Rated 15 + for thematic issues, tobacco and alchol usage, mild language, mild blood, and suggestive themes/elements.

PROLOUGE: A QUALITY OF MERCY, KINGDOM OF DESCHAIN, AGE OF FIRE

The young woman fled through the dark night, stumbling now and then on rough patches in the snow that blanketed the kingdom of Deschain's flagstone streets.

Nesteled in her arms, her child watched all, but made no sound.

Behind, the King's soliders took chase, sure footed, fast... deadly.

Her disloyalty to the King came as a simple slip of the tounge at the local market, but her life would be taken for it.

She rushed through the alleys, backroads, anywhere there was cover, clutching her child in her arms.

At a small shop, she was cornered by Lord Ker, leader of the King's Red Brigade.

In a flash, she was silenced, and the body left as a reminder to all of what disloyalty cost you in the end.

The door to the shop opened, and the child peered up at what would become his guardian.

CHAPTER 1: 17 YEARS LATER

I ran through the crowded marketplace, scattering chickens and children as I sped by, earning dirty looks from the hag and Mudwort shopkeepers, but receiving no scolding.

My boots clicked on the stones, as I ran across then top of Wailing Widow's low brick wall to avoid the crowed, the tipsy customers waving drunkenly through the open windows.

Tipping my hat and smiling impishly, I rushed on, eager to get home.

I slowed at King's Row, the street my Master's small shop resided on, to pay my respects at the small cross, as I had done every day since I could remember: simply engraved MOTHER, it was my only connection to my past.

A single tear rolled down my cheek, but I wiped it away: crying over the past changes nothing.

I raced up the walkway, scaring the fat tom Faust as I rushed past, and crashed through the door, nearly knocking my Master over.

" Woa, son: you act as if the King's own brigade was after thee." He laughed, as I bent to pick up the scattered books I'd caused him to drop.

He smiled at me through his thick beard, ruffling my hair fondly. I squirmed, pretending to be annoyed, but was secretly pleased at the affection he showed.

" You're growing to be a fine young man, Endy. " He said, pride and love in his voice.

I wanted to tell him he was growing into a fine father, but I couldn't, only smile: like my mother and my previouse life, my voice had been taken at birth.

Edited October 23, 201312 yr by TheTimidLight

CHAPTER 2: ENDYMION SPRING

My Master's name is Pence Allwhite, and mine is Endymion Spring: together, we run a small bookshop, and Pence treats me as a true son to keep me safe from the King's Red Brigade, an elite team of assassins who tormented all of Deschain.

If they knew I was still alive, that my mothers secret was still among the living, I would've been killed, to safeguard the King's trechary.

But I worried not: My Master kept me safe, and all was well in my small world.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night, I watched the moon that was my namesake, silently asking all the question's I knew had no answers, but demanded to be asked.

The moon was a pale circle, ghostly in the light fog, shining down on me with indifference, a mute boy in a bookshop the least of it's concerns.

Edited October 23, 201312 yr by TheTimidLight

CHAPTER 2: ENDYMION SPRING

My Master's name is Pence Allwhite, and mine is Endymion Spring: together, we run a small bookshop, and Pence treats me as a true son to keep me safe from the King's Red Brigade, an elite team of assassins who tormented all of Deschain.

If they knew I was still alive, that my mothers secret was still among the living, I would've been killed, to safeguard the King's trechary.

But I worried not: My Master kept me safe, and all was well in my small world.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night, I watched the moon that was my namesake, silently asking all the question's I knew had no answers, but demanded to be asked.

The moon was a pale circle, ghostly in the light fog, shining down on me with indifference, a mute boy in a bookshop the least of it's concerns.

The square outside was silent, cold as a tomb.

Figuring rest was out of the question for the remainder of the evening, I pulled on my steel toe boots, and headed off into the darkness to my only real connection to the past.

I knelt besides her cross, staring up at the moon.

As I usually did, I spoke to her in my mind, even though I knew the dead no longer had ears to hear with.

Hello again, Mother.

I shivered, watching the pale moon waft behind puffy clouds, blotted out only to return a second later.

My Master told me my name comes from an old legend of a sheparder who constantly watched the moon, did I ever tell you that?

" Endymion " means Moongazer.

I smiled, as the moon shone down on me.

Moongazer, indeed.

Edited October 23, 201312 yr by TheTimidLight

Interlude: The Innocent

When death knell silence doth break,

when gazer of moon man does take,

when Summer and Winter by Autum divide,

When seasons death does collide.

Summer ice, Winter heat,

then doth two lovers meet.

Innocent blood spilt for thee,

provides the key to ancient prophecy.

CHAPTER 3: MOONGAZER

It seems the moon's decided to flee for the night. I should probably try to sleep.

I straightened, and gently kissed the engraved letters.

Goodnight, Mother. See you again very soon.

Brushing a stray clod of wet earth of my pants leg, I walked slowly back to the shop, feeling the same sense of loss I did every time I left the graves side, as though my Mother could actually have heard me in her bed beneath the ground.

And what am I? I silently asked the omnipresent moon,  A mere Moongazer... mute at that. No way to ever express words, only geustures and writing. A sad excuse for a person.

CHAPTER 3: MOONGAZER

It seems the moon's decided to flee for the night. I should probably try to sleep.

I straightened, and gently kissed the engraved letters.

Goodnight, Mother. See you again very soon.

Brushing a stray clod of wet earth of my pants leg, I walked slowly back to the shop, feeling the same sense of loss I did every time I left the graves side, as though my Mother could actually have heard me in her bed beneath the ground.

And what am I? I silently asked the omnipresent moon,  A mere Moongazer... mute at that. No way to ever express words, only geustures and writing. A sad excuse for a person.

A childish pride filled me, as I trudged through the alley's muddy lane.

Not everyone can be understood with no voice: they rely on words alone. I guess I'm a special person, then, even if I AM a Moongazer.

" Hey, Endymion. "

The voice, low, gruff, made me jump, automaticly summoning my staff.

" Woa, easy on the magik, bro. it's just ol' Bud Worshaw."

My best friend in the whole world stepped out of a dark doorway, and I waved the staff to re-vanish it, before waving.

I used a simple guesture, part of a code My Master had devised, that meant simply " Hello, my friend."

Bud laughed, the crack in his voice as well as sparse gingery fuzz on his jaw showing he would soon leave his family's home for apprenticeship.

" So.. saying hi to Moma?" He didn't mean it as a joke: Bud's family was a very long line of channellers, and they understood full well of spirits and the Phantasmic world.

I nodded, and pointed to the moon.

" You certainly are well named: Endymion, Moongazer."

He nodded at the shop, dark and still.

" You might want to continue from safety inside, Moongazer; bad men about these days, rob ya blind." Bud's eyes twinkled.

I nodded, rolling my eyes.

Bud laughed, ruffling my tawny hair. " You youngster."

I squirmed away, and aimed a fake punch at him: 18, Bud was only a few months older than me.

" Easy, Tiger. Later, bro"

Bud waved, and vanished into the darkness.

I sighed, bid the moon and my Mother a last goodbye, and headed back to bed.

 

 

 

CHAPTER 4: SUMMER AND WINTER BY AUTUM DIVIDE

Bud walked through the alley after Endymion had left, and softly sang a little ditty.

" Winter wind,

prayer out of the lips of sin,

lovers vow,

with you now "

A young slight girl came out of the shadows, as beautiful as a summer's day.

The two embraced, Bud and Amber, summer beauty and winter strength.

With a crack, the sign above their heads took loose of it's hinge, flinging at the lovers and causing them to leap back, as it smashed out the window.

"Who's out thur? " a gruff voice hollered, as an upper window of the October Bar flew open.

The two took off, fleeing into the night.

Interlude: Prayer Out Of Sin

Autum and Winter and Summer fight,

Winter and Summer fleeing in fright,

Autum reigns, true love fails,

heard by a Moongazer as bells.

When Spring and Summer meet, court, marry,

hurry fast, do not tarry.

Quest begun, lies undone,

your new life awaits,

Chosen One, Moongazer,

world's chaos or savior.

Edited October 24, 201312 yr by TheTimidLight

CHAPTER 5: WINGED PROVIDENCE

I dreamed that night, an unusual occurrence for me: What I dreamed was of Winter and Summer, a beautiful maiden and a handsome young man, meeting beneath Autum's domain, a massive tree with knarled branches. As Summer embraced Winter, a sword came down from Autum's domain, splitting them.

A splash of blood splattered through the dark night, as bells rang out, sounding my name with their mournful toll: ENDY...MION....ENDY...MION..

" Endymion? ENDYMION!"

A hand shook my shoulder, startling me awake.

My Master chuckled, gently pushing me back down with one massive hand on my chest.

" Easy... I'm sorry... you were just thrashing about so... I worried about thee."

Was it a dream? A memory? A vision?

I quickly questured out a short message: I'M OK. GO BACK TO BED, SIR.

My Master did not notice how my hands shook so.

" Alright, if thou are sure. Goodnight, my dear Moongazer. "

I lay back, the bells still echoing their mournful cry in my mind, as I felt a sense of.... something.  Like....

Like the beginning of what is to come. Oh, Moongazer , what are you going to do with yourself.

The moon shone down on me, as I drifted into a deep, dark, dreamless sleep.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Outside, there was a soft rustle, as of branches in a light wind....

or wings.

A man walked down the center of the deserted streetway, the likes of which had never been seen in Deschain before: tall, shatteringly handsome, black hair tied neatly back in a ponytail, a leather coat over simple black clothes adoring his slim but muscular body, black leather boots with raised heels and shiny silvery buckles holding his narrow feet in tight embrace.

This man was smoking, a common enough practice... for pipes: cigarettes weren't a know concept in Deschain.

" You're early, Sunko San."

Another, clad in a silvery coat over blue clothes, silvery hair hanging delicately around his graceful, almost feminine face, stepped from the shadows, smiling at him with coral lips that would make any woman OR man stir inside.

" No, Kira San, you're just late. " Replied Sunko, dropping his still burning cigarette to the pavement to grind out with one pointed toe.

" And the boy?"

Sunko smirked, crouching.

Flexing his shoulders, he allowed massive black wings to open, wafting in the breeze.

" Ahhh... that's good. " He said, gently massaging his primary feathers.

" Enough. You've beat around the bush quit decently. "

Kira's face hardened: " What... about... the... boy? " He said, carefully enouciating each syllable like he was talking to a young child.

Sunko laughed, twirling his fingers in a flourish: another cigarette appeared in them, and he took a long drag, blowing a delicate smoke ring that wafted heaven-ward before answering.

" Yeah, I saw him: 17, skinny, tawny hair like a goddamn owl, amber eyes... that's from his moongazing. "

Kira frowned, his delicate features tarnished by the unaccustomed expression.

" Don't try my patience, Sunko Sa..."

" Dude, take a chill pill: you told me to find the Moongazer, so I did." He took another deep drag, and blew three rings that fit neatly together like egg dolls into Kira's face.

Kira irritatedly waved a hand in front of his face, the smiled. " Thank you, Sunko San, for watching him. " Here, his expression slipped, allowing a darker face to show through for only a second.

" Do not fail us again, Sunko San: your head rests on that."

A flutter, and he was gone.

Sunko took a deep drag, the ground out his cigarette. " What crawled up YOUR butt and croaked, man? "

A flutter, and the street was empty.

Thw wind blew the crushed tobacco fragments away, no trace left behind by morning, when the market came alive with noise and people, and the Moongazer awoke to church bells...

Edited October 23, 201312 yr by TheTimidLight

I really have to admire the thought you put into this. Stuff like that interlude with the interesting poem. It all just kind of adds to the world-building. All in all, the story seems in-depth and very professional. With the exception of some spacing issues and whatnot (This is a forum, not a book, after all) I really have no problem with it grammatically or anything. 

 

As for the latest chapter, it's pretty good. I feel like the progression and tone are moving at a brisk pace. You don't seem to halt on unimportant stuff for no reason. Everybody gets their dialogue out and moves on. I also really like that line, 'My dear Moongazer'. Dunno why, it just sounds cute in a doting sort of way. It is a bit strange to hear the differences of olden English-speak and more modern speech, but I think it's handled pretty well. Honestly, with a little refining, I can see this working itself up to something really special. I hope you continue to write this because I hate seeing fanfiction writers giving up on an otherwise notable story for various reasons.  

I really have to admire the thought you put into this. Stuff like that interlude with the interesting poem. It all just kind of adds to the world-building. All in all, the story seems in-depth and very professional. With the exception of some spacing issues and whatnot (This is a forum, not a book, after all) I really have no problem with it grammatically or anything. 

 

As for the latest chapter, it's pretty good. I feel like the progression and tone are moving at a brisk pace. You don't seem to halt on unimportant stuff for no reason. Everybody gets their dialogue out and moves on. I also really like that line, 'My dear Moongazer'. Dunno why, it just sounds cute in a doting sort of way. It is a bit strange to hear the differences of olden English-speak and more modern speech, but I think it's handled pretty well. Honestly, with a little refining, I can see this working itself up to something really special. I hope you continue to write this because I hate seeing fanfiction writers giving up on an otherwise notable story for various reasons.  

Well, thank you very much. Oh, yeah, sorry about the spacing, it's just a habit of mine.

The only thing i'm gonna change is the FF element: this kinda deserves being it's own thing, not another fan fic.

Thank you again for you positive post, and I'll be sure to keep writing.

CHAPTER 6: BAD TIDINGS

I awoke, sweating and shaking from my nightmare, the terrible visions of bone and ash refusing to leave my mind even as I went about my bathing, the mournful cries echoing still in my mind as I dressed for my daily work in the shop.

Was it a dream... a vision... a glimpse of a terrible future? O, Moongazer, are you losing your mind?

" Endymion, what bothers thou so? " My master asked me as I swept the store of tracked in dirt from customers too lazy to use the boot scraper outside the doors, frowning at my work.

I glanced up, unsure of what to do.

THE MOON WANES TONIGHT. I quickly  guestured, a lie, but a decent half-truth as well.

My Master chuckeld, ruffling my hair as he always did.

" You and your moon, my dear Moongazer."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The work day passed far too soon, as the sun sank below the treeline in a spray of bloody light, illuminating the world in a red colour; it unnerved me for a reason I couldn't quite understand fully.

After a sparse dinner of roasted chicken bought fresh and still steaming from the butcher, over which My Master shared all the gossip he'd gleaned from the market women in a playful tone, I went as I did almost every night to visit my mother.

O, mother... what's wrong with me? This feeling of doom... these dreams, or visions, or whatever they are... I wish you were here to help me, to guide me. I don't understand....

The wind blew through the trees, making a soft whoosh, as if a whisper.

"Moongazer...."

I looked around, staring to see the woman who had spoken; had I imagine...

"My little Moongazer... my son.."

It was then that I understood two things: the first was my mother was talking to me.

The second was it was from whatever lay beyond this life.

Edited October 23, 201312 yr by TheTimidLight

Interlude: The Winged Chaos

Legend tells us of a race of fallen ones that roam the Earth, able to travel across time and space by sheer force.

Whether these creatures are angels, devils, or something else remains unclear, but they change the course of things quite often.

Able to pin point things in time that originally went wrong, they sometimes set people on different paths to change fate: this often leads to death and murder, but is necessary to keep order in  time and space.

A ancient tale passed down from generation to generation tells of a mute one, a " Moongazer ", born of sin and purged by flame, who would lead a group of skilled warriors on a quest that would define the world forever.

It was these winged one's job to protect this "Moongazer " from those who sought him harm,

and to keep peace with the flow of time and space.

But plans were meant to be shattered....

CHAPTER 7: FLORIDA COASTLINE, PRESENT DAY

" God DAMNITT Joey, I'm gonna kill you... Gah, you dumb, stupid.."

I watched my younger brother Joey run off with my iPhone, neatly severing my Skype call with Jack with one swift jab of his thumb, laughing as he headed back to the rental cottage up onshore.

I knew no harm'd come to it, because Jack was still grounded for breaking Mrs. Cobbs' window with a baseball last week, and wasn't exactly on good terms with Mom at the moment in consequence.

I sighed, and lay back, stretching out on the sand, staring up at the seagulls flying over heard, hoping to get some colour in my stomach and chest, purging the whiteness left over from winter.

I plugged in my headphones, and set my iPod to RANDOM, letting whatever divine force that controlled such things choose my tunes.

"...and so it goes on and on... "

A FF song, Melodies of Life, softly played, the beat and soft rhythm of the vocals nearly causing me to doze off, as I stared up at a large bird fly across the clouds.

"... see the bird as it fly's by.. gliding across the shadows of the clouds up in the sky. "

How appropriate, I thought.

Soft footsteps made me look up, ripping the headphones out of the socket as it tumbled to the sand, crashing into a new song.

"... So numb, I can't feel you there..."

A guy was walking up our supposedly private beach area, his flat belly and chest tanned a deep chesnut, his inky black hair  hanging in his piercing blue eyes, a surfboard tucked under one arm.

So much for "Private"... " Hey, you! "

He looked up, making me halt for a second: were his eyes just.. no it couldn't have been... no one had red eyes.

" Who are you? This beach is private! Get lost! "

The guy flipped his hair back, pulling a rubberband out of nowhere to pull it  into a loose ponytail, eyeing me.

" Yeah? " He said, in a surprisingly high voice, " says who?"

" Says me."

He smirked, supporting his board on one hip.

" And who the heck are you? "

" Endymion Smith. "

He stared at me; everyone did when I told them my name.

He extended one hand, crisscrossed with odd scars on the palm.

" Names Sunko... call me Kira."

Edited October 24, 201312 yr by TheTimidLight

CHAPTER 8: WINGED PROVIDENCE RECOMENCED

I simply stared at the guy, probably looking totally really re tarded.

" That's an.. unusual name."

The guy smirked, and lifted his arm to scratch his chin, revealing five deep vertical cuts down his ribs, obviousely from a human hand. I looked away, and the guy laughed.

" Some crazy fight... dude in a bar... ppffft: people are nuts."

Despite the crudeness of this statement, I burst out laughing, as Kira smiled crookedly.

"Sooo.... it cool if I surf here? Didn't know the old cottage was rented this summer, and the main beach is packed with fat tourists. "

I smiled, liking this guy more and more.

" Sure, just keep to our space: the old bat next door'll get the coastguard after ya if you go near her preciouse beach."

Kira tipped a salute. " Will do. See ya around, Moongazer."

I blinked. " What?"

Kira looked smug, wiping his upper lip. " Nuthin'. Laters."

I simply stared: that was... odd....

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That was foolish, Sunko San."

Sunko flipped his hair over one shoulder, and laughed at Kira impudently, all sarcasm and sass.

" You told me to find the reincarnation of the Moongazer, so I did. Why the bitch-routine?"

A flap of wings, and Kira was gone.

Sunko smirked: " Pissant"

Edited October 30, 201312 yr by TheTimidLight

CHAPTER 9: HELL'S WINGS

Sunko breached the wave, his body as lithe and flexiable as if he were a part of the wave itself, his wings folded so close to his body they appeared to be tattoo's... to those not in the know of the Fallen.

He knew he looked good, so he showed off a little, acting the fool for the Moongazer to see, knowing the young man was watching, thinking to himself how he wished his dad was still around to teach him to surf, to be a regular dad-figure...

Sunko tore himself from the Moongazer's thoughts: not nice to snoop, Sunkie ol' boy.

He crested the next wave, flying through the air on the wildest roller coaster ride known.

This is ALMOST as awesome as flying.

Edited October 30, 201312 yr by TheTimidLight

Interlude: Cursed By Flight

Legend says the Fallen are, in fact, partially human: Archangels tossed from grace had children with mortal women, their offspring resuming the role of winged deitys.

But... human's they are, winged or not.

They are claimed to be able to time shift, traveling through the years, changing what they see fit.

An order runs them, rules them, and a legend spurs them on....

a legend of a mute boy, a Moongazer in spirit...