new idea for a series. I've given this some thought and I really think we have some fun with this. I'm not really doing anything relevant with 5 Q's at the moment anyway, and until I get the extra stuff for that series done and can continue putting out new content for it, I might as well start something new, right?

 

Well, let's see where this takes us...

 

-- EPISODE 1: Fast Track To Failure

 

Hello, KH13. My name is Firaga Sensei. And say hello to my three friends, Sora, Riku, and Kairi.

 

Sora: Hi. 

 

Kairi: Hello. 

 

Riku: Hey.

 

Today is a great day for these three friends; they're going to embark on a great adventure, one that will be full of action, adventure... and unicorns.

 

Sora: Wait, what?

 

Well, that depends, actuallly, I mean, personally, I don't think unicorns would fit into this story. I'd rather see something like dragons or elves or even a giant marshmallow filled with cream chee--

 

Riku: Hey! What are you talking about?!

 

Wait, you guys can hear me?

 

Kairi: Of course we can hear you!

 

Hmm. That was quick. I thought I had the fourth wall reinforced... should have used steel instead of pillows, I guess.

 

Sora: Who are you exactly? We've never seen you before.

 

What do you mean you've never seen me?? We do 5 Questions togeth-- oh wait. I forgot about the memory wipe. Better just keep that to myself for now... probably shouldn't reveal anything else to them either.

 

Kairi: Memory what?

 

Riku: Alright, I need answers. Just what is going on?

 

Okay, okay, I'm going to level with you guys. You're about to be subjected to your greatest adventure yet, and I'm the guy that's going to narrate it all.

 

Sora: You're a narrator?

 

No shit, Sherlock, I just said that. (Sigh) Sharp as a tack, you are.

 

Riku: How come we need a narrator?

 

Because much like your lives in general, this adventure is going to be controlled by people you don't even know.

 

Kairi: Our lives are being controlled?

 

Sorta. Technically, you guys don't even exist.

 

All: WHAT?!

 

Sora: Okay, now you're just trying to mess with our minds!

 

Too late for that. I'm already in your mind.

 

Sora: What! No, you're not! (closes eyes, takes breath) I'll be safe here. He's not coming inside here...

 

(in Sora's mind) I'm in ya head, bitch!

 

Sora: AH! (eyes snap open)

 

Okay, enough formalities. I think you chuckleheads get the main jist of this now.

 

Sora: Well, uh, I guess...

 

Riku: Sora, you can't be seriously going along with this.

 

Kairi: I don't think we have a choice, Riku. We might as well.

 

Riku: You too, Kairi?

 

Sora: Let's just see what happens. It might be fun, who knows.

 

Riku: (sigh) ... fine. I'll play along. But if things get weird, I'll have something to say about it.

 

We'll see if you'll be able to say anything at all...

 

Riku: What?

 

TURTLES, now, the first thing we should get out of the way is the setting. Right now... there is no setting. You guys are basically just sitting in a big black room at the moment.

 

Sora: No, we're not. We're on our home world, Destiny Isl--

 

(snaps fingers, SRK are now in the big black room)

 

Sora: --or, not. Nevermind...

 

Now then, let's put you guys in a more "exciting" setting.

 

Kairi: I don't think I'm gonna like this...

 

Riku: Let me guess, it's gonna be something stupid.

 

Ooh, I know! How about the magical land of Agrabah?

 

Riku: Oh, that's not bad.

 

Sora: Alright! Now I can introduce Riku and Kairi to Aladdin!

 

ExceptI'mputtingyouguysinthemiddleofthedesert.

 

All: What?!

 

SHAPLABLOOEY! (snaps fingers, teleports the three to Agrabah)

 

(SRK stand 50 feet above the desert of Agrabah)

 

Let's hope they have something soft to land on... ooh, I know! ... Nothing.

 

ALL: WHAT THE HE--

 

(They all fall to the ground)

 

All: --EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLL!

 

(SPLAT!)

 

Sora: Ow.

 

Whoops, I guess nothing was a bad choice.

 

Riku: Oh really now?! (stands up and straightens back)

 

Kairi: How much more of this do we have to take? (brushes sand off) It's only been five minutes and we've already been launched into the middle of nowhere.

 

Riku: See, this is why we should have backed out.

 

Sora: Whattaya mean? You agreed to this too.

 

Riku: I'm only agreed so I can make sure you two idiots don't get killed.

 

Kairi: Hey, we're not idiots!

 

Riku: Well, I don't know-- your track records speak for themselves.

 

(Watching this all unfold, not amused) Oh God... (sigh)

 

Sora: You're the one who turned evil, Riku!

 

Riku: I did it to save Kairi!

 

Kairi: And what a glorious job you did. By the way, if you can't tell, I'm being saracastic.

 

Riku: Oh, you can show emotions? That's a first.

 

Kairi: (Gasp) Hey!

 

(All three kids argue with each other)

 

... This is taking too long... SILENCE!!

 

(thunder crackle)

 

All: (stops arguing) ... 

 

Alright, maggots, listen up. We're burning daylight. Now then, KH13, this the part where you chip in and help with the story. I'm giving you three choices onto what these three are going to do next. Here they are:

 

Are they going to --

 

A} continue arguing like little bitches, leading to a hilarious duel,

 

B} go to Agrabah by me transporting them again (wink, wink) 

 

C} A random Heartless/random creature appears and SRK have to fight it.

 

Leave your choices below and we'll see what the outcome will be in one week's time.

 

Sora: Wait, what's the wink, wink thing for?

 

Riku: Are... are you coming onto us?

 

Kairi: Aren't you, like, 40, or something, cuz that's kinda weird...

 

.... I'm gonna enjoy torturing these numbskulls.

 

All: Huh?

 

BANANAS! VOTE NOW!

 

(throws down smoke bomb, dissapears)

 

-- END --

 

Alright, so there's that. I, uh, don't really have anything new to add, so just remember to vote for the next outcome. Allons-y.

Edited August 22, 201312 yr by Firaga Sensei

I'm voting for B.

B for b1tch

 

B)

 

So I have an new idea for a series. I've given this some thought and I really think we have some fun with this. I'm not really doing anything relevant with 5 Q's at the moment anyway, and until I get the extra stuff for that series done and can continue putting out new content for it, I might as well start something new, right?

 

Well, let's see where this takes us...

 

-- EPISODE 1: Fast Track To Failure

 

Hello, KH13. My name is Firaga Sensei. And say hello to my three friends, Sora, Riku, and Kairi.

 

Sora: Hi. 

 

Kairi: Hello. 

 

Riku: Hey.

 

Today is a great day for these three friends; they're going to embark on a great adventure, one that will be full of action, adventure... and unicorns.

 

Sora: Wait, what?

 

Well, that depends, actuallly, I mean, personally, I don't think unicorns would fit into this story. I'd rather see something like dragons or elves or even a giant marshmallow filled with cream chee--

 

Riku: Hey! What are you talking about?!

 

Wait, you guys can hear me?

 

Kairi: Of course we can hear you!

 

Hmm. That was quick. I thought I had the fourth wall reinforced... should have used steel instead of pillows, I guess.

 

Sora: Who are you exactly? We've never seen you before.

 

What do you mean you've never seen me?? We do 5 Questions togeth-- oh wait. I forgot about the memory wipe. Better just keep that to myself for now... probably shouldn't reveal anything else to them either.

 

Kairi: Memory what?

 

Riku: Alright, I need answers. Just what is going on?

 

Okay, okay, I'm going to level with you guys. You're about to be subjected to your greatest adventure yet, and I'm the guy that's going to narrate it all.

 

Sora: You're a narrator?

 

No shit, Sherlock, I just said that. (Sigh) Sharp as a tack, you are.

 

Riku: How come we need a narrator?

 

Because much like your lives in general, this adventure is going to be controlled by people you don't even know.

 

Kairi: Our lives are being controlled?

 

Sorta. Technically, you guys don't even exist.

 

All: WHAT?!

 

Sora: Okay, now you're just trying to mess with our minds!

 

Too late for that. I'm already in your mind.

 

Sora: What! No, you're not! (closes eyes, takes breath) I'll be safe here. He's not coming inside here...

 

(in Sora's mind) I'm in ya head, bitch!

 

Sora: AH! (eyes snap open)

 

Okay, enough formalities. I think you chuckleheads get the main jist of this now.

 

Sora: Well, uh, I guess...

 

Riku: Sora, you can't be seriously going along with this.

 

Kairi: I don't think we have a choice, Riku. We might as well.

 

Riku: You too, Kairi?

 

Sora: Let's just see what happens. It might be fun, who knows.

 

Riku: (sigh) ... fine. I'll play along. But if things get weird, I'll have something to say about it.

 

We'll see if you'll be able to say anything at all...

 

Riku: What?

 

TURTLES, now, the first thing we should get out of the way is the setting. Right now... there is no setting. You guys are basically just sitting in a big black room at the moment.

 

Sora: No, we're not. We're on our home world, Destiny Isl--

 

(snaps fingers, SRK are now in the big black room)

 

Sora: --or, not. Nevermind...

 

Now then, let's put you guys in a more "exciting" setting.

 

Kairi: I don't think I'm gonna like this...

 

Riku: Let me guess, it's gonna be something stupid.

 

Ooh, I know! How about the magical land of Agrabah?

 

Riku: Oh, that's not bad.

 

Sora: Alright! Now I can introduce Riku and Kairi to Aladdin!

 

ExceptI'mputtingyouguysinthemiddleofthedesert.

 

All: What?!

 

SHAPLABLOOEY! (snaps fingers, teleports the three to Agrabah)

 

(SRK stand 50 feet above the desert of Agrabah)

 

Let's hope they have something soft to land on... ooh, I know! ... Nothing.

 

ALL: WHAT THE HE--

 

(They all fall to the ground)

 

All: --EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLL!

 

(SPLAT!)

 

Sora: Ow.

 

Whoops, I guess nothing was a bad choice.

 

Riku: Oh really now?! (stands up and straightens back)

 

Kairi: How much more of this do we have to take? (brushes sand off) It's only been five minutes and we've already been launched into the middle of nowhere.

 

Riku: See, this is why we should have backed out.

 

Sora: Whattaya mean? You agreed to this too.

 

Riku: I'm only agreed so I can make sure you two idiots don't get killed.

 

Kairi: Hey, we're not idiots!

 

Riku: Well, I don't know-- your track records speak for themselves.

 

(Watching this all unfold, not amused) Oh God... (sigh)

 

Sora: You're the one who turned evil, Riku!

 

Riku: I did it to save Kairi!

 

Kairi: And what a glorious job you did. By the way, if you can't tell, I'm being saracastic.

 

Riku: Oh, you can show emotions? That's a first.

 

Kairi: (Gasp) Hey!

 

(All three kids argue with each other)

 

... This is taking too long... SILENCE!!

 

(thunder crackle)

 

All: (stops arguing) ... 

 

Alright, maggots, listen up. We're burning daylight. Now then, KH13, this the part where you chip in and help with the story. I'm giving you three choices onto what these three are going to do next. Here they are:

 

Are they going to A) continue arguing like little bitches, leading to a hilarious duel, B) go to Agrabah by me transporting them again (wink, wink, or C) A random Heartless/random creature appears and SRK have to fight it. Leave your choices below and we'll see what the outcome will be in one week's time.

 

Sora: Wait, what's the wink, wink thing for?

 

Riku: Are... are you coming onto us?

 

Kairi: Aren't you, like, 40, or something, cuz that's kinda weird...

 

.... I'm gonna enjoy torturing these numbskulls.

 

All: Huh?

 

BANANAS! VOTE NOW! (throws down smoke bomb, dissapears)

 

-- END --

 

Alright, so there's that. I, uh, don't really have anything new to add, so just remember to vote for the next outcome. Allons-y.

 

Goin' A

I cracked up when I saw the title but I'm going with B! >

I'm going with B, my good sir!

Uh.... C? I don't know... 

B. I can't believe I want to see them all get tortured... But whatever.

Aw man. I wanna see Riku get beat by Kairi.

I go with A.

B,BABY!! 

Back again for another installment of the craziest series this side of the nuthouse. We have our first user selected episode. ^^ Let's get right to it:

 

-- EPISODE 2:  It Just Keeps Getting Worse

 

Back again, folks, and here we are with another installment of Kingdom Hearts: The Bullshit Chronicles.

 

Riku: Can we please get this over with? I want to know when my dignity is taken from me.

 

You'll get more than your dignity taken away if you don't shut up!

 

Riku: What...?

 

Sora: I think he means your hair.

 

Oh-ho, no I don't.

 

Sora; His pants?

 

Uh, closer, but no. Anyways, let's just get this crazy train a-rollin'. The votes are in, and the choice from last episode is "B". So now, you guys better get ready.

 

All: Oh no.

 

Oh yes.

 

All: Oh no.

 

Oh yes.

 

All: Oh no.

 

Oh yes.

 

All: No...

 

Yes...

 

All: No!

 

Yes!

 

All: No!

 

Ye--okay, maybe not.

 

All: Yes!

 

Yes? Okay!

 

All: Wait, no! NOO---!

 

RAZZAMAFOO!

 

(Magic Carpet appears, scoops up SRK and carries them to Agrabah)

 

Sora: Hey, Carpet! It's been a while!

 

Carpet: (thinking) Why does this dumbass think I can talk? I'm a fricking carpet, for Christ's sake!

 

Kairi: Wow, this is so fun!

 

Riku: I think I'm gonna be sick!

 

Sora: Aw, what, is the big bad Riku getting scared?

 

(Gets close to entrance of Agrabah)

 

Sora: Okay, Carpet, just set us down right here!

 

No, Carpet. Keep moving.

 

Carpet: As you command master.

 

Riku: The carpet just talked.

 

Kairi: Yeah, it did!

 

Oh crap, abort mission, abort mission!

 

Carpet: Run, motherf**kers!

 

(bucks SRK off, causing them to fly forward in the air while he runs away)

 

All: AHHHH!!~

 

(SRK faceplant into a building, sticking to the wall)

 

Sora: (muffled) That... could have gone better than I had hoped...

 

Riku: (muffled) Once again... YA THINK?!

 

Kairi: (muffled) Owie...

 

(SRK peel off the building)

 

Sora: Whoa!

 

(Sora lands on his feet)

 

Sora: Whew, that was close.

 

Kairi: Sora! (Kairi falls near Sora)

 

(Kairi lands in Sora's arms, bridal style)

 

Kairi: Uh, hee-hee. Thanks. (blushes)

 

Sora: (blushes back) Anytime.

 

(Riku yells and lands head first, his body engulfed in sand while his legs swing out at the top)

 

Sora and Kairi: Ooh... that's gonna leave a mark.

 

Riku: (muffled screaming)

 

Aw, Riku's not having fun, now is he?

 

(Riku frees himself and dusts sand off) 

 

Riku: Okay, I am about 65% done with this horse poop!

 

(Sora sets Kairi down)

 

Kairi: Why only 65%?

 

Riku: Because... well... that was fun.

 

Ha! I knew it!

 

Riku: (grumbles)

 

Okay, ladies and gents, we have our heroes in yet another new location. What wonders will they encounter in this--

 

(shot of Agrabah being a desolate (as always) ghost town)

 

--uh... wondorous, exciting world... heh, I, uh, might have to rethink this decision...

 

Riku: Narrator's right. This place is boring.

 

Kairi: Yeah, I have to agree.

 

Sora: Aw, come on, guys, you haven't seen the cool stuff yet! Just wait until you meet Aladdin and Jasmine!

 

Riku: Who are they?

Sora: Jasmine is the princess of this place, and Aladdin is her friend. When I was out looking for you guys, I visited this world and met both of them. Twice, too.

 

Kairi: Ooh, a princess? That sounds cool. So where do Aladdin and Jasmine live?

 

Sora: They live over there.

 

(points at open gate to Palace)

 

Sora: Right in that--

 

(Gate suddenly closes)

 

Sora: --... closed gate... Uh, what happened?

 

Riku: I don't know, but something's wrong. (sniffs the air) I smell darkness.

 

Kairi: Darkness? You mean Heartless?

 

Sora: Or worse. Jafar might be back again.

 

Kairi: Who's Jafar.

 

Sora: Jafar is an evil wizard that wants to take Jasmine's place as ruler of Agrabah. He's already done it once, and he tried to do it again. And both times, he tried to become all powerful by becoming a giant genie!

 

Riku: Jafar... I remember him. One of Maleficant's cronies. He's bad news all right.

 

Kairi: Well, we better watch then.

 

Sora: Yeah. He could be back any second... (looks around) ... Alright guys, here's what we do. We're gonna find Aladdin and Jasmine. They might know what's going on here.

 

Riku and Kairi: Right.

 

Sora: Now then, where could they be?

 

Ah, ah, ah, before you go on your little escapade, kiddies, I'm going to give you a gift...)

 

Sora: A gift? Cool! What it is, what it is?

 

(low rumbling, Riku and Kairi's mouths fall open in shock)

 

Sora: Huh? What's wrong guys? ... (feels rumbling, turns around, mouth also falls open)

 

All: You got to be shittin' me...

 

(big roar)

 

Riku: Dammit, Firaga! (summons Way To The Dawn)

 

Kairi: (summons Destiny's Embrace)

 

Sora: (summons Kingdom Key, stares down my present) Something tells me this gift isn't returnable...

 

Oh no! It looks like the SRK trio is cruisin' for a bruisin' with my special suprise present! The question is, what exactly is this beast? A Heartless? A Nobody? Some other monster that I made up while reading bad fanfiction on the internet?! Well, the choice is yours!

 

What will SRK fight in the next episode?

 

A} A gigantic fusion of a Darkside and a Twilight Form

 

B} The strongest Dragon from the Skyrim series

 

C} What came out the last time Riku ate enchiladas for dinner

 

Riku: Seriously?! Sora's the one that laced them with too much hot sauce!

 

Sora: Guilty. Heh-heh! (smiles big to the camera)

 

Relax, I'm just joking.

 

C} Godzilla with the powers of Human Torch, Spider-Man, and Iceman

 

Kairi: That one's not really an improvement...

 

VOTE NOW, PUSSYWILLOWS!!

 

(snaps fingers, disperses in a shroud of sparks)

 

-- END --

 

Whoo, I was on fire when I wrote this one. No pun intended. lol Anyways, enjoy the newest episode and remember to vote!

Edited August 22, 201312 yr by Firaga Sensei

Back again for another installment of the craziest series this side of the nuthouse. We have our first user selected episode. ^^ Let's get right to it:

 

-- EPISODE 2:  It Just Keeps Getting Worse

 

Back again, folks, and here we are with another installment of Kingdom Hearts: The Bullshit Chronicles.

 

Riku: Can we please get this over with? I want to know when my dignity is taken from me.

 

You'll get more than your dignity taken away if you don't shut up!

 

Riku: What...?

 

Sora: I think he means your hair.

 

Oh-ho, no I don't.

 

Sora; His pants?

 

Uh, closer, but no. Anyways, let's just get this crazy train a-rollin'. The votes are in, and the choice from last episode is "B". So now, you guys better get ready.

 

All: Oh no.

 

Oh yes.

 

All: Oh no.

 

Oh yes.

 

All: Oh no.

 

Oh yes.

 

All: No...

 

Yes...

 

All: No!

 

Yes!

 

All: No!

 

Ye--okay, maybe not.

 

All: Yes!

 

Yes? Okay!

 

All: Wait, no! NOO---!

 

RAZZAMAFOO!

 

(Magic Carpet appears, scoops up SRK and carries them to Agrabah)

 

Sora: Hey, Carpet! It's been a while!

 

Carpet: (thinking) Why does this dumbass think I can talk? I'm a fricking carpet, for Christ's sake!

 

Kairi: Wow, this is so fun!

 

Riku: I think I'm gonna be sick!

 

Sora: Aw, what, is the big bad Riku getting scared?

 

(Gets close to entrance of Agrabah)

 

Sora: Okay, Carpet, just set us down right here!

 

No, Carpet. Keep moving.

 

Carpet: As you command master.

 

Riku: The carpet just talked.

 

Kairi: Yeah, it did!

 

Oh crap, abort mission, abort mission!

 

Carpet: Run, motherf**kers!

 

(bucks SRK off, causing them to fly forward in the air while he runs away)

 

All: AHHHH!!~

 

(SRK faceplant into a building, sticking to the wall)

 

Sora: (muffled) That... could have gone better than I had hoped...

 

Riku: (muffled) Once again... YA THINK?!

 

Kairi: (muffled) Owie...

 

(SRK peel off the building)

 

Sora: Whoa!

 

(Sora lands on his feet)

 

Sora: Whew, that was close.

 

Kairi: Sora! (Kairi falls near Sora)

 

(Kairi lands in Sora's arms, bridal style)

 

Kairi: Uh, hee-hee. Thanks. (blushes)

 

Sora: (blushes back) Anytime.

 

(Riku yells and lands head first, his body engulfed in sand while his legs swing out at the top)

 

Sora and Kairi: Ooh... that's gonna leave a mark.

 

Riku: (muffled screaming)

 

Aw, Riku's not having fun, now is he?

 

(Riku frees himself and dusts sand off) 

 

Riku: Okay, I am about 65% done with this horse poop!

 

(Sora sets Kairi down)

 

Kairi: Why only 65%?

 

Riku: Because... well... that was fun.

 

Ha! I knew it!

 

Riku: (grumbles)

 

Okay, ladies and gents, we have our heroes in yet another new location. What wonders will they encounter in this--

 

(shot of Agrabah being a desolate (as always) ghost town)

 

--uh... wondorous, exciting world... heh, I, uh, might have to rethink this decision...

 

Riku: Narrator's right. This place is boring.

 

Kairi: Yeah, I have to agree.

 

Sora: Aw, come on, guys, you haven't seen the cool stuff yet! Just wait until you meet Aladdin and Jasmine!

 

Riku: Who are they?

 

Sora: Jasmine is the princess of this place, and Aladdin is her friend. When I was out looking for you guys, I visited this world and met both of them. Twice, too.

 

Kairi: Ooh, a princess? That sounds cool. So where do Aladdin and Jasmine live?

 

Sora: They live over there.

 

(points at open gate to Palace)

 

Sora: Right in that--

 

(Gate suddenly closes)

 

Sora: --... closed gate... Uh, what happened?

 

Riku: I don't know, but something's wrong. (sniffs the air) I smell darkness.

 

Kairi: Darkness? You mean Heartless?

 

Sora: Or worse. Jafar might be back again.

 

Kairi: Who's Jafar.

 

Sora: Jafar is an evil wizard that wants to take Jasmine's place as ruler of Agrabah. He's already done it once, and he tried to do it again. And both times, he tried to become all powerful by becoming a giant genie!

 

Riku: Jafar... I remember him. One of Maleficant's cronies. He's bad news all right.

 

Kairi: Well, we better watch then.

 

Sora: Yeah. He could be back any second... (looks around) ... Alright guys, here's what we do. We're gonna find Aladdin and Jasmine. They might know what's going on here.

 

Riku and Kairi: Right.

 

Sora: Now then, where could they be?

 

Ah, ah, ah, before you go on your little escapade, kiddies, I'm going to give you a gift...)

 

Sora: A gift? Cool! What it is, what it is?

 

(low rumbling, Riku and Kairi's mouths fall open in shock)

 

Sora: Huh? What's wrong guys? ... (feels rumbling, turns around, mouth also falls open)

 

All: You got to be shittin' me...

 

(big roar)

 

Riku: Dammit, Firaga! (summons Way To The Dawn)

 

Kairi: (summons Destiny's Embrace)

 

Sora: (summons Kingdom Key, stares down my present) Something tells me this gift isn't returnable...

 

Oh no! It looks like the SRK trio is cruisin' for a bruisin' with my special suprise present! The question is, what exactly is this beast? A Heartless? A Nobody? Some other monster that I made up while reading bad fanfiction on the internet?! Well, the choice is yours!

 

What will SRK fight in the next episode?

 

A} A gigantic fusion of a Darkside and a Twilight Form

 

B} The strongest Dragon from the Skyrim series

 

C} What came out the last time Riku ate enchiladas for dinner

 

Riku: Seriously?! Sora's the one that laced them with too much hot sauce!

 

Sora: Guilty. Heh-heh! (smiles big to the camera)

 

Relax, I'm just joking.

 

C} Godzilla with the powers of Human Torch, Spider-Man, and Iceman

 

Kairi: That one's not really an improvement...

 

VOTE NOW, PUSSYWILLOWS!!

 

(snaps fingers, disperses in a shroud of sparks)

 

-- END --

 

Whoo, I was on fire when I wrote this one. No pun intended. lol Anyways, enjoy the newest episode and remember to vote!

I say C.

I CHOOSE C, GODZILLA.

I vote C.

C for the win! 

A, but it's likely my vote no longer matters.

A, definitely

Could I vote for Riku's enchilada issues? I was looking forward to that one...

Could I vote for Riku's enchilada issues? I was looking forward to that one...

EEEEEEEW BLACKSTARRRR.

EEEEEEEW BLACKSTARRRR.

What, can't a guy be curious...?

What, can't a guy be curious...?

About another guy's intestinal problems? No, no you can't!

About another guy's intestinal problems? No, no you can't!

I thought it was some kind of weird monster thing, and it was being compared to Riku's bowels. ._. It's also fun to torture Riku... D:

I thought it was some kind of weird monster thing, and it was being compared to Riku's bowels. ._. It's also fun to torture Riku... D:

Ew.

I shall go with C. they must suffer forever.

And we're back for another embarrassing episode of the Bullshit Chronicles. Today, SRK are fighting a giant monster who also has superpowers. Will they prevail? And will they ever redeem themselves for the shit they've had to put up with so far? The answer is: never.

 

-- EPISODE 3: God-Mode Godzilla

 

(a microphone lowers to my mouth) LLLAAAAADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

 

Sora: Why are you shouting?

 

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

 

Riku: Ah, seriously, that's too loud!

 

Kairi: It's hurting our ears!

 

Shut up and fight, bitches. (sits back and munches on popcorn)

 

Godzilla: (roars ferociously)

 

Sora: Oh man. He looks pissed.

 

Riku: Sora, Kairi, spread out! We can take him!

 

Kairi: Right! (dashes to the left)

 

Sora: Okay! (dashes to the right)

 

Godzilla: (shoots web at Sora)

Sora: (blocks with Keyblade, webs sticks to Keyblade) Huh? What's this stuff?

 

Riku: Sora, get that stuff off your Keyblade! It's web!

 

Sora: Web? Like from a spi-(gets pulled by Godzilla)-DEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!

 

(Godzilla swings Sora around in a circle while Sora yelps for his life)

 

Sora: I! THINK! I'M! GONNA! PUKE! AGH!

 

(Godzilla throws Sora against a wall)

 

Sora: (lands on his face) Ow...

 

Riku: (gets behind Godzilla, climbs up his back) Okay, you big lizard. Get ready for the power of darkness! (Jumps up) Dark Firaga! (shoots DF at the back of Godzilla's head)

 

Godzilla: (flinches but simply turns around and fires back a breath of ice at him)

 

Riku: Gh! (quickly casts a Reflega spell in midair, blocking the ice)

 

(Riku goes back down and lands on a building)

 

Riku: Okay, so this guy has the power of Spiderman, Iceman, and the Human Torch... he's already shot webs, ice... which means he'll probably choose fire as his next move...

 

Sora: Don't worry, Riku, I got you covered! (jumps up to the same building that Riku is on) We'll fight together!

 

Riku: Okay. On my mark, we attack him with Blizziga.

 

Sora: Got it. (loads Keyblade) Hey, Godzilla!

 

Godzilla: (narrows its eyes at the two)

 

Sora; You need to chill out!

 

S&R: Freeze!

 

(Sora and Riku shoot out a beam of ice from each of their Keyblades)

 

Riku: Oh yeah, by the way!

 

Sora: Yeah?

 

Riku: That pun you made?

 

Sora: Yeah?

 

Riku: Lame as all hell!

 

Sora: Spur of the moment! Sorry!

 

(Beams are about to hit Godzilla)

 

Sora: We got him now!

 

(Godzilla ignites himself on fire as the beam fizzles out against him)

 

Sora: Or... not... (puts down Keyblade) Oh yeah, that's right... the Human Torch can set himself on fire...

 

Riku: What, you knew that, and you didn't tell me?!

Sora: I figured you knew too!

 

Riku: Sora, I do not read comic books.

 

Sora: Why not?

 

Riku: Because they're for nerds!

 

Sora: Oh, sure, coming from the guy who collects anime figures!

 

Riku: Hey, those figures each have a really high value to them, and--

 

(Riku gets cut off as Godzilla smashes his flame infused fist onto him and Sora, creating a smoking crater in the ground with Sora and Riku laying in it, singed)

 

Sora: ... O... Ow....

 

Riku: G-God... I felt like a j-just sat in an oven...

 

Sora: (shaking himself off) Oh no! I forgot that too!

 

Riku: (also shaking himself off) What?

 

Sora: Kairi! Where is she?!

 

Riku: Uh, I don't know, still at ground level?

(Sora and Riku hop off the building and spot Kairi over by Godzilla's feet)

 

Godzilla: (Looks down and sees Kairi weakly slashing his legs with her Destiny's Embrace)

Kairi: Take that! And that! And that! And--

 

Godzilla: (low growl)

 

Kairi: (stops and looks up at Godzilla, now very scared) Uh... (sheepish chuckle, runs away) AH! Sora, Riku, save me!

 

Sora: We're coming! (Runs, but is stopped by Sora)

 

Sora: Riku, what are you doing?!

 

Riku: Sora, we have to let Kairi learn to defend herself. We can't always be at her side and protect her when she's in danger. She has a Keyblade like us; she can learn to be stronger. (Sora and him look over to her) Besides, I think she's getting the hang of it.

 

(Kairi screams while running around in circles, dodging ice blasts from Gozilla)

 

S&R: ....

 

Riku: On second thought, let's help her before she gets her ass killed.

 

Sora: Ditto.

 

(S&R run over to her and put themselves in front of her)

 

Riku: Don't worry, Kairi, we'll save you! After all, we stick by each other no matter-- (gets knocked back by a fire blast) AHHH! (flys back into a wall)

 

Sora: Uh... (looks at Godzilla, then at Kairi) Uh, K-Kairi, Riku was right. I'm sure you can handle yourself if you tr-- (gets flicked by Godzilla's fingers) AHHH! (also hits wall)

 

S&R: (Sora is laying against Riku on his stomach while Riku is on his back) 

 

Sora: Man, the fangirls would go nuts if they saw us like this.

 

Riku: No doubt.

 

I agree as well. (summons horde of fangirls who swarm S&R)

 

S&R: Dammit, Firaga!!

 

Ha-ha!

 

Kairi: (knees shaking as she stares down Godzilla)

 

Godzilla: (smiles hungrily as he licks his lips)

 

Kairi: What do I do? What do I do? I... I... (closes eyes, remember's Riku's words) ... N-no! (opens eyes) Riku's right! I can defend myself if I just believe in myself! (loads Keyblade) Okay, lizard breath, you're going down! (thinking) Only question is: how?

 

It's Kairi VS Godzilla in the main event! Can Kairi defeat this giant of a ordeal? Or is she gonna get smushed into pretty pink jelly? Well, whatever the outcome, Kairi is gonna get a power up next episode, and it's up to YOU, the readers, to decide what it is.

 

What power up will Kairi get in her fight with Godzilla?

 

A} Summon a giant unicorn that shoots lasers

 

B} Her Keyblade can turn into a machine gun

 

C} Gains the ability to shoot rainbows out of her ass

 

Kairi: Why is the third option always so stupid?

 

Why are YOU so stupid?

 

Kairi: Hey!

 

I'M OUT, WIENERS! CAST A VOTE!

 

(rides off on a hoverboard)

 

-- END --

 

Ah, yes. A climax. Always fun to see how things go from here. Well, remember to vote. Also, a question: Are they any characters from other video game or anime/manga that you'd like to see make a cameo in this series?

Edited September 3, 201312 yr by Firaga Sensei