I'm here to speak my mind about one of the most dreadful, heinous, evil atrocities in existance. Something that can only be described as an abhorrent insult to decent people everywhere.
If you haven't guessed by now, I am, of course, referring to the unspeakable horror that is the Twilight saga; a series that is so mind-numbingly awful, that the very name has become the equivolent of a needle in my eardrum. Now, I know quite a few people on this site rather enjoy Twilight (for some reason), so if you're one of those who do, and if you are easily offended, I highly suggest hitting the "back" button at the upper left corner of your screen.
I would like to begin my rant with this: For those of you who may say "u polly havnt evn read it! giv it a chance!" or "ur just jealous cuz it's awesum!!1!1" First of all, I HAVE given it a chance. I started off giving the books a read, and that's really what started my passionate hatred for this goddess-forsaken mucus ball. I was only able to get halfway through the first book before I said "I'd rather hump the underside of a running lawnmower than continue reading this!" The books are just atrocious. The characters are empty shells, the plotline is all over the map, and the spelling, grammar, and sentence structure really just make me want to cry. Fanfiction written by mentally challenged eight-year-olds is a refreshing step up from Twilight. And as for me being "jealous", well, you're just wrong. I'm not "jealous", I'm infuriated. Infuriated that something as vomit-inducing as THIS is trying to be passed off as a legitimate vampire novel.
Another thing that really chaps my @$$ are the Twilight fans. A good 96% of them are just awful. The typical Twilight fan is usually a female tanorexic tween whore wannabe that thinks that they're the epitome of what the book represents, and as such, they're just the greatest things ever, and The Goddess's gift to this planet. Twilight fans are usually prepubescent middle-school girls that were once seen wearing clothes from labels such as American Smeagol and Aberzombie and B*tch, but since the rise of Twilight, now shop at stores that were once thought to be below them. Places such as Hot Topic (who, sadly, has become just another commercialized moron store, rather than the Sub-Culture Paradise it once was.) and Spencer's .(don't even get me started on that place.) They're the kind of people that are now wearing the very same clothes and makeup that they themselves used to make fun of, but now want to claim it as their own in an attempt to fit into a fictional third-rate book. And what's worse is that they will talk to you for HOURS about Twilight, and why they represent it so well, and why we should all love Twilight and masturbate to our Edward Cullen posters at night, and if you don't agree with them 110%, they will not hesitate to start a round of verbal fisticuffs with you, telling you how wrong you are, and how you're so much lower than they are because you have the good sense to stay away from the evils of Twilight and not get sucked into their cult. True story: are you ready for this?... I actually had a fan tell me - and I'm dead serious - that she was going to get her friends to beat me up because I say negative things about Twilight. And on top of that, I can't even go into a bookstore for a new bookmark without having to mosh my way through the massive hoard of Twilight fans who are all up in a tither because "lyke, OMG! theres a new edward or jacob poster out now!!!1!!!1" It's gotten to the point where I'd rather go snorkeling in a porta-jon than be within a 15-mile radius of these belligerent jerks.
As for the movies, I can't believe this is even possible, but they are even MORE poorly-written than the books! I gagged at a freakin TRAILER for New Moon. I can't imagine someone actually WANTING to PAY to sit through that kind of torture.
And the biggest insult EVER is that some dunce actually made a TWILIGHT MANGA. I never thought I'd EVER come across a manga that I want to BURN, but lo and behold, there it is, sitting on the second shelf of aisle 2 in Books-A-Million, taunting me with this manga-fied picture of Bella sitting under a tree holding a daisy. Oh, how brooding and deep!
My hope is that Twilight, much like many other things, will be a hit for a while, but then, in a few years, fall into the dark depths of obscurity where it belongs, and then eventually, you'll see a dust-covered Twilight book on the 99-cent rack at Waldenbooks, where someone will eventually pick it up and take it home to be used to paper-train their new puppy.
In conclusion, Twilight is THE most poorly-written, over-commercialized waste of perfectly good paper that I have ever seen in all my years of life. To those who enjoy it: please, for Ra's sake, put that piece of trash down, and pick up a REAL book! To those of you who hate it as much as I do: let's be friends!
I'm here to speak my mind about one of the most dreadful, heinous, evil atrocities in existance. Something that can only be described as an abhorrent insult to decent people everywhere.
If you haven't guessed by now, I am, of course, referring to the unspeakable horror that is the Twilight saga; a series that is so mind-numbingly awful, that the very name has become the equivolent of a needle in my eardrum. Now, I know quite a few people on this site rather enjoy Twilight (for some reason), so if you're one of those who do, and if you are easily offended, I highly suggest hitting the "back" button at the upper left corner of your screen.
I would like to begin my rant with this: For those of you who may say "u polly havnt evn read it! giv it a chance!" or "ur just jealous cuz it's awesum!!1!1" First of all, I HAVE given it a chance. I started off giving the books a read, and that's really what started my passionate hatred for this goddess-forsaken mucus ball. I was only able to get halfway through the first book before I said "I'd rather hump the underside of a running lawnmower than continue reading this!" The books are just atrocious. The characters are empty shells, the plotline is all over the map, and the spelling, grammar, and sentence structure really just make me want to cry. Fanfiction written by mentally challenged eight-year-olds is a refreshing step up from Twilight. And as for me being "jealous", well, you're just wrong. I'm not "jealous", I'm infuriated. Infuriated that something as vomit-inducing as THIS is trying to be passed off as a legitimate vampire novel.
Another thing that really chaps my @$$ are the Twilight fans. A good 96% of them are just awful. The typical Twilight fan is usually a female tanorexic tween whore wannabe that thinks that they're the epitome of what the book represents, and as such, they're just the greatest things ever, and The Goddess's gift to this planet. Twilight fans are usually prepubescent middle-school girls that were once seen wearing clothes from labels such as American Smeagol and Aberzombie and B*tch, but since the rise of Twilight, now shop at stores that were once thought to be below them. Places such as Hot Topic (who, sadly, has become just another commercialized moron store, rather than the Sub-Culture Paradise it once was.) and Spencer's .(don't even get me started on that place.) They're the kind of people that are now wearing the very same clothes and makeup that they themselves used to make fun of, but now want to claim it as their own in an attempt to fit into a fictional third-rate book. And what's worse is that they will talk to you for HOURS about Twilight, and why they represent it so well, and why we should all love Twilight and masturbate to our Edward Cullen posters at night, and if you don't agree with them 110%, they will not hesitate to start a round of verbal fisticuffs with you, telling you how wrong you are, and how you're so much lower than they are because you have the good sense to stay away from the evils of Twilight and not get sucked into their cult. True story: are you ready for this?... I actually had a fan tell me - and I'm dead serious - that she was going to get her friends to beat me up because I say negative things about Twilight. And on top of that, I can't even go into a bookstore for a new bookmark without having to mosh my way through the massive hoard of Twilight fans who are all up in a tither because "lyke, OMG! theres a new edward or jacob poster out now!!!1!!!1" It's gotten to the point where I'd rather go snorkeling in a porta-jon than be within a 15-mile radius of these belligerent jerks.
As for the movies, I can't believe this is even possible, but they are even MORE poorly-written than the books! I gagged at a freakin TRAILER for New Moon. I can't imagine someone actually WANTING to PAY to sit through that kind of torture.
And the biggest insult EVER is that some dunce actually made a TWILIGHT MANGA. I never thought I'd EVER come across a manga that I want to BURN, but lo and behold, there it is, sitting on the second shelf of aisle 2 in Books-A-Million, taunting me with this manga-fied picture of Bella sitting under a tree holding a daisy. Oh, how brooding and deep!
My hope is that Twilight, much like many other things, will be a hit for a while, but then, in a few years, fall into the dark depths of obscurity where it belongs, and then eventually, you'll see a dust-covered Twilight book on the 99-cent rack at Waldenbooks, where someone will eventually pick it up and take it home to be used to paper-train their new puppy.
In conclusion, Twilight is THE most poorly-written, over-commercialized waste of perfectly good paper that I have ever seen in all my years of life. To those who enjoy it: please, for Ra's sake, put that piece of trash down, and pick up a REAL book! To those of you who hate it as much as I do: let's be friends!