I am not sure if this should be here, but I really felt like I should tell someone about my problems. This may not be the right place, but if it cannot be here, then I am not sure where else.
The main reason for why I decided to join this forum is because of my getting banned from the KHInsider forums. I spent three months there; from March to June. I did somewhat enjoy my time at the forum, and it was enjoyable to have discussions and make theories while I was there. Though my time there was not great, it was at least tolerable for the most part, until everything started turning to custard.
Until this time, my time on the forum had not been so great as it was. I had received two infractions; one because I was provoked into saying something that might have come off as threatening, and the other because I was in an extremely silly mood and had made an unintentionally offensive joke that I still regret. I had also argued with the only active administrator of the forum, who I felt was very judgmental and patronising, regardless of his position. There was also one member who always tried to offend or annoy me whenever I talked to them, and I never found out why.
Then came the day when I had made a second, more playful account about why I disliked Disney's involvement in the KH series, which I had already done. The reception for it was poor, and I regretted making it. I then decided to make a thread on the forum that involved me questioning whether or not it was right for me to be on the forum, because of what was happening to me and what I was doing. I received many replies because of this; some reassuring and some down-putting. Somehow, though, I never did feel helped by what they said to me, and I still felt insecure. Shortly after I had made this thread, I made a question thread that contained questions about the series that I had written. I did this regularly on the KHInsider forums, and I usually got the help that I wanted. However, after writing this thread, all it got was several condescending replies that gave me links to large amounts of series information instead of direct answers, and I tried to tell them that this was not the help that I wanted in the least offensive way I could think of. This was when the particularly unkind member that I mentioned in the last paragraph gave a long and extremely offensive post that said that I was too rude and that my question threads were very annoying. To this, I made one sarcastic reply that I do not think could have been misinterpreted as being offensive at all.
This is when things really started to get bad.
If I remember correctly, the next day I went back to the forums, and I made some posts, as usual. However, after some time, I realised that my posts were not getting any views or replies, and I did not understand why. I asked a staff member who I had, at the time, tried to be very respectful towards, what was happening, but before they told me I found out. I logged off, and saw that all of my posts were completely invisible. I was saddened by this, but I did not say anything about it yet. Because I was trying to gain the respect of the staff member who I had mentioned during this time, I wrote an apology on the Tumblr account that they had provided a link for in their user signature, saying that I now liked looking at their Tumblr account, as I had formerly, quite immaturely, implied on the KHInsider forums that I did not like their account's content. They kindly replied to this on their account, and I was pleased. However, because I was particularly desperate for some kind of communication, I wrote a thorough formal apology to them on their Tumblr account for my misdeeds. This backfired horribly, resulting in the user changing their Tumblr account address so that I would never see it again, and labelling me as a 'stalker'. My position was getting worse.
I then created my own thread on the forum, which was indirectly aimed at the staff members and other forum authorities on the forum, and I wrote about how upset and confused I was about my invisibility. The forum's moderator then sent me a very threatening message that I believe was supposed to be informative about my punishment. I did not know when the invisibility punishment would be lifted, but I still stayed on the forums. Over the next few days, I wrote more in my invisible thread about how upset I was, but I was mainly repeating myself. I made sure never to directly blame the forum authoritative members in my writing. I hoped that I would eventually see my ban be lifted, but one sad afternoon, I went on the KHInsider forums to see that I had been banned, and that I would never be allowed back in.
A few days later, I used a different computer and created a different account to access the KHInsider forums. All I did with that account was write one long message that apologised for all I had done, as well as thanked the members who had given time to help and support me. I finished the message by saying that I would like the account that I was using at the time to be banned, and that I would never return. I hope that it was seen, but if I know them, they would have deleted the entire message immediately.
Two months later, I decided to make an account here. Being banned from the KHInsider forums effects me now even stronger than it did at the moment that I found out that I was banned. Things could have been so great for me there, had I not made so many mistakes, but everything turned sour and they left me in the dust. I am not sure what to do about the problem. The impact of having been banned becomes more effective on me the more that I think about it. Should I put the past behind me, or should I maintain a grudge against the KHInsider forums and their betrayal of me? I usually hold grudges against people who offend me in similar ways, but the occurrence of being banned hurts me so much that I almost think that it would be better to pretend that it never happened, even though this is ultimately not what I want to do. I can hardly stand the pain of what they did to me any longer. I am not sure what to do with myself, and I would appreciate some help.
I am not sure if this should be here, but I really felt like I should tell someone about my problems. This may not be the right place, but if it cannot be here, then I am not sure where else.
The main reason for why I decided to join this forum is because of my getting banned from the KHInsider forums. I spent three months there; from March to June. I did somewhat enjoy my time at the forum, and it was enjoyable to have discussions and make theories while I was there. Though my time there was not great, it was at least tolerable for the most part, until everything started turning to custard.
Until this time, my time on the forum had not been so great as it was. I had received two infractions; one because I was provoked into saying something that might have come off as threatening, and the other because I was in an extremely silly mood and had made an unintentionally offensive joke that I still regret. I had also argued with the only active administrator of the forum, who I felt was very judgmental and patronising, regardless of his position. There was also one member who always tried to offend or annoy me whenever I talked to them, and I never found out why.
Then came the day when I had made a second, more playful account about why I disliked Disney's involvement in the KH series, which I had already done. The reception for it was poor, and I regretted making it. I then decided to make a thread on the forum that involved me questioning whether or not it was right for me to be on the forum, because of what was happening to me and what I was doing. I received many replies because of this; some reassuring and some down-putting. Somehow, though, I never did feel helped by what they said to me, and I still felt insecure. Shortly after I had made this thread, I made a question thread that contained questions about the series that I had written. I did this regularly on the KHInsider forums, and I usually got the help that I wanted. However, after writing this thread, all it got was several condescending replies that gave me links to large amounts of series information instead of direct answers, and I tried to tell them that this was not the help that I wanted in the least offensive way I could think of. This was when the particularly unkind member that I mentioned in the last paragraph gave a long and extremely offensive post that said that I was too rude and that my question threads were very annoying. To this, I made one sarcastic reply that I do not think could have been misinterpreted as being offensive at all.
This is when things really started to get bad.
If I remember correctly, the next day I went back to the forums, and I made some posts, as usual. However, after some time, I realised that my posts were not getting any views or replies, and I did not understand why. I asked a staff member who I had, at the time, tried to be very respectful towards, what was happening, but before they told me I found out. I logged off, and saw that all of my posts were completely invisible. I was saddened by this, but I did not say anything about it yet. Because I was trying to gain the respect of the staff member who I had mentioned during this time, I wrote an apology on the Tumblr account that they had provided a link for in their user signature, saying that I now liked looking at their Tumblr account, as I had formerly, quite immaturely, implied on the KHInsider forums that I did not like their account's content. They kindly replied to this on their account, and I was pleased. However, because I was particularly desperate for some kind of communication, I wrote a thorough formal apology to them on their Tumblr account for my misdeeds. This backfired horribly, resulting in the user changing their Tumblr account address so that I would never see it again, and labelling me as a 'stalker'. My position was getting worse.
I then created my own thread on the forum, which was indirectly aimed at the staff members and other forum authorities on the forum, and I wrote about how upset and confused I was about my invisibility. The forum's moderator then sent me a very threatening message that I believe was supposed to be informative about my punishment. I did not know when the invisibility punishment would be lifted, but I still stayed on the forums. Over the next few days, I wrote more in my invisible thread about how upset I was, but I was mainly repeating myself. I made sure never to directly blame the forum authoritative members in my writing. I hoped that I would eventually see my ban be lifted, but one sad afternoon, I went on the KHInsider forums to see that I had been banned, and that I would never be allowed back in.
A few days later, I used a different computer and created a different account to access the KHInsider forums. All I did with that account was write one long message that apologised for all I had done, as well as thanked the members who had given time to help and support me. I finished the message by saying that I would like the account that I was using at the time to be banned, and that I would never return. I hope that it was seen, but if I know them, they would have deleted the entire message immediately.
Two months later, I decided to make an account here. Being banned from the KHInsider forums effects me now even stronger than it did at the moment that I found out that I was banned. Things could have been so great for me there, had I not made so many mistakes, but everything turned sour and they left me in the dust. I am not sure what to do about the problem. The impact of having been banned becomes more effective on me the more that I think about it. Should I put the past behind me, or should I maintain a grudge against the KHInsider forums and their betrayal of me? I usually hold grudges against people who offend me in similar ways, but the occurrence of being banned hurts me so much that I almost think that it would be better to pretend that it never happened, even though this is ultimately not what I want to do. I can hardly stand the pain of what they did to me any longer. I am not sure what to do with myself, and I would appreciate some help.